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No one could see me. I fell into yesterday.

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blacktears844

:: 2004 14 September :: 8.01pm

Sarah so has a date for homecoming. Oh yes she does.
Well apparently, others knew about it before I did. Christina told me Corey told Jenny that he was going to ask me. Since he's my boyfriend now and all.

I overanalyze things too much. And my sunburn is convienently placed on my shoulder so my bra straps make it hurt really bad. =)

1 worthless word | help me


DarkSwordDancer

:: 2004 12 September :: 7.23pm
:: Music: A song from labrynth

*shake angry fist*
So yeah..i havent updated in a while so here it goes....

Saturday:

Got up and called a few peeps...mis- communication still insued...as always. Then i went to HighWood and mowed the lawn...then came home for like 2 min's,time eough to do hair,makeup and put on my black boots. Then my dad drove me to West Kawanis. I met up with Nick,Jessika,Gwen,Kayleen and Ashley. My greeting ... WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN YOUR LATE!..Yeah like i told everyone. I WAS GOING TO BE LATE SORRY I CANNOT CONTROL THE WORLD. So then we walked to DQ which was closed, then to Fords...it was a good fatty lunch. After we walked down an ally and everyone freaked out....omg i wanted to hit some of them...ARG .....then we went to the Pawn shop...it was kinna boring...and after we went back to the park...I dunno the entire time someone was yelling at me, glaring or someone was upset or tired. I was kinna bummed out because yeah...i get together with friends to have a good time....it was just kindablah. But we dropped nicko at the park cause he had to work in a few mins then we wallked all the way to the holiday gas station(by sams) and back. Then we hung out on the grass at the part and watch the game/ talked and freaked and talked and were girls. It was ok...but i think it was in a way one of the worst get togethers..and i planned it...bah....

So at the end no one could give jessika a ride home so i did. And my dad freaked out at me cause i asked to be picked up at 4...but i called at 3:15.....and told them we would be at the park...so yeah...and my dad just made sure i understood how useless i am...

We got home and we all talked...i almost got myself grounded because i called my dad an asshole...i was just so frustrated and the like...and was tired of people yelling and being bitchy to me...

Roxan came over and we went to the game, but she left to go find rabb..then came back the 3rd quarter. But during the entire time i was flirting endlessly at the game..it was bad.



Walked home with niki, go here and went to sleep.

Sunday: Babysat, then walked down to James house with niki then back up to the mall adnw walked around, then walked to her house and then home and here i am..slightly upset about my dad...my mom is gone and my dad has become attila the hun...and now he thinks "fine" is a sarcastic answer...im going to cry sometime due to fatigue and emotional attacks from michael and my dad.

help me


DarkSwordDancer

:: 2004 9 September :: 10.01pm

So today was bad...just bad...... Biology -test...but i was all bahish. Art- We had to pose and then be drawn....it sucked..i looked so fat in all of them....eh i was depressed all day... English- i was there for like 5 mins literally...then i went to a dental appointment...waited till like 11:20....then got my teeth done. They're extra clean...but i have 4 cavatives that are so small that the x-rays didnt pick them up so they can just be blown out. (he said its due to maturity)....but now i have a killer headach...and im starting to focus in and out... German- we got our books. Comp Literacy- Shopping for comps online. Geometry- End of chapter Angles.....and then i went home....and still have this massive headache.....bah....im going to shower and finish math homework then sleep.

I miss our get togethers...bah.

help me


DarkSwordDancer

:: 2004 8 September :: 10.14pm

Meg:
You're way off base
I won't say it
Get off my case
I won't say it

Muses:
Girl, don't be proud
It's O.K. you're in love

Meg:
Oh
At least out loud,
I won't say I'm in love


The story of my life.

So ive got a new crush on this fresh or soph...im not sure. He sits next to me in art and we both think alike.its cool.

So school was pretty uneventful. Biology -finished chapter 20. Art- Colaberate drawing. Gym- Push up test (i didnt get a chance to take). English- Pictures! For once in my life they didnt urge me to grin, so im hoping it turned out good! Um we took quiz and thats it. Orchestra- Oveture sightread..it was easy. German- Alphabet practice and fire drill practice. Computer Literacy- Windows Notes. Geometry- Angels...boring...easy..annoying.

I can do the twirl's for bisonets...im going to try and become manager. Yay me.

