::
2002 24 October :: 10.58 pm
:: Mood: complacent
:: Music: Simple Plan- I'd Do Anything
I'd do anything just to hold you in my arms, to try to make you laugh, cause somehow I can't put you in the past. I'd do anything, just to fall asleep with you...will you remember me, because I know
ok so i lied. i cant get off campus before the end of this year because they change unbelievable fees if you do. oh well. things are getting better. but my grades are not so hot. i think i am averaging a B which doesnt work for me. eh. oh well.
other parts of life are still rough. but i am pretending to be cool with it. i think i'm doing alright, i havent done anything drastic or totally retarded lately. Lately. yeah. but i am finding things to distract me.
Go ahead, you can laugh all you want. |
::
2002 20 October :: 9.50 pm
yeah, i was wrong...dorm life sucks and i've leaving ASAP. too many people around here make judgement calls on too many thigns that i do that are not my business, i'm sick of my roommate trying to get me to go to church, i'm sick of the stupid things that everyone says about me. its so dumb, everyone talks about everyone behind everyone else's back, even if you think they don't, they do it to EVERYONE. there's always at least one reason why no one likes you. and isnt it great, those people who fuck you over and then they're like, "oops, sorry, it wont happen again"....damn right it wont. i'm finding a way out of here.
i like the school. just not living here. too many distractions and people suck. all of them. no one lets me be me.
1 feet on the ground |
Go ahead, you can laugh all you want. |
::
2002 19 October :: 2.36 am
:: Mood: confused
:: Music: MOdest Mouse- You're The Good Things
"You're the flowers on my table when my allergies come out..."
i need you to stay away from me because i cant stay away from you. and you still won't let me close. and i'm dying in the middle.
i cant handle you and your indecisivenss. i cant handle being caught in the middle. i cant handle not having what i want, to tell the truth. i need to get away because being here makes me hate my life. i have too many other things i should be worrying about...you're my neon distraction.
i cant fight with myself. i'm sick of losing.
i'm sure this is all fucking hilarious, right...just like everything else that you laugh through.
1 feet on the ground |
Go ahead, you can laugh all you want. |
::
2002 17 October :: 9.43 pm
[ Current Clothes ] faded bubblegum jeans, soccer shirt, granny sweater, green bandanna
[ Current Mood ] lonely
[ Current Music ] Ben Harper- Another Lonely Day (how appropriate!)
[ Current Taste ] diet coke
[ Current Annoyance ] not being able to act out how i feel
[ Current Smell ] someone burnt popcorn on my floor and its nasty shit
[ Current thing I ought to be doing ] maybe studying for spanish? or finding people...or looking for apartments... or socializing... or heavy drinking...hmmm
[ Current Desktop Picture ] I rarely see my desktop...but its me jumping into the arms of Dustin P. and we're cool punks...
[ Current Favorite Artist ] Ben Kweller (coming to Lansing Nov 22nd...ye-ah!)
[ Current Favorite Group ] mmmmm...Modest Mouse
[ Current Book ] I dont read by choice
[ Current CD in CD Player ] I dont really have a cd player...I have a winamp playlist
[ Current DVD In Player ] there's nothing in there right now. plus i watch more movies on my computer anyhow...yesterday it was the virgin suicides
[ Current Refreshment ] diet coke
[ Current Worry ] hahhahaha. which one? i'll keep it simple and say that i'm worried i'll fail spanish 101 and lose my scholarship....
[ Current Crush ] I dont do the crush thing, its too complex. I have the attention span of a goldfish.
[ Current Favorite Celebrity ] i dont know
LAST PERSON...
[ You Touched ] god, i dont even remember...i attempted to hug nate and got blown off... does that count?
[ You Talked to ] nick's roommate on the phone when i tried to call him back..
[ You Hugged ] probably nate
[ You Instant messaged ] chris or jessa
[ You Yelled At ] jeremy for hitting my ass with a lunch tray
[ You Had A Crush On ] i dont do the crush thing
[ Who Broke Your Heart ] i dont have a heart
FAVORITE...
[ Food ] chocolate chip bagels.
