DarkSwordDancer
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2005 2 May :: 8.29pm
:: Music: ...
hmmm
So i went home today cause i was feeling like total crap....kinda like now....but it was worth it.....
Im gonna tell Ryan about my crush on him soon...but i still am slightly tenative about the whole thing...idunno it'll maker things akward and the like...eh...maybe i wont tell him.....
This weekend myu boobs became the community boobs...i was groaped so many times it wasnt even funny....eh....BUBBLE!!!!....so yeah....
Other then anything to do with guys im pretty good.....AMANDA LEAVES WEDNESDAY!!!!!....YES! the hoar will be gone...forever!!!!!Mwahahahhha....yea...little bit of happiness....one less person who truly pisses me off....
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DarkSwordDancer
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2005 30 April :: 9.22pm
yeah...
Ok…so today I felt like the hunchback of Notre Dom….yeah….eh…..So the Ryan thing…I kinda want it to go away…whats the point of having a crush on a guy who is graduating…..eh….have you ever smelt guy Curve?…oh…..my….god….that stuff smells amazing….and he was like saturated in it on Friday…I almost died….yeah i know typical teen talk…eh….
I noticed I morphed….ive become a Roxica….crap…its now bugging me….i make noises like Roxy and whine like Jessika…lol
My comp is having trouble keeping up with me today…? Why ? I do not know….
So im probably going to take some affirmative action with the Ryan thing and tell him….like the last day of school….then I’ll run away down the hall cause im stupid like that…eh…
So not much is new cept that….um…im not to terribly depressed anymore….i want to go shopping sometime soon….like at old navy or downtown or something so…
I’ve noticed I start a lot of journal entries with “Ok…”.eh
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DarkSwordDancer
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2005 23 April :: 9.45pm
Ok…so for those of you who believe Michelle to be the dumbest person on the earth…your day has come…because she has just done the stupidest thing EVER…..so yeah..I was at MAI…at the mixer….and I put my purse and stuff I bought while going around town in Missoula on a table…..*smack*….I went back to go pick it up later….and someone had stolen my wallet….which had my ID and bison blue card and gift cards and all that great stuff and like 5$ in it…..and my stuff I had bought…..like a tea strainer and a cd and stuff…..ARG!!!!!!!…shoot me now so I don’t bring anymore stupidity to the human race…gah……so yeah…they didn’t take any makeup or body spray….so I immediately walk outta the gym…and don’t even make it down the hall until I start crying because Im thinking of how my parents are going to turn me inside out for loosing my base ID….then all this stuff happens and we look in like the bathrooms and stuff and the janitor finds my wallet in the back of the up stairs boys bathroom……..the only things left in it are my school and base ID’s then some other stuff…but they took all the stuff that had like no money on it ( gift cards…yeah…I kinda collect them…)and some sentimental stuff….it was a relief to get my ID’s back…but I was still…really pissy and I felt totally violated….and stupid….i still wanna cry because im so ashamed and embarrassed of my incompetence……eh
So past that it was an ok trip…well not really but I can BS to myself all I want. I got to know some people better…like Rochelle….we got along amazingly well ..it was nice……but the I realized how two faced Christine is…and that made me sad….she was like a friggin chameleon the entire trip…and she was doing it for the wrong reasons…and all she did was whine about Colton and the like…she made me mad cause she kept saying me MADE you do his homework or he MADE her stay up till 4 am…..i told her everyone has a choice no matter what….so I was kinda pissed about her attitude…..so yeah….by the end of the trip I was like back off I don’t wanna talk to you anymore…..
Eh…im in the crappiest mood today…it sucks…but it’s a back lash….my eyes still hurt…..then people were screaming all the way back….eh……I swear I had a hangover this morning…from what I dunno…but my head hurt…..and I drank a lot of water and took advil and it would go away…so I was kinda bitch today….oh well….they’ll survive…
+ side…..met some awesome people!!!!
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DarkSwordDancer
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2005 18 April :: 6.25pm
:: Music: Garbage CD Bleed Like Me
well...
