No one could see me. I fell into yesterday.

:: 2004 1 April :: 7.15pm
:: Mood: depressed

well...
saw nicko and his group..they were really good....our group was...hmm...okish....now i find i have to go to palm thursday ...and i dont want to i dont want to do anything right now...due to depression.....and jess is right nicko is fuzzy...

Niki is worring me but we already know that....why am i so god damned whiney?

i need a vacation...where we donbt go see dieing relatives...or go work for relatives...eh...

:: 2004 31 March :: 11.16pm
:: Mood: stressed
:: Music: um...lots of stuff

well....
Tired as usual...and confused...by everything...i dont know why cant i see were im going ne more? im completly lost in my own god damned mine..cant draw...emotional blockage.....it started raining as i walked home and it was very calming...yeah rain is my favorite form of percipitation...its so refreshing and it cleans the dirt from the air.........

Wow......well i started crying today because niki is running away..or getting sent to her dads...and then i will have few people still here from years past...which is depressing....yeah.........

Debating with people over gay rights and the Passion is very tiring....

:: 2004 31 March :: 10.54pm

two
You can be both .Changing like the wind
You change your mood very often it depends on your
surroundings and your momental feelings.
Its like you would have two persons in yourself
You are very intensive...very happy or very sad.
You have a life but its very tortured.
Find the balance and youll feel better
.But its not bad to be like this if you are good
mooded everyone loves you .
But when you get bad mood the whole world should
hide from you .

~Is your life a lie?-9 Results+Beautiful Pictures~
brought to you by Quizilla

img src="http://images.quizilla.com/C/coreina/1080319411_ilderaaaa1.jpg" border="0" alt="1">
BEAUTIFUL ICE PRINCESS/PRINCE .You need distance
between you and your partner in your
relationship. You are very difficult to get.
You have big requirements and this one you love
must try hard to get you. But after she/he melt
your heart she/he will be the most happy person
in the world. You need someone who shoes you
that you are special and it makes you feel
good to see that you are loved. She/He shall
know that you could easily get another
girl/boyfriend but you wont as long as you
love him. when she/he hurts you you will hurt
him too, but in general you dont get hurt. If
your partner cheated you ,you would react cold
and immediately (try to) forget him
PLEASE VOTE, I want to know what you think about my
quiz, I worked hard on it.You can always
message me or tell me how I can improve that
quiz. Ill sure write back.

~THE big LOVE TEST!! What do you need? With PICS! For girls and boys!~
brought to you by Quizilla

:: 2004 31 March :: 4.46pm

Nothing.

:: 2004 30 March :: 11.35pm

Well, I got Bleeding Through's "This is Love, this is Murderous" CD tonight, and I love it already. *cradles in arms*
Ah can't talk too long, I have to go eat dinner in a minute. Dinner at 11:00 at night, who would have thought it? ;)

:: 2004 30 March :: 7.19pm
:: Mood: amused
:: Music: um...my dads music..heh

well now that wasnt so bad...
I just got home from my first practice and only i think for my solo with a pianist.....yeah i was really tense but i now feel calm and relaxed because it was easy. My first weekend in a month is this comming up weekend....yes...happy! but yeah so my solo is on friday over at CMR at 3:54....yeah im still slightly nervouse...then on the 28 or 29 im going to try out for youth orchestra...eh i doubt myself to much though...

Gay marriges were my whole thing today...yeah...people need to relise one cannot use the bible for a defense against gay marriges because....not everyone is the same religion thus .....also not letting gay or lesbian couples get married because it is uncostitutional for those who wish to be married because it is in their way of persuit of happiness....yes jessika i know people can be happy not being married but still its wrong to say people cant get married cause they are the same sex...grrrr...no one can outlaw love it dosent work!

ok im done ranting...he......we get to walk to Lincon school and interview 3rd graders for a story. It'll be so cute!!!! ^.^

:: 2004 29 March :: 5.44pm
:: Mood: hurting
:: Music: "Julia" - Horrorpops

Time's fun when you're having flies! - Kermit the Frog
Hey everyone, I'm a tad sick and I can't get the awful taste of sickness out of my mouth. It's disgusting, it's kind of like spoiled milk that was poured down some fat hairy plumber's buttcrack. Lovely imagery, eh?
My knee hurts like a mother. I don't know what I did to it, but it has been killing me all day. I don't have too much to say so I will have to keep this short and sweet. Ta-ta.

