No one could see me. I fell into yesterday.

:: 2004 5 August :: 6.31am

Ugh
I went over to my dad's last night.
"I told you a lie," he said when we were sitting down.
"What did you lie to me about?" I asked him.
"I didn't drop Paris (my kitten) off at PAWS like I said."
"What did you do with her?"
"I dropped her off on a back road." (I already thought this.)
"Why didn't you take her to PAWS?"
"I wanted to get her out of my life as quickly as possible."
"You could have at least had the respect for her to drop her off somewhere where she could be adopted and have a life. She's probably dead now."
"Cats know how to get food".
"She was only a baby!" At this point he gets mad at me and slams his door. It's not my fault he was so inconsiderate.

I honestly don't see how anyone could do that to any animal. How could he have stood it when he dropped her off and saw her looking back at him when he was driving away. Oh god I'm going to make myself cry. I just hope that she got picked up, which I know she didn't. Now every time it storms I get sick to my stomach.

3 worthless words | help me

:: 2004 4 August :: 1.26pm

OMG...i looked over my journal...and realized im a fucking whiney drama queen...sad really...amazingly enough half those entries didnt even seem like i would be the person to write them...

So weve put together a pad for the boat....yay.....bah.......

So today i was talking with my dad and he suggested that some of us go to the fair again...i dont know why...but he suggested it...i dunno...

:: 2004 4 August :: 7.08am

Wahooo
My webcam decided not to be SO MUCH of a whore, and let me take some halfway decent pictures.

Read more..

Enjoy.

10 worthless words | help me

:: 2004 3 August :: 11.01pm
:: Mood: euphoric
:: Music: fair stuff

dim light in a vast darkness
This was an overall good day, and I'm happy. Yay happy!

This morning I went through my wardrobe to get rid of old/small/junky clothes. I feel so much better now, knowing that I have only clothes that I prefer. No more crap taking up space in my room... YAY!
Later, though, I had to go to the dentist, which is not a bad thing, dentists are good for life and it was an anual check up. However, the lady I had today must have been feeling a bit sadistic; when she did my flossing, she was pushing far beyond the end of my gums. I have quite a few cuts in my mouth now... But at least it's a clean mouth (?)

Then I ended up going to the fair tonight. Oh, it was so much fun. I went with our church group (which is hardly a churchy group... three of us are huge RHPS fans, two of us are bi/gay, one is acting as such, and we're all generally loud, raunchy, and very teenagerish), and had a blast. Besides our group, we met up with Sarah L. and her crew, and had a huge group there. Rock 'n Ride was fun, but this was a fuckin party. I don't think they appreciated us at kiddie land, though....
Sarah W. and I had the craziest ride on the Zipper. Seriously, it's the wildest time I've ever been on it. Insane, I tell you. Jon was freaking out on the Ring of Fire because he's pretty short and almost fell out of the restraints. And it was all fun.

4 worthless words | help me

:: 2004 4 August :: 12.16am

Well...today...i got up ,mowed highwood lawn and next door's lawn, revamped my room/closet and called dara.LIfe is good.

Oh a couple of days ago i finished To kill a mocking bird...we need to have a movie party...with a criticaly acclaimed movie made before 1989:D

Who wants to meet me at the mall tomarrow or the day after? Any takers? ill call gwen and kayleen and roxy...but e-mail or comment if you wanna come...nvm ill just call everyone.

For once in a long time i am content with life and the people i am forced to have contact with....ahhh.

I've been around the world and found that only stupid people are breeding.(jessika).. says:
But, Nick is amusing to slap/...

i wanna hold you high and steal your pain(me) says:
:O

i wanna hold you high and steal your pain says:
slap nick

I've been around the world and found that only stupid people are breeding... says:
He makes a nice sound

I've been around the world and found that only stupid people are breeding... says:
lol

i wanna hold you high and steal your pain says:
it amuses me as well

I've been around the world and found that only stupid people are breeding... says:
(DISREGARD)

I've been around the world and found that only stupid people are breeding... says:
(GOD DISREGARD THE DIRTY!)

i wanna hold you high and steal your pain says:
lol

i wanna hold you high and steal your pain says:
you like the sounds nicko makes....

I've been around the world and found that only stupid people are breeding... says:
But I do......