So today was um....interesting...pretty good to say the least......only weird thing was my large dislike for my crush on Ryan....i dunno it was weird....i kinda dont want to like him anymore...i think thats what is depressing me slightly.....the whole i want but wont ever be able to have...
I like the New Garbage CD!!!!!...yeah...be quiet....I think my favorite songs are Metal Heart and Sex Is Not The Enemy...i dunno why...eh
So its raining right now...and that makes me happy...:) i like rain...but my hair curls in this weather...lol...like wavy curl/lazy spiral curl....i hope it rains tomarrow so i can go to school with my hair like this...; )
I leave for missoula on friday! Happyness...
Are you guys going to apply for Leadership High School?..you should....if you have time.....
My hands were bleeding thisweekend from sewing and gardening and playing my cello...lol
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DarkSwordDancer
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2005 16 April :: 8.28pm
OK so my comp is being a brat…..im doing this update on word then transferring it to my journal……
So the past couple of days …little things seem to bug everyone…including yours truly….im kinda having trouble handling large group get-togethers…like each time we do a really big one I tend to get close to crying a couple of times….i dunno…I think its an attention thing….and it annoys me that I do that…….
Today was left in charge cause my parents went to Helena for the day….yeah…im tired. So my bro goes out to play and I tell him to be back at 2 pm on the dot….at about 2:20 I got out and look for him…..hes still at the college playing…he then blames his friends for still being there (?) Yet he had a watch and knew what time he had to be home….right…well….so I tell him he cant go anywhere until he gets a better attitude ….he then throws a fit……so I leave for a 15min bike ride so as not to strangle him….and while im gone my mom calls……the only time I leave the entire time….my mom calls……* slaps the world in the face* She talks to Michael who is totally spiteful then….he tells her it was his friends faults he was late and that I went to the mall….? Huh? * Strangle little brother *…..yeah….so to blow off more steam I got out and work in the garden….i had to weed it..it was nice…the smell of earth is calming…that and ripping things outta the ground is hard work…but now we have a clear plot for out garden this summer!!!!….i think im allergic to grass… * itch itch *
So Thursday….eh…..Colton…..touches way to much….soooo far outta my comfort zone…..eh……and jess strending was kinda pissing me off….so was shayla…shes become out rightly mean…..other then that not many problems….but I thinn k I will veer from large group get-togethers…like 6 or 7 …and depending on who is there….eh….i felt like I was gonna explode Thursday …..sorry all…im not a tell everyone my problems kinda person……welll other then my journal…but that’s cause it is a journal….kinda its use…..
I got the new Garbage CD Friday! I love it….they sound way different for most of the songs….its refreshing …….
I want to go camping up at holter this summer…it’ll be fun….
I have a really bad headache today…it wont go away
Jessika: Squak…..* loud fizzing sounds *
Michelle: What was that?
Jessika: I opened a CREAM soda.
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darksworddancer
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2005 12 April :: 6.54pm
:: Music: Going crazy
Real words
Ah...the safety of woohu....im sad
and i hate it.....
im tired of all of this
im tired of being second best
im tired of always walking on fucking egg shells.......grrrr
I dont want to go to helena this weekend ...i just wanna stay home and have a few friends over...to chill and watch movies...and i dont want to have to go and hang with my little bro and some 14 year old my mom promised me to! MY GOD!!!!! I told hey 2 weeks ago i didnt want to go to helena...i told her i had stuff to do...but no....she couldnt take it...she couldnt understand a simple request to stay home .....then she got mad at me for not wanting to go....its so frustrating...then....THEN she told some of her peers ...sure michelle with let your daughter hang with her for two days...NO NO NO...im so tired of her always volunteering me for random crap...oh and to top it off today...i lost my mowing job.......so now i barly get 15 $ every two weeks...so im getting a real job...
