::
2004 4 June :: 3.05 am
High on Sunday 51
The monkey knows how you'll react
Creating want by holding back
Like some reverse pyromaniac
Let me try baby try
I brought my window up and then
I turned my back to lure you in
To rifle through what I might have been
Let me try, baby, try
Baby please--let me begin
Let me be your heroin
Hate the sinner but love the sin
Let me be your heroin
We have crossed the rubicon
Our ship awash, our rudder gone
The rats have fled but I'm hanging on
Let me try, baby, try
Baby, please--let me begin
Let me be your heroin
Hate the sinner but love the sin
Let me be your heroin
help me |
::
2004 31 May :: 3.11 pm
Hey everyone look aparently I'm selfcentered and pathetic....wait till you hear why. I am trying to help a friend realize that he boyfriend is a piece of shit. And that her life does not revovle around him. And may I not forget to bring up that fact that she fuckin agreed with everything. Oh well, now I know where my place is. And now I know that ten years in a friendship really does ammount to nothing. But its okay. How can I talk to her boyfriend when he wants nothing to do with me? But thats okay to cuz I'm not the one in a fuckin relationship where you can't fuckin have an intelligent conversation. I'm not in a relationship with a guy who only showers when she tells him to. And from the looks of it. My longdistance. Over the phone relationship, is better than her is right now with this fuck up. So its all good. I now that I have better. And I'm sorry for trying to make my friend of ten years realize that she is with someone who doesn't deserve her and that she can get better. I'm done.
1 handed me a rope |
help me |
::
