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2005 4 January :: 1.23 pm
:: Mood: content, but in pain
I love you.
<3
I love loving you.
:)
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2004 31 December :: 10.54 am
AHh! Plans fell through, and I need a party to go to....Quick!!!
Any suggestions?
hit me! |
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2004 28 December :: 1.59 pm
:: Mood: disgusted and amused
ATTENTION: This is a rant, but one that needed to be done.
For those of you who think I give a rats ass what you say about me, think again.
If you want to talk about me, atleast say shit thats true. Quite honestly, your opinions mean jack shit to me. Where do you base your accusations? Thats right, not on truth, but on nothing, because they're just assumptions. From the things I've heard lately, if you did honestly know me, you wouldn't say those things. No one that truly knew me would say half the shit that some people are making up. Therefore, the things that those people are saying, mean nothing. They have no real truths, no real proof, because there is none to be found.
Honestly, the thing that sickens me the most, is the credulity of people around us today. Just because it's spoken, doesn't make it true. If you hear a rumor, don't just automatically assume what you hear is true. The thing that makes it so funny, is the simple fact that most of the people that start these rumors or keep them moving, have said that they despise rumors at one time or another. Heh.
Something else that bugs the hell out of me, is when people read my journal, and then turn around and bitch to me about what I write in MY journal...If you dont fuckin like what I have to say, DONT READ IT!!! These are MY opinions, MY thoughts. And as far as I remember, I'm still protected by the first amendment, and, it's my property, my journal. But when it comes to you leaving your comments, just rambling on about how much you hate me or saying shit that has nothing to do with the entry, and trying to create a defamation of character isn't going to do anyhthing. It just makes you look like more of a jackass, ESPECIALLY when you post annonymous and don't have the balls to even say your name!
Just remember this: there is this little thing called karma. Not that I would stoop as low as to play your stupid little head games, but there are people out there that will. Also know that you are that to which you devote your life. If you build your life on drama, rumors, and hypocritical idosyncrasies, then thats all you are: living on lies and false hopes in a cloud of mystery and misery. Fortunately for me, my parents taught me differently: they taught me to live on love, independence, responsibility, self-sufficency, keeping goals to have something to strive for, and most importantly, they taught me to keep my head up and about me, so I wouldn't wander off my path, and I would always have my wits about me. Amazingly, some of you have forgot that there is life past highschool. And I'm sorry for those of you who have lost the big picture, because it's pretty important. I know you would rather live in your little kiddy play land forever, but thats not reality. So do me a favor, and leave the slides and colorful ball pits to McDonalds and the runny nosed little 5 year olds, cuz I don't want to get caught up in your stupid little games. All I know is that I can sleep better, knowing I haven't lost sight of the big picture, and I'm busy living in the real world. And for those of you who waved bye bye to the real world a long time ago, don't worry. It's coming back around. I just hope that it doesn't smack you too hard in the face.
4 smacked me |
hit me! |
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2004 27 December :: 8.28 pm
:: Mood: amazed
I will quote a journal entry from someone who will remain annonymous
"Dan, you really are the only person that I have ever come across that made me think 'perfect.'"
Huh....
Anyone with a brain can see that he's the farthest thing from perfect known to mankind. I mean yeah, the game he's running is pretty damn close, but not him. His psychoanalysis would include some personality traits such as:
*egotistical
*maniacal head game player
*Afraid of commitment-personally induced
*Has extreme need for an alter personality for fear of showing true self
*Control freak-draws energy from being so
*Relies on materialistic significance of possesions to feel secure and draw in others
*Afraid of confrontation
Some adjectives that describe him:
*self-centered
*vain
*conceited
*sad (not state of mind, as in existence)
*egotistical (once again)
*control freak
The things this kid does are rediculous. He spins this twisted little web of lies; his own little euphoria where he plays God. And the sad thing is, there's only a few that can actually see this. Oh but wait, a twisted web isn't complete without little puppets on strings. And thats what everyone that follows him around is: his own little freak show, complete with drama and all. Everyone of them is like little puppies on short leashes, all following him around anxiously, waiting for just a smidgen of his time, and feeling high in the sky when that time comes. When, in the end, all that he does is toy with your mind, takes what he needs, leaving you hanging there for more. And just when you think you're gonna call it quits with him, friendship or otherwise, he'll pull on those strings, and con you into hangin' around for him a little longer so he can draw more of what he needs while he's finding a replacement. I mean MY GOD PEOPLE!!!!!!! OPEN YOUR EYES!
