:: 2005 23 September :: 8.58 pm
:: Mood: somethins differnt

read my mood
Yes, there is something different about me. It is a very good different though. I feel more relaxed. This has got me thinking though, and I dont like the thoughts.

I always liked to think that I was an independent girl and it didnt matter to me if I had a bf or not (sorry so many bf posts, but its a big adjustment). I always thought that I did my own thing and I made my own decisions and those things wouldnt change, relationship or no relationship. But now that I'm with someone again I feel as though I've changed. I've noticed that I'm more relaxed around guys. Guys at work I joke more and I'm more relaxed. Not that I was uptight and no fun before. Its just now I could care less what they think of me because I just dont need to care. So I guess thats good, but I never thought I needed to be in a relationship for that to happen. I never really cared what people thought, but now I REALLY dont care. It's weird.

Also just all around I feel more relaxed. I dont feel as though I need a guy around as much as before. Ok, so no surprise sex was/is a big deal in my life. And before I'd just kinda wing it and I'd end up finding someone (a friend or one of the people that I had already been with) and I'd end up doing something, sex or non sex. And then I'd go on and live my life. Not a big deal. But now it seems so much more important (yes it shouldda been this important before and looking back I wish it were).

Just all around I feel different. I wish I wouldda felt like this without someone. Not that I plan on breaking up (Lord I dont plan on it) but we all know that I'm pretty pessimistic about relationships, SO if and when we break up I vow to feel like this even without someone. But again, I'm not hoping for a break up by any means... wow I need to knock on all sortsa wood! Good thing ash and I bought this desk!

Ok one hour till go time and I'm really excited about it. Friday night with Charlie I'm really pumped! So thats all yall get!

gimmie a ring

:: 2005 23 September :: 12.23 am
:: Mood: oh so happy

I win
Well I read it tonight. Gotta say reading others journals make me smile. And I think that I must sensor much more than you because I have much more to sensor.

Problem with sensorship is that it never stays in the dark. I am seriously worried that my drunken Saturday will show all that I am trying to hide. I tend to babble when I'm drunk. And while the person I'm trying to hide stuff from has expierenced this already, before I had nothing to hide, now I do. Nothing bad, just again with that 'lets not weird people out' stuff.

Well, more to think of. But Ashley and I decided to start planning our honneymoon... not with eachother, but apart, with husbands of our own, apart.

Also, tomorrow, I work, not sure till when but I think its longer than I worked today... gross. Hoping for something to perk up my day. Thinking that Grand Valley isnt going to pan out as there are many people coming to the valley from Sturgis or Saginaw or some S town. So, who knows whats up. Maybe sleep since I again failed at that tonight.

Gonna go try to be in bed by 1.

gimmie a ring

:: 2005 22 September :: 8.26 pm
:: Mood: optimistic

Big sigh
I think that I shouldnt write so much in this here journal about recent events. And by recent events I mean Charlie and I are dating now. It's good. It's very good. I just dont want to say too much on here that is gonna way weird him out. But it's sad because obviously I have thoughts. Lotsa thoughts.

The big overwhelming thought is wow.

But I will not expose myself further. I feel as though if I say all that is in my head I'll be thought of as weird. But it's a good thing when you wake up still happy, look at your cat, and all you can say is "we kinda like this kid huh Lola?"

Enough of that. So I worked all day today, good day though. Time went by super fast and I worked with someone I enjoy working with. Side note, two people I didnt like to work with dont work there anymore... only one left! hehehe. I feel as though a best buy shopping spree is soon in order. There is a dorky CD I want, along with a new DVD player for the bedroom, and maybe a remote for the TV, and of course some movies. But I have to hold off as my birthday is only a week away.

Speaking of birthdays Grandma and Grandpa I think got lost on what day my birthday is. They are usually very on top of things. And its weird that I got a card a week early from them... maybe they thought it was the 23rd?

Went home for a little bit after work as I almost got into a car accident on the way home. My car has been in the shop twice, with lotsa moneys worth of work into it and I still almost died. So dad said to take it to one more shop and if they cant DEFINITELY tell us whats wrong (he said it sounds like new transmission is needed) then we go car shopping... so lets all hope that they cant say whats wrong!

Kinda tired tonight. These 2am hangouts are killin me. I love em to pieces but they make a girl tired. Might go to bed early tonight (so dont worry if you dont catch me today). But maybe we'll try for tomorrow. And obviously definitely Saturday.

Tomorrow has a high chance of GVSU drinking. We'll see though.

Charlie can call me tonight or tomorrow if he wants, my number will be on my MSN name.

1 message | gimmie a ring

:: 2005 22 August :: 2.34 am
:: Mood: giddy

good night
Wow is all I have to say about tonight.

gimmie a ring

:: 2005 21 August :: 2.55 pm
:: Mood: calm

update for today, and yesterday
So yesterday- sick like woah (thanks Charlie)
Today- much better, I can breathe outta both sides!

Yesterdays activities- Laundry all day long and trying not to die.
Todays activities- Tanning then lunch with Ashley. Then I came home with intentions of cleaning that again didnt pan out. So I watched my dance DVD. My trio turned out great!

Last nights activities- Loved em. I was drunk like woah and had some good talks with a good person. I quite enjoy spending time with this certain someone, always makes me smile. And still comes over when I'm sick and when I look like I havent gotten ready. It's nice when someone tells you that they like you and theyve never even seen you make an attempt at looking cute. So obviously I'm not getting liked on my looks... unless he's just weird, which is possible.
Tonights activites- Havent happened yet but I have some expectations. Boy from last night must do homework then come over. Well, doesnt have to come over, but it'd be nice. If that plan doesnt work then yes I will prolly just lay around the house.

Work tomorrow and I'm not excited. Early morning work. 7hours of it... gross.

gimmie a ring