My mom and i arer going to make a bodice for me! YaY!

Im sick...DAMN YOU JESSIKA!

I have a crick in my neck.

My knee hurts...

And yet...i can keep my sunny disposition toward life alive and well.im cursed.

Kayleen is going to try and have a movie party friday night and the Saturdaynight there is a football game! YEAH!!!!....i like to scream.

I have a dental appointment tomarrow...damnitall!!!!!!!!!!Yeah...he'll clean my teeth and tell me how much i need braces and then how i cant get them till im 18...grr* Shake angry fist*

At least i'll only miss a part of english and lunch...prolly a peice of orchestra to but thats par for the corse.

I vote that if we cannot get together on friday at kayleens then we all meet up downtown or at the mall. I am going to try and go down to the farmers market on Saturday so yeah.

Im going to go away from ordinary for me...what color other then red should i color my hair? It needs to be colored...maybe just back to brown or whatever so what do you say????

5 worthless words | help me


blacktears844

:: 2004 8 September :: 2.58pm

Why can't I ever have the person I want?

5 worthless words | help me


DarkSwordDancer

:: 2004 7 September :: 10.24pm

In my head...
So today we ran the mile....i got 13:32. AND i wasnt last, a girl skinnier then i was last, and there was nothing wronge with her! Yes...so...but my knee gave out as i sprinted the last 1/16 of the mile...yeah it hurt....so now it is once again stiff and yeah. But im good...dead tired but good.

So tomarrow is pic. day...Yay!!!....ok no...but wah...so i need to pick what to waer...

Im ungrounded friday so i can go to the Saturday Night game! Yeah...i go to be loud and obnoxious...heeee...

Im going to beg my parents for a movie party on friday...but it prolly wont happen...pooh...

2 worthless words | help me


blacktears844

:: 2004 7 September :: 4.24pm
:: Music: Yer Mum

I get my doggie back!

SOPHIE <3

2 worthless words | help me


DarkSwordDancer

:: 2004 6 September :: 9.52pm

Bittersweet Symphony

'Cause it's a bittersweet symphony, this life
Try to make ends meet
You're a slave to money then you die
I'll take you down the only road I've ever been down
You know the one that takes you to the places
where all the veins meet yeah,

No change, I can change
I can change, I can change
But I'm here in my mold
I am here in my mold
But I'm a million different people
from one day to the next
I can't change my mold
No, no, no, no, no

Well I never pray
But tonight I'm on my knees yeah
I need to hear some sounds that recognize the pain in me, yeah
I let the melody shine, let it cleanse my mind, I feel free now
But the airways are clean and there's nobody singing to me now

No change, I can change
I can change, I can change
But I'm here in my mold
I am here in my mold
And I'm a million different people
from one day to the next
I can't change my mold
No, no, no, no, no
I can't change
I can't change

'Cause it's a bittersweet symphony, this life
Try to make ends meet
Try to find some money then you die
I'll take you down the only road I've ever been down
You know the one that takes you to the places
where all the things meet yeah

You know I can change, I can change
I can change, I can change
But I'm here in my mold
I am here in my mold
And I'm a million different people
from one day to the next
I can't change my mold
No, no, no, no, no

I can't change my mold
no, no, no, no, no,
I can't change
Can't change my body,
no, no, no

I'll take you down the only road I've ever been down
I'll take you down the only road I've ever been down
Been down
Ever been down
Ever been down
Ever been down
Ever been down
Have you ever been down?
Have you've ever been down?

So i watched the Secret Window last night,it was good. And i watch Hidalgo today..it was good.

Im perky....got 2 new pairs of shoes. 1 pair of black slight heel boots that go to my mid caf.And a pair of white tennies. CUTENESS!! Yes shopping is fun (jeans with pinkness and just jeans! and tinerbell shirt thats green)

help me


DarkSwordDancer

:: 2004 5 September :: 7.18pm







Your Scent is Blue


Like Blue, you change and adapt frequently.

One moment you're sexy and captivating...

The next? Fun, warm, and inviting.

You're hard to predict - but that's the essence of your charm.

Power scents: Jasmine, orange flower, and lotus flower.




What Scent Are You? Take This Quiz :-)




Find the Love of Your Life
(and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.






