A L I C I A

A L I C I A

:: 2003 28 April :: 8.59pm
:: Mood: sore
:: Music: lalala

gahness!
holas... today was eaglette tryouts... interesting. well i didnt have shoes w/ me so i did it barefoot, so my feet got all nastified, then they taught the routine way too fast so i was lost like to whole time. lol but after practicing at home i got it.. my calves already hurt. imagine tomorrow! and then on thursday i gotta do that run thing... fuck. this will be a very painful week. lol umm i gotta do that damn research project. gah! anyone wanna do it for me? eh.. this sucks. okay well i should go work on my hw.. see ya
oh wait!! what i learned:never... ever... under any circumstnce go in the dance room barefoot. it just shouldn't be done. also, people change, but not always completely.

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rachel

:: 2003 27 April :: 8.27pm
:: Mood: thirsty
:: Music: madonna.. dont ask

this type of modern life.. is it for me?
came across a good poem... its called futility (our favorite subject, aintit?)

Oh, I have tried to laugh the pain away,
Let new flames brush my love-springs like a feather.
But the old fever seizes me to-day,
As sickness grips a soul in wretched weather.
I have given up myself to every urge,
With not a care of precious powers spent,
Have bared my body to the strangest scourge,
To soothe and deaden my heart's unhealing rent.
But you have torn a nerve out of my frame,
A gut that no physician can replace,
And reft my life of happiness and aim.
Oh what new purpose shall I now embrace?
What substance hold, what lovely form pursue,
When my thought burns through everything to you?

my thoughts exactly.. hmm.. well i tried working on my research paper.. didnt work out too well. tomorrow im goin to eaglettes tryouts w/ lizzy.. should be interesting. i went to d&b w/ J A C K I E on friday.. fun stuff. happy bday! umm my brother came home.. kinda happy about that.. my parents were starting to drive me insane. i wish i was at olympic heights tomorrow... theyre having a walk out in protest of the budget cuts.. good for them.
im gonna start a lil 'what i learned' corner of my journal.. lol here goes..
i learned that procrastination REALLY REALLY REALLY does suck. NOT the smart choice... and if ya'll are already chronic procrastinators then maybe i cant change ur mind.. but i learned my lesson this weekend witht he damn research project. alrighty.. time to go kids.. hasta

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rachel

:: 2003 26 April :: 11.20am
:: Mood: tired

rainy days and mondays always get me down....
hola.. i just woke up. my brother had not only gotten up, but gone out before my parents even got up. weirdness. this weekend is gonna suck... i have to do my research paper... hopefully i can get most of it done today.. that damn paper is gonna kick my ass. im supposed to go for a facial today... interesting. i wanna go tanningthough.. i havent gotten sun in like 3 weeks. im turning white again lol.
it may be very true that ignorance is bliss.... but not knowing can be hell sometimes.

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rachel

:: 2003 25 April :: 5.02pm
:: Mood: creative
:: Music: my microwave

you're just a dream....
gah! bacon is so unruly.... i cannot for the life of me make it w/o it being burnt/shriveled up.
today was okay.. ashley and andrea are kinda in a fight type thing.. we all knew it would happen, it was just a matter of time. and i dunno.. part of me says too bad.. she deserves it. but then the other part feels bad for her.. because i know what that feels like. so ive decided to try and be friendlier to her because she was my friend way back when, and i am a better person than to just say "i told you so".
ive started to write alot.. in my journal and i write poems n stuff.. it really helps he to sort out my thoughts and get them out somewhere so im not thinking about it so much. (thanks celine)
oh yea she bitched at me in math... i wasnt even talking to her when i sed it but she was pissed for whatever reason and then sameen too cause he couldnt take a joke so i kinda mumbled to myself that now i have 2 ppl in my row pissed at me and she turned around and bitched me out.... uhh thanks? i understand that u were in a mood and that i might have instigated it but that wasnt quite necessary and a sorry would help. its all good though, i dont hold grudges over things like that...
im starting to see why i tend to keep to myself... because when i do open up i am either judged or rejected.. and each time it gets harder and harder for me to want to take the risk of opening up to someone.. for fear of it happening again. today ive really learned what futility is... because even though you know that you will get hurt in a situation.. you cant help but get deeper into it. some people are just like a pill, you know what they can do to you but you'll risk that for a few moments of happiness. eh what the hell am i talking about. im gonna go eat

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skittlicious

:: 2003 24 April :: 3.07pm
:: Mood: happy
:: Music: its in my head: [[bring me to life]]