2004 30 May :: 10.43 pm
:: Mood: bored
* STAR the ones that apply to you!!! *
01. I have a cell phone. *
02. I'm obsessed with new things.
03. I'm the youngest child.
04. I am a shopoholic. * I don't care what it is, but once you get started you can't stop.
05. I love my gauged earrings.
06. I love wearing a lot of black eyeliner.* not lots just enough
07. I love Daiquiris.
08. I love the weekends. *
09. I can't live without lip-gloss.
10. I can't live without music. *
11. I lived in Tahoe.
12. I spend money I have. *
13. I'll be in college for over 4 years.*I don't know*
14. I love designer handbags (Coach, Burberry, Louis Vuitton) don't have any but they would be nice.
15. I get annoyed easily.*
16. I eventually want kids. (4 or 5 OF THEM)*
17. I loved the Backstreet Boys.
18. I have more than a couple horrible memories. *
19. I'm addicted to Degrassi.
20. I am a person. *
21. My first kiss was unexpected. *
22. I start school on Jan 4th or 5th.
23. I love taking pictures.
24. I hate girls who are fake. *
25. I can be mean when I want to. *
26. My dreams are bizarre. *
27. I am bisexual.*
28. I have an excessive amount of shoes.*
29. I've seen She's All That at least 50 times.
30. I dress how I feel that day. *
31. I love Charmed.
32. Sometimes I cry for almost no reason. *
33. I hate when people are ridiculously late.*
34. I procrastinate. *
35. Winter is my favorite season. *
36. I have too many clothes for my closet/dresser.
37. I love to sleep. *
38. I wish I were smarter. *
39. I am the hottest bachelor.
40. I have a lot of drama.* to an extent
41. No one knows my full story of my life.*
42. I love my hair. *
43. I sometimes fight with my parents. *
44. I love the beach.
45. I have had the chicken pox. *
46. I'm excited for the future. *
47. I can't control my emotions.
48. I can't wait until New Year's. *
49. I love the show 'Rich Girls.'
50. I love my friends. *
51. Christmas is my favorite holiday. *
52. I can be very insecure sometimes. *
53. I have had a broken bone. *
54. I hate ignorant people. *
55. I love my laptop. *
56. I love guys that play the guitar. * thats a plus...well actually any insturment
57. I state the obvious. *
58. I'm a happy person (at times). *
59. I love to dance.
60. I love to sing.
61. I hate cleaning my room.*
62. I tend to get jealous very easily.*only about certain things
63. I like to play video games. *
64. I love John Mayer.
65. I hate when I see animals or people being hurt and abused. *
66. I'm a vegetarian/vegan/don't eat beef.
67. I don't like to study for tests. *
68. I love play-doh. *
69. I am too forgiving*
70. I have a good sense of direction.
71. I love high school.
72. I have a talent of sweet-talking my way out of things.*
73. I don't drink enough to get drunk.
74. I love to give kisses on the forehead.*
75. I love the color blue.*
76. I don't sew.*
77. I am not addicted to drugs.* excluding caffine and nicotine
78. I love the Olsen twins.
79. I'm going to try out for the baseball team.
80. I become stressed easily.*
82. I like comfy sweatpants.*
83. Bam Margera is hilarious.*
84. I love the smell of fresh laundry.*
PART 2: Throw back...
1. You've ever ended a sentence with the word "SIKE!"
2. You watched the Pound Puppies. (that was a show?)
3. You can sing the rap to the "Fresh Prince of Bel Air."*
4. You wore biker shorts under your skirts and felt stylish. * when I was little
5. You yearned to be a member of the Baby-Sitters Club and tried to start a club of your own.
6. You owned those little Strawberry Shortcake pals scented dolls.
7. You know that "WHOA" comes from Joey on Blossom.
8. Two words: M.C. Hammer ...
9. If you ever watched "Fraggle Rock.”*
10. You had plastic streamers on your handlebars. *
11. You can sing the entire theme song to "Duck Tales" *
12. You remember when it was actually worth getting up early on a Saturday to watch cartoons....*
13. You wore a ponytail on the side of your head.*blame my mother
14. You saw the original "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" on the big screen.
15. You got super-excited when it was Oregon Trail day in computer class at school.
16. You played the game "MASH" (Mansion, Apartment, Shelter Shack, House).*
17. You wore a Jordache Jean jacket and you were proud of it.
18. L.A. Gear
19. You wanted to change your nameto "JEM" in Kindergarten.
20. You remember reading "Tales of a fourth grade nothing" and all the Ramona books.*
21. You know the profound meaning of "WAX ON, WAX OFF"
22. You wanted to be a Goonie!
23. You ever wore fluorescent clothing and tie-dye, too!*
24. You can remember what Michael Jackson looked like before his nose fell off.
25. You have pondered why Smurfette was the only female smurf.*
26. You took lunch pails to school*
27. You remember the CRAZE, then the BANNING of slap bracelets
28. You still get the urge to say "NOT" after every sentence.
29. You remember Hypercolor T-shirts.
30. Barbie and the Rockers was your favorite band.
31. You thought She-Ra and He-Man should hook up.
32. You thought your childhood friends would never leave because you exchanged friendship bracelets. *
33. You owned a pair of jelly sandals.*
34. After you saw Pee-Wee's Big Adventure you kept saying "I know you are, but what am I?"
35. You remember, "I've fallen and I can't get up!"
36. You remember going to the skating rink before there were inline skates.*
37. You ever got seriously injured on a Slip 'n' Slide. *
38. You have ever played with a Skip-It. *
39. You had or attended a birthday party at McDonald's.
40. You've gone through this list occasionally saying "totally awesome."
41. You remember Popples.
42. "Don't worry, be happy."*
43. You wore like, EIGHT pairs of socks over tights. *
44. You wore socks scrunched down. *
45. "Miss MARY MACK MACK, all dressed in BLACK BLACK BLACK."*
46. You remember boom boxes vs. CD players.
47. You remember watching both "Gremlins" movies.
48. You know what it meant to say "Care Bear Stare!" *
49. You remember watching Rainbow Brite and My Little Ponies.*
50. You thought Doogie Howser was hot.
51. You remember Alf, the lil furry brown alien from Melmac.*
52. You remember New Kids on the Block when they were cool.
53. You knew all the characters names and their life stories on "Saved by the Bell," the ORIGINAL class.*
54. You know all the words to Bon Jovi - YOU GIVE LOVE A BAD NAME.
PART 3:I've seen...
