and this is what I call life...

:: 2007 29 March :: 8.14pm

welll........ into chicago i have moved. and i am all alone and i wish someone was here.

*sigh* i wish mike was here.

:: 2007 22 March :: 8.59pm
:: Music: Guardian Angel -- Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

When I see your smile
Tears run down my face I can't replace
And now that I'm strong I have figured out
How this world turns cold and it breaks through my soul
And I know I'll find deep inside me I can be the one

I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to heaven

It's okay. It's okay. It's okay.
Seasons are changing
And waves are crashing
And stars are falling all for us
Days grow longer and nights grow shorter
I can show you I'll be the one

I will never let you fall (let you fall)
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all (through it all)
Even if saving you sends me to heaven

Cuz you're my, you're my, my, my true love, my whole heart
Please don't throw that away
Cuz I'm here for you
Please don't walk away and
Please tell me you'll stay, stay

Use me as you will
Pull my strings just for a thrill
And I know I'll be okay
Though my skies are turning gray

I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to heaven
[to fade]

:: 2007 13 February :: 11.59pm

"Gravity Of Love"

"O Fortuna velut Luna" ["O Fortune like the Moon"]

Turn around and smell what you don't see
Close your eyes ... it is so clear
Here's the mirror, behind there is a screen
On both ways you can get in.
Don't think twice before you listen to your heart,
Follow the trace for a new start.
What you need and everything you'll feel
Is just a question of the deal.
In the eye of storm you'll see a lonely dove
The experience of survival is the key
To the gravity of love.

"O Fortuna velut Luna"

[Whispers:]
[Woman :]
The path of excess leads to the tower of Wisdom
[Man :]
The path of excess leads to the tower of Wisdom

Try to think about it...
That's the chance to live your life and discover
What it is, what's the gravity of love

"O Fortuna velut Luna"

Look around just people, can you hear their voice
Find the one who'll guide you to the limits of your choice.
But if you're in the eye of storm
Just think of the lonely dove
The experience of survival is the key
To the gravity of love.

"O Fortuna velut Luna"
"O Fortuna velut Luna"

1 burn | Do you want to play with fire?

:: 2007 1 February :: 11.53am

so,
i am in kalamazoo with lisa and dustin
i have about 2 months until i start at the Illinois Institute of Art
I m fucking tired and hungry
I will be at home working an 8-5 job later today.

we need to get some Bilbo's Pizza

2 burns | Do you want to play with fire?

:: 2007 12 January :: 9.22pm

i got some booty!!!! yay for 4 day weekends and visiting boyfriends!

:: 2006 29 December :: 1.39pm

not too much new.
i have a boyfriend again
yay for new mike
he is great. i <3 him.
we both go home on the 2nd
i might be transfering to Illinois institute of arts for Advertising
after school i will be moving to wyoming or seattle
we shall see, i am still lost and wandering
but mike is helping me figure things out, and fight the depression that runs rampid through my veins.

:: 2006 27 December :: 12.11am

i really like him alot
but im so afraid
that im going to lose him
but i dont want him
to leave
because he is everything
he is complete
hes the movement
and hes the spin
i like him alot
i want him to be my companion
forever and ever
is that alot to sak for??

:: 2006 19 December :: 12.11am
:: Mood: thoughtful

lately, i have been
thinking about
all the people
who have died
we were driving
past this spot
where this college student
had died
she was either pushed
or she jumped
off the bridge
on to the highway
i didnt know here
put the little
white flower
that was on the bridge
broke my heart
i wish i knew something
about the girl
then it occured to me
when i die
people will know
nothing about me
and that scared me
i dont want to
leave meaning nothing
my inner thoughts never heard
people will say things about me
that really arent true
like i gave back
to the community
through habitat
and that im such a great person
but im not
i lie
i cheat
i steal
i decieve
i feel so unworthy
to be told in that light

its funny...
everyone wants to get a job
but i really dont want to
i cant see myself
doing anything
but im going to college
so i can better myself
and get a job
so i can pay off my loans
but i really dont want one
i want to stay home
and raise children
and clean a house
and bake cakes
and cookies
and pies
as surprise
and i want to take care
of the man i marry
i want to massage
his back
after a long day at work
i want to give him his newspaper
as i cook in the kitchen
this may sound so weird
and retro
but i would be happy
just doing all that
but in the end
i will conform
and get a job
so i can pay off my loans
and buy the house
i always wanted

:: 2006 14 December :: 12.49am

i am sick of this
spiralling out of control
i will have it
i will have it back
i will do it
i can
i can be like them
be like them
pure. thin. unbroken.

:: 2006 8 December :: 7.47am

i have feelings for him, and i have to ush him away

i agree with you liz, it is for the best
but it hurts
and i want to push everyone away

i don't know how to explain all of this to him, and i know he doesn't quite grasp the gravity of this situation.
but i am a horrible person, and m. should not want to find anything from me, just as i know in my heart that i can never have anything from a.

9 burns | Do you want to play with fire?

:: 2006 7 December :: 5.53pm
:: Music: Elliot Smith- Twighlight

i feel like a mistress....

:: 2006 5 December :: 8.29pm

boys will be boys
a: I like it better when the girl is (in control)
a:which is probably why I'm fascinated with you
JoziJewelz : why are you and how are you fascinated with me?
a: because you're different, because you don't take shit
a: because I want you to pin me down
a: and maybe because I want to control you, because you seem so uncontrollable
a: so then it's a challenge

1 burn | Do you want to play with fire?

:: 2006 5 December :: 6.10pm

things i learned today.

kelly still thinks he is better than everyone
honey taste good with cigarettes and potato chips
milwaukee is only 27 miles from kenosha
and
lying is the most fun a girl can have without taking her clothes off....

3 burns | Do you want to play with fire?

:: 2006 3 December :: 7.47pm

poking smot is great fun.
lol

:: 2006 2 December :: 8.50pm

sooooooo. i am bored and have been sleeping alot. i got home from work and fell asleep for like 4 hours until my room mate came home. lol, damn.