JustADreamer
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2004 15 July :: 2.44am
Mm.
This is really hard.. To type correctly when the keyboard is split down the middle and I don't type 'correctly' in the first place.
Staying at a friends house until Friday. My grandmother was sick. They thought she might have a stomach virus. Couldn't keep food down. Then she had a stroke, yesterday. Mom went to Arkansas. My G-ma got transfered to a different hospital because her kidney's stopped working. Something about dialysis tonight. Dad's at home alone... Well, not alone.. He's got Nibbles. And Bear outside.. And the cats.
Mm. She may be gone a day, or a week..
I don't think it's hit me yet.
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blacktears844
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2004 15 July :: 2.30am
The garage sale is tomorrow. Ugh.
I'm really not looking forward to it.
1 worthless word |
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blacktears844
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2004 13 July :: 6.27pm
:: Mood: happy
:: Music: "Bathwater" - No Doubt
Cause I love to wash in your old bathwater...
I got done cleaning a little while ago. It was a MESS. But I finally got it all nice and tidy, and I even dusted my dressers and vacuumed. MAGIC. I was filthy afterwards.
I had never seen so many stuffed animals in my life. :|
I think we might be going to get some wings tonight.
1 worthless word |
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blacktears844
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2004 13 July :: 10.34am
:: Music: Horrorpops
Miss Take
Well I get the joy of preparing for a garage sale, so I'll probably be downstairs all day cleaning out the basement and pricing stuff. It's like a disaster down there. You can't even move around.
I Love The 90's was on last night and I am ADDICTED. I even stayed up until midnight because I had to watch all the re-runs. It's on ALL WEEK. I'm not going to have a life. I am officially obsessed.
1 worthless word |
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JustADreamer
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2004 13 July :: 2.05am
And then it hits me that I'm probably doing the same thing to him as you did to me.
I feel.. like.. "Why shouldn't everyone else have to go through the pain I'm going through?"
And then.. I feel.. "Because.. They don't deserve this.."
Then.. it's.. ".. Did I?"
---------------------------
It's not your fault you feel that way [or don't].
Forgive me.
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JustADreamer
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2004 13 July :: 1.42am
I hate you for sending me those songs.
I hate the fact that I still can't get over you.
And I still can't hate you.
God, help me.
I can't go out with him, because I'm still hung up on you.
God.. Help me..
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JustADreamer
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2004 12 July :: 8.45pm
13 Things About You
====================
1. Someone in this world loves you, in some way.
2. A smile from you, can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like you.
3. Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep.
4. You mean the world to someone.
5. Without you, someone may not be living.
6. You are special and unique, in your own way.
7. Someone that you don't know even exists, loves you.
8. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it.
9. When you think the world has turned it's back on you, take a look, you most likely turned your back on the world.
10.When you think you have no chance at getting what you want, you probably won't get it, but if you believe in yourself, you probably sooner or later will get it.
11.Always remember complements you received, forget about the rude remarks.
12.Always tell someone how you feel about them, you will feel much better when they know.
13.If you have a great friend, take the time to let them know that they are great. If you choose, send this letter to as many people as you care about, you'll brighten up someone's day, and might change their perspective on life, for the better!
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blacktears844
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2004 12 July :: 6.08am
:: Mood: awake
:: Music: The Cure
I want you more than anyone else.
I love the way you love, I just hate the way I'm supposed to love you back
I found a a wrist cuff I was supposed to give my ex-boyfriend back in seventh grade. It's all chewed up.
1 worthless word |
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JustADreamer
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2004 12 July :: 1.35am
:: Music: Thank You -Dido
It's not so bad..
[My tea's gone cold, I'm wondering why I..
Got out of bed at all..]
I'm so bored. And my Grandma's really sick.. So I'm bored, and worried.. But, the Blue Collar Comedy Tour is funny, so I'm bored, worried, and amused..
[The morning rain clouds up my window..
And I can't see at all..]
I wish it -would- rain.. I like rain.. Especially when I'm in this type of mood.. What would you call it..?
[And even if I could, it'd all be gray,
But your picture on my wall..
It reminds me that it's not so bad,
It's not so bad..]