Why cant she just stop.....just stop doing anything to me or putting me into weird situations because its fricken convienient for her....im not in the mood this week to play big sister to a random person i dont even know...i dont even want to go on a fricken over night family trip...im buisy with school work and my new science project and not killing everyone....eh......and i only get this way now around them...at school im fine...but when it comes to being with my brother who is being a major brat (along woith jessikas broand sis and roxys sis) my mom being a crack head and my dad being depressed i tend to get a weeeee bit STRESSED!........*sigh*
Ryan, Justin, Steven, Jackie,and Adolph are graduating this year.....shh but im not going to be terribly sadf...maybe over justin leaving...hes been my friend forever...but other then that...not really sad......
BOOM
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JustADreamer
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2005 9 April :: 10.26pm
find your element
at mutedfaith.com.
Yay for the quizzes that are -mostly- true.
Well, I can't say this past week or so hasn't been eventful. Whew.
I cannot WAIT for summer! So much planned, so much to look forward to..
TAKS (Texas Assessment of Knowledge and Skills) is supposed to be happening the week of the 18th, I think.. or the week after that. How.. exciting? Nah, not really. I don't think I'll do too well on the math one (they'd better blitz us [review]). Dunno about Science.. wonder if we'll have a history test.. -shrug.-
Well.. I thought I should update somehow.
<3 The-N.
-Ash
11 worthless words |
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darksworddancer
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2005 28 March :: 7.28pm
:: Music: the x
shhheeeeewa
Yeah..so i had an extreamly michelle moment today...here is the story.........
Walking in Home Depo with dad and see ryan...wave walk over...dad talks to sales pertson...walk off with ryan...talk....turn corner into an thingy and trip on display thingy.....faceplant....in front...of .....crush.....eh....AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!...he says (through a laughing mouth) "Oh that was cute, you squeaked"....me..." That wasnt cute....wait...what?!" end convo...stand up and dad asks what happened....
I have a large red mark on my forehead....eh....DAMN...
Bright side of all...we finished the board...YAY!!!
Yeah...im off my boy hiatis.......here summer comes!!!!!!yaya!
heee...im hyper today...mwaha!
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DarkSwordDancer
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2005 16 March :: 8.09pm
:: Music: Eisly-Marvelous Things
ITS my sweet 16!!!
"Marvelous Things"
I awoke the dawn
Saw horses growing out the lawn
Ah ah .....
I glimpsed a bat with butterfly wings
Oh what marvelous things
Ah ah....
Dark night...hold tight, and sleep tight
My baby
Morning light...shall burst bright
And keep us here safely
I followed a rabbit
Through rows of mermaid entwined Shrubbery
Ah ah....
Oh what marvelous things but, they are, they are, they are
Giving me the creeps
Dark night...hold tight, and sleep tight
My baby
Morning light...shall burst bright
And keep us here safely
Oh...lying in the sun
Everday feeling all of the magic in life
You might find the wonder.....
Dark night...hold tight, and sleep tight
My baby
Morning light...shall burst bright
And keep us here safely
Morning light...shall burst bright
And keep us here safely
Ah ah.....
Happy B-day to me!!!!!!...ok im done.....
So i really like this song....yeah its nice....
FOR JESSIKA:
album: "Room Noises" (2005)
Thats the album name....
I want the cd.....ok now i hgave to call everyone and ask what kind of pizza they want...
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darksworddancer
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2005 12 March :: 8.28pm
:: Music: radio.....
GRRRRRRRRRRR....
Im grounded from the phone....just stab me .....the week of my birthday...when plans are still happening....and i need to get a hold of everyone....they ground me off the phone......
So yeah...im really pissed but not showing it .....so i dont get incarserated over my birthday...eh...i really want to cry because im at home alone...like w/o friends...and everyones at jessikas!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!....eh....lonliness....shhhh....im ok i promise......*twitch*......i cant take it....im social creature.....A SOCIAL CREATURE YOU HEAR ME!!!?!?!?....eh
My sister called and said i didnt need to babysit.....my only event of the night......taken from me......
I've taken a liking to sitting in my bowl and listening to music....its calming...bnut my parents always disturbe set calm....
*sigh*......i need to be alone...out of my house.....on the shores of ireland or the moors of ireland...anywhere....ireland just soundsreally good right now...