I've been around the world and found that only stupid people are breeding... says:
0:)

and that concludes jessikas moment on my journal for today...amusing...yet weird....

DARA SAYS HELLO! from the corn feild.

So im happy, my room is not cluddered...so my mind is clear....ahhhh.

But stablility is still scarce at home...i miss ashley and dara and niki and jessik.....but she will be home soon...bah....

:: 2004 3 August :: 4.29pm
:: Mood: anxious
:: Music: Dresden Dolls

-=CUT=-
Well, I cut it.
My hair is no longer long. I got it cut to my shoulders. I hope it doesn't look stupid.

:: 2004 2 August :: 11.34pm
:: Music: Rachel Stamp

I feel like a mooch.

:: 2004 2 August :: 3.49pm

So once again.
It seems tody everything fell apart again....lets star with yesterday...

My parents decided to go to the fair but i had to meet kim...so there was a long lecture about how the things i plan dont matter and yeah.
So i meet her at Snider Drug and we eat luch...i almost got sick because they gave me a butterscoch milkshake instead of peanut butter...toooooooo....sweeeeeet.
We walk to her house and the like, work a little, chill....and decide i am to sleep over. Then this guy mike calls and kims on the phone for like an hour and i decied to sit down stair s and sort through her beads....she had acidentaly spilt them accros her floor so she swept them up and put them back in the thingy unsorted...the box was a devider box about the size of a text book...and i had them sorted and put away before she was off the phone....tey were very tiny beads....and that was my tedious activity for the day.
I went and visited jessika too, (she lives accross the ally from kim) and it was nice. Went back to kims...we watch The last Samurie and ate pizza....i liked the movie..and we went to get blizzards...it was fun...turns out the mike kid is a total durt bag...but since the info came from cody wreck...i dont trust it. Then we talked,did some belly dancing..and went to bed.
Got up and got a phone call from my dad...first arguement of the day at 8:30....and i wasnt even home.....then did go home at like 10:30.

Got home and decided today was the day i will put my desk together, i asked for my dads help...and he flipped out....so now the peices are just in my room........so i went for a walk...im tired of fighting with my dad.

The trip to minnesota is comming up...that should be interesting...i dont think it will be very fun...its a vacation for mom dad michael and gail..but for me...im just allowed to go so i can baby sit all my cousins.....damn my parents....arg...

Oh kim coppied the Time Machine soundtrack and gave it to me...im happy.

about that atleast.....

I have to come up with a proposel question by thursday...and have no clue what to do......bah....

I want some god damned stability....cause there is rarely any here.

My dad told me the other day that he was tired of hearing people say i was a good kid...last i knew...people saying that to parents was a good thing.My dad just thinks im shit.And when i talked to my mom about it she said get used to it you'll never been good enough for him.Its true, ill never be a good enough person for my dad to be proud of....

now you all know why i hate being home.

:: 2004 2 August :: 2.44am

URGH
I don't know which one to get.
Dekoy: http://cdbaby.com/cd/dekoy

OR

Rachel Stamp: http://cdbaby.com/cd/rachelstamp

I HATE NOT BEING ABLE TO DECIDE

:: 2004 1 August :: 11.54pm
:: Music: Dekoy

URGH
I just spent the last hour and a half walking around my neighborhood searching for my dog who got out AGAIN. We found her, she was up by Speedway gas station, about to go into a huge intersection. My feet hurt so bad. At least we found her though. I love that dinky little dog. <3

:: 2004 1 August :: 2.50am
:: Music: Dekoy

Darvoset <3
I just re-dyed mah HEIR today. Oh yuss.

5 worthless words | help me

:: 2004 31 July :: 10.52am
:: Mood: bubbly
:: Music: "Colour My World" - James Pankow

cycles
My moods have gone through many cycles in the past few days.
Brief but true statement...

So, I enjoyed the fair, I enjoyed the people (those I was with and those I was looking at), I enjoyed the food (though I should really be at the gym because of it), and I enjoyed... well... I have no way of wrapping that up... but the fair was nice. And I didn't hit my head in the glass maze. How proud can I be??

Oh, as I forgot to say before, I'm done with my archiving of poetry (though there are still a few things I need to type up), so I can update my journal again. That was a long, painful process...

