collageof-frozenfear
|
::
2004 23 January :: 2.57pm
:: Mood: calm
:: Music: Downfall-Matchbox20
You have wings of STEEL. No one's really
sure why, but at this point in your life you've
shut off emotion to the point of extreme
apathy. You are cold and indifferent much of
the time...or perhaps you're just a good
pretender. Next to impossible to get close to,
even those who do never see the real you. It's
entirely possible that YOU don't even know the
real you. You have a certain fascination or
attraction to destruction on a massive scale -
disasters, perhaps even death or the concept of
the Apocalypse. Because you hold so much
inside, one day you're simply going to snap.
Then the mask will fall away, and your true
wings will be revealed. Until then you will
deal with whatever comes your way in icy bitter
silence and acceptance. On the positive side,
you are fearless and immeasurably strong - not
much can crack through your defenses. You
intrigue people, who can't help but wonder why
you're the way you are. A loner and one who
spends much of their time brooding and
contemplating life and death - you are a time
bomb waiting to explode and create some
destruction of your own.
*~*~*Claim Your Wings - Pics and Long Answers*~*~*
brought to you by Quizilla
1 remembered |
Don't Forget Me
|
|
collageof-frozenfear
|
::
2004 23 January :: 2.04pm
:: Mood: bored
:: Music: Cold-Matchbox20
I stayed home from school today again. Who knows if brandon will show up over here or not.
We went to family counciling today and talked with chad and stuff. He's changed so much. HIS councilor is a bitch. UGH. I hate her. She said "Its kinda hard to have a good family if the mom is sick all the time" She was like, purposely starting shit with my mom through the whole damn conversation. What kinda therapist is that?
I'm hungry ...
Don't Forget Me
|
|
collageof-frozenfear
|
::
2004 22 January :: 11.39pm
:: Mood: Tired
Just got back from taking Brandon home. I finally got to smoke a cigarette. I'm so freaking tired. I just don't want to sleep and I REALLY don't wanna go to school in the morning. I'll probably end up going though ...
Luckily, today I got to stay home.
I got really pissed at Jerry today and got some extra practice in on my bass =)
Mom showed me the cuts on her legs .... the one side looks really infected so she's really gonna have to keep an eye on it.
Me and brandon built a fort today in my room ... Lol. He was like "did you ever build those stupid little forts when you were little??" ---Lightbulb!!!--- "Lets build a fort!!" Hehe ...it's pretty cool actually. It was fun =)
Mom got called out on a structure fire and there were bodies trapped in there. All the stations were going so we're all piling in the car so we can follow her right? Well, she's haulin' ass down the damn road and the people come on the radio and say "Unit 5, you can disregard". She slams on the brakes and yells: WHAT THE FUCK!? --- So yeah, adrenaline rush gone to waste!
Don't Forget Me
|
|
collageof-frozenfear
|
::
2004 22 January :: 3.14pm
:: Mood: Tired
Well, I'm not feeling any pain this morning except for sore muscles. I dunno if its the medicine (it shouldn't be) or if its pulling that shit where I"ll feel it really bad one day, it'll go away and I'll be all happy, and then when I least expect it, its back. That better NOT be the case.
Mom kept talking about how I had to go to school today but .... I guess I didn't! It's a good thing too because I didn't get to sleep until 2 AND I'm on that medicine and it makes me feel weird so I wouldn't have survived.
Brandon should be here in like, man. 2 hours .... They get out of school at 3:35 but they don't get HERE until 4:20. Stupid people ....
I'm off to do more quiz's ...
Don't Forget Me
|
|
collageof-frozenfear
|
::
2004 21 January :: 11.23pm
:: Mood: Bored
I'm bored again ...
Ghost or spirit: You are a lost soul. Very calm and
sweet, you are often the one who asks: What if?
With a clever mind, you want to explore the
world on a different level. Without the
answers, you aren't ready to move on. You are
most likely very creative and find yourself
thinking things through on a different level.
(please rate my quiz)
**Where will you go when you die?**(now with pics)
brought to you by Quizilla
Don't Forget Me
|
|
collageof-frozenfear
|
::
2004 21 January :: 10.49pm
You are going to Marry orlando Bloom. He will
always treat you right and is very romantic. He
will do anything for you. He is very polite and
has deep brown eyes and is very good looking
(which is another plus!). He can make anythind
cheesy look really good (like sliding down
stairs on a shield shooting arrows or wearing
pointy ears for example). Congrats!!