I turn 16 in 4 days and im no longer excited......i was till today...but the thought of the family fights getting more numerous and worse makes me want to die.......right now.....i am tired of my parents yelling at eachother all the time.....they put on such a facade when people are around and then turn to snakes as soon as they leave.... dont get me wrong...i love my parents very much....but when one of the say something to point h\out more flaws every time i leave in the morning....it just sucks....it ruins my day....and then im really self concious all day long....and very irritable....and then i start crying for no reason...randomly...like not actually crying but i get frustration headaches all day...
Ive noticed alot of things latley......like....im starting to nnoy myself....its weird...when im introduced into a group of people ive never met ill take on their habits and stances...untill we part...then i go back to who i am..and it bugs me...i dont like mimicing people....it bugs me.....
i found a dress i want to make...in a way it goes with the theme of prom....mid-evil....it should be fun...but i might not go...i want a date this year...but im cool with not having one...
i think i would die without "..." yeah...addiction... i dont even notice how often i use them..well i didnt until now...eh..
So the school astronomy club is donating 100$ to Kimmerlee and I and the city one is also donating money...im happy and flattered....its cool that they have recognized us for out work....
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darksworddancer
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2005 7 March :: 6.47pm
So not much is new....im tired today...and really bitch...thankyou mr. fisher.....
I went to bio this moring to find another award sitting on my desk....it helped my day greatly...
Prom is creeping up and im excited...yet not.....hmmmm..i still need to fix my dress....roxanne!!!!!
My dad gave me a motercycle!!!!!!!!!!!!! and im getting my permit on my b-day!!!heee.....im excited.....so yeah.....thats my life....ahhh
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DarkSwordDancer
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2005 2 March :: 9.18pm
:: Music: ahahhah
ha!
So yeah...i havent updated in a while.....
Regional science fair:
This happened yeaterday, March 1st Tuesday, I took 3rd in the entire fair and got severak other awards. Im invited to compete in State, it'll be in Missoula and im excited. Since i got 3rd im alternate if one of the two girls ahead of my become incapacitated or die ........to go to internationals! So yeah...im cool with it....i was only 3 points away from taking 2nd...im ok with that so.....yeah....Now im on break away from all that....
On March 18th....Thats when im having my b-day party...its very restricted due to lack of room...so ...shhhhhhhh.....it'll be from 7 pm to 12 midnight....then basically anyone who wants to can stay the night...it'll be fun...and we'll do pizza...and ofcourse there will be DANCING.....and prolly SAW or The Grudge.....i nono.....so yeah...ill be calling everyone thisweek to tell them...you see im afraid of people being mad at me for not inviting them to my b-day...and im gonna feel bad...ehhh!!!!!!!
Yeah..so today...ryan said i wasnt allowed to have a boyfriend....i was like wha..? So yeah......im confused....MY SISTER MOVED INTO THE NEW APPARTMENTS BY MY HOUSE....AND ITS FULL OF HOT JETTER MEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and im done with that....
Ashleys baby is getting soooooo big...he's a sweetie......she might bring him over for a little bit....i dunno....so it should be interesting.....
Saturday we are going to go see Taming of the Shrew...i think...hmmm....i dunno....*call jessika*
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DarkSwordDancer
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2005 20 February :: 9.43pm
:: Music: An array of songs stolen from jessika
IM BACK
Ok so im back from Seattle.....it was great...but now im sick...eh...yeah....tis annoying. I have regional science fair on the 1st of march...then state....arg.....im excited but tired of being soo buisy...
So this prom dress i have...yeah...its horribly small on me....i need to loose weight for it and add some things but it should be good for prom..im excited.
Im sad....i missed morp....AGAIN....im going to it next year, come hell or high water...im going to go!!!!
So right now im downlaoding the new virsion of msn...and its taking forever...eh....
I have the strange urge to watch Thumbalena!I will...tonight...later...i hope..
Dear Diary M2M
Dear Diary,
Something good happened today
He finally called me by my name
I didn't know how to behave
What to say or do
I was so confused
Dear Diary,
I wanna talk to him again
But whenever he is with his friends
He keeps trying to pretend
But I already see
The way he feels for me
CHORUS
What can I do?