Today, I woke up late (oops!), and stayed around the house for a while. Then I read (I'm getting responsible!!). Then the sister, the mother, and I went to the mall. I got some jeans, a Morrocan-ish button-down, an orange plaid (sounds horrible, but looks really good) camp shirt, and a brown lightweight knit. Yeah... shopping is difficult. I'm too short for most of the clothes that I wear, but I have wide shoulders and, generally, my waist/shoulder measurements are sizes that would normally be used for a taller person. I just have a wide bone structure... difficult, but I can live on.

We went to Footloose tonight. Fun... but definitely community theater. The choreography was great, but the blocking was horrible. But it was fun... Not to mention Jarred Van-Heel was in a very revealing mesh shirt for his character. And I read in his bio section that he's been Rocky for RHS... Oh, I'm strangely retching right now, but it's out of an overload of lust.... I'm a dirty little Christian boy...

My voice has slowly recovered from last night... for the majority of the day, though, I was talking in precise monotone. It's a good thing that I don't sing for money because all the yelling I do for social events really has ruined some opertunities... Which reminds me that Ashley said I should join choir this year. They want to know how I sing... Well, I know I've got more talent than some people in choir, and I probably will try out for The Fantasticks this year... but no... for one, I don't have a period open, and I just don't want to be involved...

I should probably go to bed. I need to start getting up earlier so I'm ready for soccer tryouts (agh... another reason to get to the Peak...)

:: 2004 31 July :: 11.14pm
:: Music: modest mouse

My mother is a car wash natzi....
So the fair was fun fun. I went on rides i hadent been on in years....like the pharos fury.....omg...the only other time i had gone on that ride was with my sister when i was little...and we sat and the head on the baot...and it scared the crap out of me...this time...i couldnt open my eyes for a little...like the 2 two swings up...but then i was having fun...course i was screaming the entire time...yeah...dreams of falling...but i wanted to go again...we didnt......o..and gwen and i went on the spider and were laughing so hard i couldnt breath..it was soo much fun...then the thunderbolt...omg...took us an hour to get up and on the damn thing. BUT we screamed so loudly we got to go forward twice and backward 3 times....it was sooo cool. not to mention the fact we had linkin park songs so we were freaking out...and screaming more. It was awsome!!!!!!!!!! Then we went to the dance thingy ,it was crap, went back to find gwen and jessika...they went to the dance so we walked and found them at the dance...where we told them to meet us....and yeah...then jessika nick and gwen went on the slide...and we all split...nick was giving me a ride home and his parents were meeting us over by the east exit...and on our way we went into a couple of fun houses...the 2 was the one with the mirror maze...it was fun

Nick and his parents....are interesting....his mom kinda spazedish at some stuff....it was amusing....

So i woke up at 8 today because we were supposed to go to the farmers market...but i guess we are going tomarrow..so we went shopping at shopko and wally world...i got a polo shirt ,tanktop and a jacket....they are cool...oh and the tanktop is pink..and long..i will hem it...mwahahahahahahahahahahah.....

Finaly got my scientific log all fixed up and the like so yay!!!!!!!.....

my arm hurts from last night....it was soooo much fun....i kinda went into home me mode while we were out and yeah...sorry bout that!

Last night was a perfect night out with friends...yay!

:: 2004 30 July :: 11.55am
:: Mood: bored
:: Music: Deadstar Assembly YES AGAIN

Machoooo
My mom said something about her taking me to Kentucky for the weekend to see some horses. Then she passed out on the couch, so I don't know if we're really going, or if she's just hysterical. :|

I am so bored. And it's not even noon yet. Pfft. If anyone wants to be bored with me, or just talk, IM me. DruggedUpHooker on AIM. You know the way, foo. I'll love you forever. Promise.

JustADreamer

:: 2004 30 July :: 6.31am

One good thing about living in a trashy trailor is that, if you put your hands on the ceiling, you can feel the rain pounding against the roof.

JustADreamer

:: 2004 29 July :: 5.14am
:: Mood: cold
:: Music: Tv.

Bleh.
So, I've done it.

Finally.

I've blocked him. I've changed my screen name. I've changed SO many things already. It's going to be hard not to go back on this promise to myself. So hard.

I've even started a new Xanga. I've changed this journal's background and icon. I'm going to change other things. I'm longing to dye my hair again.. But I just dyed it not too long ago.. I don't want to kill it.

