It's been a while..
I got a new background

When is this war going to end? Oh sorry, the "war" was pronounced over with about a YEAR ago, yet there are more and more deaths with each day. Maybe I shouldn't have cnn.com as my home page.

There's a picture of a cute girl that died there a few days ago...and both of her sisters, also pictured, are still in Iraq.

Can we take a hint and realize that we're never going to change anything over there, and just get ALL the troops out of there and bring them home before we lose EVERYONE!??! I'm so sick of this shit.

I don't know who's going to read this. so.
I just want to say that yesterday went beyond my expectations...by far.

And it made me so happy.

But ever since I got home, I've felt like I'm going to puke my brains out. Nerves. I mean, this person caused me to always feel like this, but it was acceptable at 15. Now that we've all grown up (and it really showed at the end of the night) I should be fine with this, why am I acting nervous.

It was a happy ending to a reallyyyy long (from 3 years ago) story, and I should just be ok with that. But for some reason...I feel like that 15 year old that feels like she's going to screw up her first date.

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. And how do I explain to my family why I'm not going to be able to eat Easter lunch/dinner today?

Hmm..

Oh well, all is well here, except that I have four weeks to do an ungodly amount of homework..and don't know how I'm going to get it all done. What was I thinking taking six classes? I SERIOUSLY don't know.

I'm sitting here, almost ready to go to work. I'm going to have to drag myself there and force to pretend to be ok for the next 6 hours.

But in reality, I got a phone call that near broke my heart...and I'm sitting here with tears slowly and silently running down my cheecks,

Not knowing what to do,
With a ton of questions racing through my mind.

Why is that five letter word that starts with D that I can't even type because it hurts so much.......

why is it so scary and final?

Oh my god

I don't even know what to do

So I hate this new journal lay out, but I'm too lazy to change it.
Maybe after Easter.

I have English today, but no Accounting, which rocks, because, well, I enjoy sleeping in. A lot. I love sleep. It sucks when your life is so crowded that 7 hours of sleep is a luxery. Yet, I make time to update this journal. Hehe.

I went to bingo with michelle yesterday, it was fun, but when am I ever going to win?

I'm determined to lose weight before I go to NC. That gives me three months, and that is MORE than enough time to get to where I want to be, I just can't stop eating JUNK.

What else is new???

Oh, a resort in Costa where Celebrities stay:

$1,864 in december for 12 nights, INCLUDING a round trip ticket. Can't wait!
I SO want to go. That's incredibly cheap. It's in San José, which is a bad city, but a resort like this is probably in a nice part.

Yay.

So take me and break me, and make me strong like you.
Kevin dropped out of school.

Last semester, when I thought I was never going to see him again, I was sad. Then he surprised me by coming up behind me and telling me to have a good life, future, etc. It was great.

Well then I was sooo surprised when he was in my Tuesday night class, but now he dropped out, and this time didn't bother to say good-bye or anything. It just hurts, because he was someone who really made me feel like he cared about me. I know he had a girlfriend, at least last semester, if not still...but I just felt like we had this bond, a bond like I have with the people closest to me.

I know I (once again) probably invested to much of myself into this ... situation--but still, I really miss him and wish we could have stayed in touch.


"It's only you, beautiful, if I could choose, it's only you."

I have a lot of catching up to do...yes, yes I do.
So, let's start with the right now, and work backwards. K?

Ok, So I got my paper back from English. 97 baby!!!!! I'm so proud of myself. I got a 90 on the first one, but expected better.
Well, we had another rough draft due today, and I wrote it on Michael Jackson (Had to be something controversial). {From the grammar in this entry, you're having a hard time believing all of this, I know}

So we have these workshops, and Eileen was my partner, and she said "When I was reading this, I really thought I was reading a magazine article, I really did!" That SERIOUSLY brought tears to my eyes, because for so long I've just wanted to be great at writing, and I hate hate hate everything I write.