Tell me what can I say
When do I let him know I feel the same way?
How can my feelings be so hard to show when
I really want him to know
Dear Diary,
He wrote some letters on his hand
It wasn't hard to understand
I figured I'm part of his plans
But now I'm in his heart
I don't know where to start
CHORUS
You're my secret hiding place
Where my private thoughts are safe
And just one look and he will see
What's inside of me
Welll....thats a group long forgotten by many...
Im excited for my b-day this year....it'll prolly be on the 12 or 13.....i dunno what we are gonna do.....prolly what we usually do....but we'll do more games...and it'll prolly be longer then usualy....lol....i want to have it from like 7- 12.....or 11....so we can do everything we want to... NO i am not inviting as many people as i did last year....that was the worst....eh...this years max is like 8 people...maybe 9....but no more....
I turn 16 in ....24 daYS!!!!!Sorry...its my sweet 16 and golden b-day! I know im stupid...leave me alone!!!!!
So yeah..i like ryan...alot...eh...one of the few guys ive actually been giddy over...like....its bad...*swoon*...ok...im better.....
*swoon*...too bad he'll never notice me like that.....ok really im done...
*swoon*....you didnt see that....
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justadreamer
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2005 5 February :: 10.48pm
:: Music: "Andy, You're A Star" - The Killers
Meheh.
Most of my journal entries are Friends Only nowadays.
Goodness. My first Valentine's day (with a boyfriend) is coming up. Should I be nervous? I don't really wanna think about it.. But.. We're out of school that day. It's a Staff Development day.. meh..
I don't know why I'm listening to this song. Funny. I haven't listened to The Killers much lately. I'm getting back into Coldplay, and back into Alanis Morissette, and back into all of my old music. [Yay, italics.]
I'm really no good at Art. I'm trying, though. Paints are fun. I tried sketching earlier. I was worse then than I normally am. I guess the Art room inspires me and somehow makes me a better.. "artist".
I'm really not a visual artist. Photography I'm okay at. That's about it in the way of visual art. I'm more of a words person. Poet, that kind of thing. Mhm. Still at deviantArt. Actually, I just submitted a poem earlier. I couldn't figure out how I could make the ending better so I just left it how it was.
Last night I was just sitting here, reading my D/G-ness and watching TV.. and shredding paper.. Yes, shredding paper. I had over 10 little stacks of paper going. Found out they made good confetti. Bear (my outside dog) took the piece of paper I had some shredded paper in and decided it was a toy and was running around with a little white piece of paper in his mouth. Then he devoured it. Figured out afterwards that Mom did not like little, white pieces of paper all over her porch. -I- thought it looked like snow and was fine; it's only paper. She handed me a broom and made me sweep it off. What the heck? Who's going to be looking at our porch anyway? No one of any importance ever comes over, and the people that DO come over won't care! It's just paper!
Mom's been really moody lately, but then again, so have I. Maybe it's something in the water.
I think that's a long enough entry, eh? OH. I have a conversation excerpt for you. I was talking to my cousin/friend Tawney the other night..
Tawney: So, what color's your rum?
Me: .. What-what color's my MUM?
Tawney: No! What color's your RUM!
Me: My.. my room?
Tawney: Yes, your rum!
Me: .. God, you've got terrible accent.
Tawney: Shut up.
Later:
Pappy (her fiance) in the background: ... Texican.
Me: DID HE JUST CALL ME A MEXICAN?!
Tawney: No, he called you a Texican.. well.. pretty much.
Me: I am NOT a Mexican! I am French!
And even later:
Pappy: So you don't like Mainers?
Me: ... eh?
Pappy laughs.
.. He laughed at me. I didn't know what his problem was until I realized that I said "eh". Oh, come ON! Mexicans aren't the ONLY ones who say "eh"! Canadians do, too!
meh.. ;-; I'm gonna go now.
And here's the poem I was talking about for you.
Read more..
Bye-bye!
-Ash
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DarkSwordDancer
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2005 3 February :: 6.25pm
:: Music: Hey Baby-No Doubt
Hmmm..
