swimfan14
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2006 5 January :: 11.38pm
I'm throwing all the hints..giving you all the signs..why can't you just see it?
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anachronism
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2006 5 January :: 9.42pm
Devin asked me out and...
I said no.
Now, don't get any ideas. It was handled well and I had my reasons. I told him we need to hang out a few more times and when he knows, and I mean really knows, he can ask me in person.
I want things to go right with all of this.
And I want to be entirely honest with him.
He completely understood and thought it was for the best.
He said he didn't even want to ask me this way, he just felt like he had to and couldn't wait.
I understand completely, because I feel like I want to be with him as well. But, I know it's not smart for either of us right now.
We'll see what happens.
He's so great and I want things to go perfectly and to last. I don't want some lame one month thing.
So, in the end handling it how I did was a very good idea.
I don't want to lose this kid and I won't. Whether we date or stay friends, I want him there. And he will be.
With all that said, goodnight.
I am so glad tomorrow is Friday.
6 Say what??<3 |
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anachronism
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2006 4 January :: 9.11pm
Hah.
...
Devin: You hate me apparently..
Stacy: I didn't say that!
Devin: Stacy: Ew, no I hate you!
Stacy: Hahaha.
Devin: Got you there!
Stacy: Yeah, pretty much.
Hahaha.
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Say what??
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anachronism
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2006 4 January :: 3.26pm
Awe, Mikey (Brad's cousin) got me a printer for Christmas! He ordered one offline and got it sent to my house (it's a Canon and it's so nice!) I got home and there was this huge box on my bed, haha.
It's such a thoughtful gift. He knows I want to be a photographer and I take most of my pictures digitally so he wanted to get me a nice printer for making a portfolio (to eventually get a job in the photography field). I can't wait to use it.
I am just so excited. Thanks Mikey! It's nice to know at least one person from that family doesn't hate me.
I love how unselfish some people are. He doesn't even want anything back, except some of the pictures I've taken. :)
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Say what??
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swimfan14
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2006 4 January :: 12.22am
A fucking waste of time is ALL you've become.
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swimfan14
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2006 4 January :: 12.03am
Today was anything but ordinary. I couldn't fall asleep last night for the life of me so I pretty much just stayed up all night watching the first season of Desperate Housewives. I'm pretty far, I must add. I am so used to being out all night with people and not falling asleep until around 3 AM so last night was definitely a challenge. I got to school, not looking forward to seeing a certain someone. There was a little tension going on there. So anyways, I'm in first hour (Modishers) and Mr. H called him and wanted me to go upstairs to his class room and I figured it had to do with my monologue or something like that. I walk up there and there standing in the hallway is Veronica. I just about died. I kept saying "omg". H then said that she remembered me and I just about died again. I ran up to her and gave her the biggest hug I've ever gave anyone and this hug was differen't than the last hug I gave her when she came in with her mom, not remembering anyone and she had to sit there and see me bawl my eyes out, and she had no idea why in the world I was crying. When we hugged that day, she barely hugged me back but today she wouldn't let go. I knew she remembered me and I was so happy. I've waited so long for this to come. H told me that she doesn't really remember everything in our friendship but she remembers alot of it so I just have to fill her in on the rest and then she told me she remembered me bawling when she came into school and she had to ask her mom why I was crying and her mom said because we were basically best friends. She told me she felt bad that I was crying but it's not her fault this happened. All in all I'm really happy that she remembers me. She asked me who about six people in our drama class were. She didn't remember them at all. But anyways things are slowly getting better for her and that makes me really happy and now I feel like a moron when we talk because I don't know what parts she remembers and what parts she doesn't so I have to ask her and either way I feel stupid but this is all worth it…..
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anachronism
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2006 3 January :: 9.10pm
He got me gummy worms. Oh yeah, that shows he cares. You'd understand if you knew how I felt about sour gummy worms. I think he just didn't want to die.
I love how he's always laughing and smiling. He just puts me in a constant good mood. It's like he can't be cranky. Awe man, I miss him all ready.
I'm so lame.
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anachronism
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2006 2 January :: 9.43pm
Awe, he told me that he likes me.
And that the entire night he wanted to kiss me, but he was afraid.
I feel like I'm in 8th grade again and I like it. Haha.
I love when things begin to start. It's scary, but I love it.
I'm excited in the dorkiest way. :)
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swimfan14
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2006 2 January :: 5.03pm
You pretty much just lost me.
So walk away like you always do.
