brutisimo
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2006 27 June :: 12.42pm
:: Music: Douche-face mix 1
what i am and am not
So i have realized that there are lots of things i am, such as generous, funny, friendly, caring etc...but there are lots of things i am not as well:
I will never be the kind of girl who:
climbs trees
wears skirts (a lot)
shows a lot of skin in general
has sex w/ randoms
is brave
shows how i really feel
I will always be the kind of girl who:
listens to other people's problems
gives more of herself to others than she keeps for herself
is scared
doesnt trust
is ashamed
puts up a front
i have not kept any food down in 3 days...this is not good.
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mbenznut
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2006 27 June :: 10.13am
You’re back. Just in time for some of my cottage cheese and sour cream pancakes.
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Excuse me, do you have any cards that don’t have erections? It’s my mom’s birthday.
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TaoMan1121
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2006 25 June :: 9.09pm
I'm bored...
Read more..
5 Remarks |
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brutisimo
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2006 25 June :: 1.02am
I IMed max, then freaked and couldn't talk to him. I am fucked up deep down in a place that takes a lot of work to fix. I have made a life for myself that he didnt want to be a part of and i dont know how to be the person he knew. we have not communicated since Aug 17, 2005 ( I checked our message history) and that was just online...on the phone or in person, it has been...a year...or maybe more. He used to be my best friend. He doesnt even know me now. he had never heard of One tree hill for god sakes! Who knows me at all and has no idea about my BIGGEST OBSESSION?
I need to think of the good stuff i was writing about earlier:
d-champ has green eyes.
Chris makes me laugh.
Watching the boys play soccer w/ mel2 was awesome
Cartel
pearl
Mel is back tomarrow?
tomarrow is tourgasm, monday is RAW
I dont work tomarrow, but i worked 40 hours tis week.
this is my last week before 3 weeks off!
class ends this week too!
My aunties are in caddy RIGHT NOW!
ryan, sean, and jessie miss me.
yesterday i rapped.
jen Barreling through the woods.
I was an animated tour guide...a lorax perhaps...
I won a signed OTH pic...
ok that is enough...bedtime.
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brutisimo
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2006 24 June :: 11.45pm
I feel it slipping away.
fingers and mind grasping
nothing but nothingness
touching without knowing
then know
only when there is nothing left to touch
it comes and goes
without noise
the silence speaks to me though
talking, but not understanding
touching, but not feeling
loving and hating
all that i am, was and will be
until i am nothing too.
3 Remarks |
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brutisimo
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2006 24 June :: 11.19pm
i feel like it has been a year since i have seen any of you. I miss you. I also feel like i am traveling down a path that is leading me farther and farther away from you guys and the person i used to be. This fact makes me sad because not only do i like you guys, but i liked that person too. the thing is though, i am very happy right now. I have not been using substances to make myself happy...as it may seem...since the stories i ell usually have to do with em...but that is just because those stories are the most exciting. The real reason i am happy is because i feel like i am finally making the connections i was longing for with my new friends. We are learning about eachother and i am very sad that allison and jen are going to be moving away.
here is the other thing...i LOVE randoness, and so much random-ass shit happens when i am in the ghetto, it blows my mind...I mean I WENT to the MAYOR'S house. and regos is his son...and i play euchre all the time again...and we listen to music and D-champ writes poems and shit...and allison and i call eachother al and it always makes me happy...
last night was CRAZE. There was about an hour there that i COULD NOT stop laughing. it was out of control. Then there was laying between the cars w/ mike, jen and chris looking at the stars, and the nature hike, and jen barreling through the woods to hide, and the long-ass walk that ended when he mole fell into the sewer...the pizza was amazing and sitting on the couch passing the wine and OJ back and forth...oh, and mike pretending to be a cowboy, and me rapping w/ chris beat-boxing, and watching the sunset through the trees, and the war-game in the livingroom.
There was some drama, but i still had good times, fo sho!
I know it feels like we are losing touch, and in fact we are...but i really want you guys to know, that i want to hang out, so please, call me. I have from July2-July22 off from work, so i will be in caddy and here...CALL ME!!!
I love y'all!
Goodbye
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brutisimo
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2006 23 June :: 1.47am
so i went to the mayor of portage's house tonight...random, but fun.
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mbenznut
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2006 22 June :: 7.32pm
Big Eden is an excellent movie.