So we are preparing for the science fair...yeah...no where near prepared....grrrr.....
Stress.....moms comming home tomarrow....yay...i think....bah.
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darksworddancer
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2005 30 January :: 7.04pm
:: Music: Radio
Neh...
So yeah...its been a while...bah....
So the guy i like ...Ryan...omg he's tall...i never noticed how talll.....like im head is to his chest......its so funny.....omg...hes so cute...yes im pathetic...shhh...
So the science fair is in 2 weeks and im not even anywere near ready...yeah it sucks.........so...
I survived semester tests...and amazingly enough im enjoying life....ive lost some weight so i have some confidence and its nice...
Next week is:
AA Orchestra Festival-CMR
Science Fair
Week after:
TOUR!!!!!!!!!!
YAY
sorrry iim really excited for tour...Seattle....the ocean, no parents,Sushi....and....shopping!!!!! :D...im a dork...lol
So...question...Who likes to RollerSkate?
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blacktears844
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2005 27 January :: 11.42pm
Wow. I'm really fucking sick.
And it really sucks.
I like my Photostudio.
4 worthless words |
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justadreamer
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2005 24 January :: 11.26am
I shouldn't be out of bed.
Fever, off and on since night before last I think. Coughing, sneezing. My back and neck and whatnot are killing me. My mom tried to hug me and I nearly started crying. She said I was having muscle spasms.. And before that I -was- crying. For some reason I just kept crying off and on for hours yesterday. I'm on my third roll of toilet paper (we ran out of kleenex) and I should be going back to bed soon. My mom says it's freezing in this house but I'm burning up. Don't know why I have to stay bundled up when I'm this hot. Blah.
Yesterday.. I think I had one can of sprite and a bottle of water.. Two or three Alka Seltzer things.. I took some Robitussen but it made me start shaking and my hands were all tingly so Mom said I'm not taking anymore of it. The only thing I had to eat yesterday was chicken noodle soup.. I had Cream of Potato earlier.. Mom said at least I'm keeping the soup down.
I don't want to drink anything or eat anything. I feel like I'm going to throw up whenever I do.
Hopefully I'm better by tonight. I don't want to go to the doctors, and I can't miss anymore school. I didn't want to miss today.
I'm sick of being sick.
And now I'm going back to bed.
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DarkSwordDancer
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2005 16 January :: 6.08pm
So...
Ok so since Friday ive been on rest, orders of the Doc. He has me on 5 different meds, seriously......i hate being sick....my temp was 103....he said i had this bacterial infection in my sinuses...I have this horrible cough, my nose is dead now.....eh...but i am going to school...i feel alot better...and i can stand to be stuck in my house for another day...eh...
So i have a powerpoint on monday....that ive had 2 days to work on...i havnt even added transitions...crap....
I also missed a Unit test in english and a Chapter test in math...so i have to make those up...not to mention get my art wrkst for semester test study for every class....anmd cram in about 3 hrs of practice for Youth symphony and chamber.....MRS JOHNSON is being a total bitch....
So yeah...slightly stressed...*twitch*
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silversoldier
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2005 14 January :: 4.17pm
:: Mood: complacent
:: Music: An Original Suite
Taming of the Shrew casting results came today. I'm Vincentio... Not a huge role, but that's ok. 1: Vincentio is a father, which means I'm not being cast by type for every play. 2: I'm in two plays right now, and two smaller roles equals one big one for me. 3: I've already been a lead this year, and I'm a sophomore. My stage presence is actually better than I would have expected (though I'm sad that I don't get to do techie work much... oh, wait, everyone is a techie/actor for Madwoman).
Even greater news came when I read the casting sheet: Trevor is on prop crew. That means Trevor still exists! (That really makes me sound like I'm crazy!) EEEEE!!! I'm so glad he's alive and well and being and so forth. Life can be a prosperous occupation after all.
8 worthless words |
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justadreamer
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2005 13 January :: 4.14pm
Here's a bit of advice, honey.
Don't mess with the sick girl; she bites.
And ooh, what a dramatic exit!
