I've decided that I am going to write one long post, because I can't think of anything to do, on top of the fact that I'm trying to sort out many thoughts that are floating through the aether of my mind. I was thinking that it was time to reminisce, so here it goes.

We'll start as far back as 97 or 98, when I met Randi. That's when I really broke out of my shell and began the journey to what I am now. I was a very shy kid. I mean, even now I'm pretty shy, but then it was scary how shy I was. It was horrible. Anyhow, thr first time I saw her was at Jakes house, and Jake and I were in thr driveway doing something, I can't remember what, but she walked around the corner with Katie and Kassy and poor Scott got hit in the face with a brick. A brick called woman. I was the typical slobbering fool, assuming that I was sneaky and no one thought that I had a crush on her, which, of course, was bullshit. But anyway, Randi's mom and dad would go to the bar with Jake's dad on fridays and saturdays, and they'd leave her home alone for like, 7 hours per bar night. So, naturally, I was there. We'd talk for hours, watch movies, she'd whup my ass in Uno or any game they owned, and I loved it. I don't know when it happened, but I fell for her. I loved her, and I still do. She was going to move up to live with her sister, and I thought I'd never see her again, so I spilled my guts, and promptly found out that she knew. Big surprise, huh? But anyway, she never said whether or not she felt anything for me, so I began to get depressed. Then I met Jessa. She was kind of a nutball back then. Well, as it turned out, she asked me to go to a movie with her on Halloween, and I said yes. It was at a football game, behind the bleachers. We went and saw Bedazzled, but I really don't remember the movie that much. I was too nervous. I had a gorgeous girl sitting next to me, and I had no idea what to do, so I winged it. I put my arm around her, and she rested her head on my shoulder. We sat like that for a while, and then she kissed my cheek. That was a new experiance. I sat there in kind of a fuzzy state until she put her hand on my cheek and kissed me again. Only this time, she missed my cheek. Talk about bells and whistles! I never understood why kissing was so cool until she kissed me. I realized that kissing was a very good thing. Anyway, that was my first date and my first kiss. We went out for a while, making out after school and whatnot, typical high school relationship, until she broke up with me. I was mad for a while, because I didn't understand why. Eventually, I realized that I had never kissed her when anyone could see us, and never talked to her in school. Pretty much I never paid any attention to her unless it was at that old green picnic table or at a football game. When I realized that, I felt like an ass for a long time. I still do. Jessa taught me that what society thinks of me doesn't matter, unfortunatly I had to lose her in order to understand that. I feel bad for what I did, and I apologize, Jessa. Well, the Freshman year was over by then (99/2000), and I was still seeing Randi for our weekend talks and such. By then, she had had some boyfriends, and during the summer she met Knight King, and they started to go out. For some reason or another, she cheated on him with a guy named Travis and got pregnant. Knight left her, and she fell into a depression. Kiel came around about then, and he fell for her hard too. That winter, I asked Randi to the Christmas Dance, and she said yes. I was ecstatic, and hurried to make perfect plans. The night of the dance, I went to pick her up, and she was wearing this gorgeous dress. It was either black or light blue, and it was backless. Anyhow, we went to dinner at Strombolis, and she wasn't hungry, so we went outside and talked. She started to feel sick, and I walked to Wesco and called my mom to bring her home. We dropped her off, and I decided to go to the dance anyway. I got there, and Jessa walked up to me and said "I wanna meet your little girlfriend". Not in a bitchy way, like a friend who wanted to be introduced. That hurt more than I care to admit, but I told her she didn't feel well, so I brought her home. I had to explain that all night, and by the end, all I wanted to do was cry. And I did. I went home and cried myself to sleep. That summer, I went to Minnasota for two weeks, and Randi went up to visit her sister, where she met Seth. Randi fell for Seth, and Seth fell in love with her and her newborn son, Drake. They married in early fall, and she moved up to live with him. I thought I would hate her forever. Then I began to hang out with Kassy more and more often. Eventually, I fell for her. Then she told me that she had feelings for me too, but, her boyfriend was getting out of jail within a week. I told her that I would wait for her. Brandon got out of jail, and Kassy's parents moved to Arkansas. She gave me a choice. She said that she didn't know who she wanted to be with more. I told her to be with Brandon, who had a job and an apartment, so she could stay and I could see her, but as a friend and nothing more. Brandon isn't a bad guy, just for clairification. Brandon was sent back to jail on a dumb charge, and I helped Kat (Kassy) get him out. It took a week. And during that week, Randi visited, and gave me a note telling me that she needed to talk to me in private. It also said that she had always felt the same way about me as I did about her. I took her around the lake for our talk. She told me that she was thinking of divorcing Seth. I don't really remember what I told her, but I think I tried to push her towards giving him the boot. Anyhow, she didn't, but that doesn't matter. I went with her back to her moms house, and helped her with the kids, because Seth didn't come down. Kylie fell asleep in my arms on the couch, and Randi came up and snuggled close to me and we intertwined our fingers. Then Drake came and sat on my lap, and said "daddy". I could have died. It still brings tears to my eyes. After I laid the kids in bed and Randi was asleep, I went over to Kat's to make sure she wasn't feeling too alone. Then the floodgate broke. I sat down and told her about everything. I showed her the note, and I told her about what Drake had said. And I cried. I cried in front of her, and she is the only person who has ever seen that. I asked her if she wanted to go to my christmas dance and junior prom, and she said yes to both, but only as a friend. That's all I wanted at that time anyway. As it turned out, she couldn't go to either. I knew beforehand for the Christmas dance, but then she couldn't make it to prom either, because her stuff was in storage. I ended up going to another dance alone. Finally, it was my senior year in high school. WOOHOO! Everything was doing well, and then Jessa emailed me, and we started talking again, but as friends only. She came down from Cedar a couple times to go to movies and whatnot, and we re-established our friendship. She asked me to take her to my senior prom, and I told her that I would. I bought the tickets and a corsage, and then found out that she had to work the evening of the prom. Not really a big deal, I was kinda upset that I didn't get to see her, but I wasn't all that upset. That is, until I thought about it, and realized that every single formal dance that I went to, I began with a date and ended up going alone. Lucky guy, right? Oh well, spilt milk now. On to my first year of college, at the good old U of Q. Took some weird classes, failed most of them, but I met some cool new people. Amethyst is now one of my close friends, and Angel, Suzy, Nate, Rob, and Prince are all pretty good friends as well. Now I'm here, most recently the rebound guy for a friend's relationship, and no good leads on where to go next. Sounds kind of depressing, but hey, if there's one thing I've learned in the past five years, it's that if you don't know what you're doing, just wing it, and you'll be fine.'

Whew, reminiscing is kinda tough...
g'night all...

4 burns | Do you want to play with fire?