Which male celebrity are you going to marry? (10 results that have pics!)
brought to you by Quizilla
Don't Forget Me
|
|
collageof-frozenfear
|
::
2004 21 January :: 10.30pm
:: Mood: Drugged ...
At school today things got SO fucking bad with my bladder and stuff. I was almost in tears and I couldn't walk very far without stopping and the fucking nurse told me to tough it out THREE times. So finally, I went into the office and called my mom.
When I got to the doctor they did more shit to me and they said if they can't find everything else thats wrong, they're sending me to a specialist and they were thinking about admitting me to the hospital.
The meds I'm taking ... omg ... hehe. I put a tablet under my tongue and INSTANTLY ... the pain goes away and I'm relaxed. It's like a miracle drug, actually. I've taken like, 2 or 3 though because they keep wearing off. They aren't like ... hydrocodone or anything. It just relaxes you. Nothing to cool or anything. Its just amazing to me how it works so fast.
Mom is drunk again and Jerry's so god damned stupid he couldn't even tell. So he yelled at her about stupid shit and I kept telling him to shut up and stuff. Then, while she was talking to Chad on the phone, chad started hypervenilating and so the people in the hospital had to take him to a room and hang up the phone. Mom started screaming and everything ... and she kept asking me to help her.
I wish I could ...
Earlier today she told me that if Jerry even TOUCHES me, I can file charges on him because he's 17 now and I haven't given him permission to touch me at all. So yeah ... that's kinda cruel but I'll do it. If you guys only knew how he was ...
I talked to brandon and stuff today. They're supposed to have his schedule changed tomorrow and they told him they were gonna go ahead and let him out of ISS. Thank god. I doubt I'll be there tomorrow anyway.
My back was hurting so bad not too long ago, I couldn't move. So I grabbed my pills and took some of them and it eventually stopped hurting. I think its my kidneys that are fucked to hell this time.
Jeff is out here wondering who has dishes to do. Of course, its me but I can't exactly stand up for long without falling over.
People around here don't seem to understand any shit like that though ...
Don't Forget Me
|
|
collageof-frozenfear
|
::
2004 20 January :: 11.19pm
:: Mood: crappy
:: Music: Matchbox 20
Saw brandon =)
Well, I saw my therapist and talked to her about some things. She told me she thought it would be good for me to go and talk to brandon about some things. So ... I went over there but only got to stay for a few hours =*(
It was weird, because even though he wasn't in there that long, I saw him and it was like seeing him all over again. He walked up and kissed me and I was just ... nervous all over again. I loved it though.
Then, we layed down .... And I never wanted to let go of him again. I really think he's looking at things a little differently now though.
I left my cigarettes over there.... I have ONE. Eh .... I'll probably just smoke that before I go to bed and get some from brandon tomorrow. Turns out, he IS coming back to school and he won't be going to a private school. His probation officer said he wasn't allowed to home school or anything and that he had to stay in a public school. I don't see the fucking point of that though. If a kid is having trouble in school, he should have the freedom to home school. He'd stay out of trouble!!
Mom said she had training tonight but she didn't go ... I'm gonna have to see why.
Kinda worried about her...
Don't Forget Me
|
|
collageof-frozenfear
|
::
2004 20 January :: 1.19pm
:: Music: Could I be You-Matchbox 20
Brandon's home!!
I went to school this morning and had a huge nervous breakdown. So I called mom to get an appointment with my therapist.
Well, when I called, mom said that brandon was home.
I just got off the phone with him =) I'm still depressed but it makes things a LOT better now that he's here. I guess I'm not gonna be so alone now.
I know he wasn't gone for long but ... A LOT can happen in a week.
Mom went to an AA meeting at 12. I'm proud of her ...
1 remembered |
Don't Forget Me
|
|
collageof-frozenfear
|
::
2004 20 January :: 12.31am
:: Mood: Crushed ...
Could I be You- Matchbox20
I should've felt it this morning ... Mom left to buy alcohol. She got drunk, I had to take care of her. And its not that I don't want to take care of her. Its just ... why her? Why me?
Why Us ...
She also cut her thighs pretty deep. Enough to need come stitches. Don't really wanna talk about it anymore ...