Yeah go figure ;)

Ive been lazy today...so sue me!!!!MWAHhahahahahahahaha!Woke up and talked to ashley, they maybe moving back here...and possibly out to the house in highwood. The i put the dvd player into my room and yeah...um then ive been helping jessikas account and yeah.

Im wearing a sweater and drinking coffee....yay!...I have a pressure headach and my knee hurts..still...i think i need to go to the doctor...

Im going to sew a bodic for wild wild west themed homecomming...yeah.it'll be fun.

Im in the reading mood any good book suggestions?

Yeah....oh im only grounded for 1 week now...ah.

4 worthless words | help me


DarkSwordDancer

:: 2004 4 September :: 6.29pm
:: Mood: crushed
:: Music: idont wanna wait for our lives to be over.

Living life backwards.
So last night when i went to the game(GOD IM GONNA ARG!) we say ashley adn everyone and it was ffun..niki came with...so we stayed at the game then went to the dance afterwards. So like1/2 hour into the dance niki wants to know if we can walk home instead of getting picked up...she call my parents and we end up walking. She said they said we could leave around 11:20...so we do...turns out she wants to walk home with james livingston, he lives by the mall, so we are talking over by the industrial building and my phone rings,my dad yell at me telling me that we were 15 min late.So we start walking, and its now 11:30... JAMES AND NIKI ARE WALKING EXTREAMLY SLOW. So i ask then to walk a wee bit faster and they say nah, we arnt going to get in trouble dont worry....*he he heh heh*...so i start walking my normal pace and get to my block and yeah (during the time they were constantly 1 block away from me and i kept flipping them off because i was soo pissed at them) so im sitting under the light, and waiting for them to turn the corner of the block 1 block down....so yeah..she gets there...and then they hug for like 1 minute and its now 12:00. And im spazzing so finally im like niki move your ass. We get in and shes like, ill tell your mom its not your fault its mine. Guess who is grounded for 2 weeks?

ME.


Not niki but me. So no movie party, no games , no socializing after school. She placed aside my need to be home so she could hang all over james even though today she is seeing him again today. Thanks niki for being such a good friend, i now know who to turn to when i need a knife driven into my back.

Yeah so im slightly steamed.

Not to mention that this morning my dad and i got in this huge fight which ended in him telling me he was going to send me to a fat camp where i can go ahead and be degraded with other people like me. I just looked at him and said I dont need to go to fat camp to be degraded, your ding a bang up job. Then i walked into my room and for the 2nd time in my entire life actually sobbed in my room, not like aw you hurt my feelings,but more of when am i even alive sobbing, then i almost threw up...and i could stop crying as much as i tried...and it sucked....

Then i guess i screwed my knee over last night so i cannot fully extend it and spent the morning with a heat pad wrapped around it....now i can almost extend it completly.So yeah.

And now im home, and myparents are driving me up the wall.....and my eyes hurt from crying.


And yeah.....im regressing back to the way i was .....i dont want to though.

help me


blacktears844

:: 2004 4 September :: 2.50pm

Last night was pretty fun.
Me, Christina, Jenny, her boyfriend Kyle, and this guy Brandon all went to the movies, and then my friends Mary Lee and Monica came. We found out they weren't playing the movie we WANTED to see (Napoleon Dynamite) so we walked over to our friends Corey's apartment and Chad was there too. So we all walked around back to the movie theatre and we went back inside and decided to see Wicker Park. Well Brandon and Kyle got kicked out, and Jenny followed her boyfriend, so it was just me and Christina watching the movie. Which was a confusing movie at that. So then we left and met back up with Kyle and Jenny and Corey and Chad. Everyone else had left. Then we went home. Hurrah hurrah. That was my night. THE END.

2 worthless words | help me


blacktears844

:: 2004 3 September :: 4.22pm

Well I'm going to the movies tonight and meet some of my friends. I was supposed to go to Emily's but now I can't. Hm.

1 worthless word | help me


blacktears844

:: 2004 2 September :: 6.47pm

I so haven't written in here in a long time. Well, long for me. School has taken up my life. Dammit.

1 worthless word | help me


DarkSwordDancer

:: 2004 31 August :: 8.23pm

Today was much like yesterday......as usual...and i stayed after again....bah......

So im really tired...we've started to play flicker ball and its fun....tanner got smacked in the ballls...mwahhahahahah...i was hoping somethingh like that would happen he diserves it...at times...bah....

