:: 2004 10 June :: 6.59 pm
:: Mood: blah

fun chats

Was having a good day then it just went down hill... fast.

At lunch John IMed me... this is what happened... (my thoughts are in parenthasis... I didnt say this stuff)

ImWearingNikeAF1 [12:39 PM]: i read your journal
MzMica [12:39 PM]: the one I'm typing?
MzMica [12:39 PM]: creepy
ImWearingNikeAF1 [12:39 PM]: no
MzMica [12:39 PM]: which one
ImWearingNikeAF1 [12:39 PM]: the one after we talked , so im pathetic ?
MzMica [12:40 PM]: no
MzMica [12:40 PM]: but do you want my honest opinion on the subject
ImWearingNikeAF1 [12:40 PM]: sure
MzMica [12:41 PM]: I think that you are in a relationship that is not going to be good. I think that everything is fine now because you are willing to make sacrifices to be with this girl. But ultimately I think that if a girl makes you make sacrifices then she isnt the right girl for you (and I dont just mean her telling him not to talk to me, althought that really is sad)
ImWearingNikeAF1 [12:42 PM]: sacrifice what ? i just know that ima jealous asshole and that i wouldnt want her to be all up talkin to her ex's and what not so i figured i shouldnt (he told me that she said he couldnt talk to me... obviously it was his decision)
MzMica [12:44 PM]: well then thats you. But I think its stupid to have you not be able to talk to me because she doesnt like it... does she think I'm gonna come rape you or something? John we're done, I just wanted to keep in touch because I loved you and if nothing more you were a great friend and I wouldnt want to not keep in touch. (I think that its stupid to go from a 'I love you relationship' to a nothing relationship... obviously we meant something to each other and that bond is always there. Its just changed a little) But this isnt even about me, Relationship as a whole, I dont think its fair that you should have to give things up for a girl... its jsut pathetic that she asks you to... thats why my journal me
MzMica [12:44 PM]: ant (Mica is to upset to type here... translation "thats what my journal meant)
MzMica [12:45 PM]: gotta go to work though
ImWearingNikeAF1 [12:45 PM]: well i really dont care abput anything anymore except finishing my new car (ummm ok, tell your new gf that one... see how it goes over, I think he just wanted to fit in that he got a new car to see if it would make me jealous... but congrats on the new car John :-))
MzMica [12:45 PM]: you care about her
MzMica [12:45 PM]: thats why you stopped talking to me
MzMica [12:45 PM]: and thats fine
MzMica [12:45 PM]: but as a friend I'm saying that you should think about what kind of relationship you are being in
MzMica [12:46 PM]: long term... youre not gonna be happy
MzMica [12:46 PM]: ok, I'm outta here... it'd be nice to say talk to you later... but I'm pretty sure that you are gonna not do that... and its not my place to IM you cuz you asked me not to so I wont
MzMica [12:47 PM]: so Bye Joh
MzMica [12:47 PM]: n

Then I went to work and had a long ass day there too. None of the office work that shouldda been done was done, phone rang all the time, new patients stopping in to be a patient, no laundry done, and patients waiting for me to see them... CRAZY!

And now for some thoughts...

Rob and I talked about this recently because his ex said no talking either. And this is what we decided.

It is TOTALLY STUPID to cut someone you once cared for so deeply out of your life completely. I can understand if you dont stay as close becasue of issues with new gf/bf's or because it just plain ole hurts. But you shouldnt boycott them completely.
Personally, if I got hurt, or heaven forbid died, I would honestly want John to know and to be there for me. And vice versa.
Theres my soap box on that and heres another.

What kinda person tells you you cant talk to someone! To me that is just stupid and a HUGE sign of future stupidities.

Off that soap box and onto another.

All, Mica-ness aside, forget I'm the ex and just consider me a friend who isnt afraid to tell him that I think he is making a mistake. Why get so upset about it. Its just my opinion and its my opinion IN MY JOURNAL! If you love the girl then you love the girl and my opinion shouldnt matter to you. And if you leave me IM's and journal replys that sound like you are going to die because you are talking to me when you shouldnt be... then what the hell you doin reading my journal?

