blondie17
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2005 3 May :: 1.19pm
so prom was fun! i cant believe it was the last highschool dance! ahh...this is all happening so quick. with everything thats gone on lately at least graduating soon is something i can smile about. although im slacking on that sense i havent even started my senior exhibition and we only have 12 more days of school left.
i like jason so much. hes so great. everytime that i think that its a little rough with him...he makes it so i dont feel that way. we are pretty much together without a title.
i do have a question i need answered though and im no about to write it in my journal. anyways my family hates him and i however adore him. almost everything about him. butterflies are in my stomach right now just from talking about it so im just going to stop. he told me that if and when we end up going out that we will have a really long relationship....he says," you know if we end up together that well be together for a really long time right...and we are pretty much already together" so i think that hes giving me hope....not sure if thats what i need but im glad im getting it. im not going to give up on this. he told me not to give up on him and that only time can tell so i guess ill see and i wont give up thats for sure.
1 burn |
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Fatman
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2005 3 May :: 12.37am
One night a guy & a girl were driving home from the movies. The boy sensed there was something wrong because of the painful silence they shared between them that night. The girl then asked the boy to pull over because she wanted to talk. She told him that her feelings had changed & that it was time to move on. A silent tear slid down his cheek as he slowly reached into his pocket & passed her a folded note. At that moment, a drunk driver was speeding down that very same street. He swerved right into the driver's seat, killing the boy. Miraculously, the girl survived. Remembering the note, she pulled it out & read it. "Without your love, I would die."
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blondie17
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2005 2 May :: 11.30am
dont ya just love life
wow...i hate my family. their all judgemental snoops who only care about themselves, and making others feel like crap. when your mom and your brother go behind your back and read your journal entries and read the guy u care about so much's entries and then put their two cents in on how hes not a good guy. how he doesnt respect me. how im just another warm body. or how because I like him more than he likes me...hes a bad guy cause he doesnt like me the same.
oh and i disgust my mom. yup and im a whore. all because of what jason says. lol what ever they need to stay out of my life and i need to get out.
im miserable and ready to take lots of vicaden so i wont feel ....im giving up on being happy at all.
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jburt1
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2005 1 May :: 8.01pm
:: Music: hot hot heat "goodnight"
we are merely freshmen...
Jill, I feel your pain. I'm stuck in a relationship where this girl likes me more than I like her. It doesn't make it better that she says she tries not to like me but can't. Last night I was planning on just hanging out on campus, playing cards or watching movies, doing some homework, but this girl talked me into going to the bar with her. There was a lot of drama involved with some of the girls, so we ended up not going. Things got pretty heated up. I feel guilty because I let things escalate when I probably should have stopped them. No, we didn't have sex, but you shouldn't do what we did when you're uncertain whether or not you like the person. In any case, we were stopped because one of our friends knocked on the door and had to talk to this girl. It was probably a good thing. We ended up going to some random party with a bunch of 20-something-year-olds. This girl was all over me at the party too. I wouldn't have such a problem about it but there's more to do that just make out all the time, not that that's what our relationship is. Plus, at a party you want to mingle and talk to people you don't know. And some girl told us to stop because "it would be more fun at your apartment." Just a nice way of saying stop the PDA you hornballs. She didn't want to stop b/c she was drunk. Ahh...I just...I can't...articulate what I am trying to say or why I feel this way or even how i feel. We talked about things, but I'll let you all in on a secret. Sometimes i tell girls what they want to hear. The majority of the time I just try to act indifferent. I think I'm going to burn myself a CD to listen to...
3 burns |
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Fatman
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2005 30 April :: 1.29am
You are an
assassin.
That means you are a proffessional and do your
job without mixing any emotions in it. In your
life you have probably been hurt many times and
have gotten some mental scars. This results in
you being distant from people. Though many
think that you are evil, you are not. What you
really are is a person, trying to forget your
pain and past. You are the person who never
seems to care and that is why being an assassin
fits you good. Atleast, that's what people
think. Even if you don't care that much for
your victims, you still have the ability to
care and to generally feel. It is not lost,
just a little forgotten. In crowds you tend to
not get to noticed, and dress in black or other
discrete colours. You don't being in the
spotlight and wish people would just leave you
alone. But once you do get close to someone you
have a hard time letting go and get real down
if you loose him/her.
