:: 2006 22 January :: 9.34 am

I learn to play the guitar today... my poor fingers

gimmie a ring

:: 2006 9 January :: 10.51 pm

Every now and then I find a moment in life that just makes me pause to say wow. And last night was one of those moments. Friday night I get to go be a groupie for my Charlie's band at some podunk bar in a town that I dont know where it is. But I'm really really excited about it. Thats the part that makes me say wow. It's not that I'm super into music, if you knew me youd know that about the only cds that make it into my car are: Rent, Pete Yorn, and Medical Termonology. So its not like I'm super into music by any means. Just the look on his face when he told me he got to play. I love to see the real Charlie smile. There's a difference between when he smiles because he thinks he should and the smile because he's truely happy. This was a truely happy smile and that made me wow. I want to be there to see him rock his stuff!
Also I just re-read some of his "squishy" entries, and that made me smile too!

gimmie a ring

:: 2006 4 January :: 5.04 pm

In a weird mood today and I don't know how to describe it. So I'm not gonna try. I think what would fix this mood is a little bit of the old Mica. Just a little though. I dunno which parts of me to bring out though, since the old Mica, lets face it, was no good. I think maybe some drinkin or some clubbin could fix this though... yes, thats my mission.

gimmie a ring

:: 2005 21 December :: 2.53 pm

Everyone should read this entry
Good Mood.
Just witnessed the most amazing thing I've ever seen... in person. This lady gives me a whole new definition of pain. I was observing PT today and this lady has stunned the entire medical world. See, she has a CNS disorder that no one has ever seen before. She explained to me that its like the worse charlie horse you've ever had in your life. And this happens to all her muscles, inside and out. And it happens to her all day long and she can't control it. So, shes been friends with this therapist for years and she came to him with back pain, then the disease started and shes just gotten worse. Well, insurances stopped covering her, bastards! They say that no progress is being made so no more payment. But the therapist sees her anyway. See, she can't eat or sleep as her internal muscles (ie digestion) spasm just as much as her external muscles. And she can't sleep cuz it just hurts to live, so sleeping just doesnt happen. Also, she has a pump inside her constantly giving her muscle relaxer medicine directly into her spinal cord. So, anyway, she gets treated anyway.... Why? cuz after about an hour of the scariest therapy I've ever seen all her muscles relax and she can lay perfectly still for a few hours so she can sleep. Also, her internal muscles relax enough to go to the bathroom. She is my new hero. The therapy was about an hour long, and I cried just watching it. She screams in pain and prays a lot. It's scary.

So I know no one reads my journal but I hope that if anyone ever does they get this one simple thing out of it... life isnt that bad.
Journals seem to be chuck full of bitching and mine was no different. But holy wow has today made a lasting impression on me. I've never been in a room with someone crying out in pain to God thanking him for the gift that she knows will result from her therapy and also just praying for life... a life that someday will be back to how it was when she didn't twitch constantly and when she could walk and do all the things that we all take for granted everyday. I think we should all be a bit more like her. She is in more pain than most of us will ever be in our life and she has endured it everyday for the past 10 years and she still thanks God for the life and good times he's given her. She's thankful for what she has and it is amazing.

I will never forget today and she has invited me to see more of her therapy and to keep in touch with her and her life and I'm definitely going to take her up on it. It was a life changing day today... I hope everyone gets to have a day like this in their life.

gimmie a ring

:: 2005 11 December :: 9.23 am

Excited, I'm very excited.

gimmie a ring