for the first time maybe in 1 year 4 months and about 24 days. i cannot sleep.
I cant breathe.
I cant eat.
I cant do anything well i can type this bullshit down.
Is this life, is this what it supposed to feel like, breaking up is part of life. well fuck that. theres nothing worth this kind of pain.
FUCKING NOTHING do you hear.
maybe it would have been easier to suck it up and pretend that nothing was wrong but he would have known. he always knew YOU DID> thats maybe the hardest part isnt it. someone your so connected with just cut. just gone. not forever until two weeks. i wouldnt take me back. why should you.
I dont see this getting any easier how about you.
I had a life planned. a fucking life.
Austin Renee
fuck
how can something so rational be so irrational at the same time
I dont even want to be alive at this point.
my head is splitting open from crying.
No One else knows me like you do..
that fucking giddy face.
and the goosebumps on my arm.
and you definatly no one knows you like I do. the way your lower jaw juts out, and your stupid red hair. gahd i love it and right now i hate it.
and ive got this fucking painting of us on the couch and we are so fucking happy.
and prom
and the dukes of hazzard,
and everything that is so reminiscent of what we had.
no one had that. not like we did. we were made for each other so bad.
the way my phone plays la la when you called. im afraid to turn on the radio because every song reminds me of you.
how you got so excited when you heard, you say it best.
of course one of favorites because they are all one of my favorites.
next week i move. if it werent for you id be headed north.
I need you so bad. is two weeks up yet.
i hate when i make mistakes.
im so mad at you for putting me here.
but its overpassed by hating myself for not being able to forgive and forget.
I dont know if i should bother with bed because i have to go to get up in about 5 hours
why bother
we wont get to terrorize kfc now.
im not going to michigan adventures with the german. its just not worth it if your not there.
nothing is. i have to stop now. everything aches from this crazy bawling.
i hate when the posts take forever because you have breaks where you just broke down.
I love you. i hope you know that. i hope you know how much. not as much as you love me. only maybe you can shove that aside and move on with your life. i cant.
i fucked up big this time. i just hope that in the end you can forgive me.
i hate being on the side thats at fault.
I just know that in the end we will either be done forever or stronger and happier.
I hope its the latter. i have faith that it is.
you said that right. we have to have faith in us. believe that we were meant to be.
i believe that now. now that its too late.

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