Im really tired......im like falling asleep at the comp and its only 6:17......lol last night i slept under the bright moon light ....so im now considered insane.

2 worthless words | help me


DarkSwordDancer

:: 2004 30 August :: 10.07pm

Welcome to my dreams...
Well...i couldnt get my locker open this morning due to lack of knowladge of my combanation...yeah...
Biology: STudy of Ecology notes chapt 19 and 20...Art: Words to viual converting...Gym...Run...calestenics...run some more...and walk...how exciting..English: Brainstorming Topics for english paper...Orchestra....sight read.....as usual. German.. Cultural review(They shake with their elbows if their hands are durty)....Comp. Literacy. Test Geometry: Work on angels and point distances...it was amusing.

Then i stayed after school to practic on my cello...mostly technical skills and shifting...So i played like the Bells of Notre Dam..it sounded soo pretty especialy with the vibrato added...ahhh...

Yeah so it was calming..

2 worthless words | help me


DarkSwordDancer

:: 2004 29 August :: 11.07pm

Today i decided then im having a very slow panic attack or a mental breakdown...

Hung out with niki on saturday, and saw roxy...niki and i went to lunch then to the mall and yeah. Today i babysat tyler and went to Michaels and Barns and Nobels it was fun.

Saturday i found a store that sells Oolong tea( the tea they have in chinese restaurants)..ive kind of reverted back to my tea stage...but i only like Oolong and raspberry ice tea..yeah past that i still like my coffee..


So my parents are not exactly helping my troubles....i talked to my mom about the way i was feeling and what not and she just looked at me and said " So what did you expect?" ....like i was trash or something....*sigh*....so i dont even think myself to have any worth anymore and dont care much about life....last night i snuck out of my room around 3 am and sat and watched the stars....it was nice...and i felt slightly better....but then i got up this morning again from another of my disturbing dreams......

Dream:
There is a guy wearing a sport jacket suit thingy..and he is sitting in my popazun chair and i sit up and stare at him...then go back to sleep...at which point i wake up....and my window by the chair is open and all the stuff that was in the chair when i went to slleep is place neatly on the floor surround it.....Yeah...its prolly my parents doing something to piss me off...but its happened for 2 nights now....arg....and now my mom is trying to make me feel even more like shit by making sure i understand that im on the computer not doing homework...









im tired of life.wait...scratch that...im tired of people..life is fine as long as i dont...wait scratch that again...im tired of myself. end of story. I want to be invisible...not just ignored but totally invisible...


Heh something i realized the other day. I;ve been playing cello for 6 years now....with no private lessons and little outside class practice...and im good enough for chamber but not good enough for my mom...who is the whole reason im even playing the cello...and amazingly enough the only reason i wanted to play it was because it would make her happy....and now all she does is complain.


Oh....and found out that this dream i aused to have about standing naked in a playhouse with some of my childhood childhood friends was a memory...yeah...it was slightly shocking....

Im babbling...

What do you think happens when you die? hat do you feel? No one knows because people who die...are well dead......maybe being dead is like being comatos? like your body shuts down but you mind might just float
or dissappear
or disperse with no actual stability to hold it together...

or maybe god exists.

Let gods grace rain down upon us! Wait thats not rain!


help me


blacktears844

:: 2004 29 August :: 10.44pm

Some pictures from Warped
Read more..

6 worthless words | help me


silversoldier

:: 2004 28 August :: 5.00pm
:: Mood: mellow
:: Music: Debussy

A big juicy long one
[Edit: fixed the music website]

Well... my subject sounds like a pornographic statement, but I'm referring to the length of this post. It's been roughly three weeks since an update (at least on LiveJournal), so logically this post should be long and full of detail.

Music link (well, the address, as I'm too lazy to encode a link): for those of you that I've raved so much about Debussy as of late (I guess that would be Michelle... and anyone who wants to check it out, I suppose).
http://www.kunstderfuge.com/debussy.htm
I reccomend everything, though there's at least two hours of music on the sight. I also reccomend you only listen to the live quality versions because it's the best I've ever heard from a MIDI file.

I just picked a scab on my head...

Today has been a sit-in of sorts, so I figured it was time for me to update, what with all the exciting (?) things going on in my life.... Damn, I have to actually remember these things...
Our AYSO team lost the championship... annoying because I tend to take a lot of blame as sweeper. I'm like a goalie that way, I think every team mistake is my fault... mainly because I'm the only one who communicates much on the field, so a miscommunication is my fault.

