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m&ms487
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2007 2 May :: 7.51am
one more day.
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m&ms487
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2007 29 April :: 12.48pm
:: Mood: distressed
Why is it that when everything feels like it's falling apart, we put on a smile and walk away?
The center cannot hold. Exams this week. I haven't studied yet. I will. I'll get to it. I feel like I'm in a Hemingway novel. Or Faulkner. Dewey Dell.
Will the circle be unbroken...
I'm ready to go home, but I feel like I'm sentencing myself to prison. It feels like a loss of freedom. But maybe I don't deserve freedom. Maybe I've never had it, just the illusion of it. Maybe.
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m&ms487
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2007 24 April :: 3.41pm
i'm sitting in the computer lab trying to finish my journal/critical analysis for my modern american literature class. it's horrible. my brain is being so stupid. i'm getting distracted easily, and i'm having problems comprehending the questions i'm suppose to use as prompts. i'm not stupid! writing these are so painful and tedious. i've gotten six done, and i only have two more to go, but they're on two novels, the sun also rises, and as i lay dying. stupid. i don't mind doing them, but i'm having so many problems concentrating! it's so frustrating!
that's all i wanted to rant about.
good afternoon.
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m&ms487
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2007 23 April :: 8.00pm
:: Mood: amused
I think Patrick, my fish, is addicted to eating. He just ate twelve Beta pellets in two hours. He eats three in a normal day.
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m&ms487
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2007 22 April :: 6.11pm
:: Mood: amused
This was a long weekend. I went to the School of Music formal last night. It was really fun, but the room was super hot from all the people dancing.
Moved the room around today because of "Residence Life Order Day."
Basically had to put the desks and beds back in the same places they were at the beginning of the year. It was really gross. The bottoms of my feet were black from all the dirt on our floors that were under the rug and the beds. I sneezed a lot too.
In other news, during the ten minute walk from the parking lot to the dorms I got a pretty good sunburn.
It is summer.
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m&ms487
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2007 17 April :: 4.58pm
I'm sitting here, listening to music, burning a purple candle and reading over my term paper for literary analysis [see few posts previous]. I have more papers to write, but I haven't yet. I'm just enjoying playing with my candle wax. It's very soothing. And purple.
I was reading over my paper and thinking about what my professor said to me when I went to his office yesterday. He was telling me about how his wife was in Ohio defending her thesis. He said, "I'm telling you all this only because I have a feeling you will be doing this in the near future."
Doctorate. Getting a Doctorate. That's what he was talking about. Me. Getting a Doctorate. He thinks I could...I will...
I wish I had enough money. I wouldn't hesitate. I just...I don't...I can't. It's not feasible. I have to become a teacher and pay off my debts and become an adult, and, who am I kidding? What you truly want to do is never what you can do. It's what I learned in kindergarten:
No one ever said life had to be fair.
And it's not. We live in a society with a myth that's alive and well that you can work your way up. That may be true, but it's very unlikely. The rest of us just get to sit here, potential wasted, living at the hand of an unfeeling, unjust, and uncaring capitalist society.
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m&ms487
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2007 17 April :: 4.19pm
"Sex reminds her of eating spaghetti."
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m&ms487
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2007 15 April :: 10.47pm
For you, darling
Get Your Sexy Name
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m&ms487
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2007 14 April :: 11.57pm
:: Mood: calm
I officially became a brother of Kappa Kappa Psi this afternoon. Now I am an active member. There was lots of cool stuff that happened that I can't talk about, which is a little lonely, but understandable. I know I'm finally around people that understand how I feel about music, and that is the best feeling in the world.
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