I think I feel kind of lonely. Again, it's a strange feeling.. I'm not used to this kind of 'loneliness'.. I don't have anyone who can hold me, comfort me, and make me happy.. Other than my friends and family.. But that's not the kind of comfort and happiness I want..
[I drank too much last night, got bills to pay
My head just feels in pain]
Well, I haven't had a headache in a few days.. That's good.. Haven't played Pool on pogo lately.. Maybe that was the reason.. Most likely..
[I missed the bus and there'll be hell today
I'm late for work again
And even if I'm there, they'll all imply that I might not last the day
And then you call me and it's not so bad
It's not so bad]
Calling someone is so difficult.. I mean.. If you call.. And then.. Their parents pick up.. Especially when you know their parents.. And they know you.. -Sigh.- Still.. Even if you call, what would you talk about?
[And I want to thank you for giving me the best day of my life]
The best day of my life was.. hm.. I guess I haven't had the best day of my life yet..
[Oh just to be with you is having the best day of my life]
.. Just to be with.. who? O_o..
[Push the door, I'm home at last and I'm soaking through and through
Then you handed me a towel and all I see is you]
I wish I could say that. You know? 'All I see is you..' Wouldn't that be romantic? ... probably..
[And even if my house falls down now, I wouldn't have a clue
Because you're near me]
Be near me. Someone. Someone, convince me to love you. Convince me that you love me, too. Convince me that you were born to be with me.. And I was BORN to be with you. Only you. Forever, you. I love you. I want you to be with me forever. Our friendship, our relationship, our love will last forever.
[I want to thank you for giving me the best day of my life
Oh just to be with you is having the best day of my life]
What is.. forever? Forever.. Forever and a day.. What is that? How could a relationship last forever? COULD it? Maybe until both of the people 'in love' died.. But.. Nevermind..
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blacktears844
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2004 11 July :: 10.36pm
I'm thinking of dyeing my hair bright orange.
Comments?
EDIT: Ah, it's no between whether chunks or getting the underside done...decisions, decisions.
8 worthless words |
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blacktears844
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2004 11 July :: 6.02am
Here It Comes
The occasional self-loathing whiny entry about my problem with weight. Brace yourselves.
I just wish I was thin. But yet all I ever do is talk about it, and I can never commit myself to keep on exercising, or to keep eating healthy. I lack discipline.
I think I would be 100% happier if I was just 20 or even 30 pounds thinner. I want to be able to find clothes that look good on me. I'm tired of having to hide myself behind black baggy T-shirts and baggy jeans. I hate having to wear tights when I want to wear skirts. I'm sick of it.
Ugh.
7 worthless words |
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DarkSwordDancer
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2004 10 July :: 10.05pm
:: Mood: mischievous
bah..guess what movie i watched today.

Lonliness dominates you. You can hide it well, but
its there, and your friends can see it. You
constantly feel alone, and need to do things to
fill your time. Your afraid to tell people
this, but sooner or later it gets out in a bad
way, and you think you screwed up everything.
And when you are in love is when you are sad
the most. (Please Vote)
What Emotion Dominates you? brought to you by Quizilla
Ok well...people who have known me for only a short time would think this is wrong. Matter of fact...many of the people who know me would think this is wrong. I had someone tell me that they were mad because i had more friends then them , but you see...the more people that surround me ...the more i become lonly. It makes no sense but makes everything clear....yeah dont mind my ranting. i almost enjoy being alone but i hate myself.....thats why i am a social butterfly. I think i would be happier in a large hole in the ground with some cds and a book, then if i were the most loved person on the planet. People in general just anoy me.
The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Seventh Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:
Take the Dante's Divine Comedy Inferno Test
Ive been meaning to take this over...i have once again...switch my level of hell...of course.....and all that jazz.
and ...all...that...JAAAAAAAAAAAZZ.
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blacktears844
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2004 10 July :: 6.31pm
:: Mood: blank
:: Music: Dreadful Dollface
Agent Neon
I just made the world's worst brownies.
And they are so good. MOOOOHA.
At least I think so. Everyone else thinks they suck. And then I made some strawberry lemonade that even I admit sucks.
