jordanmackenzie7
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2011 13 December :: 8.58am
I love waking up in the morning to the smell of baby shit...
Ya know, a lot has changed for me over the course of the last year and half or so. Not that that isn't the case at any given point in our lives, but even more so in the past year and a half for me. I finally became a person I like looking in the mirror at. And that's saying something, considering the majority of the time when I look in the mirror I see baggy eyes, unplucked eyebrows, and pasty skin. When I look down at my naked body all I see is my toes protruding from behind a too-big tummy ravaged by scars... Scars from carrying the most beautiful baby boy I've ever seen, scars from a surgery necessary so an i.u.d. didn't kill me, pudge from making my son a good home while he grew inside of me. When I look at these "less than beautiful" attributes about myself I am not ashamed. I'll poke some fun and myself for not working off the baby weight and move on with my day. Because my days are now filled with a totally different kind of fun. This is the closest to being a carefree kid I've been since I was a carefree kid. By no means am I careless or carefree, but I feel a sense of innocence surround me that I haven't known before in my life. Haevin does that for me. He makes every difficult time worth it's weight in gold, and then some! Am I a perfect mother and wife? Hell no. But I try, and I am pretty happy with who I am. Even better is that I don't really care who I am to anyone who doesn't matter. If they don't like me, tough shit. The people who are closest know what I stand for, and so do the strangers. If they don't like it... they can take a hike!
Onto my main point. I love the little things in life. I love waking up in the morning to the smell of baby shit. It means that my son is healthy. Yeah, it stinks. But it's a life-affirming sort of stench, lol. I get sick of reading about people who are so focused on "getting there." Life is a journey. It's appreciating everything, the good and the bad. It's not a race to the finish line. If you ever make it to that finish line you better plan on croaking the following day, because that's about it son. When you've stopped learning and caring, and appreciating, your time has come.
This morning I was paid a very nice compliment by my sister on my Facebook page. She said she loved me and was proud of the person I'd become. That really made my day. That someone else can see and appreciate my growth even though it has little, if not nothing to do with them is very refreshing! I have some amazing family to be grateful for. Life is good. And if you haven't realized it yet, start looking for your bliss. Because there will always be negative things in your life to focus on. If you allow them to consume you, you will spend your life miserable. This, I promise you.
So, as corny as it may be... Be the change you want to see in the world.
Rant concluded!
hit me!
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tuwang
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2011 6 December :: 2.08am
never met the bitch but I fucked her like I missed her
hit me!
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tuwang
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2011 6 December :: 2.02am
DJ Cupps in the mix... rockin the 1's and 2's
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jordanmackenzie7
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2011 1 December :: 8.40pm
I am extremely lonely. I am so grateful for Brenton's job, but I miss him.
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tuwang
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2011 28 November :: 11.30pm
Well... now that there's a hole in my door I think moving out is the only option I have.
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hit me!
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tuwang
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2011 25 November :: 12.54pm
Thanksgiving was good with the exception of the reffing in the lions game. What the fuck was that? I guess if Aaron Rodgers can't actually produce the yardage to get to the red zone you have to give it to him.
whatever.
Other then that everything is gravy :)
I dont' think I've ever been this full in my life.
Is someone really going to hire me?
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hit me!
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tuwang
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2011 20 November :: 2.03pm
so... I switched cuts last night for some cash to get out early, hopped on the metro, and made my way downtown to some club with only letters and numbers in the name trying to sound hip (tr 5768 or cb 12 12 or pg 3030 or something like that).
I danced my ass off (what little I had). I got in there and I was greeted immediately by a beautiful girl of the Peruvian persuasion, three shots of tequila, and a group of nice people. 3 hours later... all the stress and problems and worries and frustrations I seemed to have had are gone, rendering yesterdays post pointless. :) Funny how shitty dance music can do that.
except for the room mate thing. That's still on. They've been trying to not be so abrasive but I feel as though I've already made up my mind. This morning after Diana left, I went back to sleep only to be awoken by the sounds of sex coming through the vents. I've owned it up to a bad living situation at this point, because I can't really hate on that.
