you drive me fuckin insane!
i dont know what to do at all!! i am simply left dazzed and confuzed on what the fuck to do with this situation. i... just... dont... know what to... do. Maybe, when i wake up, ill be able to think of a solution.

You read about what happened on saturday below, right? well... i found out more today. ALso... i didnt tell you how at three in the morning til four, you and i talked. we talked about such random things, like youre afraid of heights and flying and how your dad works at the park. and how i should put fish in the hott tub??? that confused me.

oh well, i found some bad things out today. that night i was filled with hope, now... i just dont want to try any more. lil jack told me something i hadnt known. after i left, you flipped out on boyer. said something about how i think you like me because you return my txt and dont hang up on my calls... (how did you find out about that??) you also said you werent interested in me at all. you were mocking me. that hurts. and apparently you were so angry the rest of the night. you wouldnt talk to anyone. when you came back to the theater later that night, you didnt seem angry at all. nor did you online. thats what confuses me...

i almost wanna hide. bury my head in the sand and pretend i didnt even have a glimps for you. it hurts so bad to find out that you were mocking me. that you dont care for me. at least thats what you told everyone. it took alot for me to talk to you and txt you. i knew you held my fate in your grasp. i didnt want anyone at work to know because of the torchure i knew would bestow upon me. now work is gonna be very... very... awkward. im sorry.

on the plus side, sorta... i messed around with adam again. he had such cute cologne on. i still smell like it. i dont wanna take a shower!! and the thing is, he tried so hard to suduce me. i have never had a guy do that to me... so it was kinda cool to have that. i just am confused what is making of it. the sweet thing is he always needs a kiss whenever i leave. awww~ so thats the low down on the boys.

i hat eit when good days take a nose dive
i worked an 8.01 hour shift. Five of those hours was with you. the night before i had hung out with you... sorta. you and i went to the dinner with the people we work with. so it wasnt alone. we had some nice comments for eachother. nothing worthwhile. then today. i thought things were good.

we had that whole discussion in concession with the whole body parts meaning something. Then you said: i heard if your hand is bigger than your face, it means you have cancer. you knew i would be dumb, didnt you. I of course, put my hand over my face. you then proceeded to whack my hand so i whacked myself in the face. you knew i would be so dumb. gosh. i thought that was funny. then i had the debate about what who was in spanish. you butted in with your two since: quien. thanks, but we had already figured that out.

i thought things were going great. I got off work and went home, took a shower, made myself look nice cause i knew i would see you when i came back to the theater. im sorry i did. i really wish i didnt. i wish i could rewind and just wait a lil longer before i came.

but i didnt. this is what happened. I walked down the hall. all the ushers were cleaning five. i decided to join. there you were at the end of the line. i just stood there, talking to adam, not paying notice to you. i knew it was best, but then something caught my eye. You, boyer and whoever was vaccuming were in a lil circle, whispering among yourselves. i didnt think anything of it. Adam, meanwhile, was trying to convince me of hanging out with him. then i noticed tyler had move down the lline to the end, out of my site. w/e i didnt think anythign of it. Tarah called me down. she was now the front of the line. i walked down to her. she told me i looked perdy. then it started.

Boyer started pointing to you with his toothbrush saying: Danielle, heres who you want. heres your man. i was like... what??!??! w.t.f. tried not to pay any heed. boyer then mad ea bigger deal as they cleaned more. you had hid under the seats. Boyer was like: you want him, here he is, hiding. something about me lusting for you. another comment: someone in this room likes you and his initials are tee dubb. i wanted to shoot boyer. so, to take the torment off of you, i started hitting on boyer telling him i think about him and i want him and stupid shit like that. it kinda worked... but i got soo pisssed. so i left and watched the rest of posidieon. fuck them.

the most i could find out afterwards was this: you were so pissed you decided to projection away from everyone. you also left saying: i hate being the bad guy. w.t.f does that mean??

im so so so so sorry. this is why i didnt want to try. this is why i didnt want to let anyone know, but me and my big mouth. emily said she would find out what happened for me. she said she was going to call, but she never did. i knew she didnt care. i had talked to brent about it and he also said he would talk to you about it, but i told him no. a) i knew it wouldnt help at all. b) brent would forget anyways and get my hopes up thinking it would all be good.

later, you went with brent and jon to go get alcohol. i went with. sat in your car. hoping, there was some possibility that you would take at least one glance at me in your rear view mirror. just a minor hope. things went kinda well, but we didnt intereact, so almost worhtless. and just like that, we departed.

i feel so dumb for thinking maybe, possibly, i would have a chance of some sort. i feel so awful for putting you in an awkward situation. you hate being awkward, but you cant help but be it. im so foolish. this past week was crazy, but i now understand what it is that i need to do. i need to step away. stuff those feelings i have into the dustiest corner and pile so many boxes that i could never even find them again. from now on, i hate you. i laugh to think of likeing you. i never did. what are you talking about. im sorry.

when i got online, my xanga had one comment. the first in months. it was from you. from friday. you had answered the question i posted on your xanga. i hate hope.