I need to stop making things.
I think I'm going shopping today. Wa-woo.
1 worthless word |
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JustADreamer
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2004 10 July :: 1.31pm
:: Mood: blank
:: Music: Tv
Mn.
Need. More. Chocolate.
Need. To. Wake. Up.
Need. To. Be. Brave.
Need. To. Calm. Down.
Need. To. Stop. Typing. Like. This.
The. End.
-Ash.
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silversoldier
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2004 9 July :: 6.19pm
:: Mood: indifferent
:: Music: "Memory" - Sugar Cult
a few random notes
 Lonliness dominates you. You can hide it well, but its there, and your friends can see it. You constantly feel alone, and need to do things to fill your time. Your afraid to tell people this, but sooner or later it gets out in a bad way, and you think you screwed up everything. And when you are in love is when you are sad the most. (Please Vote)
What Emotion Dominates you? brought to you by Quizilla
Sometimes lonliness doesn't equal sadness. But, for the most part I see that as true...
I've made a secretarial decision on my journals: My Woohu account will be for personal updates, while my LJ will be for community posts. yay me. I'll still reply to LJ posts, but will be putting none up.
It's looking as though I'm not going to do any birthday celebration. 1) I'm lazy. 2) I feel like poo. 3) I don't like celebrating myself on any occasion.
I've just been called for dinner. eeee.
1 worthless word |
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blacktears844
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2004 9 July :: 2.01am
Oh god I made a really sucky site. AGAIN. Because I have no knowledge of HTML all my sites suck. *blushes*
http://druggeduphooker.tripod.com/dopestarsinc HAHAHHA
1 worthless word |
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DarkSwordDancer
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2004 8 July :: 10.40pm
So last night i did scream until i passed out...right into my pillow....yeah....parents didnt hear thankfully.
Well woke up this morning talked to ash and picked her up. Then went to wal mart and the mall came home....watched freak friday and practiced more soccer.
How eventfull.
Com on come on move a little faster,
Come on come on the world with follow after.
Come on come on come on let go-o....
I played on my cello abot 10 min ago...im starting to just write notes down and the like....it was a very sad sad few notes...it sounded like my cello was crying....bah.
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silversoldier
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2004 8 July :: 12.43pm
:: Mood: disillusioned
:: Music: "Take Me Out" - Franz Ferdinand
Entrance of another change
Well, I've had complaints that my text is hard to read, so I might fix it at some point... might... I'll probably just do a color change.
I'm slightly pissed right now, because I came downstairs to see this Prokofiev piece I printed off yesterday spread out on the piano bench, pages folded over, out of order, and I'm thinking how could this have happened, because I'm the only one in the house that goes around the piano... annoyance.
Things were slightly uncomfortable on Tuesday. Tiphani was her normal self, which I've come to see as painfully analytical at times. Jessika was not so cheery and had a fork... not the best combination, it turns out. And Michelle and I exchanged sorry childhood stories. Lovely day, bleak mood.
Yesterday, I was cleaning my room, as it really could use it for the summer. Not in the best mood at all for cleaning a room, but one must live with it. I've just got this want to get out this summer. It's really interesting, as the last two summers I had little to do and didn't want to go much of anywhere, and this summer I'm doing quite a bit and still want more. Give the horse an inch and he'll try for a mile. I found my graffiti page from health and decided to start back up on it. It's not looking too bad at the moment. Certainly the most colorful art sketch I've done in a while.
I also had a game last night. I guess we ended up winning, but it felt like we lost. I worked really hard, because I was supposed to play sweeper, but my stopper played sweeper, so I played stopper/sweeper to cover for him. And in the fourth quarter I was played at center mid.... I never play center mid. I've played wing, because I can run the line and have a fairly good cross. But I don't play center mid. Plus, I had to cover as stopper as well, because the kid playing stopper then was also playing sweeper. I should stop with the rec league.