God, these Debussy etudes are beautiful.

The Once and Future King wasn't such a bad book... some interesting things in it... subtleties really. I decided to watch Camelot for my book to movie comparison... very different. Camelot, being a musical, is horribly upbeat for such a tragic story. And all the characters are naiive caricatures. Generally an annoyance after such a great book, though some of the musical pieces aren't too bad.
I decided to wait until the last two days of break to write the essay, though, and it turned out horribly. I have only one quote from the book, a three word quote from the movie... It follows no format at all (actually, I'm proud of myself for breaking the rules... I just wish I could have had more time to make a GOOD rule breaking essay). The chapter that I wrote for the book was well-done, though. I had great exposition, and showed I understood the plot layout and character actions of the book... I just changed my writing style throughout it. I started out writing what I intended to be suitable for children, and at the end I had wolves fighting each other, blood spewing from their jugulars, and snapping bones... I think I messed up a bit.
Luckily, after talking with many other people in class, I figure that if Mrs. Stubbs were to grade on a curve, I could have an A to start out with... not that she will.

Soccer tryouts: We only had 26 boys try out this year, and one is already out because he has tendinitis in his knees (Anthony Johnson... I figure one of you knows him). I was pretty average in terms of competition... for a while at least. Around Wednesday, my knees (yes knees, not knee... explanation coming) started giving me trouble. I wore the brace for my left knee, and things were fine for it. However, my right knee was extremely tense, and even icing it every day wasn't helping. Because of my injury (or at least I'm telling myself this), I'm on JV again this year. Annoying: 1. Adam Frugé is our coach again... I had a horrible time with him last year. He did not recognize me as a competent player at all. 2. Many freshmen made varsity who... well, they don't have much skill at all. One of them is on varsity simply because we need goalies... not that he's any good.
So, teams were announced Friday morning (oh, we do two-a-days... lots of running), and Friday night I went to practice thinking, "Fine, I don't have to work as hard because I made JV." Well, we were doing 1v1's and the kid I was going against got past me. So, I turned to catch up, stepped off on my right foot, and my knee gave out. Just bloody wonderful.
I went to Monarc the next day to get it checked out. The guy who did my analysis said that I've probably got a bruised or torn miniscus. So, I'm supposed to rest it for a week, then come back in for a follow up the next Saturday (that would be today... another explanation) to see whether I can start playing again or if I should get an MRI. I also got a prescription for 800mg ibuprofen. I thought it would make me loopy, as 200mg Motrin gets to me... but sadly, it doesn't.

Band: The band had two early practices last week because of the football game on the second day of school. The practices were voluntary, and the game ended up being voluntary because of the poor attendance at the practices.

Soccer: We had our car wash last Saturday. I stood out in the street holding a sign. It was good that my hands were full because it prevented me from making obscene gestures at the people who were making them at me. (This was also after my weak knee incident... I stood for four hours in the heat on 10th on weak legs... Some things just couldn't be better.)
I spent all of this week as equipment manager for the team. Instead of running around and hurting my knee, I instead carry around fairly heavy equipment bags to strain myself instead. I'm not sure which would be better. There's a freshman on the team who I think might be gay... or horribly deprived of attention and male role models. He's quiet, but he follows guys around. He's a bit strange... but he's got a nice body :P No, I don't think I could date a freshman. It's amazing what a school can do to you, but I really cannot socialize well with freshmen. They generally piss me off. Well, except for Vinnie. He's a crazy kid.
Big news: The JV team tied varsity this year. That's something that's never happened in the past. JV hasn't even scored on varsity before. And I had NOTHING to do with it. I'm sitting sideline right now. On Wednesday I went in to Dr. Houlihan (my family doc). He did a really crappy assesment of my knee, then took some X-rays. He thinks that I've only pulled a ligament, not anything with my miniscus. So, he arranged for me to get a brace for my right knee. This annoys me, because MONARC was much more thorough, and told me that a knee brace can actually do further damage to a miniscus injury (I trust them much more... they've been more successful with treating my other knee). Unfortunately, MONARC is not covered by our insurance, so I have to go with Dr. Houlihan because my parents will not pay the money for a better treatment. I have a feeling I could run into some serious trouble in a few months with this.