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brokenmentality
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2006 1 January :: 9.19pm
so i think i've decided that im gonna go on doing pageants. i think i have the right kind of personality, and if you do those things right the scholarships you get are amazing. i could PAY my way through college and be making a difference at the same time. if i really set my mind to it... i dont think i'll win all of them.. but i definatly think i could get down to the last 10 or so... and either way.. i know from experience that the pageant process itself is an amazing experience. plus i have a pretty impressive resume for one. i decided this while i took a bath tonight.... honestly.. a candle lit bubble bath is where you come up with and figure out the BEST things. plus my mom has a skylight.. and nothing is more relazing than listening to a gentle rain.
im scared about high school ending.. ANXIOUS but scared.... and for the first time in my life i have a plan. its so reassuring to know where i want to go with my life. and if i change my mind about this whole interior design thing.... at least i'll have a great side hobby to fall back on later in life! we went to schulers today and i found this book that was just amazing. it was 40 dollars.. but covered every (well im sure not EVERY) aspect of interior design.. even down to tips on creating your sample board. i think im gonna get it tomorrow. and when im done with this entry im gonna look at different colleges and their design programs.
its just so exciting to have an outline for my life. i've never had that before. i've never been sure about something so HUGE. im extremely indecisive. VENDING machines are a hassel for me! wayyy to many options! so when it comes to my life, and where im going to be in the future... you cant even imagine how confused i get. i havent ever delt with the whole "future" issue before. i just kind of made it through school.. and here i find myself at the end, and i was about ready to break. what kind of 17 year old doesnt have a career picked out? well i'll tell ya from experience.... a very normal one! i now know that im just lucky that i've chosen a career... because you cant just do that overnight. i dont think we should be rushed into deciding the rest of our lives! and i was feeling really down because i thought EVERY one had it figured out except for me. that is NOT the case. design is a passion that i've been practicing for years... and i didnt even know it! my room has always been a haven for me.. and a reflexion of my style. when we lived with brandi i was going crazy because i didnt have a space of my own. it sucked! i need that one place that just screams ME everywhere ya know? i'm very big on personal style.. and even though yes, i do wear abercrombie sometimes... i like to think i have my own style. its the little things that make me unique. i just love fasion and i think you're home should be a reflexion of everything that makes you feel like YOU. ughh.. im just SO excited!
*smiles really big......
with all these "plans" or whatever.. i've realized that in order to stay confident and focused i HAVE to get in shape. im not toooo far from it.. but far enough. i need to have alot of energy. i have a good head on my shoulders... and like i said in my last entry... i dont have any type of negative thing affecting me. that means i have no excuse not to suceed. i just have stay in shape and be on my toes. i am SO ready to embrace life. i wasnt put here to sit in cedar springs the rest of my life. and yeah.. everyone "hates" Cedar and wants to get out... but ya know what.. this is my home. and has always been my home. even though i know that there are bigger things out there... i know that in littler nowheresville michigan.. theres a small town that holds all my memories and the foundation for the rest of my life! i dont think you're SUPPOSED to want to stay in your hometown for the rest of your life! and lets face it... Cedar Springs is all over the united states. there are towns just like ours in every single 20 mile radius of every state... just a few different variations.. and some BIG cities like new york. dont be naive and think that this is the only small "hick" town around! this is our starting place.... not ending! be thankful for that! whether you want to admit it or not... this town has helped make us who we are. if we lived in LA we'd all have much different ambitions.
im just so content with my life right now.... and its so wonderful to feel this good!
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anachronism
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2006 1 January :: 10.54am
This is the new year and I don't feel any different.
New Years was awesome for me. Nothing exciting happened. I didn't watch the ball drop, I didn't get a new years kiss, I didn't even know it was the new year until two minutes later. But, that simplicity and it being treated like any normal day made it so special to me.
Lisa picked me up, we went to Skelletones (Aw, man.. I love that place), we met Devin there, watched a few bands, left, went to some lame party, left, drove around aimlessly then went to James's house to hang out and just watch movies for the night. We played 'Go Fish' too! I didn't know/remember how to play, so Devin taught me. Haha.