And on another soccer note, I'm going to high school practice tonight. I skipped the first two (not that they're manditory, though I did get a very friendly threat to show up in my inbox). So, I'm going to go die tonight, because I've had horrible reactions with my asthma recently, my knee problems have put me out of shape and out of mindset, my recent abdominal cramps (really a funny thing for me to say, but serious pain), and at the game last night my left hip started aching. I'm not doing so well at all. But I'll go try, boy0 yes. This could be a horrible mistake to go back.
I should probably get back to cleaning my room or playing piano so I seem somewhat productive around here. Now that they've taken down the plastic curtain in the kitchen my allergies have gone insane, because they never cleaned up their sawdust or any of that. I've yet to decide on birthday celebrations... I should do that today.
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blacktears844
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2004 8 July :: 1.19am
:: Music: "Showdown" - Britney Spears
I don't mean to be a tease, but would you undo my zipper please?
Went to King's Island. Wasn't as sucky as I thought it would be. Actually quite fun, I'm a sucker for rollercoasters.
Well I'm about to go fix a TV Dinner and fetch a margarita. We just picked up some mix on the way home. <33
2 worthless words |
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DarkSwordDancer
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2004 8 July :: 12.34am
:: Mood: frantic....
:: Music: the fan...
Stop the world i want to get off.
Right now i feel like screaming until i pass out. Ive felt like that for the past week. Why? dont know...or i do....but i dont feel like explaining it.
I want to ...arg...just spaz out like no other...so many emotions right now flying through my head at the speed of light....and they keep over lapping and knotting...and..i just want to take some god damned scissors and cut every god damned emotion...but alas i cannot.
I feel trapped in my own mind..and im fighting myself...or myselves..
People are saying things that make me feel like they dont want me any where near them....
.....and....i cant handel it right now.................
I just wish that life...would just stop...so i could catch up with the world.........
I feel like i have nothing to stand on....and bellow me is a swirling abyss of thought and emotion...over things irrelevant.....and i dont feel like going there..........................................................................................................
where is my night in shnning armor when i need him most?
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blacktears844
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2004 7 July :: 7.15pm
:: Music: Dreadful Dollface
Misstake
Well I saw Van Helsing last night, it wasn't that bad, I thought. Maybe that's because I'm a sucker for cheesy movies. =P
Well I'm supposed to be going to King's Island today but I don't really want to. Too lazy. Ugh.
On another note, go check out Dreadful Dollface. I'm sure I've promoted them on here before, but I'll do it again. =D
www.dreadfuldollface.dk
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blacktears844
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2004 6 July :: 5.18pm
:: Mood: painful
:: Music: The Strokes
Dun dun dun
My back hurts really bad for some odd reason. And a misquito bit my finger so it swelled up to the size of a balloon. So I have one EXTREMELY fat finger and 9 other regular ones.
I think I might go see Van Helsing tonight at the Dollar Theatre. I want to go to Starbucks too, but I don't think that's going to happen. Those Iced Caramel Mochiatto (sp?) are SO SO SO good.
My Peppermint Creeps shirt still hasn't come. =( I wonder what's taking it so long.
4 worthless words |
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blacktears844
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2004 6 July :: 12.19am
:: Mood: tired
:: Music: The Cure
BABIES
Well I've had a busy weekend. First off, Christina came over Friday night, and we went to this wedding on Saturday (my aunt's) and she spent Saturday night here too. Then Ashley came over and me, her, and Christina all went to Wal-Mart. Well we were sitting in the food court, just drinking Cokes and stuff, and I told Christina something that was funny, and she started cracking up. Then I yelled, "BABIES!"...because I could. Then this little skinny Eminem type looking redneck came over with a crying baby under his arm and was screaming at Christina, "ARE YOU LAUGHING AT MY KID?" Needless to say, SHE was surprised, so she was like, "I'm not laughing at your kid!"
"I've seen you staring at him the whole time you've been here! If you laugh at my kid I'm going to kick your fucking ass, you hear me? You fucking freak."
He was a very angry man with a red neck. So after that escapade, we dropped Christina back off, and Ashley spent the night at my house. Today we met up with Emily and Stacie and hung out the mall. Little did we know that it closed about a half hour after we got there. We had to wait for about two hours in the foyer. Lovely, lovely times. So here I sit, writing in this. Moooooha.