It seems I've become addicted to cherry chap stick. Weird.
-Ash

:: 2004 28 July :: 9.57pm

I got a desk...my mom finally bought me one....so im happy...

Today was fun..i was sad tiphani couldnt come..pooh....but yeah we walked around and did our thing....and jessika and gwen pointed out these ugly shoes ...bah...

So i got my mom the phone ,dialed it,got her coffee,then creamer,then a spoon...and now shes making sure i know how large my ugly ass is. Thanks a load mom...and confidence level has gone back down to the floor. You see its alot different when some person im not related to or am friends with says stuff like that...but when my mom starts attacking me.....*sigh*....just goes to show how fucking sensitive and understanding parents are.

well....my good day has just disepated into the ongoing nightmare called my family.

:: 2004 28 July :: 7.14am
:: Mood: okay
:: Music: Deadstar Assembly...again.

COWZ IN MAH FACE.
Well I'm going over to Emily's tonight so I guess I'll catch you all later, homies.

I have a Red Bull in the fridge waiting for me and life is grand. Hasha.
I'm off to go take a quick nap.

:: 2004 28 July :: 12.16am

bah
So last night i stayed at roxys and we had fun...she cried alot because of lary....yeah....we went to the mall today and then to larys and he wasnt home so we walked to henreys and they wernt there...so we find a pay phone and call him on his cell and hes at the mall looking for us..rooxy starts crying again because the bob yelled at her and bah...then i walked home...and watched radio. it was sad and i cried.....

i have been working on the proposel with mrs. thomas and kim... now i have 2 pages due thursday.

Thursday evening i am helping ashley at a dog show and then staying the night!!!!!Yay...the friday i go home get everything done...and go back to the fair.

MY focus has been way off latley.....everything i should have done by now isnt........heh....i would like life to be as simple as it had seemed today ...i sat in a park and watched some kids play..felt a cool breeze on my face and the rain ....it was nice...and i just sat there...and wanted to be like that forever..no worries...no competing from things...just simplicity.

pop six squish ah ah sisseroh...lipshitz.

:: 2004 27 July :: 12.44pm
:: Mood: Starscream

Just Like Heaven
Barely slept at all again last night. My dad made this huge ordeal over me going over to Emily's Wednesday. He said I don't spend much time with my grandmother anymore (Wednesday is when we go over there) and that I can always see my friends. My grandma isn't going to be here that much longer, he says. Pile the 'ol guilt trip up on me, Dad. Gee.
I think I've eaten too many eggs. Are eggs fatening?
Read more..

:: 2004 26 July :: 4.35pm
:: Mood: fidgity
:: Music: Brahms Cappricio in F# min.; Op. 76, No. 1

Just another manic monday...
I had full intention to go running this morning, but didn't. I meant to shave today, but haven't. I've yet to brush my teeth. And I've read nothing out of Once and Future King today. That's four negative points.
----
I've had a wonderful piano rehearsal all day, I got my trumpet back from the repair shop, someone told me they appreciate my poetic writing, which has led me on my excavation of old works to start The Morgue, and I'm looking forward to soccer. Five for the positive.
+++++
So today has so far been positive, it seems. Also, negative points tend to be separated by periods, while positive points get commas... slightly strange.
Without realizing it, I've pretty much told y'all my day. Lovely. Short and to the point. Disturbingly so.

Oh, wait. Our computer has been having internet connection problems lately, so we may get the modem replaced on Wednesday... I wonder how much of that has to do with me always erasing history and such on the internet... I'm assuming that could be a good reason... oh well.

:: 2004 26 July :: 5.51pm

So i have a sun burn on my lips...yeah......

jessika came over and i did her hair...its now maroon...and i did some streaks in my hair...so its prple/blond/red/brown.

Jessika wants a boyfrined....

4 worthless words | help me

:: 2004 26 July :: 2.49pm
:: Music: Bleeding Through

One more nail in the coffin and it's all for you.
Well I spent the last two nights at Ashley's house. We went to the Warren County Fair on Friday so her father could meet his whore that he met off the Internet. We had to babysit her little son.
The woman looked like a piece of bacon. She had spent WAY too many years in the tanning bed. =/
Anyways, I got a call from the job I applied to. Haven't called them back yet though, it's funny how late in the summer they call me. Oh well.