[ Drink ] diet coke
[ Color ] olive green
[ Album ] Sha-Sha- Ben kweller....if anyone wants to buy a copy I have 5 of them for $10 a piece
[ Shoes ] good god, how can i decide? i love my cowgirl boots despite their lack of practicality.
[ Candy ] i like mentos and strawberry and cremesavers.
[ Animal ] le tigre
[ TV Show ] i dotn watch shows. only CTN at odd hours of the morning.
[ Movie ] west side story or the new guy
[ Dance ] polynesian
[ Song ] at the moment? "linger" by the cranberries
[ Vegetable ] potatoes or corn
[ Fruit ] strawberries or nectarines
[ Cartoon ] spongebob will always have a place in my heart.
ARE YOU...
[ Understanding ] occassionally
[ Open-minded ] i think so
[ Arrogant ] yeah
[ Insecure ] depends
[ Interesting ] no way
[ Random ] BAH!
[ Hungry ] always
[ Friendly ] rarely
[ Smart ] sure
[ Moody ] totally
[ Childish ] usually
[ Independent ] uhhuh
[ Hard working ] sometimes
[ Organized ] with some things but not everything
[ Healthy ] i'm alive, thats all i can really say about that
[ Emotionally Stable ] is anyone?
[ Shy ] eh
[ Difficult ] always
[ Bored Easily ] no, i have the attention span of a goldfish... (look, something shiny!)
[ Messy ] i thought i was until i came to college
[ Thirsty ] not particularly
[ Responsible ] if i feel like it
[ Obsessed ] obsissIVE maybe
[ Angry ] eh
[ Sad ] grr..
[ Happy ] not especially
[ Hyper ] not right now
[ Trusting ] too trusting
[ Talkative ] if you get me started you'll regret it
[ Legal ] heh
[ Original ] umm
[ Different ] i would hope so
[ Unique ] suuurre
[ Ignored ] grr
[ Reliable ] eh
[ Content ] never
[ Optimistic ] eh
[ Deep thinker ] goldfish...
[ Self-disciplined ] never
[ Sleepy ] always
[ Lonely ] stated.
5 things that scare you:
1. not accomplishing everything i need to get done
2. getting too caught up in things to realize the good parts of life
3. people hiding behind the shower curtain...eesh..
4. people who believe that god will take care of everything
5. people who believe that fate directs your life
5 things that make you laugh:
1. feet hanging out of car windows
2. when you find silly cute notes that other people wrote for their girlfriend/boyfriends
3. the girls who walk to class talking on their nextels about the "guy they met at this party"
4. jcrew hippies
5. giant fuzzy pink bunnies
5 things you love:
1. cookies
2. music
3. cuddling
4. heavy drinking
5. sleeping
5 things you hate:
1. boys
2. mean people
3. boys
4. being cold
5. oh yeah...boys
2 things you don't understand:
1. umm...boys?
2. me
5 things on your desk:
umm, i have two desks...
1. a hairdryer
2. chapstick
3. pictures
4. some pants
5. textbooks and apartment guides
Right now you are:
1. um...filling this out
2. drinking a coke
3. humming along to the cranberries
4. falling asleep
5. debating what to do later
5 positive facts about you:
1. i'm affectionate
2. i can read people well
3. i can work my ass off to get what i want
4. i'm SMART...sometimes
5. i've got a cute ass :) hows that
5 things you plan to do before you die:
1. finish school.
2. get a career.
3. be successful.
4. have children.
5. live.
5 things you can do:
1. sit here and be lazy
2. complain
3. go to sleep
4. kick people in the butt
5. finish this survey...
3 Things You Can't Do:
1. make up my mind
2. play a musical instrument
3. fly
5 Famous People You Want To Meet:
1. ben kweller OH WAIT ALREADY DID THAT,,,hahaha
2. i dont really care. i actually dont especially want to meet any famous people....unless they give me money or power or fame and good stuff like that
Top 5 songs you think are cool:
I'll just take my "desk collection" of lyrics i've printed...
