upchuck
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2005 27 August :: 10.43am
:: Mood: gloomy
:: Music: "Hey Pretty" - Poe
The Past, Present, and Future
Yesterday was something else entirely.
It marked my entrance back into the workforce, which felt good. It also led me to relive the past.
With what has been going on in my life lately, you might think that that isn't a good thing, but I do. Because the past I was reliving was the past of two, three, even four years ago, not the hellish roller coaster ride of the last year and half.
I went back to work and it was like I didn't miss a single beat. I nailed everything on the head. It was kind of depressing, the fact that everyone seems to hate their job so much. It's almost like it is all a chore. Not something that I saw before, because I almost felt that way. But I have the advantage of perspective now. I've seen the light. I am no longer scared that that is the place that I am going to get stuck. I've been to what I percieve to be the top, and it wasn't that interesting. I just hope my approach will help Denise out, because I don't want her losing it.
I also went to the football game last night. Got to play some tuba. My chops aren't what they used to be, but they still work. I swear, it took five years to get up to a high B-flat, and now, I haven't played regularly in more than three years, I can still get up to it, and on a sousaphone no less (not that this means anything to any of you). Kara Stermin was also there. I haven't seen her since we gradutated. It is just one of those things where you don't even realized that someone is missing until you see them again. No matter how introverted I was, and how much at the time I hated the way that my personal life was going, I always had something in high school. I always had a way to restore my self-confidence. That's something that has been severely lacking the last few months.
And for Brianna; I tried four different numbers that I thought could be the number that Lori gave me. None of them worked. See, I finally did it.
That brings me to another note, it's about all the girls over the years that I have had crushes on. I don't know if this is a typical guy thing, but I find myself having had feelings and building a girl up to such an extent that I find it hard to approach them. With Lori that was true, and it took me getting drunk to do anything about it. With others, it's not that easy. I had one of those experiences last night. I almost had the same feeling that I had the first time she left, and I spend multitudes amount of time explaining her behavior away, because I want so badly for some kind of sign. But it's not there,, and if any of them ever found out, I would be completely embarassed.
It did happen once in high school. With Brenda. That was not of my doing though, and then it even took me a whole week to say anything to her. That was beyond anything that I think I ever experienced.
Just as a note. There is no regret to any of this. This is me lucidly analyzing the last 36 hours.
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gimmie a ring
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2005 21 August :: 12.29am
This thing just keeps getting uglier and uglier. I could be talking about multiple things in my life right now, with that statement I guess. But I'll stick to politics for now.
This is great. You know, the whole Iraq thing. See, I will admit that I was part of the silent majority who believed that it probably was a good idea to change the regime in Iraq. Getting rid of Saddam was a noble goal, and it was accomplished. I also thought that it was sheer brilliance (absolutely no sarcasm here, really) to give the terrorists an active front in their own backyard. You see, if the terrorists were busy in a place like Iraq, they wouldn't be able to export terror internationally because all their resources would be tied up there.
But now. Regime change is not going so well. We are replacing a moderate (in terms of the Foxnews term "Islamofacism") non-democratic regime under Saddam, into an Islamic democracy ruled by clerics. Our representatives at the Iraqi Constitutional assembly have agreed to let Iraq be an Islamic state. They have agreed to change the status of Islamic Law in relation to secular law. Instead of the constitution saying that Islamic Law is "a" major source for secular law, we have conceded to is saying that Islamic Law is "the" major source for secular law (today's Jordan Times @ jordantimes.com). In essence, any law passed by a new government has to conform to Islam, or what the religious clerics think is Islamic Law. But, never fear, our ambassadors have worked very hard to insist on equality and women's rights. This is why I'm thankful for the class that I just got done taking. Women's rights according to Islamic Law are not equal to mens rights. The whole gender realtionship in Islam is one of complimentary roles. In Islam, every women has the right to children. A woman can divorce a man if he does not provide her with children. But women don't have the right to "rebel" (Arabic term 'nushuz') against her husband. That is women's rights under Islamic Law.
