First best friend: Kirsten
First real memory of something: Hitting an opposum on the way to Myrtle Beach in 89 is the one that comes to mind.
First date: "Bless the child" with someone...
First real kiss: Chris
First break-up: Chris
First job: Babysitting or Brand Names
First screen name: Talkativejenna
First self purchased album: First album was Oasis, not sure first purchased...
First funeral: Great Grandma :( I told my mom I was good because "I didn't cry!" oh to be five again.
First pets: A fish named "Horsey" only me.
First piercing/tattoo: My ears--when I was four
First credit card: Debit...
First true love: Yet to experience it...
First enemy: Rachel
First big trip: with parents: Myrtle Beach, '89 without parents Colorado :) 2000
International:
Costa Rica 2004
First play/musical/performance: Dance recital when I was five.
First musician you remember hearing in your house: NO IDEA
Last cigarette: Couple hours ago...what can I say, I'm stressed right now.
Last big car ride: Brockport? Last week.
Last kiss: Corey. wow.
Last good cry: Umm..few days ago. Lots of people leaving way too early. Death..... terrible.
Last library book checked out: "Last Chance Saloon"
Last movie seen: Very Merry Muppet Christmas
Last beverage drank: Diet Pepsi
Last food consumed: Subway
Last crush: Kevin
Last phone call: My dad
Last TV show watched: Cant remember
Last time showered: This morning
Last shoes worn: skechers
Last CD played: Everclear
Last item bought: M&M's for mom
Last annoyance: My mom making me move my car
Last disappointment: my paychck
Last soda drank: diet
Last ice cream eaten: Mint chocochip
Last time wanting to die: a while, actually
Last time scolded: don't remember.
Last shirt worn:subway stripes
Last website visited: youthink

So, tomorrow my grandpa will have been dead for 8 years. It sucks. I don't know if I can honestly say that I miss him, but I wish that he would have been in a state of mind where I could have gotten to know him. Jason and Katie were close to him. By the time I was old enough, he wasn't really all there anymore. Damn the war.

Speaking of war, my mom brought up a good point the other day. She said when she was my age, it was Vietnam, now it's Iraq. It's scary. Constantly war. Remember all the talk of Bosnia? Tell me the last time you heard anything about that? Before September of 2001, I guarantee it. I'm betting we're still fighting over there, though. It sucks. I appreciate the veterans so much. It's not that at all--it's the government. Enough is enough. Get our people here, and do it quick.

Yeah, grandpa died on Thanksgiving. That sucks..that was back when the family still got a long. My how things have changed. My grandma from that side and my grandpa from the other side (whom I absolutely ADORE) are coming over on Thursday. Quiet. Simple. Because I haven't "Ruined every holiday" in a couple years. It's weird how insults stay with you and effect you for the rest of your life. It's not a good thing. ouch...


Kevin has a girlfriend. It was inevitable. Some girl is extremely lucky. :)

Set a sign on my foot, not realizing what shoes I had on. Broke my toenail basically in half...lots of blood. Good to know I can handle it now, though.

Yeah, things suck, but what are you going to do?

Shawn...it's two years on the 29th. (Saturday) I'm not really sure what to do. I'm thinking of going to a cemmetary around here and putting flowers in memory of him. Maybe on a 17 year old's grave...I don't know if that's like wrong but hey, we all know my weird spiritual beliefs.

/Rant.

Wow, long.

For real...Just a warning, if you don't want to read a bunch of words that are just me pittying myself, do yourself a favor and click on the little red "X" on the top right hand corner.

So, today pretty much sucked. As did Tuesday, and well yes, Wednesday as well.

I was being my normal, sarcastic bitch at work today and in front of someone, maren said it was just because he was there. Which pissed me off, because not only was it embarassing, it wasn't even true. I was being how I ALWAYS AM.


There's so much more, like how it's impossible to get anything higher than a C in accounting.......which I can't even explain how much that will kill my GPA...which isn't that great to begin with....

and, fricken...someone told kevin stuff I wish he wouldn't know......

it's like....what the hell

and on top of it, haven't had a best friend in over a month.