001. X-Men*
002. The Craft*
003. X2
004. Swimfan*
005. Fellowship of the Ring*
006. Finding Nemo*
007. Peter Pan*
008. Home Alone*
009. Aladdin*
010. The Ring*
011. 10 Things I Hate About You*
012. Not Another Teen Movie*
013. Spiceworld*
014. 8 Mile*
015. Bambi*
016. Pirates of the Caribbean*
017. Edward Scissorhands*
018. Stepmom*
019. My Best Friends Wedding*
020. 101 Dalmatians*
021. Scream*
022. Scream 2*
023. Scream 3
024. Big Daddy*
025. Billy Madison *
026. Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets*
027. Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone*
028. Heartbreakers*
029. Dumb & Dumber*
030. Two Weeks Notice*
031. Scary Movie*
032. Look Who's Talking*
033. Blade*
034. Blade II*
035. O*
036. Titanic*
037. Carrie*
038. Carrie 2: The Rage*
039. Daddy Day Care*
040. Legally Blonde*
041. Austin Powers*
042. Storm of the Century
043. Oliver and Company*
044. The Two Towers*
045. Return of the King
046. Mighty Ducks*
047. Fast and the Furious*
048. 2 Fast, 2 Furious
049. A Walk To Remember*
050. XXX*
051. Beauty and the Beast*
052. I Know What You Did Last Summer*
053. I Still Know What You Did Last Summer*
054. Sound of Music
055. Mary Poppins*
056. Tuck Everlasting*
057. The Patriot*
058. The Wizard of Oz*
059. Teaching Ms. Tingle*
060. Crossroads*
061. Now and Then
062. Pearl Harbor*
063. Just Married*
064. Cast Away*
065. Radio Flyer*
066. Final Destination*
067. Lady and the Tramp*
068. Shallow Hal*
069. 40 Days and 40 Nights*
070. Bring It On*
071. Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory*
072. The Outsiders*
073. The Matrix
074. Perfect Storm*
075. Cruel Intentions*
076. Never Been Kissed*
077. Clueless*
078. Bruce Almighty*
079. Remember the Titans*
081. Girl, Interrupted*
082. SWAT*
083. Sixth Sense*
084. Phone Booth*
085. The Lion King*
086. Urban Legends*
087. Nightflier*
088. Lion King 1 1/2*
089. Little Mermaid*
090. American Pie*
091. Center Stage*
092. Scooby Doo*
093. Bedazzled
094. Mrs. Doubtfire*
095. Save the Last Dance*
096. My Girl*
097. American Beauty*
098. Romeo Juliet*
099. Lost World*
100. Casper*
101. Miss Congeniality*
102. The Rock*
103. Face Off*
104. Moulin Rouge*
105. Sleeping Beauty*
106. Alien*
107. Tombstone*
108. Lake Placid*
109. The Recruit*
110. The Shining*
111. Pocahontas*
112. French Kiss
113. Pretty Woman*
114. Dirty Dancing*
115. Italian Job*
116. Love, Actually
117. Identity *
118. The Mummy*
119. Drumline*
120. Finding Forrester
121. Monster's Inc.*
122. League of Extraordinary Gentlemen*
123. Spawn*
124. All I Want
125. Mallrats*
126. Dogma*
127. Rat Race*
128. Stigmata*
129. Ace Ventura: Pet Detective*
130. Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls*
131. Gangs of New York*
132. A Clockwork Orange*
133. Chicago*
134. Big Fish
135. Donnie Darko*
136. Chinatown
137. There's Something About Mary*
138. National Security*
139. What Dreams May Come*
140. Lilo and Stitch*
141. Selena*
142. Varsity Blues*
143. Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat
144. Oliver*
145. The Haunting*
146. Jane Eyre
147. Monty Python and the Holy Grail*
148. Annie*
149. Pleasantville*
150. Mean Girls
151. Evita
152. How to Deal
153. Drop Dead Gorgeous
154. Grease*
155. The Breakfast Club*
156. Best in Show
157. Benny & Joon*
158. Chasing Amy
159. Clerks
160. Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back*
1 handed me a rope |
help me |
::
2004 27 May :: 10.00 pm
I'm so bored...and really grumpy. I'm just like ick. I don't know I woke up at like 4:45 to let the cat out and I couldn't go back to sleep afterwards, so I stayed up untill like 9:30...Then I was so tired but couldn't sleep so I decided to take one of my sleeping pills, that about nocked my ass out...I haven't taken one of those since the hospital. So then I went to sleep...but everyone started calling and stopping by and Beka and Lonnie came home early and kept waking me up. And if anyone has been woken up on a sleeping pill they know that you aren't left with a pleasant feeling. So yeah whatever...
