:: 2004 16 November :: 9.22 pm

its been awhile since I\'ve cried
There is so much to write but right now I am too frazzled to write it all... maybe after dance. Maybe after a few drinks.

2 messages | gimmie a ring

:: 2004 15 November :: 12.40 am

hmmm
Well, I dont really know whats going on lately. I've got some thoughts in my head. But for my own safety I'll keep them to myself.

I told my parents that I hated living here. I guess they told Dena that I was moving out at the semester... news to me. So I guess we'll see what they have in mind. Maybe they just misinterpreted what I said. I dont know. I guess we'll see.

Lets see what else I got goin on? Hmmm. Yeah, still kinda pissed about hearing that my supposed friends talk about me. I dunno. I'm not gonna bring it up because then it just causes more drama. But still its sucky. Ya just shouldnt do that. It sucks. Makes them a sucky friend...

Chris came over last night. Made me see exactly how much I dont like Mark. Now how to explain that to Mark. I like to think that I can just stop calling and stop talking and making plans. But I'm pretty sure that makes me a bitch. But how do you break up wtih someone that you arent dating? So yeah, that was a good thing to have happen right? I'm pretty sure Chris isnt for me either. I dunno, he has done nothing wrong. but constantly asks when things will go further... dude I'm not gonna sleep with you right now. LOL. So geesh boys are stupid.

Then there is a thing that is on my mind that again I wont bring up. But there are thoughts that I dont think I should think. And there are things that I am nervous about. I definitely need to think about some things before this week is over with...

gimmie a ring

:: 2004 1 November :: 9.46 pm

Oh the drama
Well, its been awhile since I've written. Which either means that nothing bad has really happened that I've needed to talk about. Or I've been holding it all in. Well my vote is for the 2nd one.

Well I guess I write now because things are getting kinda shitty. Like more so than usual. I dunno its to the point where I dont even wanna fucking be here anymore. I dunno there is all this tension. Not to mention that the past few months I've been holding so much back. I mean do people think I'm that stupid that they can lie to me about so many things and I'll never know? Or how about the shit they say about me? Do they think that no one will ever tell me? Do you think that I'm stupid enough not to HEAR when you say things and I'm fucking right there? I mean, come on!

Fuck!

I dunno. I dont want to be here anymore. I just want to be somewhere else where things are way less filled with drama. I mean pretty much everyday someone is coming to me and saying something.
"Did you know....."
"I think you should say something..."
"I'm kinda worried about...."
Did yall know that you guys can say things too so that I dont end up being the only shitty "friend"? Not to mention no matter what I say gets dismissed. My opinions mean jack shit!

Well ok here is my offical answer to all of that. I dont care. I have tried to care and all that happens is that I end up feeling like shit because apparently I'm wrong about everything. I really havent cared since the beginning. But extra now I dont care. I dont want to hear anymore stories, I dont want to hear anymore concerns. Whatever happens fucking happens and its not my fault and I will NOT be there when shit happens.

Why care about someone who is going to do nothing but twist what you say, lie about you, and lie to you? See... ya dont, it just isnt logical. And thats where I am right now. I dont fucking care. I just fucking hate it all.

Oh theres more. But for now I think I will take a shower and go hang out with people who actually care about me.

gimmie a ring

:: 2004 27 September :: 9.51 pm
:: Mood: good

Its my birthday on Weds!
South Bend Indiana. Thats what I think of when I think of my birthday now. Pathetic huh? Yep.

Well I havent updated in so long. Rob and I are still having our fun. He came home for my birthday this Friday. It was cute.

There is also a Bob that is coming into my life. He's one of the sweetest people in the world. So I'm trying not to get ahead of myself but I am really excited.

School's going great too. I guess. I tend to not go much. lol. But I'm passing.

Canada this weekend! Drunk off my ass! Love my friends for coming with. It'll be great!

Random thoughts all over the place sorry.

Something else I'm excited about I wont put in here since Mallory will yell at me. But know that something else exciting is goin on.

Ok, thats all. I'm done. Bored. Will write again sometime

BYE

gimmie a ring

:: 2004 23 September :: 12.19 am
:: Mood: good

happy
Mal yelled at me for not writing.

1 week till my birthday!

There ya go Mal

more later I promise

gimmie a ring