I'll admit it, there was a time when I was what I would consider pretty close with him. But I soon found out that I wasn't the only one that he played this game of charades with. When I was sitting there feeling all special, I knew nothing about the 5 million other girls he was persuing and making his little marienettes, his little energy sources. I'd come close to busting him more than once, but in the end, it was my "misunderstanding", not him lieing. Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiggggghhhhhhhtttt.
I'll draw from Tommy Boy for a little insight:
"'How do you know the fairy isn't some crazy glue sniffer? "Build a model airplane says the fairy", Well I'm not buying it. He sneaks into your house and that's all it takes. Next thing you know there's money missin off the dresser and your daughters knocked up. I've seen it a hundred times.'
'But why do they put a gurantee on the box then?'
'Because they know all they sold you was a guaranteed piece of shit! That's all it is, isn't it? Hey, if you want me to take a shit in a box and mark it guaranteed, I will, I've got spare time. But now for your customers sake, for your daughter's sake, you might want to think about buying a quality product from me.'"
Now, for all those wondering what the hell that meant, here's a little translation: the 'quality product' is my insight and advice that I'm offering you. So, for those who have seen Tommy Boy, I would be playing Chris Farley, trying to sell to you. You, the people, are Ted, the auto place manager. The fairy/crazy glue sniffer, would be Dan. And the guaranteed piece of shit, is his lies and promises that mean essentially that: shit.
Just sit back and think about it a second. Hopefully, you'll understand.
And I'm sure there's more that can be added to those lists, but hey, I don't think I want to waste any more of my time on something so pathetic. I'm better of picking at my feet listening to Pepe Deluxe or cleaning out the cat box. Goodnight people.
10 smacked me |
hit me! |
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2004 26 December :: 11.56 am
:: Mood: sheer euphoria
The best Christmas present ever!
No, it's not what you might think...I didn't tear open some new-fangled electronic, I didn't receive flashy new clothes, or a gorgeous rock to don on my finger...I got something so much better than that, something I've been waiting for for a long time, something that can't be compared to some materialistic significance or inanimate object...something that makes me shiver with fear, but press on for more.
I got him.
and....
his love.
:)
And it was the best Christmas ever.
5 smacked me |
hit me! |
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2004 19 December :: 5.01 pm
:: Mood: pissed
JUST SO YOU ALL KNOW, LUKE ANDRUS IS A LITTLE FUCKIN BITCH! Read on for details...
here ya go everybody: i'm going to write it all down so I don't have to keep on repeating myself.
So, Friday I decided to go to the basketball game, and to my dismay, turned out shittier than I thought.
So I'm standing on the floor in the student section, and a verbal fight starts out between Patty Mesler and Taylor Richardson. So, I'm standing there, and all of a sudden, Luke startes to push on patty and start to choke her. So I'm like, wow, this isn't right, and I pulled Luke off Patty and say, "Don't fuckin start Luke, this is between them." And he gets all up in my face saying, "Shut the fuck up you stupid whore, I'll do what the hell i want" Instantly I'm pissed, but I figure, we're at the basketball game, I'll just talk to him. So, me being on the floor, I took a step up onto the bleechers where he was standing and got in his face, said "Excuse me? What did you just say? Luke, seriously-" And before I could finish my sentence, he was pushing me off the bleechers with his left hand and punching me in the face with his right. I fell of the bleechers, got back up, jumped up there and socked him once or twice in the face. It took a few guys to pull me off, and my hand is still swollen. When they pulled me off, Troy told me to "just walk away, walk far away" but all i could do is yell, "You fucking asshole! You never fucking hit a girl!!"
funny thing is, i bruised my ribs really bad, and i'm not sure how...it might have been taylor punching me, i dont know...so if anyone seen the whole thing happen, i'd be cool if you could tell me for witnesses.