:: 2004 28 March :: 11.01pm
:: Mood: devious
:: Music: Supervexin-Garbage

Prom was cool went to applebees for diinnner with taletha,christin and andrea dobs.......so yeah then went to prom...my hair was cute ...and yeah it took an hour so it better have been cute...butyeah saw ashley and jessika and all them all were very pretty....roxys dress was nifty..but yeah i was amazed at hom wany people were dancing...yes... but then i went home and pulled out the 50 bobypin in myhear and 10 rubber bands....i had a bottle of hair spray in my hair...but then i went to sleep and had a dream about the day we went snorkeling in hawaii but neways it turned out there were demonic dolfins and friendly sharks.....and i died in the water twas amusing

Got a cute pic of roxy and raab sitting in the feild of ballons at prom i hope it comes out. My ears are infected due to cheap earings..eh...yeah just did my personal essay..i hope Mrs.Gray dosne t send me to the counceler..eh..im so tired...but yeah got a cute pair of spank shorts and a pair that say kung fu all over them...cuteness!!!!

Something ive noticed...my girliness has increased many folds.....ok i was think ok going to the movies or having a movie party sometime soon or after easter...yeah i dont know.....heh i will ask gwen if she can have it at her house....lol....slight parinoia today......eh...my hair is slightly fried..eh sad...

:: 2004 28 March :: 4.01pm
:: Mood: kinda spooked...
:: Music: 28 Days Later soundtrack

blah...
Yeah, I just bought the soundtrack about an hour ago... yay me! And, I'm basically home alone: my sister's sleeping, meaning no one will be concious while I'm here until six... whoopee?
seriously, I forgot how eerie the soundtrack is... I mean, it can be great for interp, but it's also really one of those send a chill up your spine things...

:: 2004 28 March :: 4.54pm

MOTHER OF MERCY
God, I wish I was thinner. I truely think that I would be happier if I was thinner. I bought this really cute black and red polka-dot Dickies little dress last night and IT DOESN'T FIT ME. And it's an XL too. *shakes fist* It was so cute too.
I've tried to diet and exercise, but I lack the discipline and commitment. I wish there was an easier way. I need to stop being so lazy. I dread summer.

7 worthless words | help me

:: 2004 28 March :: 1.50pm

Why, children, WHY?
A girl from my school's and I's conversation:
Keep in mind that before all this she was even ashamed to say hello to me in the hallways because of the way I looked.

lhottguys: hey
DruggedUpHooker: hi
lhottguys: watz up
DruggedUpHooker: nothing much, whats up with you?
lhottguys: sare
lhottguys: i turned 14 yesterday and my cousins are ova here and i got 187 $
lhottguys: i mean 177
DruggedUpHooker: cool :-) lucky
lhottguys: i know im gonna buy a pair of freak pants
lhottguys: the ones that are really wide at the bottom if my mom lets me
DruggedUpHooker: you mean flares?
lhottguys: yes
DruggedUpHooker: flares are hippie pants hehe
lhottguys: ok

ATTACK OF THE KILLER LABELS!

:: 2004 28 March :: 12.24pm
:: Mood: bored
:: Music: The Birthday Massacre

Mary Is My Homegirl
Hey guys, I haven't updated this in a couple of days. Mainly because nothing much has happened. My friend spent the night on Friday, yesterday I went to the mall and to eat out, ect. And today I have no idea what I'm going to do. I have a terrible cold that is bugging the hell out of me. At least my headache went away. Oh yeah, I finally redyed my hair. It's nice and black again, not brown with the occasional black streak which made me resemble a skunk. Anyways, see you all later, goodbye.