1. Modest Mouse- You're the Good Things...or Whenever You See Fit
2. Counting Crows- High Life
3. Cranberries- Linger
4. Jack Johnson- Flake
5. Ben Kweller- Launch Ramp
Top 5 movies:
1. West Side Story
2. The New Guy
3. Ferris Bueller
4. Gone in 60 Seconds
5. Roadtrip
Top 5 things you say the most:
1. totally
2. sooo....
3. eh
4. yea-aw
5. can i put this on your menards big card today and save you one percent?
Go ahead, you can laugh all you want. |
::
2002 15 October :: 10.36 pm
i am not a part of anything.
i am not important to anyone.
i spend my time asking special permission to be a part of people's lives.
fuck you. i cant help you when i cant help myself.
and you dont care anyway.
how long did it take for you to realize
that i'm
no
longer
walking
behind
you.
1 feet on the ground |
Go ahead, you can laugh all you want. |
::
2002 9 October :: 5.43 pm
:: Mood: tired
:: Music: Jack Johnson- Flake
I'm so, I'm so tired, I'm so tired of trying....
the quiz...
god i hurt so bad...
i hope i'm getting sick
i hope i'm sick
i hope i'm dying
i only ask so i can know
i only look so i can see
i only want so i can have?
i hurt so bad.
and i'm tired....too tired.
and i only read so i can make myself suffer.
i pick and choose..
look at your uploads...text files...the ones that i know will be the most painful to read...
and i make you talk about what i want to hear the least...and you go through all the description and all the details and then i dont know where to go...you tell it like a beautiful story....
all i know...i don't belong in this.
but i cant get out.
and i hurt so badly....
8 feet on the ground. |
Go ahead, you can laugh all you want. |
::
2002 7 October :: 7.29 pm
the world wants to kick me in the butt.
i watched roadtrip...
it made me cry?
1 feet on the ground |
Go ahead, you can laugh all you want. |
::
2002 5 October :: 1.58 am
:: Mood: restless
this is way too much for me to take right now. i mean, it was already too much, and tonite just tossed some more on the pile. and its too much. gotta lay off those drugs. damn.
i'm so sorry.
3 feet on the ground. |
Go ahead, you can laugh all you want. |
::
2002 4 October :: 7.03 pm
:: Mood: determined
So I changed my major. Again. Well, sortof. I'm double majoring now... in Marketing and Social Psychology. The Social Psych stuff is new. It's always been what I was interested in anyhow. I think its more fun to learn about people. I start some more Soc classes next semester. Maybe then I can find out why the world's gone crazy.
1 feet on the ground |
Go ahead, you can laugh all you want. |
::
2002 4 October :: 7.00 pm
:: Mood: awake
so now that i'm a little more sleep-sober i realize that what i said may have been a bit overboard. but too late for that.
i should have said something. done something. but i didnt. i cant. and i wont.
Go ahead, you can laugh all you want. |
::
2002 4 October :: 12.07 am
:: Mood: crushed
ok so its been a bad night.
i cant sleep and my soul hurts.
everyone else seems to know what's going on but me. i'm losing so much by listening to my heart and not my head. but nothing feels right anymore.
i've been basing so much of my college life around this and now it's falling apart.
i just wonder why i get lied to....or at least, why I am deceived. and why i continue to put up with it.
Go ahead, you can laugh all you want. |
::
2002 3 October :: 5.48 pm
:: Mood: cold
:: Music: Ben Folds Five- Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head
I'm never gonna stop the rain by complaining...
An Issue of Fundamentals.
It hurts when someone says things, whether they are beautiful or hurtful, and forgets them.
Even if they forget because they were drunk, it still hurts.
When someone spends an entire night with you in their arms telling you what a beautiful human being you are, and how you occupy their thoughts (even when you shouldn't), and then when they wake up...and it's gone. That hurts.
Or when you finally break down and have a vicious argument... you finally speak your mind, and they admit, they know that what they're doing is hurting you. But they have no intention of changing anything, not a single aspect of what's going on, because the you, the very presence of you, messed up some sort of prior balance that they had in their life. YOU screwed up what they had. That hurts too.
And each time, they wander back in to your life like nothing happened. And you just can't do anything.