I'm going to Taylors tonight, yeah were just going to sit around drink and have some fun...I don't know if I'll get wasted or not...I mean that sounds nice...but I don't think I will. Naw I won't I'll just get a nice buzz nothing is wrong with that.
Yeah so Allen is mad at me...cuz I have been grumpy. He keeps asking me whats wrong and I'm just like nothing is wrong...I'm just grumpy. So now he thinks that theres something I don't wanna tell him. Ugh its so agravating. Yeah then he told me he was going to see Man on Fire with one of his friends and he always trashes...he trashes all the friends that he has. It just pisses me off cuz like he gets on my case because I will talk trash about some of my friends too. Then he'll go off and be all pissy saying shit like I don't get you,Its bullshit whatever, whatever. Then there he is with the person he talks the most shit about. But hey not my life right. Not to even mention that he can't do things like write a letter without asking some one else's opinion. I wish that he would do that. Ya know. For one you'll realize that you did it yourself and be proud of that. For two, if hes like that with a letter what else is he like that with. Yes a second opinion is good...but every time. Then when I won't give him one, he be like oh well I'll just call your grandma. I wish he would stop doing that to. He doesn't have to prove anything to her. As long as I'm happy shes happy. Besides she doesn't need to know whatever it is hes going to tell her. Its not like I go talking to his mom about everything. If I did she would tell me to stop my bitching. There for he can bitch to my grams all he wants and can say anything and she wont do anything about it. She'll not her head and say uh huh. ugh...
Oh well right what can I do.
help me |
::
2004 23 May :: 11.52 pm
:: Mood: bored
| Set The Mood | | Inside or outside?: | Either or | | Where exactly?: | On a counter or wall | | Raunchy or romantic?: | you have to have both | | There's a song playing, what is it?: | Music ruins shit | | Candles, Lights on, Or off?: | Off | | Underwears or Commando?: | ...its sex would people be naked? | | Quiet, or moaning like an insane whore?: | not like an insane whore...but you have to show you like it | | Whos your slut | | fat,skinny, or in between?: | in between | | Punk, Prep, Skater, Emo, or other?: | Little preppies are cute | | Long or wide?: | wide | | Blonde, black, brown, Some unnatural color, or red hair?: | brown | | Tall or short?: | as long as hes taller than me | | Love them, or just want the sex?: | both! | | race of the slut?: | ... | | Would You Ever.. | | do it in a pool?: | yeah | | elevator?: | if nobody else was in it | | public?: | ....not that far | | In the butt?: | ...ouchies | | With other people?: | why not...its over rated though | | Fuck a midget?: | no | | How about a 600 pound guy/girl?: | no | | And Finally.. | | Thrrough the whole thing..what are you screaming?: | "mmm" "ahh" "oh god" |
Your PERFECT Sex brought to you by BZOINK!
help me |
::
2004 22 May :: 2.44 pm
:: Mood: bored
Wow...um that last post was written last night after I got a phone call from a jackass, Lets just say he said somethings and I was upset ya know....but whatever...I won't be talking to the jackass. So yeah whatever...if its possible just ignore that one. :)~
help me |
::
2004 20 May :: 7.02 pm
" friends forever " you promised " together til the end " we did everything with eachother, you were my best friend. when i was sad, you were by my side. when i was scared, you felt my fear; if i needed you, you were there. Suddenly we're miles apart.. two different people with nothing the same. it was as if we hadn't been friends. Although deep in our hearts, neither one of us was to blame. As we grow older, things must change, but they dont always have to end. Even though it's different now, you will always be my friend...
