rina
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2006 21 January :: 5.44pm
:: Music: monster hospital - metric
i fought the war but the war won
scanned two sketchbook entries.
they are here and here.
i can't stand cancellations.
the sorry, denied, deleted, just-a-memory.
sweet words
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rina
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2006 20 January :: 2.36am
:: Mood: cold
:: Music: the calender girl - stars
the stars will kiss your pretty face
this is so terribly frustrating,
never doing work when i should.
i promised myself i'd do better, better, better.
and look where its got me,
i'm a burned-out-brain-dead-no-life-sucker.
c'mon now.
i waste my time doing things i shouldn't,
just to end up getting out of it anyways.
i do not possess any motivation,
and it feels like my heart is dying.
sweet words
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rina
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2006 14 January :: 10.42pm
:: Mood: hopeless
:: Music: a lack of color - deathcab
and when i see you, i really see you upside down
i feel like i can't use the word 'depressed.'
it has such negative connotations.
as if, when you're sad about your cat dying, for example, you're just grieving. you're sad.
though if you instead say, i'm so depressed about my cat dying, its like saying that not only did your cat die, but your whole entire family died, and you're hanging on to that one inch of life you have left because of the pills that you pop, as much as you breathe oxygen.
so, examples aside,
i'm very sad at the moment.
i'm in this rut where nothing i say,
or do,
will get me out of it.
oh, i'm hoping you'll understand me when the time comes.
2 whispered |
sweet words
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rina
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2006 4 January :: 12.44am
:: Music: calculation theme - metric
passions have eroded anyway
i wish i had some kind of astounding insight into life that someone else could relate to.
as of now,
my views, perspectives, opinions, are clouded by what i have yet to experience; as if everything i've never done is directly deciding how i see the world around me.
and more than ever, my sketchbook is becoming my journal.
sometimes, when people ask to see it,
i kind of curl up inside of myself, because all the drawings that are in there tie into some emotion or event, and it is very significant for me.
i've transferred myself onto paper.
so maybe,
perhaps if i have the time,
i'll scan some of my sketchbook entires.
because i think that some part of me is restricting my emotions.
like if i don't get over the feelings i already have, they will just fester inside of me and transform into something hideous.
and i wouldn't be able to handle that.
2 whispered |
sweet words
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