How can you be angry when you know that they don't even remember what they did wrong? How can you be content knowing that they told you all these beautiful things that ended up as lies?
But I always give in. That hurts the most.
Go ahead, you can laugh all you want. |
::
2002 1 October :: 2.56 pm
whats the point of putting your foot in your mouth? whatever you're thinking is the same, said or unsaid. and i asked. which means i want to KNOW.
Go ahead, you can laugh all you want. |
::
2002 30 September :: 10.34 pm
:: Mood: lonely
It has the tendency...but what happens when you ignore said tendency?
And are we seperated or joined? I can't tell. Can you?
Who screwed who over? And how is it relevant? I don't need to fall anywhere.
I didnt know that you were reading.
1 feet on the ground |
Go ahead, you can laugh all you want. |
::
2002 23 September :: 10.18 am
:: Mood: crushed
:: Music: No Doubt- Underneath It All
Do you want to love me underneath it all?
owww....
I brought that upon myself i suppose...
so now i shall be rightfully miserable for several days because i got myself way too caught up in this.
its crazy. i think i may have fancied myself in love. its just about the only methodology that makes a bit of sense at all.
"But you see the colors in me
Like no one else
And behind your dark glasses
You're something else."
"And you give me the most gorgeous sleep
That I've ever had
And when it's really bad
I guess its not that bad."
2 feet on the ground. |
Go ahead, you can laugh all you want. |
::
2002 21 September :: 2.27 pm
I know now...
I'm not the only one!
bahahaha...
anyway, i slept so great last night...
Go ahead, you can laugh all you want. |
::
2002 21 September :: 1.55 am
i feel like i am the only person who is going to college and liking it and staying here. not a bad thing...no offense to...ummm...everyone? but what the hell happened???
maybe it is because i am the only one at WMU, the best school there is....hmm....go Broncos....
it is just really starting to freak me out.
3 feet on the ground. |
Go ahead, you can laugh all you want. |
::
2002 18 September :: 1.06 pm
:: Mood: contemplative
:: Music: Leann Rimes- Right Kind Of Wrong
You walk in and my strength walks out the door, say my name and I can't fight it anymore...I know I should go but I need your touch just too damn much...Might be a mistake I'm making... but what you'r
Off on the right foot...
YESSSSS! I woke up today 15 minutes before I was supposed to be at my first exam of the year that was on the complete opposite side of campus... YESSSS!
I was out too late...again...every night since satuday.
grr...i have tummy pain.
this week is purely escalating in weirdness.
2 feet on the ground. |
Go ahead, you can laugh all you want. |
::
2002 17 September :: 6.33 pm
:: Mood: happy
other than that negativity, life is just ducky. I LOVE college life. :0 :) I am happy girlie.
Go ahead, you can laugh all you want. |
::
2002 17 September :: 1.17 pm
if you fucking mention my name one more time i swear. i dont care what i have to do. its been a fucking year, its about time for you to get a life. you're so sick. i will ruin your life and remind you what a mistake you are, and what a waste your life is.
2 feet on the ground. |
Go ahead, you can laugh all you want. |
::
2002 12 September :: 10.50 am
:: Mood: moody
:: Music: Modest Mouse- Life Like Weeds
And we know that our hearts are just made out of strings to be pulled...
so my luck is the same wherever i go. this situation feels all too familiar and i still cant keep myself away.
on the bright side of things, I have a "group" that I hang with on a nightly basis. fun kids.
i'm tired of being alone.
5 feet on the ground. |
Go ahead, you can laugh all you want. |
::
2002 9 September :: 8.50 am
which mr. men/little miss are you?
take the quiz & find out! :)
quiz made by
 I am Chocolate Flavoured.
I am sweet and a little bit naughty. I am one of the few clinically proven aphrodisiacs. Sometimes I can seem a little hard, but show warmth and I soon melt. What Flavour Are You?
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Go ahead, you can laugh all you want. |
::
2002 5 September :: 2.04 pm
college is...good.
classes are....classes.
the dorms are....small.
the food is....bad.
it's about what I expected.
Go ahead, you can laugh all you want. |
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