Wow, I've finally made it to the first day of school. And it only took me an hour to remember/type down the preceeding. I hope the link hasn't gone inactive because I'm not willing to retype all this.
English: nothing special... I've already mentioned Once and Future King... that's about it from that class. Band: I MADE IT TO SYMPHONIC BAND!!!! Sometimes one can be a real winner. We've only been playing pep band music right now, but we've got a full schedule this year.

Ah... I just loaded Claire de Lune on the computer... one of the most beautiful piano pieces EVER.

Science: I've got my mom this year. We've agreed to not acknowledge our relationship. Health/P.E.: There's a guy in my class that transferred from Belt. He's pretty good looking, and he looks as though he even fits my social group choice. I feel bad that I didn't really talk to him much because 1. I'm horribly lustful 2. He looked rather lonely. Ah, well, there's a year ahead of us. Spanish: I've got Mr. McNulty. I'm not sure if I'm happy or pissed off. He's a really funny guy, but I don't think he realizes that his humor can cause a lot of damage (for example: he's got a quote from Mein Kampf that is humorous, but does not support the foreign language at all). And his pronunciation is horrible. But he drills verbs, something that few Spanish teachers will do. Computer lit.: This class should be my easiest, though I hate working with Microsoft anything. I've grown up on Apple, and I find it so much easier to work with. Geometry: I have Geometry for the last class of the day... I'll probably fail the class because I won't be awake for it. Our teacher Mr. Olson is one of the taller folks in the school, and his classroom has a platform that he teaches from. He and the platform are at least seven and a half feet tall. It's hard to look at. I'll likely not make eye contact at all this year, for fear of eyestrain.

And that's been the past three weeks as best I remember them... not very well, I'm sure.

12 worthless words | help me


DarkSwordDancer

:: 2004 27 August :: 10.30pm
:: Music: ....

mmm...yeah...whatever
Well....its official..i went from excited...to nutral...to depressed...and 2 days flat. I dont know...for the past few days it feels like people just look past me. Or though me....like i dont exist.....which would be fine if i didnt think that the world really didnt exist and that everything is an illusion.Or more of its an illusion to me. Im tired of seeing peoples make believe facades.

Ive been on the verg of crying for the past few days...like real tears...the ones that you cant stop for the life of you.......

What can i do now that the world has lost its magic? When the stars seem to dimm when i look at them...and the wind hushes when i try to listen to its song.Why do colors seem to be dull? The crystal isnt as clear as it was yesterday and the brass dosent shine as brightly. People laughter seems to be wilting, and everytime i look in the mirror i see.....what looks like something but feels like nothing. Why cant i find that fire that once led me though my days..the fire that made me have hope of tomarrow being better? Where has it all gone? Someone tell me...its hiding....or its gone forever. My cello seems to sound like its out of tune when it supposidly hits the note perfectly.....why does everysong sound sad? Where is the flare? the fire? the magic? the excitement?


Dream:

Im standing in a feild of roses with no thorns. They look so soft and beautiful, with many colors....Then i go to touch once and 4 inch thorns grow, they stab into my ankles and ancor me to the ground as they curl and twish in my fleash.My blood trickels down and soaks the ground bellow me as i stare out over the ffeild of thorns. The clouds seem to loom and a gust of wind knowcks me on my back, and the thorns twist and curl upon touching my skin.....Then there is someone else in the feild (looks like the guy from the one dream on the island when everyone is made into dolls...yeah the dragon dude)and he reaches down and touches the thorns, and as he does they turn into back sand and fall to the ground. I stand back up, blood seeping from every inch of skin. I look and all i see are miles of desert. The black sand and clouds dont seem to separate. And the guy is still standing there in a white shirt and pants. He smiles and then disaapearsinto the sand.I go over to see what happened and all there is is a pile of gold sand which is caried away in the wind. Then the hair on my neck stands on end and i get this really bad feeling..like something bad is going to happen. I turn around and this huge green/black/silver box rushes toward me...and i woke up.

Thats it....and i still have that bad feeling....go figure.

help me


blacktears844

:: 2004 27 August :: 6.03pm
:: Mood: anxious
:: Music: The Birthday Massacre

Give me something good to die for, to make it beautiful to live
Ugh. I think Emily is mad at me.
My little stepsister was playing on the computer and she said, "This thing keeps popping up," referring to Emily's IM, and it said on there, "If you don't answer me then I'm not talking to you anymore." So I was like, "Sorry, Morgan was using the computer, I just now saw your IM." And she was like, "Whatever." Then she was all PMS-y from then on. Eurgh.
I think I get too upset over little things.

