:: 2006 16 June :: 8.11 pm

I got my acceptance letter. Not that anyone ever reads this journal, so no one really cares. But I care and I'm excited. I'm smarter and better than at least 20 people who applied to the program. Why? Cuz they didn't make it in. I worked my butt off and have something to show for it now. I only have 1 year and 1 month left of school and I'm out working and doing a job that I love. The application process was crazy nerve racking, but ya know what, IT'S OVER!!!!
Now, just the good stuff is left. WOOO!

gimmie a ring

:: 2006 30 May :: 12.00 pm
:: Mood: ouch

It's been 6 days now. 6 days and I still can't open my mouth. I'm still on drugs every 4 hours. I still can't eat food (sidenote: lost 12 pounds in 6 days). I still can't talk. I still can't swallow without flinching.
I'm going to the doctor in about a half hour. I'm hoping that he tells me this is all normal. That he expected it to be this rough. Cuz at home thats not what I hear. I hear that I should have been better by now. I should be talking. I should be eating. I shouldn't be in any pain.
But it is what it is and I can't really go back in time and take any of this back. So I've just gotta plug along and keep trying to get better.
I see myself taking baby steps. I sleep about 4 hours at a time now, which is great. I can open my mouth a little wider now. I can talk for longer periods of time. But it's not as good as I want to be. I think my right side is fine, its just that pesky left side.
I'll talk to the doc. Hope everything is ok.

gimmie a ring

:: 2006 30 May :: 12.00 pm
:: Mood: ouch

It's been 6 days now. 6 days and I still can't open my mouth. I'm still on drugs every 4 hours. I still can't eat food (sidenote: lost 12 pounds in 6 days). I still can't talk. I still can't swallow without flinching.
I'm going to the doctor in about a half hour. I'm hoping that he tells me this is all normal. That he expected it to be this rough. Cuz at home thats not what I hear. I hear that I should have been better by now. I should be talking. I should be eating. I shouldn't be in any pain.
But it is what it is and I can't really go back in time and take any of this back. So I've just gotta plug along and keep trying to get better.
I see myself taking baby steps. I sleep about 4 hours at a time now, which is great. I can open my mouth a little wider now. I can talk for longer periods of time. But it's not as good as I want to be. I think my right side is fine, its just that pesky left side.
I'll talk to the doc. Hope everything is ok.

gimmie a ring

:: 2006 14 May :: 8.04 pm

It's that week... welcome to it!
So I just put a bed on layaway. Wow, committment. I've never had this feeling. Like this, I'm putting myself out there and just hoping for the best feeling.
When you date, like first dates and all, I always felt like I was putting myself out there, taking the risk that I could get hurt. But that is nothing compaired to how I feel right now. I put a bed on layaway! Granted, I can get all my money back if for some reason things went terribly wrong, but still. I put a bed on layaway with no reassurance that I needed to put a bed on layaway.
We're talking about moving forward. We look at things. But I just put a bed on layaway. I mean, wow overwhelming feelings.
I love em, I really really do. No doubt that he's my one. But what if I'm not his? What if I'm the one pushing and this isn't what he wants? Has any of this been his idea? Will the things that his parents and grandparents feel outweigh the things that I feel?
I just wish there was certainty. I understand that there will never be certainty. Not until the day there is an "i do" and even then marriage has become such a joke in our world.
Am I growing up too fast? Is this really what I should be doing... I mean, come on I just put a bed on layaway and I'm scared. Imagine him buying a ring and how much more scary that is! This is not the time in my life that I planned on all this happening. But I think I would be scared no matter when it was to happen. The only reassurance that I have is that I know this is right. I know that this is a boy that I want to be with.
But it is still scary!

1 message | gimmie a ring

:: 2006 10 April :: 8.26 pm
:: Mood: squishy and happy

I think this is it folks. I don't know what else to say. I think everyday I get a little bit nuttier at the thoughts that run through my head. I wish I could make them stop. Not because they are bad thoughts, just the opposite in fact. But they are ones that I get so excited to think, but then eventually the logical part of my head chimes in that they are thoughts that I shouldn't be thinking. It's not even close to the time that I thought I should be thinkinging my thoughts. I'm a planner, and this wasn't the timing of my plan. But they are just such wonderful thoughts that I can't help myself. I just gotta think em!

gimmie a ring