4 Remarks |
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brutisimo
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2006 22 June :: 5.51pm
Why is night so brutal?
Day bleeds for night.
The darkness smeering red across the sky before finally put out the light.
Morning comes gradually,
like it is sneaking into a world that has shunned it.
Day shines brightly after gathering strenghth,
but uses all its energy and gets slaughtered every night.
Night always wins.
Some days darkness stays on.
Some days are actually nights.
Some days never come.
3 Remarks |
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mbenznut
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2006 21 June :: 10.51am
“I just want somebody more manly than me, and less manly than Chastity Bono.”
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brutisimo
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2006 20 June :: 2.53pm
i got ripped out of my mind last night. wow. gotta run some errands now, then i think mel2 and i and i are gonna watch the boys play soccer...we'll see.
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TaoMan1121
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2006 19 June :: 3.04pm
:: Music: Beck - Hell Yes
So this entry is long overdue, and I apologize in advance for its length. Been pretty busy doing lots of cool stuff out here, so I figured I'd get everybody up to speed. Just to frame my list, I'm going to lift Michell's +/- thing, although most of my stuff is positive. Anyway, I've got a bunch of randomness to intersperse as well. Happy happy joy joy!
(+) Last Tuesday at the World Financial Center near the WTC site, they had a free concert with none other than one of my favorite bands, Eels. It was an amazing show and I left early enough to get in the front row(!). The weather was beautiful and the WFC has some great architecture and a great view of the Hudson River, allowing me to take some great pics before and after the show, in addition to the 30 odd shots I got of the concert. Like I said, the show was great... an all-out, rock with your cocks out show that rivaled the show I saw in Ann Arbor a couple years back with Stefanie. Equally good as the music was the showmanship... Mark Everett had this big buff, intimidating guy come out dressed as a security guard who all of a sudden started dancing around and playing with the other band members after the first song. E also talked to the crowd through this guy, whispering things to say in his ear, cracking me the hell up with quips such as "This is the triangle of hope," "I am enjoying this," and "I wrote that all by myself" all while sticking to his bad-boy persona. I'm going to try and get a video or two of him up... it's too funny for words. My only qualm of the night was that it was such a short concert; they only played for an hour, compared to the two/two and a half they played in Ann Arbor.
(+) Then, on Friday, I landed a ticket to see a taping of Sit Down Comedy w/ David Steinberg with Jon Stewart as the guest. It's an Inside the Actor's Studio type show with comedians. That, as well, was thoroughly entertaining; Stewart is just so funny and so charismatic, and he had everybody rolling even during the commercial breaks. Looking forward to seeing it air... the show's on TV Land. Didn't have as great a seat for that one (thanks "Friends and Family") so I didn't try to ask him a question, but I'm going to try and get tickets to the next taping as well.
(+) Took advantage of DDD's annual (or is it semi-annual?) sale and finally bought the special edition of Mystic River. Also bought Regina Spektor's new CD from BB to make up for never buying her last one.
(+) I'm not exactly sure why yet, but I found the trailer for Talladega Nights thoroughly entertaining. I was pretty weary as I was reading about it previously, but after seeing this, I'm totally game. Let me know what you think... "You like to put jelly on a lady?"
(+) Got invited up to my friend Rob's place with some of my QC colleagues on Saturday for beer and BBQ. He lives with his finance up in Cold Spring, NY, which is about a hour north of Manhattan. It's so beautiful and scenic and quiet up there, and it was such a nice change of pace to the nature-deprivation of the city. I actually went up earlier than everybody else and went on a short hike with Rob and his girl and got to see a lot of the town. I would absolutely love to live in a place like that... be close enough to take a trip to Manhattan when I wanted to and still be far enough away to enjoy some of the beauty of upstate NY.
(+) I played NBA Jam at the Museum of Moving Image yesterday. I forgot how entertaining that game was. I need to find a copy for my console.
(+) Finally started working out again today. It's so hard to get to campus these days when I'm only there a couple times a week and this freakin' heat is very counterproductive. Felt good though, even though it's been like 6 weeks.