Now, there's probably twenty different guys that want to kill him, along with a few girls. This should deffinitley be interesting...
15 smacked me |
hit me! |
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2004 16 December :: 12.36 pm
:: Mood: hurt
Male Parental Unit: "I don't know how the fuck you can sleep at night knowing you're depending on that stupid s.o.b."
The Burden: " I don't know how you sleep at night, knowing that I am forced to depend on him because you can't hack being a parent. Besides, I'd sleep better if I wasn't sleeping here."
Yep, true story.
Once again, the cycle begins...
hit me! |
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2004 10 December :: 11.39 am
hit me! |
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2004 10 December :: 11.25 am
:: Mood: exhausted
hit me! |
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2004 3 December :: 12.56 pm
:: Music: Dashboard-Vindicated
I had so many ambitions and hopes for my senior year. My mental picture has vanished, and I'm stuck living the best time and worst time of my life all at once, slowly realizing that even with my optimism, the evils are seeping into my euphoria, creating a monotony of an emotional rollercoaster. I've been tossed around from family member to family member, and somehow we manage to burn the bridges from both ends. I need to be on my own, but have no resources. I must quote one of jimi's entries:
" Over time you lose the people you respected and looked up too. They were either fictional characters or people who did something you couldn't imagine them ever doing. Something happens when a person loses so many role models. Where do we go when we have no one to look up to? We all have our own personal "religions" with someone as our idol. What happens when someones religion is toppled over into the dust that represents the decay of moral fiber that dwells within the human pysche? Nothing good."
What does happen? What becomes of such a situation? How do you live through it?
I'll tell you when I'm done living it.
*To those people who have helped me get through my hard times, this is for you:
Without your constant support, I would have capitulated a long time ago. You guys are my family. I have so many friends that come from all walks of life that mean so much to me. Thanks for putting up with my mood swings and my bitching. I would be nowhere without you. I love you all so much; I hope you never ever forget that. You are where my heart truly lies.
hit me! |
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2004 29 November :: 12.54 pm
:D ahh yes.
I think I almost forgot....
4 smacked me |
hit me! |
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2004 24 November :: 1.35 pm
My car is currently blanketed under an inch of snow. Once I got up north, it just started snowing uncontrollably. Maybe I'll get stuck up here and not have to back down for a while. That would be nice.
1 smacked me |
hit me! |
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2004 22 November :: 9.39 pm
You Are a New School Democrat |
You like partying and politics - and are likely to be young and affluent.
You're less religious, traditional, and uptight than most Democrats.
Smoking pot, homosexuality, and gambling are all okay in your book.
You prefer that the government help people take care of themselves.
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hit me! |
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2004 22 November :: 8.12 pm
So it looks like I'm going up north again. I'm excited because I get to see my mom and brother. Tonight my mom called me and him three way, and we all talked for a while. I miss them so much.
Wednesday I'm meeting my brother at his school and we're goin out to lunch together, it's gonna be neat.
In other news, tomorrow is IHOP day! Bomb shwam!
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2004 22 November :: 6.32 pm
Songs I Like
1. Filter "Take a Picture"
2. Godsmack "Running Blind"
3. Beck "Loser"
4. Jimmy Eat World " Pain"
5. Limp Bizkit "Rearranged"
6. Bush "Glicerin"
7. Offspring "Self esteem"
8. 3 Days Grace "Just Like You"
9. Velvet Revolver "Fall to Pieces"
10. Switchfoot "Meant to Live"
11. Foo Fighters "Everlong"
12. The Killers "Somebody Told Me"
13. Sum 41 "Fat Lip"
14. Cold "Stupid Girl"
15. 3 Doors Down "Loser"
16. Jet "Cold Hard Bitch"
17. Jet "Be My Girl"
18. Alice in Chains "Man in the Box"
19. Collective Soul "Heavy"
20. Switchfoot "This is Your Life"
21. Switchfoot "Dare you to Move"
I'll keep updating this one for sure!
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