::you are my passion for life <3::
this week has been kinda hectic, but today was a 1/2 day so i got to take a break, and relax. dad was suppoe to pick me up from school, but he called and canceled, oh well i walked home with jenna and her mommy found us and picked us up, stinky walked behind us (love that kid <3333). jenna tried to get her mom to take us to panera, but instead we got pizza. we texted "the boys" (gobbles and crackhead) and they ended up coming over for a whole 20 minutes? Max is grounded and had to be home, early...he's cracked otu lol. JEnna taught max to play :palace: but he didnt get it because he put a 9 on a queen, dumb kid.
tonight i have to make more cookies, for elections. im getting nervous because i went into this saying i had NO chance, and now i kinda think i do...i hope so...
i put up 48472389 posters for elections, and now there's like 2 up...stupid people, ill just put them UP HIGH where YOU cant reach them, :)
*I'm mad about something, at someone but i dont really want to start the confrontation, its not needed, i guess...ill just let it blow over in time adn ill get over it, like i always do. but in reality i had ti frist, than YOU stole it, and i want it back but i wont have it back because you fucking stole it.....fuck.

:::i need help, i definitly like him, but i cant have him, why am i pyscho :'(:::

hollaaaa
((mandalanda))

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rachel

:: 2003 24 April :: 2.25pm
:: Mood: gah

so alone...

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rachel

:: 2003 23 April :: 5.21pm
:: Mood: calm
:: Music: linkin park

look deeper..
gah its been a while... not too much has happened.. i did a lot of thinking today. after reading celini's song i was feeling expressive so a wrote a poem-type thing.. its good to get my feelings out there. i finally let the girl read it... she liked it. that's cool.. lets just say it was about how im misunderstood... and i get upset when ppl say they know exactly how i feel yet they turn around and act different.. like the words dont match the actions. lately ive been feeling distance b/w myself and sam n christine. i dunno what it is but seems like theyre mad at me for something... or i dunno.. w/e. in other news.. the bus ride was really good today.. :) (lol liz) tomorrow's a half day... good. maybe u guys can come over and go swimming or somethin. tonite; kickboxing. i need to get my mind to stop thinking for at least 45 min... lol. okies adios.

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skittlicious

:: 2003 20 April :: 5.13pm
:: Mood: exhausted
:: Music: [[wanna talk about me]]

::i'd do anything, just ot hold you in my arms::
its been a little while?...
My break was ok, i had sedar at my grandmas first night, BORING and sedar at PAige's second night, it was fun except i met robin hartman and he's an asshole, dontl ike him at all.
((Thursday night)) after sedar went to my friend stephanie's house and slept over because on friday me and some of her friends were going to orlando.
((friday)) drove up to orlando, we got tehre 3ish? went swimming :) and than we went to friday's for dinner, ha the hott waiter's tied balloons in stephanie's hair, haha
((friday night)) we just wont go into that, love ya stephanie
((saturday)) went swimming, and paddle boating, so much fun...haha we won the race to the water fountain, but than we got wet, damn...
((saturday night)) went ot hard rock cafe, and city walk. OS MUCH FUN! we sang on chairs, and danced on chairs, got a light up necklace haha. Stephanie got sooo embarrassed..funnn place.
::oh yea forgot ot mention, me, shannon, gaby and jamie, got allie s, allie r, and stephanie with water balloons MUAHAHA::
((sunday morning)) got a phone call at 9:30 to come downstairs RIGHT NOW to "vote on something" yeah haha, the girls got us back, i definitly say they won the watreballoons, good one...and i wasnt mad lol, just shocked, good one though. :-P
((Car ride home)) slept 1/2 way through than had a potty break, thanks lol, and than came home and momma picked me up <33 missed her.
((now)) came to my aunts house to swim but my mom made me sit in the sun to get some color cause she said im green =\
((tonight)) mad homework
((new news)) i like someone and NO one knows, too scared to come out and say it...but i will in time

((jenna)) i do know everything, grossness...i wont tell i promise =)
((paris)) arent you jealous? "i know something you dont know" buahah

peace out home fries
((me
))