(+) I'm having an amazing day catching things today. My iPod was taking a nosedive from the treadmill when I was running today and I did this spectacular two-hand grab as it was halfway to the ground. And then, in the shower, my soap went sailing in the air and I nicked it on the way down. And I didn't get raped either time! Hehe... told you I had some randomness to share. :-P
(-) I saw a bum on my way home today, looking for cans or something, and he had this cat who was on this horrible makeshift leash of frayed rope and plastic. The poor kitten was stretching this thing as far it could go, unable to explore any farther than the radius of the two shopping carts this guy was trucking around. As you probably know, I don't usually have much care or sympathy for cats, but the setup was just so blatantly sad and cruel, I just couldn't imagine putting another creature through that.
(-) Leeder has informed us that he believes he and his crew will most likely be moving out of their current apartment around the same time Michelle and I will be visiting. I'm not too worried though... we should be able to make it work and we have plently of time to set up contigency plans if we need to.
(+) My parents (Pa Rock and GA) will be out Wednesday through Sunday. Get to show them around and get a few free meals.
(+) It's only been two weeks since I've seen Michelle, and I only have to wait another two before I arrive home for the 4th and we get to have a delicious time enjoying the weather and go WHOOOOOOOSH until they kick us out of the park.
(-) All this fun and excitement has prevented me for tackling my big goal for the summer, which was to develop my research and get going on my predissertation. I have so little idea of what I want to do with my research, and it's really frustrating because I have such an interest in ABA, I just don't know what to do with it. Oh well, I'll figure it out eventually.
(?) Oh, btw, who the hell drunk dialed me over the weekend? It was a 269 area code... girls, was that you?
Pictures of aforementioned cool stuff to come...
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brutisimo
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2006 19 June :: 11.14am
this weekend was fun. I went out w/ the locust st crew and jen bowling on thur. then iwent out w/ the cockmobile crew on friday and watched a movie w/ jen sat. LAst night Miche;;e met a bunch of the locust st brigade when she came down to watch tourgasm. it made me happy. then we wathed annie hall, but i fell asleep, twice. oh well, today i am giving plasma....*scared*...but degrandchamp is going w/ me so we will see...
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TaoMan1121
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2006 16 June :: 2.52pm
:: Music: Poe - Wild
ListMania!
So out of Steven Spielberg's 23 feature-length films (that number is arguable), I've seen 18. I pinch I rank (by enjoyment level, not necessarily which are the "best" made):
1) Munich
2) Jurassic Park
3) Raiders of the Lost Ark
4) Minority Report
5) Saving Private Ryan
6) E.T.
7) Indiana Jones & The Last Crusade
8) Schindler's List
9) War of the Worlds
10) Hook
11) A.I.
12) The Lost World
13) Catch Me If You Can
14) The Terminal
15) Jaws
16) Indiana Jones & The Temple of Doom
17) Close Encounters of the Third Kind
18) Amistad
Which leads me to this one. I realize it's kind of a clusterfuck of new and old, but I don't really know that I could make a decent "classic director" list, and besides, I don't really feel like doing two.
Top 15 Directors
1) Steven Spielberg
2) Stanley Kubrick
3) Paul Thomas Anderson
4) Wes Anderson
5) Quentin Tarantino
6) Alfred Hitchcock
7) David Fincher
8) Michael Mann
9) Sam Mendes
10) Jonathan Demme
11) Ron Howard
12) Spike Lee
13) Tim Burton
14) M. Night Shyamalan
15) (tie) Alexander Payne & Christopher Nolan
(Normally, I abhor ties in my lists... all it signifies is indecision, but in this case, these are two directors whose movies I really enjoy, but haven't really been around long enough to establish themselves. We'll see in time who sticks around.)
I'll share my reasons for posting this last later soon, but until then, enjoy it in all its E-goodness:
Top 10 Eels Songs
1) Your Lucky Day In Hell
2) Mr. E's Beautiful Blues
3) Dirty Girl
4) Saturday Morning
5) Souljacker, pt. 1
6) Love of the Loveless
7) I Like Birds
8) Hey Man (Now You're Really Living)
9) Novocaine for the Soul
10) I'm Going to Stop Pretending That I Didn't Break Your Heart
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brutisimo
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2006 16 June :: 3.13am
i dont know what to do, about any of it...I feel things but i dont know how to express them...it is hard for me to love...trust...it is hard to let the people know that they mean something, and that they are cared about...i forget to act...sometimes i get stuck in thought and my own mind bogs me down...
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