--
Is it time for more medicine yet?
4 worthless words |
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justadreamer
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2005 13 January :: 12.12pm
Why was one of my 'friends only' entries public? --
Meh. I'm sick. Again. Just felt like updating to let anyone who reads this that I'm alive (not dead).
Eh. Might as well be public.
-Ash
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DarkSwordDancer
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2005 12 January :: 7.08pm
:: Music: My December
PROM
My December
by Unknown
This is my December.
This is my time of the year.
This is my December.
This is all so clear.
This is my December.
This is my snow covered home.
This is my December.
This is me alone.
And I...
Just wish that I didn't feel.
Like there was something I missed.
And I...
Take back all the things I said.
To make you feel like that.
And I...
Just wish that I didn't feel.
Like there was something I missed.
And I...
Take back all the things that I said to you.
And I'd give it all away.
Just to have somewhere to go to.
Give it all away.
To have someone to come home to.
This is my December.
These are my snow covered dreams.
This is me pretending.
This is all I need.
And I...
Just wish that I didn't feel.
Like there was something I missed.
And I...
Take back all the things I said.
To make you feel like that.
And I...
Just wish that I didn't feel.
Like there was something I missed.
And I...
Take back all the things that I said to you.
And I'd give it all away.
Just to have somewhere to go too.
Give it all away
To have someone to come home to.
This is my December.
This is my time of the year.
This is my December.
This is all so clear.
And I'd give it all away...
Just to have somewhere to go to.
Give it all away....
To have someone to come home to.
Yeah...sorry i like that song alot...
So prom...im already starting to find a dress and right now its a struggle between aoff the shoulder dress and a corset dress with flowyness beneath.
Yeah...im doing my own hair this year....and im gonna dye my hair a nice deep red, not dark, and kinda leaning back to my roots.
Now all thats left is a date, and i would melt if Derek asked me....*sigh* or i can go with friends...again...which isnt bad...
Morp is before prom correct? Well i think a group of us should go to morp cause i like to dance....and havent done so in a while...with people anyways...yes...lets go cause i say so! Kidding. :P
I dunno...my crush got dumped by his girlfriend..and i feel badcause i was happy...and now im not....grrr.....oh well nothing i can do about it....
Yeah i stayed home today cause ive got this god awful cough and keep snezing and i got tired of my sneezing then everyone laughing....and tired of hacking up a lung every 2 minutes...yet im still sick...and need to talk to mrs. waterfield... Im going to try and be in AP Democ. next year which means i have to take U.S history over the summer....o goody....but i dont maind....im hopping to take 8 classes again...im an over acheiver what can i say?
So latley my lifes goal is wavering..Aerospace engineering seems to become more and more unreachable every time i think about it.....then i start wondering if i want to go into Psycology or Counseling...cause ive got a head start...but then it seems to easy...grrr.i hate doubt....then i smacked back into checklist mode...and everytime im walking /sitting/reading/talking ...basically while im breathing...i will go over and evaluate myself....and then i feel like crap...
Yeah...so the fist 2 weeks of febuary im going to be trying my hardest to keep up with my classes......grrr....we have AA fist week then 4 days of concerts /travel...eh......it'll be fun...but yeah...its gonna be interesting...
So if anyone cares to say....do you think i would look best in which dress?
A: Off the shoulder
B: Corset top with flowy bottom
C: Halter dress full length
And what color?
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silversoldier
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2005 11 January :: 1.53pm
:: Mood: indifferent
:: Music: "Bury Me with It" - Modest Mouse
yes, I really do exist
Seeing that I haven't updated in... well, I don't know because the school computers won't let me check my journal, I figured it would be good to say something... anything.
The Fantasticks went well (though the audience was extremely small). Winter break also went well. I got to see my sister (even went sledding), and I had an escape from reality for a few fleeting moments.
But now, the return to school has come, and I am again entering the bleak truth of the farce we all live. I'm craving a revelation, something to make me believe there's a salvation. Sometimes it is a wonder that we do continue this life. I still don't have the gut to take it. That would be stupid and pointless. As long as I live, I'm doing something, influencing someone (though that's not necessarily a positive thought)... In short, to exist is to have power.
