It is not a bad idea to get in the habit of writing down one's thoughts. It saves one having to bother anyone else with them. -- Isabel Colegate

 

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:: 2005 1 October :: 12.44 am
:: Mood: thinky

tonights been a night
Well, I'll start out by saying today was great. I had so much fun with red flannel. It was great to see my sister and of course great to spend the day with Charlie. The combo of last night's football game and movie with todays activities was just great and I loved every minute of it.

Then we have tonight. Started off well enough, then through my own big mouth ran into some issues. Lotsa deep coversation. And all this conversation started me to think.

I thought about some issues that I've always had, and then some new ones. Gotta say I'm not even remotely happy right now. Just as Charlie was about to start his sneezing attack (cute sneezes by the way hunny) he said some things that made me think. And I know that words always come out differently than intended but here are my thoughts.

There are certain words out there that can make you feel the best possible way ever if used in one context and absolutely horrible if used in another. People always say love is a big word. It'd fall into this catagory that I'm talking about right now though. If someone you care about tells you that they love you it feels absolutely amazing, but on the other hand if someone were to say that loving you was a mistake, then youd feel really bad.
The words that were used to spark this entry were "never" and "100%" (or basically, always). Two words that since little kid-ness we've known are big words but we use so lightly now. So all this talk about english prolly leaves everyone wondering why I'm in such a poor mood and why I'm just basically unhappy.
Well, I know Charlie likes me, I dont doubt that at all. And I know that he doesnt mean to hurt me and that this entry is basically gonna be a buncha "mica's hurt, but all over something that she read too much into because it wasnt meant to come out the way something was said." I know thats what it is, but I'm in this thinky mood, so obviously here I am typing my thoughts.
What was said was this (slightly changed so yall dont know the true topic of what we were talking about):
"You'll never get me to ________"
and
"I'll never know 100% __________"
So I guess 100% isnt such a big deal, but the nevers are. I just feel as though these nevers say a lot more than they should. Its not like the first one was "you'll never get me to go tanning" it was about something larger. And between the two statements (made one right after another) it just sounds like I'm setting myself up to be hurt. Not that the topic we were talking about is that important (I'm gonna go on a boycott actually) but just that what the topic is means a lot. It's the sentiment behind the action that means oh so much. And I guess saying that makes me glad that the never was in effect tonight, but at the same time, never... its a scary word. And all this never talk just makes me think that never really means never. When I know it prolly means not right now. Its just been one of those dramatic nights where I over react. And I know this (or at least I hope I'm right about me just over reacting) Its just that certain words can really hurt ya, ya know. Even when unintentional, they hurt. And I'm doing it to myself which sucks the most. I'm not mad at anyone, I fully realize that this is all my doing. But that doesnt mean that you cant hurt yourself sometimes.

gimmie a ring


:: 2005 29 September :: 5.11 pm
:: Mood: SO EXCITED

WOO HOO
Today is my birthday! Woooooooooo!

I am excited for more than my birthday though. Dena called me to give me my birthday hint (side note- she defintely got me the BEST present ever... sorry hun, you wont be able to top this). But anyway, she called and told me that her and BJ are going out tomorrow... he's bringing someone else too though. Kinda weird, but hey whatev. I was excited that they are keeping in touch now.

Now I must nap before I can meet charlie at 9:20 at IHOP. I like Charlie, and I like IHOP, so tonight is gonna be a great night!

1 message | gimmie a ring


:: 2005 28 September :: 6.59 pm
:: Mood: woo hoo

tomorrow is the day
Tomorrow is the big day... my birthday! Now, I'm really excited about it and I hope all goes well with all. I have to work, 10-3:15 which is NOT a bad birthday shift. So everyone should wish me a happy birthday, although no one reads my journal but Charlie... so hunny I expect a happy birthday from you too!

Just outta school I think I have the dumbest lab prof ever. He doesnt know how to teach or space time or any of that good teacher stuff.

Made lots more friends today though which is nice. Its nice to make new friends.

gimmie a ring


:: 2005 27 September :: 10.41 am
:: Mood: happy

better
Well folks I'm in a much better mood now that first day of school is done and I'm on my day off.
Yesterday school was good. Then came home for a much needed nap. Charlie came over. Then I went to bed. Good day overall.
Today I'm goin out with Ashley. Fun times shopping. Then gonna come home and do homework. Charlie is stopping by late. Then Ashley is gonna come home so we can clean. It's gonna be so nice to have a clean house!
Also of importance... 2 days till my birthday! 9:01 pm on the 29th... happy birthday to me! I hope there is cake involved! Doubt it, but a girl can hope

gimmie a ring


:: 2005 25 September :: 8.52 pm
:: Mood: emotional

ick
So today is just an emotional day for me. I've had my ups and I've had my downs. So lets start at the beginning...

I wake up: next to Charlie, after a fantastic weekend. And I'm happy, very tired, but very happy.
I go to work: I don't like work on Sundays, 11-7 ick. But I was running a little later than I like to be, only 5 minutes early. So I felt a little rushed.
I am at work: Customers were just mean, and everyone at work was just in a bad mood.
Still at work: I decide that there will be no more grumpy, it works for like a minute.
Out of work: I meet mom at the shop to take my car in and I'm a little happy.
I get home from the shop: Good mood, getting all excited about my first day of school.
I am home: Call from Ashley, she filed financial aid a little too late and gets nothing. So she has to drop her classes. So I have no car and school tomorrow. But she brings home her car for me to use.
Ashley is here: Now I have to figure out where I want to live and what I can afford. Blah
Here by myself: Crying, I dont like today
Little later: realize it's pathetic to cry and I write in my journal
Future: cuddling up with a cat and hoping to hear from Charlie because its just that kinda night... not really thinking its gonna happen though... OH wait he just IMed!

I'll get over this. Everything always works out right? Well, we hope so at least.

gimmie a ring

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