liz
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2005 22 December :: 6.17pm
holla'
im at home right now.
I have been for a week.
its cool.
im liking the at homeness.
food.
food is good.
work has sucked.
im feeling better.
chris best.
go to my academic records.
then final grades and that will give you your final grades.
.
ray is going to texas tomorrow and that has me all kinds of sad.
im not sure what to make of anything anymore. i mean as far as he is concerned.
my brother said that he reminds him of marty.
that is an odd comparison.
what since ray doesnt smoke weed and all.
my parents and I have been rowing over my smoking.
i have the night off thank god.
last night i worked adn then I stayed at kristens.
that sucked cuz ray and I fought the entire night.
i hate fighting.
i was being really unreasonable though.
okay dinnertime says my brother.
AWESEOME.
Merry christmas to you all because I wont update again until its all over and done with.
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liz
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2005 21 December :: 9.08am
so brief synopsis here.
I am sick.
sick sick sick.
on some nasty horsepills.
I have a horrendouse sinus infection and my thyroid thing is probably back.
i have a very large lump next to my thyroid protruding out of my neck.
I got to work yesterday heather looked at me and told me to go home.
I have to work again today.
im going to work because I need to work, because I need the money.
I hate poor.
in brighter news.
I passed all of my classes.
Yay yay yay.
I really didnt think that I would or that I could and I did.
so yayness for me.
yay yay.
Two D's C and a B.
not great but I could have done so much worse and I am happy anyway ray is here so im out bitches.
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skife
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2005 20 December :: 1.15am
my grandma barb died at around 11;30 pm.
they pulled the life support off of her.
it was so sudden its not fair. I saw her 2 days ago when i went out there to get the blower motor for AJ's mom. Its not fair... she was healty as hell. its not fucking right!
*sigh*
beth wants to help me out through all of this but i want to do it alone, itsj ust how i deal with things....
shit sucks.... fuck christmas. Bad shit ALWAYS happens around this time.
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skife
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2005 19 December :: 9.35pm
at the hopital....
My grandmother is on her deathbed, If she does survive she will be a vegtable :(
today i woke up at chris' house in ludington around noonish, i got a phone call from my brother, he told me i had to be home at 3 because the charter guy is coming to fix out internet....
Meanwhile about this time, my grandma barb and uncle dutch were having lunch out at harvard and laughing about somthing.
my uncle went out into the shop, then went to move my grandma's car and he asked where the keys were, she didn't answer so he asked again, still no answer, so he went into her room and found her on her knees like she was trying to get into her bed.... so he help her into her bed and called the ambulance.......
i got a call at about 3 on my way home, i was just passing the landfill in muskegon when tyler beeped me on the 2way and told me i had to call my dad about grandma, it was really importiant.
so i called my dad and he said grandma was in the hospital and i have to hurry home.
I get home and we rush to the hopital, no time to take a shower or anything.
i've been here since about 4:30, most of my dad's side of the family is here. I think were missing his 1/2 brother and thats about it. and some cousins and such.
My grandma is in horriable shape right now, Everyone was crying and such, i tried to hold the tears back but it was too hard....
i dont like this, everyone was in one room, 17 people there and everyone was silent.... it was horriable, i've never ever seen my family like that, i feel so bad for my dad that he is going to lose his mother...
I feel emotionally drained right now and physically drained too....
*sigh* I hate christmas....
bad things always happen.
2 years ago: justin's dad died.
last year: My uncle had to put his dog down. :(
this year: my grandmother has an annurisum.
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liz
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2005 19 December :: 10.14am
| Your Birthdate: February 15 | 
You take life as it is, and you find happiness in a variety of things.
You tend to be close to family and friends. But it's hard to get into your inner circle.
Making the little things wonderful is important to you, and you probably have an inviting home.
You seek harmony with others, but occasionally you have a very stubborn streak.
Your strength: Your intense optimism
Your weakness: You shy away from exploring your talents
Your power color: Jade
Your power symbol: Flower
Your power month: June |
this would be the biggest load ever.
that is not me at all.
jesus.
i hate trends so why do i always go along with them.
what a waste of time.
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skife
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2005 15 December :: 5.56pm
getting my tank back for $10.
its in alabama right now some guy has it and said he didn't want it because of the nick that was in it, i told him that joe stole it from me and he's all like "tell you what man, gimmie $10 for shipping and its yours" i'm like hell yeah, and went and put money into my paypal to send to him.
