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2004 25 August :: 6.41 pm
This is so depressing, but instead of writing about everything fifty thousand times, I'm going to start writing things down in my notebook, and then maybe, when everything is sorted out enough in my own head I can write it in here. But as of right now, I will most likely just make certain people mad, and ruin more of what I have already ruined. And I really don't want that, even tho, it's bound to happen. I just don't know what to do or how to fix what is so messed up, and I hate thinking about it, because I'm sure NOBODY else does, but I can't seem to stop. And until it's over, nothing will ever be how it used to be. I also hate talking about it because then it just gets me more confused and it only makes me think about it more. I serioulsy find myself talking about it all the time tho, and then people get mad at me for it, UGH! If you don't truly care, or if you are just incredibly nosy, don't ask because it pisses me off so bad knowing that you are only asking for your own benefit in some way. And it makes me even more pissed at you and makes me not want to talk to you EVER again. And I really don't want that. And I'm HOPING that you don't want that either. But I don't really know what you think because I get pissed at you to easily and don't have the patience to give you the time of day on this subjct, or you just won't say anything!! Ugh! I just don't want to ever talk about it again, but I know that I can't stop that from happening. But I don't want anyone else involved or anyone telling anyone else what I think or what I want. Just stay away, I might say one thing and in my head, I might mean another, I just don't know how to say or sort out how I really feel, or what I really want to get across, or everyone gets mad before anything real can ever be accomplished. Ugh! I just don't know what to do or what to say. Please!! Somebody just make it all go away.
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