help me |
::
2004 19 May :: 10.37 pm
help me |
::
2004 14 May :: 1.20 pm
:: Mood: hopeful
I'm happy. I went and enrolled in Polaris yesterday, and found out that I will be graduating at the end of my junior year and that since I'll be in the top fifteen percent of the class, I'll get a full scholar ship to any community college in arizona. Not a university becuase the school doesn't offer the classes to get into one...but I can go to a community college and get the aquired classes. If thats what I want or I can do it all at the cc. I don't know I think its cool. I'd be 17 when I graduated...not even close to 18 that sounds awesome. I mean to think that I only have two years left wow...
Next year though I'll go monday through thursday...from 9:30 to 5:30 and then my jounior year i'll have to take one semester of going on friday...and I don't think that will be that hard. I don't know I'm happy and excited. Its like taking a step forward.
Every now and then
We find a special friend
Who never lets us down
Who understands it all
Reaches out each time you fall
You're the best friend that I've found
I know you can't stay
A part of you will never ever go away
Your heart will stay
I'll make a wish for you
And hope it will come true
That life would just be kind
To such a gentle mind
If you lose your way
Think back on yesterday
Remember me this way
Remember me this way
I don't need eyes to see
The love you bring to me
No matter where I go
And I know that you'll be there
Forever more a part of me, you're everywhere
I'll always care
I'll make a wish for you
And hope it will come true
That life would just be kind
To such a gentle mind
If you lose your way
Think back on yesterday
Remember me this way
Remember me this way
And I'll be right behind your shoulder watching you
I'll be standing by your side and all you do
And I won't ever leave
As long as you believe
You just believe
I'll make a wish for you
And hope it will come true
That life would just be kind
To such a gentle mind
If you lose your way
Think back on yesterday
Remember me this way
Remember me this way
help me |
::
2004 10 May :: 7.03 pm
guys are stupid then envolve to much drama i dont know its just all way to confusing therse just so much stuff that i just wish would go away ya know its all to tiring and i dont want to deal with it i hate it people suck and im just going to leave it at that nice and simple
where do people get off butting into that doesnt have anything to do with them I dont know its too big of a mess. I hate people you cant tell people anything without them telling someone else and completly taking to another level this is fuck unbeleivable, id otn get any of it ya know. I don't even remember what made all of this start. I'm just a girl no one important who to say that I can take more than the next person. I cant i cant i really cant im not any more specail than the next and im sick of people telling me that i am I have nothing more in me to make me more of a person or even a stronger person than the next ya know i just dont know im so confused right now there are so manythings going through my head and I just want them to stop. im dont im tired . im going to take a shower and then maybe a nap
1 handed me a rope |
help me |
::
2004 8 May :: 12.02 pm
:: Mood: aggravated
Okay, so I'm home. I spent one week with my dads girlfriend. Don't get me wrong I like her and all and shes a really cool person, she is just soo loud and in your face with everything she does. Its like if you spend too much time in her presence you get nervous and I don't really like that feeling, but hey whatever right. Yeah, I spent the whole time either in the hospital or watching kids, oh joy that was soo much fun Her oldest son Dillian, my stepbrother is a freak. Hes like nine and hes already tried killing himself, he pounds his head into the grounds at school, tries to shove forks into his throat, told the teachers that he wanted to pour sugar down his throat and then slit his throat (the next night Mickey found the bucher knife under his bed) hes, told teachers that his dad and his mom would shoot him and chop him into little pieces when he got home. I don't know he was also molested when he was 4 or 5 so now he will go around and try to hump things thinking its funny, or thats what he is supposed to do. He doesn't listen, he has sever ADHD, and just makes me nervous. I don't like talking to him or being around him, he says the same things over and over again, and has no idea what he is talking about, never excepts anything he does, something is always someone elses fault. I don't