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rachel

:: 2003 20 April :: 9.14am
:: Mood: tired
:: Music: ace of base: the sign

under the pale moon...
wow... funniest night.... well yesterday we were all supposed to go to rapids but sam wasnt allowed to go, then christine couldnt cause there wasnt enuff ppl.. so w/e... maybe next week. then me n jess were gonna go to the beach but those plans fell through when it started raining. so she came over at 3ish and we attempted to play my guitar... and we learned a portion of a song.. im talking like 2 notes.. plus a lil twang.. lmao. its harder than it looks! sheesh.. then we played some pictionary... ARROWHEAD!! lmao... then 20 minutes, and a lot of outfits later, i finally got this girl to say that she wanted to go to the show.... u need to learn to decide for yourself! gash! lol.. so anywho we ended up gong to the show... atl is a great band... nice bassist! lol that was so great how they did ace of base! it brought back memories of the station wagon days.. lol mochachaitis.. but the band before them... i swear it was the funniest thing. the drummer looked like he was having seizures... and the guitarist was all like humping the floor... lmao. then we hung out by the pool table and zac (sackary) whipped out a female cndom and put it on his hand.. and whenever ppl walked by hed be like good show and theyd hit his hand then get all freaked out.. lmao. and the vanilla lube wars!!! lmao that charles kid was funny... he was all thugged out.. but cool kid. hmm then we had a powow on the floor and talked about random things... then we met 2 of the guys from assembly required.. they were really cool... we kept them there for so long tho! lol... and jess i swear im gonna get those "Hi! My name is _____." labels and stick it on my shirt at that show. then when they finally left we sat on the couch for some rugrats.. all grown up.. i was like ?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!!! lol.. then we briefly went in to see the last band.. a bunch of old guys... but we had to go cause her mommy had gotten there.. and i came home and went to sleep. i gots ta go to church today... *sigh* im oh so enthused. okies well adios... happy easter!

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rachel

:: 2003 17 April :: 10.34am
:: Mood: sleepy

okay.. i just woke up and today is thursday i believe... well happy passover, or, as mr. coppola would say.. happy random spring holiday! lol.. i wanna do something today... we should all get together and just hang out and then decide what to do.. oh! i bought this candy last night and theye called oompas, and theres a lil oompa loompa dude on the bag! haha! well anywho... if anyone has any ideas on what to do today gimme a ring-a-ling... no quiero gastar la dia enfrente de la computadora. (dunno if thats right.. but im feeling smart right now lol) okies... just lemme know.
oh yea just a quick lil blurb... last night there were 4 ppl in cardio... me being the only non-karate person. so i got to play with the hanging bag! lol i did those jump sidekicks and i have learned that i have a short attention span.. cause whenever someone walked in the room, i would turn and watch lol. pretty fun tho

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rachel

:: 2003 15 April :: 7.47pm
:: Mood: thoughtful
:: Music: linkin park: by myself

I put on my daily fa�ade...
hmm.. lots going on. the whole chris/bus ppl situation... let me just say that while i am not taking sides (as ususal... i like to be fair) name calling is never appropriate. and some of the things that have been said are very childish... i just feel that the whole situation is blown out of proportion.. okay enough on that.

next matter... jessie im in one of your modes. lol.. i feel like i am really misunderstood. today rich said that "rachel, by definition, is sad" um... no. lately i have had some issues that didnt make me feel too great, but i am not a sad person. i got kinda pissed at him.. cause there's more to me than this girl whos always crying over nothing. i tend to keep my feelings inside.. because i basically dont want to be sad all the time and think about stuff... and what can i say... i just dont feel like opening up. so then every little emotion... every feeling.. every little thing that people say to or about me.. gets tucked away inside me and they eventually build up... and i have to let them out. which would explain me crying when theres no apparent reason. i cant help it.. it all overwhelms me. everyone always asking me if im okay really doesnt help either. yeah.. haha funny i have pouty lips. yes that does make me look sad.. but being CONSTANTLY asked whats wrong just reminds me that im not okay... and it just makes things worse. im gonna start trying to write stuff down in my journal (written one) cause until i feel that i can open up to people.. i need a way to let my feelings out. and guys... this is nothing against you. you're all the best.. so dont feel bad because i dont open up to you. i just need to deal with this stuff on my own.. i've got a lot of growing to do. i WILL be okay... i want to be better... its just gonna take some time.

next... we gotta get together this weekend and
1.) Film "The Spring"
2.) Have a water war in the woods
3.) Go Beaching
4.) Possibly go to Rapids (?)
5.) Try to scare Natalia yet again
sounds like fun! lol if anything ill be happy just going to the beach a couple of times and renewing my ever-fading tan. okie dokie.. i shall leave now.. toodles.

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rachel

:: 2003 13 April :: 12.54pm
:: Mood: sore
:: Music: simple plan :: grow up

if you're looking for me ill be at the show... i could never find a better place to go
until the day i die i promise i wont change
so u better give up
I don't wanna be told to grow up
and i don't wanna change
i just wanna have fun

