Snargle!

Snargle!

:: 2005 5 June :: 8.49pm

DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMMIT!!!!!
its all over now. i officially have no connections to this school anymore.
tri-county won.
we lost
losing sucks
just like danny boy.
bad sportsmanship sucks worse.
growing up sucks the most.
i cant take it.
i cant stop crying.
losing sucks so bad.
i dont want it all to be over
5 years.
thats how long ive been on a team with most of the team.
two years with everyone else.
next year i have to go to gvsu. and try out and probably not make it.
but i have to try because who am I if I don't.
no one else seems to care that much.
i love this game so much. i refuse to be without it.
somehow im relieved though. happy to be done to stop pushing myself so hard all of the time.
and at the same contradicting time im completely devastated.
this game and this team were a huge portion of my life
the balance.
the one thing that stays steady
yeah i wasnt a golden girl and i didnt get to play first but i did know what to expect and once i got over my disapoint i was happy to be there. i was happy with my swing which mr. wagner finally helped to improve. sometimes. well im not sure what happened im thinking a combo of pieces of his advice and some self esteem.
the self esteem i got on the team was great.
right field kinda sucks. but I felt so good about myself during practices and when i was hitting. i had my crap days i mean everyone does. but there were definately more good days than not. im going to miss this team so much. and while i hate working out and running and all that jazz. its important to keep on keepin' on and to have something to work for and to know i worked hard for it was worth so much more than the breathe that lost while i was pushing.
huffin and puffin all the way. ill be honest this season started and i was scared and judgemental. i had people who i wasnt fond of at all and completely didnt want to accept but i did and look what happened, new friends.
yay.
to quote mr.smith forever.
"I LOVE this game"

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skife

:: 2005 5 June :: 3.34pm

if i had a pool party this summer, wich of you would show up?

keep in mind this party would be alcohol free unlike last year.
you know, when ramiero said he wasn't drunk and then stumbeled down the stairs on my deck.

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allyson

:: 2005 5 June :: 12.54pm
:: Mood: crushed
:: Music: swing swing - american rejects

I went paintballing yesturday. I am so in love with it now. It's so fun. I only got shot like 4 times haha. One was in the back of then neck.. that one hurts and is a bit swollen. Other than that though.. it was great.

Oh and then I went to a party and found out I was used.I found out when he brought another girl back to his place so I had to sleep in the freezing basement and she was in his room with him. When I was in that place not even a week ago. WTF? I was drunk to begin with so that made it worse. Buutt, Parker was there to hold me so.. I was happyish.

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skife

:: 2005 3 June :: 2.17pm

"lets fuck, like hardcore squirrls on a beautiful spring day"
~bethy

I love her so much. even though she's trying to rape me right now, its funny.

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liz	:: 2005 3 June :: 1.51pm i wish i had some memories... 1 comment \| leave a comment

liz	:: 2005 3 June :: 11.36am somewhere along the line im gonna have to grow up. or not. 3 comments \| leave a comment

liz

:: 2005 3 June :: 10.18am

well. work is good. softball is mediocre to good. i quickly get over the sad moments by making jokes and pretending that my own failures and his lack of confidence don't bother me.
in other news districts are tomorrow. they are really super important.
my mom called and said she was coming so i gave her directions and all the junk and then told her that its five dollars to get it and she said then she can't make it.
WHAT?!?!?!?!?
I see where i rate. I have one thing in my life that i care about. softball. she came to graduation which is cool but if i had to choose between her coming to this game or graduation i would have chosen the game. I mean come on and pretend to be a decent mother for gods sake. Honestly woman you haven't been to one of my games in three freaking years. You go to almost all of Becca's games and granted they are only 10 minutes away as opposed to 45 but at least one a season. especially when you easily could have gone to Greenville since that is only 15 minutes away from you. I realize that you don't have a lot financially but cut back for like two days and you could get ten dollars for you and Jim to come here. how about don't smoke for one day. that would be enough but no thats too much at the same time because pretty much everything in this world is more important to you than i am. Im sorry that its like that but with everything that you have ever done or not done as the case may be you have isolated yourself from me. Every event that was ever important to me with the exception of graduation (which by the way I dont really care about) you have missed. You get angry and say that Deidra is tying to take your place or whatever but seriously you haven't done much to stop it. Im sorry that she has been there for everything. every doctors appointment. every game she could make it to. every concert. all my college tours. the orientations, the parent teacher conferences. EVERYTHING that you couldnt fit into your busy schedule of soap operas and therapy. THis is really just icing on the cake. you hurt me so much by not even pretending to care about the things that are important to me. good thing you have three other daughters. the loss of this one shouldnt mean too much to you.

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liz	:: 2005 2 June :: 8.17am WEll that was a good morning then wasn't it. haha my boyfriend loves me. 1 comment \| leave a comment

liz	:: 2005 1 June :: 8.01pm hey pj. the hotmail is being like the crappiest crap that ever crapped so while i will not be replying. but email again so that i can read it in the morning and feel moderately happy. eh? I love you 2 comments \| leave a comment

liz

:: 2005 1 June :: 7.53pm

well its wednesday. only two more days until maybe i get to see pj. not being able to talk to him really really sucks. so much. it just all around sucks. almost as much as todays game.
we won 11-1 so that part didnt suck but reed really like super makes me feel bad about myself. are you supposed to be feeling bad because of your coach. i thought that coaches were supposed to be inspiring or something. who care only a couple of weeks left. which is pretty good cuz i pretty much have my own demons to battle that i thought were gone but in fact are not. work was okay. grill is way better than anything else. its super easy. pj i love you. i wish i could talk to you.
i loveyou

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allyson

:: 2005 1 June :: 11.53am

So much has happened. My open house was last friday. It was kinda fun. I went to a strip club afterwards with Martin and Rachel W. then to Jred's :). That was a lot of fun haha. Saturday I had to babysit and then I went out to eat. Sunday I hung out with Rachel W. we went to greenville and went back to her place and had mac and cheese haha. Monday I didn't do anything last night I talked on the phone for like.. mm a half an hour with parker and then about three with jared. Today I might be going to my brothers or jared's depending on how my brother is feeling about me today. Thursday I'm babysitting as well as friday and then david's bbq that i am hoping to go to. We'll see though. Saturday I am finally playing paintball for the first time and then Jared is having a "Pimps and Hoes party" where there will only be two minors haha.. me and rachel :P. Umm.. then I don't know.

My brother's being a dick. Parker is supposidly lying to me and jared could see us dating. Hmm.. WTF?

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liz	:: 2005 31 May :: 7.05pm irritated. to an extreme measure. in other news in a few days i should have my very own copy of the lorax by dr. seuss for my own reading pleasure which i purchased of the old ebay. rock on leave a comment

liz	:: 2005 31 May :: 12.08pm hey pj. where might you be. im pretty much freaking out over here? cry leave a comment

skife

:: 2005 31 May :: 12.08pm

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