Remember everyone: BABIES!
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JustADreamer
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2004 6 July :: 12.07am
:: Mood: bored
:: Music: Yellow -Coldplay
+*Interests[likes] - Music, anime, poetry, art, reading, vampires, fiction, internet, friends, DeviantArt, woohu, PS2 games, Halo, sleeping, yaoi, animals, chocolate, hershey's kisses, sunrises over sunsets, nighttime, guysh, Draco, Pip, Merry, Legolas, Chinese food, Japanese stuff, drawing, rainy/cloudy days, necklaces, bracelets, roses, candles, the occasional depression, etc.
+*Dislikes - oranges, most vegetables, Raven, Hillary Duff, whorish people, people who use others, screaming kids, most rap, bugs, people who believe they are superior over others, people who think Harry Potter is the devil, homophobes [no, I'm not a homosexual], too much sunlight, needles, pain, incense, etc.
+*Anime/Manga - Fruits Basket, Gravitation, Alice 19th, Confidential Confessions, Forbidden Dance, MARS, Kare Kano, Spirited Away, Marmalade Boy, Hellsing, Ai Yori Aoshi, Vampire Hunter D, Fushigi Yuugi, INVU, Angel Sanctuary, Inuyasha [other]
+*Music [Bands/Singers] - Coldplay, A Perfect Circle, Guns N Roses, Something Corporate, Alanis Morissette, Creed, 3 Doors Down, Hoobastank, Blink-182, Good Charlotte, Goo Goo Dolls, The Ataris, Simple Plan, Incubus, Jewel, No Doubt, Reliant K, All-American Rejects, Three Days Grace, Utada Hikaru, Loreena McKennitt, David Bowie, Conway Twitty, Sakanoue Yosuke, Kinya Kotani, Mark Schultz, Avenged Sevenfold, [other]
+*Songs - Amsterdam, Yellow, Clocks [CP], 3 Libras [APC], November Rain [GnR]
+*Friends - Laura, Skye, Olivia, Andrew, Julio, Robert, Brandon (I guess?), Julie, Brandy, Jessica, NaToni, [several] Chris(es), [a few] Matt(s), Casey, Chape [can't remember all]
+*Movies - Labyrinth, Rumours of Angels, Chicago, Moulin Rouge, Chasing Liberty, How to Deal, 10 Things I Hate About You, Save the Last Dance, A Knight's Tale, Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, A Walk To Remember, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, Man in the Moon, Pirates of the Caribbean, Charlie's Angels, 50 First Dates, 28 Days [other]
+*TV Shows - Degrassi, RFR, My So-Called Life, Trigger Happy, South Park, Reno 911, The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy, Whose Line is it Anyway?, Boy Meets World, Daria, That 70's Show
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silversoldier
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2004 5 July :: 12.03am
:: Mood: amused
:: Music: Family Guy
stuff
OMG!!! Family Guy is actually on while I'm awake.
Well, it was rainy at the parade, which made marching in a t-shirt and shorts miserable, but we amazingly did rather well. Then we went out to the Amigo Lounge for lunch. I never realized until today that there's a guy with a sombrero as their logo. I always thought it looked like a big angry tomato. Abstract mind, eh?
I'm amazed that they didn't say anything about RHPS during I love the 70's 1975 yesterday (I've never watched the 70's series... what can I say?). It's one of the biggest things ever, and it got upstaged by Monty Python. A close second in the movie world, but something tells me singing transvestites deserve a place in Vh1 productions.
Went to the city fireworks display and watched it from Central Bridge. It was an O.K. show, but not the best ever. I think they had some malfunctions in the computer system, because there were some good sized gaps in launches. Oh well, the finish was good.
Then, we came home and set off stuff in the rain. Um, the only problem piece tonight was a starball that shot into our bushes. And I got a few fuse burns, but nothing too special.
So, the mother's gone to Missoula for two weeks, I'm only here for one more week. Um... I should probably re-start Once and Future King... should...
I really want to choreograph a dance routine... but I'm not moving as well as I used to. That's certainly a setback. Not to mention I've got very few dance albums. Whatever, I'll find something to do.
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