:: 2004 27 March :: 8.12pm
:: Mood: exhausted
:: Music: classical piano

prom night
holy fuck... I've spent the afternoon setting the table (in the most formal way possible) for my sister's prom meal, party of 10, now 12. And, she plays the most terrible host, so the rest of the family makes up for her skills there in. So, as they eat, I finally get a moment to rest; however, I won't be eating myself until at least 9:30... oy... that's life as a servant. Anywho, I'm exhausted, and Zach will be using my room tonight... so, I'll be poorly rested for the morrow sun.

:: 2004 26 March :: 6.19am
:: Mood: still tired
:: Music: VH1

sorry about not updating
I truly have been swamped by homework recently, so yeah... Anywho, um, my mouse has a broken foot (biology), and!!! we start pig disections today. hahaha to all you kids at GFH, because they cut that from YOUR program :P.
Jessika, I have about ten lines written for a poem about you... and so far I haven't mentioned anything that represents you yet... but don't worry, it will come around.
Oh... and I've recently realized how insecure I've become... yesterday, our lunches were cut back ten minutes (behavior, garbage, neighborhood complaints... what can I say, we must be bad people)... plus, we could either go out to eat, or eat in the cafeteria ONLY. Good god, I may be skipping lunch again, because my severe aversion to crowd really was a problem yesterday... really...
And the night before that, I had a really nice dream, though it did point out another insecurity. All it was about was me walking around school with Jeff's arms around me, and all I could say was "hold me tighter..." I'm really starting to get worried about my love situation. I just feel like I've got no one to talk to anymore (which I know is bull shit, because *mostly* all of you are willing to listen to my rants).. plus, I've really been wanting a cuddle buddy for a while **eee! how feminine of me!**
Oh, and I don't think I did so well on my tryout for Symphonic... tear tear... but, hey! I'll still get into some band.

4 worthless words | help me

:: 2004 23 March :: 9.52pm

Tonya got arrested and so did her mom...and angela is back at home....yeah..its bad....

So yeah im bored......and yeah so Malicai is mad at me again only now cause im going out with Damon ...but shhhhh..its not working out for me...like im not attached and i dont have those feelings for him..but hey it pissed mal off..whish was kinda a plus for that....yes....

Ok solo comming up...um........Prom this saturday and the like..oh and i didnt get the job at the Amigo so im going to go look elswhere.....

Hmmm... i want to go to Kenya next summer. its 3,500 dollars and you work on a wild life preserve in schools com centers and medical centers for a mounth so yeah it shall be funfun! i just need to get enough money..eh...small obsticle.

:: 2004 22 March :: 11.37pm

tired.......
Oh....tiredness....eh....went over to Denises and Joshes today with angela and tonya....sleep...but yeah so prom this weekend along with leaders group and church community service followed by babysitting....Malicai got me a Cetic Cross for my b-day...but now he is gone......um cattins was fun.......yes so my extream tiredness is keeping me from thinking......

Well im final 15 and my parents moved my curfew to 11pm on weekends and 9 on weekdays!!!!YAY!...so yes..longer updates soon...i hope

:: 2004 22 March :: 4.18pm
:: Mood: dreading
:: Music: White Zombie

Siren
*strokes pretty new background*
Yes, my pretties, for once in about 142424242 months I CHANGED the almighty Eric Griffin background to this lovely Dope Stars Inc. one. Lovely, eh?
Anyway, I can already tell that this is one of those weeks that I don't want to happen. Nothing to look forward to, the same old crap happening everyday, blah blah blah. I guess I'll just have to tough it out. *slaps on football gear*
In the time span of 24 hours the new dog has (a) pooped on the rug in the bathroom, (b) pooped and peed in the kitchen and living room, and (c) puked all over the couch. Oh yeah, and they decided on a name. Layla. It's a nice name, but I wanted to name her Jade. *stabs* Oh well.
God, I'm rambling today, aren't I? I guess I shall leave you all with that. Love you all, I bid farewell. *waves handkerchief in the wind*