Main weapon: Sniper
Quote: "The walls we build around
us to keep out the sadness also keep out the
joy" -Jim Rohn
Facial expression: Narrowed eyes
What Type of Killer Are You? [cool pictures]
brought to you by Quizilla
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unbleachedblond
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2005 29 April :: 11.51pm
:: Mood: aggravated
well i did it. i got up he nerve to break up with peter. my primary concern was trying to not hurt his feelings even tho everyone told me that it would be inevitable. but i felt like shit cuz he cried. i think that the poor kid actually really liked me. but he was moving way too fast - we had only been together for 1 1/2 months. he wanted to convert me to mormon(ism?) and wanted to get marryed and have kids. im sorry, but im 18 years old and the thought of having a future with anyone at this point of time is totally out of the question. plus, there's no way that i will raise my kids mormon. im sorry, but it's not happening. its been two days, and he called while i was working. he wants to get together and talk this over. but im thinking that he wants to get back together. the answer is no. i love the kid as a friend and really not much more. there is no future between the two of us. i dont know how to relay this to him without furthering squanching his feelings. im very much perturbed. if only i had realized this a lot sooner, it would have saved both of us the pain (me the pain of having to hurt someone, him the pain of getting hurt.) it's thoroughly perplexing. so here i sit, with my half gallon of turtle rock ice cream trying to figure out what to say to him. it's stupid boys to blame for makin us fat. pssh.
1 burn |
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jburt1
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2005 28 April :: 1.20am
school in the city
As I rode the brown line to take katie feldt back to union station today, I realized yet again the wonderful/amazing/fortunate opportunity I have of going to school in the city. Not only that, but Loyola is a great school. Yeah, I was a little jealous after walking through Northwestern's campus last weekend, but when I think about it, we have two brand new buildings, the highest application rates Loyola's seen in a long time, a great campus in the heart of downtown chicago, pretty awesome professors, and the LAKE. Katie visited yesterday, and the day could not have gone better. We saw all these famous paintings at the Art Institute, checked out some modern stuff at the Museum and Contemporary Art, had a delicious asian dinner at Big Bowl, looked out over the city from the 94th floor of the John Hancock building, ate some pretty kick-ass cheesecake at the cheesecake factory, experienced an accordian bus straight from Michigan Avenue to Loyola, and ended the night wih an hour long game of catchphrase with a group of friends and random students. I'm really glad that Katie liked all my friends and that they all liked her. I'll be glad to see all my old friends this summer, but to be honest, I'll miss all the great people I've met here. Aside from the people, Chicago is one of the greatest cities on earth. I once said that if you're bored in chicago it's your own fault. Yeah, I believe that. There's always something going on. With 3 million people, every day can turn into an adventure. I've been stuck on campus, caught up in work and worrying about grades. Hanging out with Katie made me fall in love with the city again.
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blondie17
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2005 27 April :: 11.53am
:: Music: beautiful dreamer
dont ya just love waking up late...
so i went to first hour...dont have a second hour...and i have "a" lunch. so i went to jasons....and i fell asleep. i didnt wake up until around 11:30...which is five minutes later than i should have been at school by. when i got here at like 11:40....my teacher tells me that the office has been calling me the whole half hour i was late...they just kept calling for me....so i went to the office...and all they wanted was to give me my invitation to prom....lol ..it was so nice sleeping with jason...i felt so comfortable...not nice waking up though.
