Burnt the wing...burnt it bad...
Dearest, dearest, Mr. J. How I've forgotten the solace you once brought my aching soul. My love for you has brought me back to the place of my younger years. Where I smoked cigarettes, and threw insults upon your ever beckoning and understanding binary ears.
I sit here now, marveling at the fact that you still exist.
I sit with greying temples, and a young offspring.
I set the sun in my aim, and flew too high. On my descent, I've made and done some beautiful things, and am shielding my face from the ground below. Hoping my arms will give themselves to cause of saving the rest of me.
I tell you when I reach the bottom, hopefully it'll be river that will swallow me whole. And I'll float to a better place.
I can only hope.
But, it's late. And you've got your life ahead of you starting now.
::
2011 9 June :: 7.44pm
:: Music: Eisley- Smarter
dreaming with a broken heart
sometimes i wonder if i am always going to feel empty inside. I wonder if too much honesty is a bad thing. I wonder if i will ever find my inner peace. its all wondering, constant searching and contemplating and i feel as though I am just parading around like one of those poor horses at the fair- wandering in this dismal circle of sadness for the rest of my life.
Is it because I have too much empathy, compassion, hope for mankind, hope for myself?
Sometimes I can feel things that aren't there and I wonder if it is some invisible being trying to comfort me... a stroke of a finger down my cheek-- an embrace that couldn't be possible-- nothing makes sense.
how do you fight to hold on to something that was only an illusion to start? how do you believe in yourself when all the confidence you ever had walked out so long ago that you can't be sure you ever had it?
I just wish I could find happy... but it's always been such a fleeting idea. I've spent so long having to hide myself to make everyone else happy that somedays I wake up and I don't even know who the person is that is looking back at me.
Then again...
maybe I just have to face the facts, I never did heal oh so long ago and perhaps ever since childhood I have just been destined to be damaged goods. world you truly are a cruel, hateful place. we were never meant to be with each other-- you with your malice and me with my heart on my sleeve. and though i try so very hard my poor heart just wants love that for all i know will never be there, after all it rarely had been up until now.
oh bollox. i might as well just give up.
What makes me happy about Jack Johnson is simply that there is no underlying theme I have to take into account in his music. It's pretty straightforward, and who can really be unhappy when thinking about sex and pancakes?
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