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skife
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2005 15 December :: 12.29am
went paintballing tonight, only me and justin showed up, it was strange, Ashley(the ref that tim always gives shit too) started playing with us twards the end of the night, 2 on me, it was good i guess.
I want an ion now maybe, i dont know, the timmy took a shit again, the gun has never worked right for me.
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liz
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2005 14 December :: 3.11pm
MATT WHETZEL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hang out with me tomorrow night.
I left a message on your phone.
finals are over and I have some free time.
Be my friend.
I love you.
Call me.
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liz
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2005 14 December :: 1.01pm
i am actually more nervous now, after having taken the exam.
time for some sleep though,
then work at 4.
suck on work.
its going to be some kind of hell in that place and i am not prepared to deal with it.
goddamn people and their layaways.
let me tell you.
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liz
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2005 14 December :: 10.50am
I was lying in bed last night, almost asleep all cuddly and warm and just ready to be peaceful and I said, oh shoot I forgot the laundry in the dryer.
he got up and not only got my laundry but apparently put more in being that when I woke up this morning all of my laundry was folded and nice in a pile in my room.
I dont want to go home because I am going to miss him so much.
I dont want to sleep alone. ever.
we talked about a lot of stuff last night, it was cool.
I mean we always talk about stuff but we talked about us. and our relationship.
I dont know if it was the day, but we talked a good long talk.
he asked me if I felt that my days of wanting to be single were over.
and I said thats hard to answer. they are for the moment. isnt the moment all that matters.
and then he said what are you doing tomorrow around two. lets get married because I dont want to ever lose you.
and I called him ridiculous and crazy and impulsive and said if you find the priest Ill be there.
at this time last year I would have said the same thing to pj.
that is what is so scary.
Im afraid because of him.
how is it that things just stop.
i mean it was a gradual stop and I cannot say that if circumstances were different i would still be in love with him and want to spend the rest of my life with him.
ray said that you can fall in love with anyone under the right circumstances. if you just focus on the good..
I think he is right there.
the next couple of weeks are going to be crazy.
i dont have to work that much and I dont have school. so im just going to sit around and veg it out.
ray has school. and then on friday he is going to texas.
he is going to come back on wednesday.
renewed accent and all.
I heart his accent.
im supposed to clean today.
whoops i dont want to .
I have my final final at 12.
i thought it was at 10 though and so i went there and there was one other person and i was like hey and then the two of us sat there for 15 minutes and i was like um im going to find his office and come to find out it was at noon instead of 10.
whatever. at least it wasnt the other way around.
also ive gotten almost all of my christmas done with.
I have to get gifts for Kristin, heidi, haven, and kristin's mom.
whose name i cannot remember.
crappers.
oh and kaylee.
and ray.
but his is going to wait until after christmas because I am getting him a sweet ass guitar.
he picked it out when we went to guitar center and it is pretty and about $400.
so that will take some saving.
he doesnt know that is what im getting him though.
he is going to get me a kick ass digital camera though, or so he says.
im afraid of what is going to happen when we get into the stage where we dont have that like, learning something new every day and falling more in love every day.
that will be sad and im not going to like it.
we talked about that too though, and he was all like, you have to try to keep those things going, its when you stop trying that things go sour.
i dont know.
i should go take a shower and get all relaxed before this final. its the kicker.
Holla'
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skife
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2005 14 December :: 12.25am
you know, i think emotion dump is kinda twisted....
but its cool.
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skife
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2005 13 December :: 10.38pm
i'm way way way fucking pissed off right now.
the fucking indian kid (joe deboer) i loaned him my paintball tank awhile back okay, he said that someone broke into his house and stole it, i saw alex using it one day and said something to him.
and i was looking through joe's posts on AO and i found this
http://www.automags.org/forums/showthread.php?t=180955
that fucking peice of shit tried to sell my tank on AO and i didn't even know about it.
1 comment |
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skife
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2005 13 December :: 8.51pm
new job.
Well, i've got a new job now, I'll put my 2 weeks in at howies tomorrow.
I start on the 27th of december.
I'll be doing remodeling and stuff. for "Affordiable rennovation"
$8/hour.
40+ hour weeks.