know I just don't like him. Then theres Gavin, hes huge. He isn't even 2 yet and already wieghs like 40 some odd pounds. Yeah he has a seisure things where he'll have them and its scary. Sometimes he'll just go limp with his eyes in the back of his head and just lay there or others his eyes will roll and and he'll start shaking, its scary to see that or even just hear about it ya know, Its not really something you wanna hear. Then for my father, ugh, hes such a drama queen. Okay hes diabetic and they have to watch their feet due to poor circulation, and he had an ulcer and was going to the foot doctor tiwce a week. Well he was fine monday then he went back friday and the infection spread so bad that they said that he had to have it ambutated. Yeahs its nasty, hes also on dialysis for a year before he can get a transplant because the doctors want to see a "lifestyle change commitment" or some shit like that. Other than that hes just REALLY sick. Being up there drove me insane. There was so much fuckin drama. The first night this chick came cry saying she was scared cuz her ex threatend her, and her kids and then beat her up and pushed her down the stairs, needless to say she left the house with this big gun thing and was told to beat him over the head with it if he came back. The next night Mickey had to go get her kids cuz the chick flipped out and cut her arms and legs really bad and she didn't want her kids to see that. Then I was taken to a crack house where this angry black lady screamed at everyone. OoO was she tweaking, she had been up for at least a couple days. Then there was all the shit with my cousin Sonny. Got to go see him, I swear him and his hoe of a girlfriend, whom I didn't see because she was "sick", had been up for at least a week. Hes in a dope debt to the Mexican mofia for over a grand. The head guy is actually coming up from Cali to "get his money". Then Mickey lent her car out to her friend Balls and he was supposed to bring it back and he didn't and its at Sonny's. So now basically shes not going to get it back cuz those other people are going to take it and gut it for the money Sonny owes them. Then we went to see my cousin Jenifer she is such a sweetie. Theres nothing bad to say about her, So we visited with her my cousin Anna and Shelby. Vincent wasnt there he was out playing. Then it was back to the hospital where my dad grabbed me and then wouldn't let me go. My grams cried cuz she had told him not to force himself on me...um...dumb bitch your the one that made me go in the first place, whatever. Then it was back to the house to deal with the other grandma... Mickeys mom shes an over controlling lesbian and her nieghbor is really nice but looks dirty, shes a lesbian too. Oh gee the fun times. Then there were the people across the street. They were cool, when I could get away I would hang out with Jacob, and that wasnt often but it was still better than being there. I don't know I just don't want to go back too much drama too much shit. I like it quite and simple, not in a crack house.
1 handed me a rope |
help me |
::
2004 29 April :: 5.46 pm
:: Mood: numb
Woo okay trying to sound happy. I don't know what to do. My dad has to go and have his feet ambutated or however you spell and with him being on the dialisis you think that wouldn't happen. So it has something to do with like his diabetes. But honestly theres so manythings worng with him I don't know what it is. I'm just lost ya know. So now since this is happening, it means that like hes getting alot worse and that he could die sooner than anyone thought. Yeah were, going up there to see him, don't know how were getting there yet whether were flying, or not, but I don't think my grams has the money to fly all of us up there so we might be driving. I don't know its just a lovely day.
help me |
::
2004 23 April :: 9.33 pm
If Abercrombie decided that breathing wasn't "cool" half of the teenage population would die with in the next twenty-four hours!!
1 handed me a rope |
help me |
::
2004 22 April :: 2.55 pm
My grams made me delete all my music and unistall kazaa and all the programs that went with that becuase of the deer valley school raid where the fbi and all these other people came in and busted them. God shes so paraniod. Whatever...I'll just have to save money then to buy cd's then.
help me |
::
2004 21 April :: 12.17 am
I'm tired. I think its weird how you can have every person for you and shit and still feel like you have no one cuz your alone. Oh well I'll get over it.
help me |
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