::
2005 16 March :: 5.00 pm
:: Mood: crushed
:: Music: some mirror song from broadway
so, i started to work out to calm down
and then i got a head ache and wanted to puke
now i want to puke and sleep,
i feel so flippin wore out
Open your eyes |
::
2005 16 March :: 4.01 pm
in all honesty, i am sick of this bull shit.
i am done. there is no tomorrow with you,
i want nothing to do with you, i don't want to even talk to you unless you have something worthwhile to say
i say things out of anger, but if it is always going to me like this
you don't deserve me.
you could have had the best of me, emotionally
i am caring and giving and supportive
but you are all fucking assholes who are unworthy of my fucking time
i'll be 18 next month, i can do whatever the fuck i want
and when i leave in 2 months you better know i will be so fucking glad to go.
Open your eyes |
::
2005 16 March :: 3.54 pm
for my sake i would like it if everyone who reads my journal would leave me a llist of my pro's and con's.
you can post anon. it doesn't matter, because i want to know what you think.
1 find grace |
Open your eyes |
::
2005 15 March :: 10.15 pm
:: Music: Seether- Gasoline
i made chocolate chunk cookies and all of my friends get one, but mainly i made them for chad so he will maybe behave for once. lol, doubtful but worth a shot. i don't think i will see him tomorrow and it may be soo good not to, because i still don't want to deal with any of it.
Open your eyes |
::
2005 15 March :: 6.36 pm
In response
i am looking for happiness, and someone to care for maybe someone to care about me
i could have been the best anyone could ever have. not like i am going anywhere or something but i seriously, might just quit iwth it. i odn't even feel like going to prom, and i wish i could take back my dress and just sleep. it could have been so much fun but why should i waste my time. it is only going to be one more dance that i don't have a date for, and one more crappy HS memory.
|
::
2005 15 March :: 3.31 pm
well, that was a nice trip down memory lane.
i just went back and read a bunch of my past entries, and guess what i am just as fucked up now as i was then, if not more so.
except now i know that i won't get that guy who loves me that i am always dreaming about, just a friend that i am supposed to settle on talking too, not fooling around with. i get nothin.
no dice. i need something now, i have to find it. i am going to get messed up again, all of my old habits have slowly been resurfacing.
fuck
Open your eyes |
::
2005 15 March :: 2.54 pm
:: Mood: empty
:: Music: Incubus- Here in my room
God is empty, so am i
if i am beautiful, i don't see it
i feel empty. god is empty.
fate is out to get me, not really but maybe
i will ruin myself in the end
there is no sleep for the wicked, that's what they keep saying
i sleep everynight, but i am bad.
bad wicked empty and feeling alone.
this is just one of those days, i can't feel the happiness
i hear the words. i have nothing to say
i can't push you, the motivation is here but you are blind
i won't find love
i'm too messed up. life is too queer.
i feel like it's all against me, have i turned my back it?
no, maybe. i can't be sure with my head in the clouds
but i am back. i can't have what i want, because i will never deserve it
i only deserve the tears, that's all i have ever been good for.
|
::
2005 14 March :: 10.19 pm
so the paper is finished, the end is half assed but eh.
i found a bunch of pictures of me as a kid and i look like a little boy in half of them, and i had vampire teeth. it was friggin funny, i am bringing them to school tomorrow. Lol. wow, yeah.
Open your eyes |
::
2005 14 March :: 3.05 pm
You Are From Mercury |
You are talkative, clever, and knowledgeable - and it shows.
You probably never leave home without your cell phone!
You're witty, expressive, and aware of everything going on around you.
You love learning, playing, and taking in all of what life has to offer.
Be careful not to talk your friends' ears off, and temper your need to know everything.
|
Open your eyes |
::
2005 13 March :: 11.10 pm
:: Music: Cake-- Love you madly
well, i am sleepin tonght and maybe not tomorrow. i have the paper half way done. i just don't know how to phrase my next starter sentence. my head really hurts. i hate brit lit right now. bah
and i feel jealous of liz. i don't know why but it just always seems like she has it all, and the sad thing is i know she is just the same as i am, but it always works out for her. idk, i love lizzy so much but i always envy her, because she has so much that i lack. gah. i am rambling.
anyways yeah, night.
Open your eyes |
::
2005 13 March :: 3.35 pm
:: Mood: fucked
:: Music: Cake-- Love you madly
And so we are on the second page third paragraph and royally screwed. I am going to be up all night and will be really pissy and tired tomorrow, i appologise in advance.
Open your eyes |
::
2005 12 March :: 8.42 pm
and so, i have a thesis, two quotes and all of my citations. however i still have to actually write this damn thing and i am becoming frustrated.
In other news... we are finished with the upstairs bathroom minus a wall that my parents will paper tomorrow. i am very excited and i looks really good and creates a much more comfortable atmosphere. i can't wait until the rest of the house is done and hopefully feels mor homey. umm yeah, anyways. off to do more typing for class (screams and pulls hair)--i feel better now.
Open your eyes |
::
2005 11 March :: 10.12 pm
for some reason i got out of school and went to kellys and sat at his house talking to his mom and hanging out and watching tv for like 2 hours, then i went to get the psp cd from dennis and then i went to lizzies and watched Napolean Dynamite and we danced around in our prom dresses. It was fun. i would say a good day and Kal talked to me today and he doesn't seem quite as bad as he is made up to be. hmm, yeah. anyways, i really do have to start that research paper tomorrow.
Open your eyes |
::
2005 11 March :: 10.21 am
this schooln is retarded. i want to show dufty my xanga banner. GAH
1 find grace |
Open your eyes |
::
2005 10 March :: 10.17 pm
:: Music: Pearl Jam- Last Kiss
So i was reading the like home page are for woohu, and i laughed because andy said we are elitist. i just find it funny b/c even those who have paid the money can totally not care about their journal but yeah. it's late and i am easily amused.
BTW...
i was looking up a bunch of songs and i found like a bunch of songs that i love but never knew who they were by and now i am downloading them and being really excited.
Open your eyes |
|