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2012 6 February :: 10.02pm
:: Mood: Numb
I don't know what to do with myself anymore.. It's like I lost all sense of purpose in life...
Seen It Through My Eyes?
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pop-tart
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2012 2 February :: 9.45pm
My mom took me tanning for 10mins today. She thought it would help with my seasonal depression. Nope. I'm burnt. My back is on fire and I just want to go lay in the snow.
Seen It Through My Eyes?
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cherrytwiggy
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2012 2 February :: 8.59pm
I dont understand how I'm supposed to have any sort of life when David cant sleep while I'm not here. He blames the dogs, but he wears ear plugs when he sleeps... and he could just shut the bedroom door too. I dont like feeling guilty for leaving the house. Too bad for him, I have a vet appt tomorrow, plans to go out saturday, and then plans with two different people next week :l
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Seen It Through My Eyes?
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pop-tart
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2012 29 January :: 10.18pm
My poor lillyAna has an upper respiratory infection. His eyes are all goopy and swollen. It's pure torture to watch knowing the only thing I can do is keep him warm and keep his eyes clean. The general rule is if it doesn't clear up in 5 days then take him to the vet. I don't know if I can wait that long. He really isn't acting sick other then the goopy eyes. He still spent all afternoon playing with toys and eating twice his body weight. It just looks really nasty. I'm just at a loss.
Oh. for anyone confused by this post, LillyAna is my moms gender confused cat.
Seen It Through My Eyes?
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cherrytwiggy
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2012 23 January :: 12.45pm
testing.
Seen It Through My Eyes?
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pop-tart
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2012 22 January :: 4.05pm
Why do I have to mediate between a grown man and a nine year old over whose turn it in on the computer? Get a job, Buy your own, Problem solved!
Seen It Through My Eyes?
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pop-tart
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2012 19 January :: 7.34pm
Thought work would help with my cabin fever. Nope. I need to get out.
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Seen It Through My Eyes?
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pop-tart
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2012 17 January :: 11.44pm
starting to get cabin fever. Its making me really short tempered. I have even less tolerance for Chase's poor "cinderfella" attitude and Derek's back-sass. This could be bad.
I am actually excited for work Thursday.
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rayray
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2012 17 January :: 3.02pm
I have been trying to find a way to vent without feeling guilty and like a total bitch when I am done. I think I have finally realized that it's not possible for me to do that, and I guess I don't really care too much about those feelings anymore. I will have to deal with them.
I have been struggling to have some kind of civil relationship with Mike's daughter for the last 4ish years. One day, she just decided she didn't want to listen to me anymore, and felt that I can't tell her what to do or anything. At first it caused Mike and I to argue, a lot. He thought I was being mean, or that I didn't know what I was talking about. It took awhile for him to finally see that she really doesn't listen to me, and completely ignores my existence. I thought it was getting better, but I was wrong. Now, she absolutely hates me. She won't admit it to me, or Mike, but we all know. I am not trying to be her parent, because I know she doesn't want me to. But I am not going to sit back and watch her let her grades fall, or see her curse like a sailor on Facebook. So I say stuff to her about it. I am not mean about it, but I am direct, and I come off as a concerned elder, not a parent. However, she see's it differently, and completely disrespects me. The other day, I finally had enough, and I ratted her out to her dad. Because of course she deleted the conversation on her status, so that I didn't have any proof. It really got to me, that she was that disrespectful to me. Well Mike was instantly pissed about it, and let her have it. He took my side and told her that she needed to respect me. A lot of things were said in their conversation. But summary version, I am a bitch and I act like a two year old, and don't deserve respect. And Mike told her not to ask for another damn thing until she learns to respect me, and apologizes.. Now, she won't talk to him. He tells her every night before he starts work, "Good night, I love you". (He sends her and I a text every night telling us that). And she won't respond, if she does, all she says is "night".