I dunno, I dont know why it upsets me so much. Prolly cuz I love the kid. No matter how much I wanna say hey I'm completely over him, true is I'm not. And at least I'm honest enough to know that. But I do want him to be happy. Thats all part of this lovin ya stuff. I want him to be happy forever and wish him nothing but the best. And I hope that he and Kasey are happy. But I dunno I can just see him getting hurt here and I wish that I could save him from it... but that wont happen. (and by save I dont mean that he and I end up back together) I mean that I hope that he can rationally think about what is happening in his life and fix it. He doenst sound like the same cute, fun, happy John. He doenst sound like piggy. Hes much more materialistic then he was before and I dont know why. Hes changed a lot, that I can see from everything that he says to me. I dunno. Just wish that he would be happy and be better.

Ok, no more tears. I'm done... gotta stop writing.

gimmie a ring

:: 2004 10 June :: 12.38 pm
:: Mood: great

good night last night

I learned how to play poker... sorta. Not really, I shouldnt even claim to know a little bit. I watched world poker tour yesterday with Rob. But I honestly dont think I even watched a whole hand get played. ;-) Yeah, so he came over at 7 ish then left at 11ish and honestly all we did was mess around. I dont know if thats a good thing or bad thing. I mean, yeah good cuz its fun. But yeah bad cuz I dont just wanna be some girl he comes and messes around with right.
Oh well, it was fun, I had fun, he had fun, lets just go with it.

Talked to Sergio last night. I seriously miss him so freaking much. I dont know why he cant just retire and come back to MI and we can get married. LOL jk. But I wouldnt complain if it happened.

Ouch just bit my mouth

Also, Buckly is being weird. Tells me all the time that I'm beautiful and

Ouch bit my mouth again
damn it, it hurts!
(I'm getting new teeth in and I havent quite mastered eating yet)

nice and fun and blah blah blah. I dunno, nice to hear, but it makes me nervous. We've now had the 'why we cant date' talk like 10 times. And I dunno maybe I'm just crappy at it. I dunno, I'm trying to be friends after I give the little speech. So maybe my speech isnt mean enough. I dunno, love the kid, just not like a girl loves a bf.

Ok, well I've gotta go to work. bye all

gimmie a ring

:: 2004 9 June :: 12.27 pm
:: Mood: hungry

its lunch time

MMMM I just made yummy food. Grilled cheese with pickles and mashed potatoes. YUM!

Well yeah, I dont know what to write. I'm just bored so I thought I would write something. Ok, yeah thats it I guess. Bye bye

gimmie a ring

:: 2004 8 June :: 2.21 pm
:: Mood: no complaints

Good day

We all know the weather is BEAUTIFUL today dont we? I love it. I layed outside for a little bit. Got really hot and stopped. But still I got to lay outside for a little bit. My legs now dont look all albino-y... or however yous spell it. lol I just sounded like Sam... yous guys.... lol. Anyway!

Gonna go out with Mal today. Nails and summer clothes await me. Should be good times. I dont see why it woudlnt be.

Ok I have too much energy to just sit here... gotta go. BYE!

gimmie a ring

:: 2004 7 June :: 7.23 pm
:: Mood: calm

Good talks

So Rob signs on last night and says 'hey can I call you in like 5 minutes' of course I say yes and we talk. He gets all serious about Saturday. Asks me what I want, tells what he wants, gives nice little history to his gf and stuff. I am so glad we had the talk. Basically we came down to what we think is right. And I'm glad that we both agreed. Basically he's in the same place I am. His gf of a year and him just broke up 2 or 3 months ago and shes happy with some guy and they talk only occasionally. He takes it about the same as I take all of John things.

So basically we decided that we like each other but are kinda scared of getting hurt. So we are gonna date. And be free to date others. And just enjoy being single and yet enjoy being with each other. And who knows maybe one day it will be more. I told him that thats all I ever wanted and he said good.

But then I brought up to him that I do like him and that I dont want to get hurt by this non-dating date. And he agreed. Said that he was willing to give up (insert name here) as what they are now. Because really I wouldnt be comfy with it. He's got his friend with benifits buddy and I really just dont think that that is something I wanna get all involved in. So he said that he would tell her that there was no more.

So great talk... he still calls me baby and tells me I'm cute... hes a keeper. lol. He wants to go out Saturday night... So someone have a party. I figure we'll either go to Harvard or if Melissa has another get together. I think either one would be fun. Or who knows... maybe hang out with his friends. We'll see.

Ok dad needs comp. I'll write more later

gimmie a ring