So it comes down to, who do we blame? Do we blame Bush for going in with no real plan to deal with the post-invasion scenario? Or do we blame liberals for crying foul and bitching and whining because people actually believe that going into Iraq was a good thing, thereby forcing the hand of the administration into settling for a less than reasonable compromise? I don't know. I'm tending towards option number one right now, but then again, I don't think it would take much for me to start believing number two.
And the great thing is that as my mind is being changed at this very minute, so are many other people's around the country. What to do, what to do? I have no idea, but things are conspiring and I think we are headed towards a rough patch in American history. I wouldn't say it is the downfall of our nation, but a definite rough patch. Hegemony can't last forever.
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gimmie a ring
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2005 19 August :: 10.51pm
I think I drank some bad OJ. It's been in the fridge for awhile and it was really pulpy. It burned on the way down and now it's churning me insides.
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2005 18 August :: 1.56pm
SO I'm sitting in Kirkoff right now. You know, there is nothing more gratifying than droping 1 G just to get an education. I know, I shouldn't be complaining. There are a few of you who are spending more than that, but it still doesn't make me feel any better.
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2005 11 August :: 11.45pm
So with my free time I decided to read another Hunter S Thompson book. I've never actually been able to finish one of his books. If you've ever read him, you might understand. His observations are right on, all be it a little twinged. The guy was seriously deranged sometimes. Right now I'm reading "Fear and Loathing: ON the Campaign Trail '72." It's great. Tons of political commentary. It is odd that the same things that he talks about going on with the '72 election are basically the same things that happened with the '04 election. An incumbent President, who everyone who was oppossed to him thought that it would be the end of the world. In his case it was Nixon. And, no matter how much of an ardent Republican you are, Nixon was kind of scary in that rights curtailing way. he talked about the youth vote, that was suppossed to play a huge role in the '72 election, it didn't. Kind of reminiscent of "Vote or Die," which many of our generation did neither of. The Democratic promary was up for grabs, with many non-descrpit condidates running. And, in '04, if you consider Dean somewhat non-despcript (well he was until Iowa), and disregard that Hitler-esque Kucinich, the same can be said.
He also talks about wanting a choice more than between crap and crap. Of wanting to vote FOR something instead of AGAINST something. I mean, if I had extremely strong liberal leanings I would have gone for Dean, but the Dems wanted someone who was a little more mainstream, someone who could beat Bush.
Personally, I was attracted to Edwards more than I was to any single candidate who ran in '04. I thought his message was great. It just was co-opted when he joined the ticket with Kerry. Toned down and washed out. I think it was the fact that he was trying to do things right. Not smear other candidates. The motivaiton behind his policy intiatives seemed to be compassion for people. People like me, and my family. It's an ideal. He is someone who will never make it into the White House. He couldn't. He's too weak and too unwilling to piss of the right people to be politically successful.
So that brings me to my next political rant (remember, this is all inspired by Thompson). My newest attempt at being involved in politics is somehting I term "Bringin' the Bitches Down '06." By the bitches I am referring to the two prominent state officials up for re-election in '06. That would be Governor Granholm and Senator Stabenow. Both have been relatively uneffective in their terms. Now, Ole Spence wasn't exactly the most effective Senator, nor was he a very good Energy Secretary, but I'm sure we don't need another junior Democratic lurking in the halls of the Senate. Much better to have a junior Republican Senator who represents more than the East side of the state. Really, I feel like we should be able to secede from the Union. Because with both of these women in power, this side of the state is getting absolutely no representation nationally. Don't get me wrong, my issue is not with the fact that they are women. I have already said why I prefer not to have Stabenow in office. I prefer not to have Granholm in office because she just spent time in Japan on the state's dime, claiming that it was for gaining jobs and improving the economy and came back with the pitiful assurance of 150 jobs. Count'em, 150. Open up 8 new fast food resturants and you'll create that many jobs. Probably with better pay and benefits than the one's she's brigning t'boot. Also she's Canadian. I don't like Canadians. Them and their flappy heads.
And I'm spent.
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