Here's a great lyric of the day...

"Everything disolving in front of my eyes,
living the things I so despise..."

If only I could write the rest. But, I have no writing ability whatsoever..

fuck this, I'm out of this gay journal.

And no, not going to do any harm to myself, already talked myself out of that one.

I want a lover I don't have to love
...That's right......I'm trying to convince myself that I NEVER HAD A CHANCE...from the start...

Damn people to hell for letting the 12 year old inside of me believe that someone would actually have feelings for me (us).

Ohhh, I'll be there
I have to go to court today. Nothing like waiting til the last minute--I'll back that one up to my death. I have to write a paper about court for my Business Law class. I hate when teachers just tell you to write a paper--not what to discuss, or how long it should be, etc. I don't even know what times the cout is, and so I'm waiting to call and ask. I get to wear my cute pants suit though. So, it's good. Oh, and I get to forgive myself for missing class, as it's going to something class RELATED.

I see Kevin tomorrow. I've kinda convinced myself that I never had a chance from the start. I'm sure tomorrow he will tell me that he has a girlfriend. I won't be surprised, honestly.

Speaking of guys...Brian came to "visit" Saturday, but people he knew (three annoying, giggly, stupid girls) came in, and sat with him. I was quite peterbed. I don't know, I don't really like him like that, but I really like strengthening our friendship, which has happened a lot lately.

It's really foggy out...weird...I'll be careful...no passing anyone this time.

Oh, Ashley got to a computer...forwarded me a bunch of stuff. Do you think she sent me an actual message?

Glad I mean so much to my friends...that they just forget all the times we had. Renee, Erica, Ashley R, Patti...

Oh well. I don't need friends. I've got my dog!!!!!!!!! You KNOW he's my best friend.

I went to lunch with Christine and Sarah today. It was great fun...

My doctor's appointment got cancelled, thank GOD, and so I can go in at four for Angie, like I had originally planned. I know she was pissed, but oh well...

Anyways, yesterday was the greatest, not having school. Because, there was so much that I had not gotten done, that was due...

Made an ass out of myself in front of BRIAN, but, more about that, later...

Umm...yeah, I'll write later on, because Katie and Adah and I are going to visit Mr. Allein, then I'll go to work...

I would die for you...I would die just to know that you're mine...
So, I don't know when I actually fell for this kid, but...I fell pretty hard, apparently...considering I spent most of last night crying, or damn near crying.

I would like to know when he stopped being "The hot kid that I talk to in class" to someone that invades my mind on a regular basis....

I know it's 100% infatuation, because there's still so much I don't know about him...but he's just so nice, and good to talk to, and ... right now that's just what I want.

But, in four more classes, I will never see him again in my life.

Infatuation or not, i'm crushed.

We're not here for a long time, we're here for a good time...
I'm kind of nervous about school. I have been slacking lately, and usually when I do that, I still pull of B's, but not this time. I'm sucking at school. And Kelly today informed me that the reason I won't know if I got accepted or not until January 15th is because they are waiting for this semester's grades. Which adds to the stress level, just a little.

Saturday I went Christmas shopping, by myself. I've decided that I really hate shopping with people. I just hate shopping. I want to get in, buy stuff, and get out. No bullshit looking around for 5 fricken hours. Nope. Not me. I got some stuff, but for the amount of money I spent...not a lot of stuff. I'm still not done with anyone's gifts except my nephew. I ordered my grandpa a book off of Amazon. My first REAL online purchase. Yay.

Sarah's coming over later to watch last week's Gilmore Girls and One Tree Hill. Other than that I have absolutely NOTHING to do today, which fricken rocks, cuz I can finish that little bit of school work that I have left. Imagine that, I actually studied this weekend. THAT'S how worried I am about school.......that says a lot.

I know I had a lot of other stuff to write, but, I can't remember.

Oh car accidents and such...but...let's not talk about it.

Ryan visited me at work TWICE this weekend. Firday AND Saturday. He makes me smile. I enjoy him.

OH and when I went shopping, I bought a bunch of cool straws!!!!! :)