I keep telling myself that I've become invisible. But somehow, I only believe it behind closed doors. There is no truth in it when the world begins to consume me. I fear my soul is fleeting, keeping away from my potential.
And still, this thing called love tortures me. It isn't enough to live without, and my life is well empty without it. And so things continue to pass me in this world.
I stay perched on the pedestal created for me. I fear the lashing tounges that will strike the minute I falter. I am the monkey in this circus now.
For Madwoman of Challot, I got the part of Pierre. He tries to commit suicide because he was sent to blow up an architect's office. The play is strange to begin with, and the character certainly parallels that.
I tried out for Taming of the Shrew yesterday, and I have a feeling that I may well get cast (not that the 30 males necessary was any indication). Honestly, we don't have many people who can speak Elizabethan with relative ease. Such is the life.
I think I'm going to retch.
help me
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DarkSwordDancer
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2005 9 January :: 5.24pm
So....im pissed off at Mrs.Johnson for changing the fucking schedual for orchestra rehersals outside of school......goddamn her! So now its on sunday ,instead of saturday, from 2-330.....well lets see...hmmm....i have plans bitch....ARG this pisses me off to no end....you see i have church from 9-1......but im also babysitting from 7-3ish...so now she moves the rehersal from a saturday from 10-12 to 2-330......so now i have to drop babysitting which means no money for me but im not going to drop for odd reasons.......*kills mrs.johnson* Im so mad right now.......you know that last straw...well...its been obliterated......fuck........damn stupid ass people
So the other night...friday night..i had this dream....:
Jessika ,Justin Gwen ,Nick and I went to this basketball game that looked like it was being played in the coleseum. Justins house was at the top of the coluseum and it was weird...tehn when the game ended a concert started up...Godsmack....and we all were headbangging and the like...Then we all left......So we are out in the parkinglot Gwen and Justin go somewhere and Nick and jessika go somewhere and im just wandering around the parkingtlot for a little bit....Gwen and Justin come back and shes hanging all over him half drunk....and then jessika and nick come back...both unbelievably pissed off at me...? Then jessika was like"we were thinking about you...."
So some stuff that i dont remeber goes on and then I realize i forgot my walet in the concert and Nick says he has to go up to Justins place to grab something. Well, we walk back to the entrence area of the coluseum...and its completly coated in spiderwebs and there is this button....So the entrance way is like a wall with a sidewalk then some railing, then it turns right accross the stadium wall...Nick walks through the spiderwebs all graceful like and i just run through them, when im halfway through hje presses this red button in the spiderwebs recead (oh and nicks all pissed off cause he has to give me a ride home and since i lost my walet i cant give him gas money thus..) and then he looks at me like "stupid bitch" then says "Oh, and if you get bitten 3 times by those spiders you die." I had 2 bites....it was creepy...So then we get back into the stadium...but now i guess the gates of hell were opening..so we walked in and were standing on a platform much like the entrence but no spiderwebs...and people are decaying and dying around us....and the staudim floor is gone now there is only a greenish glow from a massive pit ,and the walls are now like steep clifs and there are these ythings comming outta the pit trying to catch you...then jessika appears outta nowhere and dies?suddenly..so nick and i are walking down this pathway and climbing rocks when needed to ...all the while nick calling me a stupid girl and yelling at me for loosing my walet...so we finally give up and are at justins house...which is at the top of the stadium....and jessika appears in faerie form and is talking to me...and poking me...then all of a sudden nick eats her...she was the size of tinkerbell mind you...and he ate her off my sholder! then he said "Goddamned pixies..." then we were back in the parkinglot.....justin and gwen are in the back doing godknowswhat and im sitting in the front....we stop at dairy queen and nick says its my treat...as implying i w\am to pay for it and i tell him i lost my walet remeber and he flips out.....then i woke up.....WTH??? I was soo lost in the entire dream...gah
So yeah...im tired...oh i helped jessika reformat her comp yesterday...then my dad was an ass some more...now its today..wooo...bye
help me
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