4 worthless words | help me


silversoldier

:: 2004 27 August :: 6.21am

Seeing that I've left this thing to decay over the last few weeks, I guess I could update sometime... but not now.

3 worthless words | help me


JustADreamer

:: 2004 27 August :: 8.07am
:: Music: Big O - "And Forever"

-Spazz's out and murders the computer.-

Bleh. So. Tired. Of. Stupid. School.

ROYALLY sucks. Well, maybe not ROYALLY.

Did you know that my school is considered a "Wealthy" school? -Laughs sarcastically.- Riiight. We're only considered that because some company feels sorry for us, so they go and buy us some new equipment. Like, so far, we have new bleachers.. We're supposed to expanding the gym [what was the point in the bleachers again?] and something about the baseball field. Oh, and a dance studio and new dressing rooms.. See a pattern? Sports are the only important thing. Maybe they were going to throw in a couple more things; can't remember.

I despise breakfast commercials. Especially when it's morning, and I'm hungry! But I can't have cereal because there's no milk! -Stabs the breakfast commercials.- Forget you! I'm having donuts anyway! -Crosses arms.- Hmph.

So, I have a Xanga. I update on there alot. Because no one ever reads this. Well.. I guess I kind of deserve it, because I never really read anyone else's journals on here either..... Ah well.

I shall post a poem, just for old times sake! [Old times? What old times?]

>_>

"Prison of a Fairytale"
There was always that bit of bliss,
The bit that kept me being swept away
But it wasn't enough to sweep me away from this
Prison of a fairytale that you keep reciting,
All of these happily-ever-afters,
These pointless promises into oblivion.
Turn away before I fall any further.
My eyes are veiled from these recurring moments,
These expectations of your prescence,
This pain from years past keep making this crack
In my heart only larger and worse.
If only it were possible to die of a broken heart
And promises never kept, then this bitter longing
Would finally subside.

I still love everyone, even if I don't post so much anymore ^^;.

But I still hate those stupid breakfast commercials.
-Ash

1 worthless word | help me


DarkSwordDancer

:: 2004 26 August :: 8.09pm
:: Music: .....

IM MARRIED!
Well i am now a married women.Jeremy and i got married at the ren. festival by a monk.It was sooo much fun. He had this kind of pirate looking outfit, and i was dressed as a conservitive belly dancer...it was sooo much fun. So yeah hes like one of my long time guy friends,hes one of my cousins friends and is 21. It was soo much fun. Yeah we walked around in the parade as a married couple and yeah!...i miss him...we were actually like...infatuated with eachother.We would just sit and look at eachother and hold hands....yeah....i miss him.

But yeah so the Festival was awsome. I got married and bought a hip scarf with coins on it, a head peice and then Jeremy gave me a pewter celtic knot necklace.....its sooo pretty. His dad makes jewlry and the like so yeah.....

The family reunion was fun...Eric came back from his golf game ,he left on with Ricky and Cory , and had no pants on ...it was sooo funny..not to mention he was half drunk and had spongebob squarepants boxers ;)...But yeah so everyone over the age of 19 was drunk...and brandon and i (he is almost 16 the closest family member in age to me) had a few drinks but didnt get totally trashed.It was fun. I was kinda sad though cause mike wasnt there, hes my fav cousin..yeah...he made sure i got to go to the even/cold concert so yeah.

We got back yesterday at like 4:50pm ...and unpacked and i finished my homework...it was cool....then off to school the next morning....im tired...and i found out i have 2 to 4 concerts every month except for january....yeah....OH and Distric music festival is being held at CMR this year...this should be fun...MWAHAHHAHA.....mmk...oh and we are going to tour to Seattle.


I feel like i've been crying....bah.....im really tired.I have to be at school at 6:30 tomarrow inorder to drop off my cello...and make it to my am class....oh and instead of getting to sleep in i have to be at class by 6:45 as opposed to 7....bah

help me


blacktears844

:: 2004 24 August :: 4.07pm

I hate school.

Now I know why people bring guns to school.

The end.

1 worthless word | help me


blacktears844

:: 2004 23 August :: 4.00pm

Meh. School was okay.

help me

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