I feel horrible that their relationship is shitty. I feel like it's my fault, but at the same time I am happy because they need to learn that he needs to have the upper hand and discipline her, and that she can't get away with everything. I also feel bad, because Reagan loves her, and because she is mad at us, she won't come over for at least a month.. So Reagan is suffering because of that. I want to say something to her, but I don't know how to do it without making things worse..
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Seen It Through My Eyes?
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pop-tart
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2012 16 January :: 9.20pm
Remembered My Password.
Yeah... I need to start using this again. I don't know how much I will post but its nice to see whats going on is some of my favorite peoples lives... Mainly Raych, Beave, and Jordan. lol According to my friends list they are the only ones who still update. Love your faces.
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rayray
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2012 3 January :: 10.24am
I have actually been enjoying Mike being home for the past week. He has helped with Reagan a ton. And he drives me everywhere I have to go. Not to mention we've gotten stuff done around the house. Definitely needed this and I'm not ready for him to go back to work.
Seen It Through My Eyes?
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rayray
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2011 26 December :: 3.09pm
As usual my mom has to be herself.
She made dinner for us at my sisters, because my sister has a dishwasher. Well, needless to say she left the mess for us to clean up. She took all the meat for fajitas, and left all the rest of the stuff. She wouldn't even join all of us in the living room. She sat in a chair behind the couch so that she could escape outside to go smoke as frequently as she wanted. Seriously, every time we turned around she was outside.
After she left my sister asked my brother and I if we ever remember our dad hitting mom.. Uhm, no. Apparently she was at her "boyfriends" house and was telling my brother in law that our dad used to beat her and of course we will all deny it.. Uh hello, he NEVER hit her. She is pathetic. She seriously has to come up with the stupidest shit for an excuse for why they got divorced.
So I believe next year we are just going to get together for Christmas and not invite her.
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skife
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2011 19 December :: 6.22pm
:: Mood: pissed off
If you bring my child to me one more time without a fucking coat i'm going to clobber you, its fucking winter time... its cold out, you're wearing a coat, why does he have to suffer!?
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skife
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2011 19 December :: 5.27pm
I can't handle being me anymore...
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rayray
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2011 18 December :: 4.48pm
I have been doing a lot of thinking lately.
About how much I miss my Grandparents and wish they were here to see Reagan and my nephews grow up. It breaks my heart that they aren't physically here and have missed a lot that has happened in my life. I know they are proud of me, and are watching over me, but its not the same as sharing the moments with them, and hearing them tell me.
I have been thinking a lot about Mike's family. Mainly his brother. His brother has spent the last 3 years in prison. He missed their moms funeral, so he never got to say goodbye. He doesn't know that he has a niece that is a year old. He hasn't seen his son in years. I know that I shouldn't feel bad for him because he put himself in prison, but I do feel bad. He called Mike today to let him know how he was doing, and that he was out of prison. Before he got off the phone he told Mike to tell Darielle he said hi, and then told him he loved him. Mike said I love you back, and I was shocked. I commented about it, and he told me that he did love his brother and that he got the raw end of the deal growing up. That if he hadnt been raised by their mom then he would have turned out better. I said what about your sister? And he told me that he doesn't love his sister. She had a fair chance at life and she chose to screw it up. I guess it is what it is. His family is jacked up, and they barely know my daughter. But I do not want her to know the half of what they are about, so I guess I am going to protect her for as long as I can.
I have been thinking about my life, my relationship. I don't have a perfect relationship by any means. But I don't have a crumbling relationship either. We fight, say things we shouldn't, but we never stay mad. And I am grateful for that. I hate that I live in a trailer, and it depresses me. We struggle for money, and that really gets to both of us. But it makes more sense for me to stay home than it does for me to go back to work.
A lot of my friends have been struggling with deaths, health issues, break ups, and so on. I wish I could take all their pain away and make them feel better. Some of them I wish I could smack in the face and tell them that they need to pull their head out of their ass..
I don't hang out with a lot of people anymore. Social contact is hard for me. People piss me off and I don't want to deal with it.
Seen It Through My Eyes?
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