:: 2005 9 April :: 12.54 pm

i was paging through someones xanga... to past entries. i read so much. i was sitting here, crying for living the memories of someone else. is it really so wrong to actually care so much to take away the marks that those memories made on this person. i feel so alone in this feeling. and since i got this feeling i have been so sad for i cant make their pain go away. it makes me so sad not to be able to make either one happy. they are the two closest people to me. sometimes i feel as if i care too much about them. i really dont know how to deal with this. since i felt this, i feel the person is only drifting farther away from me. are they? maybe the stress of the paranoia is making me think they are drifting farther away than they actually are... then i talk to them or i see them and life seems happy and we have a good time... then they leave and we may talk on the phone, but it seems they are bored of me and want me to leave and stop talking. ionoionoionoionoiono.

sweet words

:: 2005 29 March :: 8.57 pm

hmm i hate how i have a big mouth. i found out some gossip and i couldnt help but tell a few people when probably someone heard from me telling someone and it went all around and now that person has to denounce what i was telling everyone was true. the thing is... the person who told me would never lie... he has no reason to. so iono. i feel a lil bit bad about saying it cause i know i wouldnt like it... but the other thing is i dont really care what they think or say.

sweet words

:: 2005 24 March :: 8.15 pm

when i woke up, the sun was shining and i was happy. as the sun disappeared and the clouds began to cover... i felt loneliness sink in. i took a shower in the dark. i like taking showers in the dark. maybe its to match the loneliness i feel right now... the sadness. the water was so hott. it felt like it was peircing my skin. it hurt, but i liked the hurt. i miss feeling hurt. pain feels so good. i weighed myself. 121.5 i felt thin today and that was a plus. i was so hungry from track that i ate too much and now i feel so full. so full and fat. work tom. yay.

tonight the moon is full. do you think its telling me something.

sweet words

:: 2005 22 March :: 7.16 pm

curves set things off
sooth the soul
i feel dominated by angles, angles, angles.
screaming conformation
what happened to the curves.
curves that flow.
curves that sooth.

sweet words