:: 2004 21 March :: 11.18pm
:: Mood: sleepy
:: Music: My Ruin

Beauty Fiend
Well, Emily's party thingy was fun. We didn't really....do much. We sat around on her computer and she bombarded me and Stacie with pictures and then we went downstairs and watched The Evil Dead and House of 1000 Corpses. We got ANOTHER dog. It's a black lab-german shepard mix. It doesn't have a name yet, but it's a girl. That makes us five dogs now. Geez.

Now leaving you with.....TIGER ARMY MOOHA.

:: 2004 20 March :: 3.50pm

I'd really love it if y'all came to OUR play tonight...

:: 2004 20 March :: 2.31pm

RAWR
EDIT: Due to the immense size of the picture, I changed the image to a link. Can't let my pretty background go to waste, now can I? *insert evil laughter here*

I finally got my pictures back MOOHA. Or, found out how to work them, rather. Here's one though cause I still haven't uploaded them all to my server or whatever.
"http://blacktears844.250free.com/024_21A.JPG"
That's me in a little Mexican resteraunt....thingy we went to. I got sick of their food. *kills*
Anyways, more pics up later, see you all.

6 worthless words | help me

:: 2004 19 March :: 4.15pm

Well I finally started uploading my pictures from the Kodak Picture CD....thing. It's taking forever. All I have is about 15542757454545454542 more seconds to go. *sits back and relaxes* Yep, it's going to be a loooong time. *crickets chirp* Anyways, I look horrible in the pictures considering I don't have much makeup on, so be prepared. But I'm a picture WHORE, so I shall post them, mooha! Anyways, Emily's party thingy is tomorrow, I have to get her either a Dropkick Murphys or a Sex Pistols shirt.

Damn her. I want her fucking looks.

:: 2004 18 March :: 6.40pm

Well my b-day was dandy...malici got me a rose....and then after schhol tonya and angela edler showed up at my house and yeah so they got kicked out plus their parents were abusing them but now they are living with me...in my room.....TONYA AND ANGELA EDLER.....yes strange no?

Yesterday....well we went to the mall and at about 7:30 decided to go over to Josh and Brandons house in parkdale....so tonya could dye her hair and yeah so what ended up happening was that we were late and yeah....

Party...welll...Rochelle now cant come either...eh not many people love me...jks lol....so yes im officialy 15 and its nice!

Oh yes..and i colored my hair again..now it is all one color and one of my better...red.

:: 2004 17 March :: 4.17pm
:: Mood: exhausted
:: Music: Willie Nelson haha

It's a TWISTA!! Dorothy!
I am so fucking tired. I can't go to bed now or else I won't sleep tonight and that will be CRAP. I've barely eaten anything since Saturday. Like, that means, one sandwich a day or something along the lines of that. Funny thing is, I'm not hungry, and when I try to eat, it hurts and is so unappetizing it makes me sick to even think about eating it. My mom said if I wasn't any better by tomorrow she was calling the doctor. Geez.

:: 2004 16 March :: 11.43am
:: Mood: awake
:: Music: "Wicked" - Switchblade Symphony

My Jade Ring Can Beat Up Your Jade Ring
I cleared out my room last night, and my new bed (which is HUGE), my new chest, and my new dresser with a humongus mirror came last night. I slept on my bed and it's like 4 feet off the ground. I hope I don't roll off. I still have to paint my room and all, and since the furniture is like, shiny black 50s style, I was wanting to do it kinda 50s style. So I was thinking maybe a pink with my black furniture or something, I don't know. Any suggestions from you guys?
Anyways, we have a snow day today. *dances somewhat* I'm glad since we're off school but I'm a bit tired of all this cold weather. I'm ready for spring. Oh well, our weather has been so messed up lately it'll probably be 50 degrees tomorrow. *shrugs* Well, see you all later.