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liz
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2005 13 December :: 5.25pm
precisely
She was driving last Friday on her way to Cincinnati
On a snow white Christmas Eve
Going home to see her Mama and her Daddy with the baby in the backseat
Fifty miles to go and she was running low on faith and gasoline
It's been a long hard year
She had a lot on her mind and she didn't pay attention
She was going way to fast
Before she knew it she was spinning on a thin black sheet of glass
She saw both their lives flash before her eyes
She didn't even have time to cry
She was sooo scared
She threw her hands up in the air
Jesus take the wheel
Take it from my hands
Cause I can't do this all on my own
I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
To save me from this road I'm on
Jesus take the wheel
It was still getting colder when she made it to the shoulder
And the car came to a stop
She cried when she saw that baby in the backseat sleeping like a rock
And for the first time in a long time
She bowed her head to pray
She said I'm sorry for the way
I've been living my life
I know I've got to change
So from now on tonight
Jesus take the wheel
Take it from my hands
Cause I can't do this on my own
I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
To save me from this road I'm on
Oh, Jesus take the wheel
Oh, I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
Save me from this road I'm on
From this road I'm on
Jesus take the wheel
Oh, take it, take it from me
Oh, why, oh
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liz
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2005 13 December :: 5.21pm
I try my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
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liz
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2005 13 December :: 4.48pm
hardy har har.
today was good day.
things are good.
we are good.
too bad yall dont have face book because my photo album is kicking and growing.
i adore digital cameras.
im all about pictures all the time.
its a sony cybershot and we make videos and stuff.
thats all sorts of goodness.
alright alright i need to study up a little for the art final.
art art art. I love art.
yayers. tonight is spaghetti night.
we will throw noodles at the wall and it will be funtastic and then i will study for my math. yuckers on math.
hehe.
i couldnt be more content.
edit*
i could be better if I had a mountain dew.
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liz
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2005 12 December :: 10.24pm
the problem is that i still care about you.
I just can't take your criticism
I know that im making a lot of mistakes, but please of all people dont tell me that i should tell my parents or that im wasting my life.
you have no right to say those things considering your circumstances.
things are different now.
and yeah im different now.
ive lost a lot of confidence that i used to have
ive also gained a lot of things.
that confidence is coming back now.
losing you was like losing a piece of me and im just finally getting it back. two months later.
im sorry that you feel like our relationship should have ended like it did or that we were always wrong for each other.
i dont feel that way.
i dont feel like any moment spent with you was a wasted one.
you will always be the first person that i loved and nothing can take that away.
im jealous.
of a lot of things.
michelle still.
mostly.
its just really hard.
as much as it hurts you I do love ray.
he makes me so happy.
he pushes me to be better than i can be.
i know that sounds absurd what with me drinking and all.
i just feel better now than i have. and that flucuates, obviously.
i cant explain anything i just know that i dont want this to be the relationship that ended badly.
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liz
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2005 11 December :: 7.23pm
sooooo.
who knows how to put pictures onto these journals.
I can't figure it out because i am journally impaired.
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liz
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2005 10 December :: 11.41pm
so i just figured all my grades and what they will be with whatever finals score i happen to get.
I can fail my spanish final and still pass the class. I only have to get a 75% to get a C.
Same thing with Art.
only I have to get a 70% to get a C.
I MUST get a B on the math in order to pass, there is no way to get a C.
and the writing class is portfolio and I think I did okay on that.
I know that C's are not great but I am just happy to be passing with the way that I have been in school lately.
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liz
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2005 9 December :: 10.25pm
well i just got home from work.
well it was awhile ago, cuz i took a shower and made some beef stew since then.
now im ready to just chill for awhile because it was a hard day.
and I am a hard worker.
i keep that layaway together. well as together as it can be.
I really like my job.
I can honestly say that.
i dislike terry a lot, and i have unruly customers and bad days. but i do a good job that I am proud of and i get paid well and i like most of the people i work with.
hell im moving in with three of them in the next couple of months.
jason, annie, ray and I are getting a place and that is going to be really cool and i am really excited.
I kind of want annie and jason to hook up. that would be cool. jason is really cool.
anyhow. so i like my job.
for example i slept late and was 45 minutes late and no one said anything about it.
cooleys.
mmm this beef stew is excellent by the way.
well i guess that is all of my update for the day.
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