So that was a great way to start Spring Break.

Lately, I love the song "Mayberry" by Rascal Flatts. Some of it goes "Sittin on the porch drinking ice cold cherry coke, picking the six string, people walk by and you call them by your first name...watchin the clouds go by, bye bye."

I love it so much because that's almost exactly the type of life I want to live. Simple.
At the end of the day, I want to have a front porch, with wooden rocking chairs, a little table with a glass pitcher of lemonade...and just watch the beauty of it all from that front porch.
Things my ideal home won't be complete without:
A hammock like in Punta Mona
Previously mentioned wooden rocking chairs and glass pitcher for lemonade
Free standing swing (thing) like my mom bought
A yard...preferably big
A pretty garden

Ahh...I didn't mention a luxery car, a big screen tv, the latest computer system, the cleanest living room, leather couch..... I don't want any of that. I hate extravagance.

I just want my hoodies, comfortable pants, and heal-less shoes from family dollar, and just live like that forever...but...I don't know..it's hard to enjoy everything and take it all in when you have stressors in your life...

Oh, and I forgot: A claw footed bath tub.

I'll leave out the semi-depressing stuff. That's another day.

I was never good at goodbye...
I'm working on my rainforest bio paper. Maybe it'll only be a day late...that's not too bad.

I got a letter today saying I can't graduate in May because I still have an IP in this class. Well, duh I do, do they think I'm planning on not finishing this class?

ReeRees at GCC.

Yesterday I timetraveled. Went to a party and saw Ducky, Jeremy, Hot Andy and some other kids from like...9th grade ... it was weird, because that's like what we talked about...the past...
AND people from Costa Rica and we watched the movie, I only watched parts...I mean, I was there, why do I need to see it again so soon?..PARTY, kids...get partying...

but that was weird too, cuz none of them have returned the effort to talk to me and stay in touch...whatever.

yeah, back to this paper.
I wish he wasn't such a hard grader!!

I miss ashley.....not long til she comes home, and I can't wait.

I have to write an essay for english...I DESPISE writing, with every ounce of everything in me.

But, it means I get to go to Barnes and Noble, the coffee shop part...and that's always good. Cept it'll probably be Boarders, although their coffee shops are not as interesting, I really am not a fan of the store part of B&N...what to do?!

I'm sad, but not depressed... which is always good. I just can't wait for August, Oswego, the beginning of a new life.

And maybe Mike will go there early...hopefully he recovers from surgery (can I help you recover?!) miraculosly and then the Oswego coach will love him, and we'll live happily ever after.

I miss Frosty Bites Dave. He was a good guy.

That is all.

And Michelle, I love you!

Woohu is the appropriate word!
I got accepted to Oswego!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Not that I was all that worried, but it's just nice to know.

Costa Rica was amazing, life-changing, wonderful. Can't wait to go back.

One kid, however, was the exact type of person I do not need in my life. Every five seconds I was told how stupid I am. Yeah I act all ditzy and shit, but he doesn't even know me.....Yeah, I graduate a semester early from high school and have a two year degree at 18, but hey, I'm stupid.

What the fuck.

I'M ON BREAK!!!!!!!!!
And in less than three weeks, going to Costa Rica.....YOU KNOW! :) :) :)

So, you're going to get a lot of journal spam right now, cuz I'm procrastinating.

Pick a band and answer the questions with song titles.
Everclear


1. Are you male or female?
"Annabella's Song"

2. Describe yourself:
"Learning how to smile"

3. How do some people feel about you?
"Here we go again"

4. Describe your main interest:
"Everything to Everyone"

5. How do you feel about yourself?
"Normal like you"/"Everything to Everyone"

6. Where would you rather be?
"Thrift store chair"

7. Describe how you live:
"Father of mine"

8. Describe how you love:
"White men in black suits"

9. What do you hate?
"Father of mine"

10. Share a few words of wisdom:
"So much for the afterglow"