Thank you for destroying me.

 

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:: 2005 18 June :: 6.34 pm
:: Music: The Cars- Just what I needed

a match made in retart heaven

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Open your eyes


:: 2005 16 June :: 2.46 pm

ultrasounds are interesting... i don't think they found anything (especially no kids) but i feel a little violated. i am sure the feeling will subside, it was all just a little strange.

as for the teeth, they aren't so bad now. the swelling has gone down but i still look like a chipmunk. so if you see me, please laugh.

Open your eyes


:: 2005 15 June :: 7.59 pm

for those of you who are confused by my complaints of pain and suffering... i got all of my wisdom teeth taken out on monday. the pain makes me not able to spell and i can basically only sleep.

i tried to eat real food yesterday but i woke up pukiing this morning.
the last couple days have sucked, i want to wake up not swollen with a new improvemental state.

fuck, i hate those damn teeth.

2 find grace | Open your eyes


:: 2005 15 June :: 9.23 am

i woke up around 2am puking up anything in my system,
blood and dry heaving for the last couple hours.

i am in so much pain. i don't think i am going anywhere this weekend. sorry to anyone who's open house i am missing.

Open your eyes


:: 2005 14 June :: 7.06 am

post op update...day 1.5

my cheecks are really swollen, and it is really hard to eat and brush my teeth. half of my lower jaw still has no senses. i feel like a flippin baby, b/c all i can eat is mush. so i really want a veggie wrap with hummus, but i can't chew anything. i am very glad that i took th whole week off. but i have to get a father's day present for my dad today. goodie.

1 find grace | Open your eyes


:: 2005 13 June :: 6.25 pm
:: Music: White Stripes- We're going to be friends

so, my jaw hurts. i remember talking the the doctor and then i was sitting on a cushion lounge in the back of the building. then i came home and slept, and i slept most of the way home. i am on amoxacillin and hydrocodon with ibuprofun. oh well. i am still really sleepy. i really want it to be september. i can't wait to start school. i decided to wait until second semester to do sports so i know exactly what all of the work load is going to be like. so far i have gotten noticably thinner. some of my pants from sophomore year fit, but are pretty snug. i can't eat like anything but pudding and mashed potatoes for at least today, and maybe tomorrow. as of right now, i have lost about 5 lbs. maybe more....

hmm, i just want to be super hot by the end of the summer.

Open your eyes


:: 2005 12 June :: 10.43 pm

so i am sitting here, thinking that i need to just not care about the whole thing with mister and be like whatever. so i am trying to find the version of psycho killer that they always play... but i can't find it. i can only find the original which is by the talking heads. damn

Open your eyes


:: 2005 11 June :: 10.36 pm

hello despondence.
here i am again.
i hope to leave soon, never to behold your dark embrace again

1 find grace | Open your eyes


:: 2005 11 June :: 10.02 pm
:: Mood: crushed
:: Music: the smiths-- asleep

so i am really out of it again. i want to sleep, don't wake me up, i don't want to eat. just sleep and ignore the world around me. it turns out rei has a girlfriend. that would have been nice to know when he was telling me that i am beautiful and blah blah blah.
i am such a fucking stupid child. why would anyone like me, and why did i actually believe that he would seriously mean any of what he told me. he was just trying to get tips. fuck, i hate being alone and i want to have something so much that it hurts.

i was all by myself at the coffee shop, so i finished my drink and left to come home and just broke down in tears. i don't want to wake up on my own anymore. i scratched and dug my nails into my arm just to release this hurt. make it go away....

Open your eyes


:: 2005 9 June :: 4.59 pm

so i can't help but think. how the fuck am i going to get my computer??

1 find grace | Open your eyes


:: 2005 9 June :: 4.23 pm

so i just talked to my room mate and she definitly rocks. she is in track and she is really nice.

god. i am excited for college!

Open your eyes


:: 2005 9 June :: 3.40 pm
:: Music: Bright Eyes- Lua

Food at last

so i am now a vegitarian, but my parents wouldn't get me food to eat... so i just went and bought food. unfrotunatley none of it is all too healthy and it mostly consists of breakfast. so i can eat lots of breakfast and veggie dogs and veggie buffalo wings w/ blue cheese.

haha. if i could only give up dairy too... i guess i will have to wait until i am in the big city that i can go and eat like california rolls and shit.

oh, i will be so pretty by the time school starts. i will find love

Open your eyes


:: 2005 8 June :: 3.08 pm

i love having a pool
i love working out, and i love the possibility of getting some

3 find grace | Open your eyes


:: 2005 5 June :: 11.05 pm

so, i am that girl
you know, the perfect girl... the one that nobody notices because they are too full of shit looking at outward apearances.
when really, deep down, the only thing i want is to care for someone

to be the person who they run to everynight, just because it was the best comfort they can get. i want to listen, i want to feel. i want to be heard and i want to love again, is there anyone who will let me love them??


:: 2005 5 June :: 10.30 pm

so, the open house went well. kells stopped by, as did lizzy, pj, chris, lisa and some others.
i went and saw rei afterwards, and then again today.
he called me darling. i want to just like listen to him all day, because i just like being around him. he is a nice mysterious guy. and a very hot one. haha. yeah. any ways.... i am very excited about this summer.
i am now a vegitarian (for you kids that don't know) and also i am going to start modeling again, here sometime this summer. starting next month with my test shots to update my portfolio and jessica's photography portfolio. haha, yeah they might get me a wedding dress, and rei said he would be the groom, if we paid him to, so he can pay his bills. haha, that was a very odd and random situation done more in jest than actually being serious. fuck me. i love grand rapids and MS75

i look forward to me being a party girl all summer.
i love the summer, and i will love this fall even more so.

Open your eyes

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