:: 2004 31 August :: 11.26 pm
:: Mood: bitchy

Fuck
Why are people not what they seem? People claim to be things that they are not. And maybe they dont realize that they are not. They once were whatever this claim is, but it seems as of late that they are not. And its disappointing, but more than that its surprising.

I'm starting to deal with somethings that I shouldda delt with when they happened. But I didnt and now I have to. And that just sucks because its big things that obviously I didnt want to deal with once so I dont want to deal with it now. Also, there is truely no one here. I'm very much looking forward to Friday. Who knows if Rob will really come here or not, but I'm looking forward to talking to him. Hes one of the few, prolly the only person that I feel like I can talk to without COMPLETELY bothering them. Well off to bed now, too much to deal with so I'll sleep it off.

gimmie a ring

:: 2004 30 August :: 12.52 am
:: Mood: non-good

yep

Never make yourself someones priority while allowing yourself to be their option...

What the hell am I doing? I really dont know. I think I'm ok then one minute that all changes. I think that things arent ok. Then magically they are. I wish I wasnt so psycho. I have so many changes goin on in my head. I wish I just knew what I wanted. I wish I knew what everyone was thinking. What are peopole honestly thinking. And how are things gonna pan out. With every person I know there is possibilities for good and possibilities for bad. And I dont want the bad. I dont want to get hurt anymore. I dont want to fight anymore. I dont want a lot of things anymore. Unfortunately they all seem to be going back to badness. Everything seems to be looking like I'm gonna get hurt. I'm not very optimistic about anything. And I know right now everyone who knows me is thinking that its all Rob. And lots of it is, but lots of it isnt either.

I've been upset about so many things lately. Things that I havent dealt with yet that I just kinda pushed aside and thought would go away. Well it hasnt gone away. Then there are new things. People are asking me to do things or commit to things and then they just kinda leave it alone. And it confuses me and it frustrates me.

So many things. I dont know what to do and think. I wish I had someone to talk to about all this. It doesnt work that way though. I dont have anyone to talk to. I've tried talking to some people and they kinda just blow me off. I guess they think I'm bitching about nothing. And maybe it is nothing but I'm really upset about everything. I dunno bad timing I guess. School is starting and everything is building up. Dunno how much more I can take.

We'll see what happens, because nothing else is gonna happen, nothing is going to be fixed, nothing will change, things will just keep getting worse.

gimmie a ring

:: 2004 26 August :: 9.39 pm
:: Mood: confused

oye ve
So someone just left. And we just had a confusing coversation. Basically he doesnt want me to have *cough* with Rob anymore. He wants to start dating. Says that I'll never know if I want a serious relationship or not unless I try something. But I dunno, I think that I might get hurt that way. Actually I know that I'll get hurt that way. I dunno. I like the kid and all, I just really dont think that I'm ready to be with someone. Especially someone who wants something serious. I know I'm not ready for that. I told him that I would keep *cough* with Rob and I'd keep going out on dates. I told him I'd keep doing what I'm doing until he and I decide to date. Which he wants to do now but I dont. We havent even gone out. I mean we sat at the apartment and drank and watched a movie. And I'd like to know how much I'd actually see this kid. I mean, he works 3rd shift and is in school. So who knows. Grrr the confusion.

I dont know what to do. I guess I'll figure it out later. I dont want to deal with it now.

gimmie a ring

:: 2004 25 August :: 11.13 pm
:: Mood: tooth hurts

hi
So its been brought to my attention that more than Miss Mallory reads this here journal. There is a potential for a little Mallory to be reading this. Which is welcome and ok. But I think I should begin to censor my journal. I never knew that I had a younger than 16 audience.
LOL Prolly not. I hate to think about what I'm writing, I just like to sit and write.

Ok, so heres whats up lately. I moved out- YEA! Rob moved too- Boo (but just a little boo... I am NOT dependant on that boy) Liz is definitely lookin preggers- boo. Matt, what can you say, I'm worried about the kid- boo.... Ok summery- boo's win it!

So life seems rather boo lately.
There are thoughts to insert here. Ones deep and full of mica whining. Lotsa prince in shining armor analogies. But I dont wanna put them in... take a moment and put them in mentally.....








Ok enough. My neck hurts so I'm gonna go lay down. Goodnight

gimmie a ring

:: 2004 19 August :: 8.36 pm
:: Mood: stalling

I hate packing