so I go out for a friends birthday, meet up with a bunch of people from work at our hangout pub. As the night wraps up, a girl from work (who I would kill for to get with) invites me to the after party for some more drinks and drink compliments.
Long story short, as we are all going to pass out this girl (now thoroughly intoxicated i.e. deal breaker) wakes my ass up and asks me to go outside to have a cigarette with her (I still don't smoke and I wasn't cigarette drunk either). I go with her outside of this dorm that requires a keycard for entry at the University of Maryland when she of course notices that she forgot a lighter. She head back upstairs to find it and leaves me outside with no shoes. Its raining. She doesn't come back.
So there I am, in a place infested with police patrolling for drunk college kids who just graduated, with no shoes, in the rain, with no fucking clue where I am.
lucky for me she gave me her iPhone before heading back upstairs, which I used to navigate my way out. Doesn't mean I didn't have to walk around campus in socks while it was raining looking for the parking lot I parked my car in.
So now I have a new iPhone and a pack of menthols (If I DID smoke, I would not smoke menthols).
Ok so, I went to hang out with her because I think she's cute. I didn't try and make a move or anything, but I did put myself in the situation.
Several new posts from some old friends. It's nice to see that everyone is unsure about thier lives. Who knew we would all be dealing with such "adult" issues nigh on ten years ago.
I feel lost like theres no real fit for me completely. My whole plan I've had my entire life may never pan out and so I'm just living day by day wondering if my life plan will ever come true.
I was so sure my whole life that I never once questioned it. Now who knows.
I also feel taken advantage of and under appreciated.
And maybe related, maybe not, I've been so paranoid lately it's unbearable. Especially when driving,i feel like I'm going to get in an accident at least once a minute. If someones following too close or hits the brakes too suddenly my whole body tenses up. Car wrecks play in my head the whole drive and I pull on my seat belt to tighten it throughout the drive. At night i feel like someone is in my back seat, which I've always checked for but usually just once, at the beginning of the drive, not 4 times throughout, turning on the light to check and even feeling like I feel someone breathing on my neck from the back seat.
I'm having a harder and harder time getting up during the night to pee or let the dogs out without being power petrified that my nightmare about the man behind my shower curtain trying to kill me isn't real. I can't open the curtain to check bc I'm so sure hes there.
These new developments on top of the always present anxiety and stomach upset every morning before work thats been going on for 8 months makes my life a lotta fun right now.
this weekend will be the 6th weekend in a row Ive gone out all night and come home on the first train in the morning. Im not entirely sure how I feel about that.
I had a dream last night that I went to a bar with my friend Benedict. I paid 2000 yen at the door, got my wristband and two tickets, and entered. When I got in, a fat lady with a poorly shaped bob haircut and thick horn-rimmed glasses stops me and asks me for proof that I had paid. I show her my wristband but she says, `that proves nothing`. I pull out one of the two tickets I had and I get the same response, followed by the other only to yet again hear how useless it is. She starts chuckling and I say, `what do I have to do to prove to you that I paid?`. She grins and replies `Tim should have given you what you need.`
`Then Ill go find time`
`Tim wont give it to you now, Im sure`
She is laughing hysterically and Im getting incredibly frustrated at this point. I start cursing in Japanese, to which she responds with laughter.
`Its no use really` she says and continues laughing, her belly jiggling rythmycally.
Its then that I pull out a Colt .357, cock it, aim at her face, and pull the trigger. I hear nothing but see a flash of white, at which point I wake up in a cold sweat.
what does this mean?
For a reality update, Im still alive. Thats nice yeah?
It's fine to have one.
It's fine to be proud of it.
But please don't whip it out in public and start waving it around.
And please don't try to shove it down my children's throats.