1 burn |
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unbleachedblond
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2005 26 April :: 1.41pm
:: Mood: blah
im very perplexed.
the whole religion issue thoroughly pisses me off. i believe in the existence of god. why must i attend a church every sunday just to prove to everyone that i am going? it's bullshit. if only i could find a church that is accepting of everyone, that wont condemn me for who i am. but no, that wont happen until i move out. which i cant afford to do.
riley's visitation was yesterday. i couldnt go because i had to work. he wasnt a "permenent" ts guy, but he showed up a lot. fremont is absolutely torn apart. but when tragedys like this occur, we all come together as one. still, he will be sorely missed.
even tho i can technically get my license back on june 24, i probably wont. id have to pay between $150-200 to the govt jus to get it back and then turn around and drop $2031 for insurance. i cant afford - well i can but i dont want to drop four grand a year on plpd. it aint worth it. and plus, if i wait til at least jan, i wont have to be on restricted for 6 months. i just dont know.
i hate relationships. they suck. and as usual, it's me. not them, me. im the one who loses interest and gets bored and tired of it all. i mean, sure petey's a nice guy and all, but im just tired of it. i dunno. i guess im jus ready to move on. but he actually really likes me. he practically adores the ground i walk on. but i jus cant bear to hurt him. but by not telling him how i feel, im hurting him anyways.its a lose-lose situation. i should just become a nun so i wont have this problem.
on a more pleasant note, i did fairly well on my exams, i had a really good shave and i get to spend the day with my mommy and hailey!
1 burn |
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blondie17
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2005 25 April :: 12.13pm
im in love with the person he was before. not who hes turning into. i know he is better than this. he chose the wrong path...i will try my best to get on the right one. i cant let him turn into something so disgusting.
Do you want to play with fire?
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Fatman
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2005 24 April :: 10.06pm
Ballz! I need a job and a girlfriend over here, stat!
2 burns |
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joslyn_julia
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2005 24 April :: 4.41pm
well, working on homework, and studying for that brit lit test. hopefully i won't fall asleep while trying to finish it, the way i did when trying to start it. lol.
prom is this week and interviews are this week.
oh brother. i can't believe that we only have a very short few weeks left.
yay!
1 burn |
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jburt1
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2005 23 April :: 6.05am
I'm not going to feel good once I go to bed and wake up. That's if I can go to bed. One of my friends is passed out on my bed, another one is sleeping on the floor. Seven shots is probably the most I've ever had. But the four of us finished a fifth of captain's and half a fifth of vodka twist. Ick. Just talking about it makes me a little sickish. My roommate walked in to quite a sight though. But he didn't care. He's a nice guy. I also found out that he has some pot in the room. I don't care about that, but him and one of my other friends were talking about getting me high. Honestly, I am a little curious to see what it's like. Okay, very curious. But I need to do homework all weekend like a mofo. goodnight.
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joslyn_julia
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2005 22 April :: 8.15am
random lyrics
*But I’d rather be working for a paycheck
Then waiting to win the lottery
Besides maybe this time is different
I mean I really think you like me*
*and i know you have a heavy heart
i can feel it when we kiss
and many men stronger than me have thrown their backs out trying to lift it
but me i'm not a gamble you can count on me to split
the love i sell you in the evening by the morning won't exist *
*we must take all of the medicines too expensive now to sell
set fire to the preacher who is promising us hell
and in the ear of every anarchist who sleeps but doesn't dream
we must sing, we must sing, we must sing *
*If you walk away, I’ll walk away
First tell me which road you will take
I don’t want to risk our paths crossing some day
So you walk that way, I’ll walk this way*
*Does he kiss your eyelids in the morning when you start to raise your head? And does he sing to
you incessantly from the place between your bed and wall? Does he walk around all day at
school with his feet inside your shoes? Looking down every few steps to pretend he walks with
you. Does he know that place below your neck that is your favorite to be touched and does he cry
through broken sentences like I love you far too much?*
*I picked you out Of a crowd to talk to you Said I liked your shoes
You said thanks can I follow you?*
*You write such pretty words
But life's no story book Love is an excuse to get hurt
And to hurt Do you like to hurt? 'Cause I do I do I do This didn't hurt me
Didn't hurt me Oh this hurt me*
okay i am done now. hmmm yeah. love ya'll
1 burn |
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