:: 2008 19 September :: 1.24 am
:: Mood: sick

Currently sick. Still working for at&t.

Hurricane Ike was rather bothersome; power was out for a few days. Got eaten alive by mosquitoes. Not cool. I think the bites are starting to fade now.

Being sick makes me think too much. Also, it makes me inclined to be far too impulsive. After all, life is too short when you're looking at it from the viewpoint of someone not feeling well. It makes me want to just save up as much money possible and find a way to start that long-term era of being with that boy.

It makes me feel like there's absolutely no reason to be so cautious with life -- like I shouldn't bother with doing things "the right way" (by others' standards) or anything like that. Like I should be doing what I want, what I feel is right.

Now... that's a very dangerous mindset. I'm sure it'll fade a wee bit once I'm healthy again, but it's always there, honestly. When not sick, it's easier to think more.. clearly, I guess you'd say. Rationally. Responsibly. Like I should be thinking. :P

Anyhow. Just a short public update.

Off to possibly snack then rest/sleep.
-Ash

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:: 2008 1 March :: 9.42 am

Breathe in.
Breathe out.

Repeat.

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:: 2007 21 November :: 12.19 am

Quote from Grey's Anatomy.
A couple of hundred years ago, Benjamin Franklin shared with the world the secret of his success. Never leave that till tomorrow, he said, which you can do today. This is the man who discovered electricity. You think more people would listen to what he had to say.

I don't know why we put things off, but if I had to guess, I'd have to say it has a lot to do with fear. Fear of failure, fear of rejection, sometimes the fear is just of making a decision, because what if you're wrong? What if you're making a mistake you can't undo?

The early bird catches the worm. A stitch in time saves nine. He who hesitates is lost. We can't pretend we hadn't been told. We've all heard the proverbs, heard the philosophers, heard our grandparents warning us about wasted time, heard the damn poets urging us to seize the day.

Still sometimes we have to see for ourselves. We have to make our own mistakes. We have to learn our own lessons. We have to sweep today's possibility under tomorrow's rug until we can't anymore. Until we finally understand for ourselves what Benjamin Franklin really meant. That knowing is better than wondering, that waking is better than sleeping, and even the biggest failure, even the worst, beats the hell out of never trying.

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:: 2007 25 October :: 2.18 pm

for the record

being told that I'm

obsessive

and that

I should stop thinking about things

does not help.

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:: 2007 23 September :: 11.05 pm
:: Mood: annoyed

Sometimes I get really frustrated with everything. Times like this, I really, really want to get away from absolutely everything. Away from the dogs barking while I'm trying to do homework at night, away from Mom's coughing, away from Dad stomping up and down the hall and slamming drawers in the kitchen, away from the incessant squeaking of the dog toys, and away from just all the noise.

I can't concentrate. I cannot figure out this homework problem. I can't do anything but hear everything. Putting on headphones and turning up music to the point that I can't hear anything but music (but not to the point where it becomes static) is the only thing I can do to block out the noise. Maybe that's why my hearing is getting worse, but I can't really do anything about that. I cannot deal with all this noise any other way.

At night, when trying to sleep, it's the same.

I think I'll just go to bed now and hope my concentration skills improve with sleep. I'll get to school early and work in my car or something.

Autumn Equinox. First day of fall. I was relatively happy all day. I'm just really easily frustrated tonight.

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