Advantages of new apartment:
~$100 less a month
bigger room that isn't next to the door that opens like a vault at fort knox
bigger kitchen and living room area
better room mates
My new room mates are both girls, however. We're all currently in a relationship of 4 months - 2 years so that's not really an issue, I've just never really lived with a girl other than my mom (who doesn't count). I'm both curious and mortified at the prospect. largely worried about shower time, but they aren't necessarily the "get really gussied up every day like we're going out" type.
so... next step is find a new job. wish me luck.
hit me!
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tuwang
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2011 19 November :: 3.25pm
alright, so more detail....
Basically, when I came back from Japan I was living with my mom for the time being and didn't really have any friends outside of work.That's when I decided to fill my schedule with nothing but work.
Now, I live on my own and have a girlfriend whom I'd like to see on occasion. I DO get to see her usually twice a week, but she's in school and by the time our friday hangout date rolls around she's so exhausted all she wants to do is sleep. I on the other hand, have been sleeping all week and want to go out.
This week, I got a drunk phone call from her on thursday around 2 in the morning. She was too exhausted to really "hang out" or do whatever yesterday, and now that I have to work until midnight tonight she's going out with all her friends. I mean... I'm not upset that she's going out without me, but she had planted the idea in my head and I thought we were going somewhere other than inside on friday.
but of course she was too tired to really even have a conversation with me.
Also notable, when she goes out... she looks good, and she's fun to dance with. I haven't really had an opportunity to combine those two things at once. Usually she comes over on saturdays anyway, but she's been out and has taken the heels off and only wants to sleep because we both have to work early on sundays.
I feel like this should be the other way around, or at least that's what I've been told my entire life.
I am a glorified body pillow at the moment.
I'm sure this will change in the future as I get a new job hopefully within the next few months, and I'm positive it's not that she doesn't WANT me there, but damnit I'm getting frustrated and I don't know how to quell it.
I wouldn't be so frustrated if I didn't like her so much. She's really bright, I enjoy hanging out with her, tri-lingual, and has an ass that (as I've said before) is claimable on your taxes as a dependent.
What also doesn't help is that my room mates suck and keep me up all night. This has put me on a weird schedule and they are stressing me out, and I"m sick of my job that makes me work only the days I can see anyone outside of work.
I'm moving out in the next month and that's stressing me out as well.
I have finished re-doing the resume I've lost, including recontacting all of the references I've had, and for the most part looking at it I'm not the worst candidate in the "to be" place for my field.
I just feel like I"m getting the raw deal, and I want a break from stress.
advice? how does one be patient and motivated at the same time?
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hit me!
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tuwang
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2011 19 November :: 4.28am
I've never had this problem before... ever...
It's really frustrating. I've done this a thousand times with everyone else but when it really matters I can't follow through....
the hell?
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joslyn_julia
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2011 17 November :: 3.34pm
what do you do when neither leaving or staying are the answer? I feel pushed into a corner and my friends and family are having to tell me they can't keep hearing the same thing but I don't have the answer to change it.
I feel lost.
hit me!
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tuwang
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2011 9 November :: 4.09pm
Started redoing the resume I lost when my old lappy blew up. It's been a pain in the ass recalling some of the information I had but hopefully it shouldn't be too much longer and I'll be able to get my foot in the door somewhere.
Not sure where to start but D.C. is apparently where it's at for my field so... good luck to me I guess.
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joslyn_julia
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2011 25 September :: 6.34pm
sometimes people really irritate me. scratch that. my friends really irritate me. you try to do something to make sure they get what the want and they just get all pissy about it. so stupid.
hit me!
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tuwang
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2011 28 August :: 10.59am
today should be interesting.
It's time to get it together.
hit me!
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tuwang
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2011 28 August :: 10.59am
today should be interesting.
It's time to get it together.
hit me!
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liz
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2011 26 August :: 4.05am
fuck you I quit.
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