:: 2006 11 May :: 8.41 am

You Are A Walnut Tree

You are strange and full of contrasts... the oddball of your group. You are unrelenting and you have unlimited ambition. Not always liked but always admired, you are more infamous than famous. You are aggressive and spontaneous, and your reactions are often unexpected. A jealous and passionate person, you are difficult in romantic relationships.

sweet words

:: 2006 8 May :: 9.36 pm
:: Mood: not quite sure

so um, i kinda fooled around with adam. its not that i dont like you, its just im lonely. and adam, hes just a lust thing. he lusts after me and i after him. that is until today. hes a bad kisser! lol. he was very agressive and forceful. did i mention he was sloppy? lol! i know you would not be that way. instead you would be soft and gentle and a little awkward. i laugh just thinking about it. the scrubble on his face hurt mine. hes adorable, but i still like you. i just need to get away from you. not be obsessive. i will not become obsessed. i swear. iono. i just had to tell you that.
oh and another thing. i think that when you find that person, not only does your hand fit perfectly, but you fit perfectly as lovers. and that, wasnt tonight. almost disappointed, because i have been lusting, imagining what it would be like to kiss him. This makes me almost not want to kiss you or be friends with you cause it would only disappoint me. i like keeping the image i have u the way it is.

sweet words

:: 2006 7 May :: 9.58 pm

sometimes, i am just too shy
i cant get you out of my head. plain and simple. seeing you drives me crazy, drives me wild. i think i may, actually, get the courage to hang out with you. maybe we can have some fun. maybe you will say yes. but i am deathly afraid youll say no. i can hear you saying no. i can see you exploiting me, holding my soul out bare for all to grab hungerly. They will tear me apart. i know you have that power. i can tell each time you make those smart lil marks. "stop flirting in concession" but is it the old clique that you are mean to the ones you like? you. only you, have i made fun of despite the fact i like you. i think i can cover up all the feelings i have of you just by being mean. sometimes we are nice. but its only when no one is around. i think of each lil thing. everyone and rip it apart, looking for some hidden meaning. something, anything to hint one way or another. i have at least part of you figured out, but the rest is a mystery. not only to me, but everyone else. dear emily telling me she cant even imagine you with another girl. she cant tell me wither or not it is even wise to try. but i think i might. maybe not this week with finals, but the next week. when you are free. maybe, just maybe we can spend some time together. i know we wouldnt be able to tell anybody. i know how dangerous that is, but ill gladly keep you a secret if i must. before anything, i want to at least be your friend. complete one step before the other. i want everything to go right this time. but i cant try now. no. its so wrong. i need to losen my grasp. i need to get away. i hope this week, apart, is the medication i need.

-- horoscope --

Luxuriate in your own emotions today as opulent Jupiter in your sign participates in a wonderful love fest. Your optimism can easily overflow and even be contagious; however something may be gnawing away at you from the inside. This negativity can be just a passing thought if you are willing to be flexible in your thinking. Once you know the source of your anxiety, you'll be able to easily move past it.

sweet words

:: 2006 7 May :: 1.08 am

fuck. i was talking about you today and it was the wrong person to tell. fuck. i know you hate me. i know i dotn matter. but i have so much hope, that we could possibly, maybe end up together. i can see you being so sweet. i can see us togther, as a couple. im only mean to hide my true feelings, to make you give me attention, all the cliches... you drive me more insane cause you weave in and out of my thoughts when i only want you gone. i know i have no chance so i wanna give up. forget it, but i cant.
i picture us together. youre so sweet. i picture us holding hands and doing all that couples do. i can almost feel myself kissing your lips. my fingers running through your hair. feeling youre strong arms around me. i can imagine touching your chest. your breath by my ear. i can also imagine us fighting. you angerly slam your truck door and drive away, furciously swearing. but i can also see us making up. exchanging our "im sorry"s.
everything about you is so damn perfect. in fact, youre the first guy that i am actually shy about. i just wish we could be together. and it torments me that i cant in any way.

sweet words