Devin is just...amazing. I've never instantly been so comfortable around someone. Nothing is awkward. It's like I have been this kids best friend for years. We talk all the time about everything. Serious things, past relationships, or about stupid shit that doesn't even matter. He makes me laugh so hard and I do the same for him. I love how he is so real and raw. He just says exactly what he's thinking, he's kind've... sassy in a way. And that's a bad word to describe a guy, but you get the point. He just won't sit back and not say what he thinks. I like how open he is. He'll just spill his heart out about the low times in his life and you can tell he doesn't feel embarrased about them. And it's not in this whiny way. It's in this real, 'This happened, I felt like this. So what? Take it or leave it' kinda way. And I love that. I need someone to just say something and not care if it sounds wrong. I have yet to sleep. We stayed up all night into the day just talking. It was never weird, we always had something to say or something to laugh about. It honeslty, like..hurt both of us to have to go home today.
The only thing that scares me is he is seriously such a nice guy. I feel like I can end up hurting someone like him. He won't talk bad about people unless he's joking. He actually sticks up for people and will tell the people talking shit that it's not cool. He honestly gets pissed off when people talk bad about others. I think that's awesome and it's nice to be around someone like that, maybe he can help me quit that habit.
He's also very well rounded. He's never stolen and doesn't ever want to. He doesn't smoke, because he thinks it's a disgusting habit, he has only gotten drunk four times in his life and doesn't plan on drinking ever again (He had to go to the hospital the last time he got drunk from alcohol poisoning. He almost died and that scared him, so he doesn't want to drink like that again.), he's smoked pot and is also done with that, because he wants to get a good job and just doesn't care about it. He was just talking about how he went through the stages he needed to and he doesn't have the urge to do those things anymore. And I could see that he was telling the truth, not just telling me things I wanted to hear. He's also very intelligent, you can tell by his vocabulary and the classes he is taking.
The best part of everything about him is...he's a virgin. Can you believe that?! Honestly, I can't believe it. I like that he is basically on the same level as I am in that area. You don't just find guys who haven't had sex around anymore. And it makes no sense. For the way he looks and acts girls should honeslty be throwing themselves at him. Seriously. He's extremely easy on the eyes.
I am a lot more mature than he is, but he's a year younger and a Junior so it makes sense. A year really changes a person. One year can make a person grow up in athousand ways. He's not perfect, which makes everything even better. He can drive me up the wall within seconds, but then just make me laugh it off a minute later.
I couldn't have asked for a better way to start off the year.
I don't know about all of this. Right now we're just friends. Close friends who are really comfortable with eachother and will spend any day they have to hang out to do nothing, yet enjoy every second of it. He even told me how he missed his ex girl friend and he wanted to be with her again. But, then he hinted a lot to me by asking questions about how picky I am with guys, if age matters, what annoys me about him, if I think he's cool, etc. etc. He asked a lot of questions that tip toed around us eventually dating or finding out if I liked him. We could end up dating (eventually), but I don't want to be serious with anyone until I get out of Highschool and expeirence a little more of my life. I don't even want to date him right now, I just want to be really good friends with him and enjoy his wonderful company.
It was so darn cute...he got up on stage and skanked at Skelletones. He looked sooo cute, seriously. He can actually skank right, so that was cool to see. I love how he always just lets go and has a good time.
Then he ate the last red and blue sour gummy worm! I told him not to eat any of those ones, because those were the only ones I liked and he ate them anyway! Then he laughed at me.
So, I killed him.
6 Say what??<3 |
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bigwilly
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2006 1 January :: 1.49am
If I gave you 500 dollars to buy anything off ebay what would you buy?
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anachronism
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2005 31 December :: 3.28pm
:: Music: Rilo Kiley
I can't wait for tonight.
I'm starting to get bored and when I get bored I get sad. When I get sad I kill people. When I kill people I go to jail. When I go to jail I sneak out. When I sneak out out I hide. When I hide I go crazy. After I go crazy I watch TV. When I watch TV I get tired. When I get tired I get bored. When I get bored I get sad. When I get sad I kill people.. and well, you see? The process just starts itself all over again.
So, let's go out tonight and hope I don't get bored.
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swimfan14
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2005 31 December :: 1.52pm
:: Mood: tired
I count the days that we have spent apart. I've got a bad liver and a broken heart. There's no salvation in the comfort of you. I finally realized your tearing me apart.
I think what hurts me the most is the fact that you don't hurt at all.
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anachronism
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2005 30 December :: 9.36pm
Everybody looks like ants!
Ron and I watching Family Guy:
Icicle shards says:
haha
Relentless says:
hahaha
Icicle shards says:
hahahahah
Relentless says:
lol!
[Repeat that about ten times]
Man, I love that show. And boy, do I love sour worms. I ate all of them, Ron. Now I feel sick, but it was worth it.
6 Say what??<3 |
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