^^ anthem of this weekend! lol this is exactly what i needed. well on friday.. we just all decided on the bus that we wanna go tologgers... on the way there i had to change into soffees, so i do so behind a tree.. fun fun... lol then we got there and i drank some expired orange juice and started tearing it was so bad.. then we were on the way to liz's house when we decided to follow daniel home and the original plan was to do the ding dong ditch thing.. but then who comes along but chris... almost fell off his bike when he saw us.. and he snuck us into the playroom through the bacvkyard. then once he discovered us, we left as soon as his dad pulled in to the driveway... very fun. then we went to lizzie's and dressed up as weirdos and went and scared natalia and her family. fun fun fun day
okay yesterday.... wow. BEST day ever!!! i thought it would be just a sit at home n do nothing day but then christini n i just decided to go to wing ding.. where simple plan was to perform. we saw miss cleo, and a really tall guy whom we wanted to kick, and at subway we found the chachi, erin, logan, and geori.. and we waited w/ them till simple plan came on (around 8ish)... we hung out by the bellybutton tree.. got chocolate covered bananas, ran away from the scary portapotties, got filmed by this coast guard guy for the people over yander.. saw this lil 10 yr old w/ an attitude.. i swear this girl was... well she had a ballon that said "avril rox.. fuck all you haters" we were like .... okay.. lol then eventually 7:00 rolled around... at which time we decided we would start getting through the crowd. by the time simple plan got on i only had one girl in front of me. it was funny cause there was a girl band on before and we all look to the right and who would be there... but pierre... so we were all like ahh! pierre! lol then he put his finger to his lips hes like "shh!!" and he pointed to the girls playing lol. then finally theyt came on. best time of my life. its weird how once they start playing, you can forget all the stupid bitches who pushed you, the people stepping on yo, how cramped and crushed you are... the fact that you could pass out at any minute...and just have a good time. i must have got my foot stepped on 50 times... but it was all good... just jumping n having fun. i got so wet... no you perv.. not like that. pierre threw his water at us n i got soaked. lol.. but anywho... best best best night of my life. theyre awesome in concert. when it was done.. me n christini went to get sodas and when we came back they were doing autographs... but those fucking groupies!!!!! i didnt get anything. they would have stayed and signed everyone's shit... but their groupies r like u have to go. so all we got was the drummer's.. and we gave it to sam. hopefully we can get some at warped tour. im so sore today from jumping! lol. im feeling so much happier! next wek is only 3 days! not makin any plans.. im just gonna make sure im free cause its funner to be spontaneous.. something ive learned this weekend. thanks alot guys.. youre all the best!

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skittlicious

:: 2003 12 April :: 10.55pm
:: Mood: lonely
:: Music: [[simple plan]] addicted

((help?))
I dont know whats going on, im like in the shadows...

i went to my drama party tonight and all of a sudden i turn around and like everyones gone, so i went home and waited for my dad to pick me up, meanwhile my mom is in her room uner like 5 blankets in a sweatshirt/pants and its soo hott in the house and she's crying, but i cant get anything out of her, im soo worried.....

everything was great for the longest time and then it stopped, im not saying that things are bad now, but their not good, y'know?!...i feel like i dont have anyone to talk to, like i have no one to turn to, i just want someone i can call at any time and they''ll be there for me, just someone to talk to thats all...=\

((fanda)) <----just for you pj =)

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rachel

:: 2003 11 April :: 8.57pm

[insert liz's journal entry for today because i am way too tired to type it all] and i got a flower... it was just really sweet so.. yea :) good good day... very spontaneous... nd fun. we gotta have more of these unplanned adventures. but of course we cant say when cause then theyd be planned. lol. i think the knowing id get in trouble anyways/spontaniety of it all was what made it fun. i just did whatever i felt like today. very fun.

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rachel

:: 2003 10 April :: 10.24pm
:: Mood: drained
:: Music: bittersweet symphony

Well have you ever been down? I can't change, I can't change...
these pretzels are yummy. lets see... today was pretty ok.. i was in lotsa pain... but besides that kinda funny. in 2nd hour mieczinsky cracked on ashley... very funny. then 4th hour was amusing as usual. p.e. sucked at first cause we went outside... and then i felt smart all of a sudden.. and i read act 5 of macbeth... actually understanding what went on. lol.. got home.. slept until 7... ate dinner... went to kickboxing (which made me feel physically better actually) during the 2nd half, we had to kick those square thingies and i kept kicking cesany's wrist/arm lol. then we had to do the thing where he holds 2 and u dont kno which one youre gonna have to kick.. it was so confusing. lol. interesting though. then i came home and sat around. i really want my eyebrow or nose pierced but my parents are gay so they'll never let me do it. ill have to wait till im 18. i figured out why theyre called "navel oranges" cause they look like they got a bellybutton! lol at first i looked at it and thought it was diseased or something.. then i read the sticker i was like, oh. lol just my small moment of discovery that i wanted to share. tomorrow's friday right? hmm i dunno if im gonna go out or anything... i will most likely be tired and just go to sleep.. i swear i take a nap like every day now and im still dead tired. weirdness. then when i take the nyquil to help me sleep at night i cant get up in the morning. okay im babbling. jessie went to bama today to look at houses.. *sigh* and though it was not as bad today.. me depression continues on. it sucks... nothing i can really do about it though.

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