I found my song. My life song ...
This is me guys ...
Something is wrong
With the sum of us
That I can't seem to erase
How can I be
The only one
Without a smile on my face
When now
You're laughing out loud
At just the thought of being alive
And I was wondering
Could I just be you tonight?
You show your pain
Like it really hurts
And I can't even
Start to feel mine
And I'm standing in place
With my head first
And I shake, I shake
And I see your progress
Stretched out for miles
And miles
You're laughing out loud
At just the thought of being alive
And I was wondering
Could I just be you tonight?
This is the sound that I make
These are the words I chose
But somehow the right thing to say
Just won't come out, just won't come out
And you're laughing out loud
At just the thought of being alive
And I was wondering
Could I just be you tonight?
I was wondering
Could I just be you
Tonight
I was wondering
I was wondering
I was wondering
I was wondering, yeah
Exactly me ...
I keep ... having these break downs. I'll be sitting here and thinking about the doctors office visit and Brandon and stuff and I just .... break down and cry and I don't wanna move. And then I'll force myself to stop.
But I don't wanna stop ... =(
I really REALLY don't want to stop. I just want it all to go away ... And it won't. It's always here. ALWAYS.
And there's so much more! And I just ... can't get it all out.
Brandon's supposed to be getting out of jail tomorrow ...
But I have a feeling he won't be coming home tomorrow.
And I'll be alone all over again ...
Don't Forget Me
|
|
collageof-frozenfear
|
::
2004 19 January :: 3.13pm
:: Mood: I'm actually about ready to die at this point ...
According to the Which Something Corporate Song Are You? Test...
Don't Forget Me
|
|
collageof-frozenfear
|
::
2004 19 January :: 10.44am
:: Mood: depressed
:: Music: I hate everything about you-Three days Grace
Went to the doctor, got results. All I'm saying ...
I REALLY need a cigarette
Brandon should be out tomorrow but for some reason, I'm just not thinking he will be. Pretty negative thing for me to say but ... I dunno.
I stayed the night with Amanda last night.
We had fun for the most part. The trucks came into goodwill and were unloading things so we all decided to do something illegal and run over there and "shop". We found these corsette dresses .. Very pretty ;)
We cut the corsettes off because they were TEENY TINY and we made skirts!!! Mine is HUGE and fluffy like hell. And its pink. It's so cool ... I'll probably wear it with a t-shirt or something next time I see brandon =) He'll freak ...
Amanda did my hair in this cool dread look. It looked awesomely grungy (Not nasty grungy ... awesome grungy) when we took it down. Great stuff ...
And that was like, the highlight of the month. So that's just gotta tell you right there how boring my life is.
Oh, I also got this marty grawl (sp?) man ... I'm gonna hang him on my wall ... Yep.
Don't Forget Me
|
|
collageof-frozenfear
|
::
2004 17 January :: 10.06pm
:: Mood: depressed
:: Music: Iris- Goo Goo Dolls
I really need to get drunk ... or something close to that relation.
Where the FUCK did everything go wrong!?
Jesus christ!
He's in there ... all alone. And I don't even know how he's doing .. =(
I can't even talk to him ... Or see him ...
Or touch him ...
And I don't even know when i'll be able to ...
Don't Forget Me
|
|
collageof-frozenfear
|
::
2004 17 January :: 8.07pm
:: Mood: Pretty Shitty...
Sitting here ... Eating cereal. Thinking of Brandon and wondering why everything had to turn out the way it did.
I wonder if anybody will ever invent something to make your hair stay wet and stringy for as long as you like? .... Just a thought
All I've done today is taken those stupid quizzez 'n shit to get my mind off things. Sometimes you just have to stop and face reality though ...
Ya know what I mean?
your aura is corruption
you've seen a lot of bad things in your life, and
in turn, you tend to cause a lotof harm in
other people's lives, either intentionally or
not. you were most likely abused in some way in
the past, and feel as though you should take
your hurt out on the world. you're not quite
evil, but you are getting their fast, with your
destructive desires.
what kind of aura do you have
brought to you by Quizilla
Don't Forget Me
|
|
collageof-frozenfear
|
::
2004 17 January :: 5.25pm
:: Mood: gloomy
Black:
PEOPLE SUCK THE WORLD SUCKS EVERYBODY SHOULD BE
KILLED AND BLEED TO DEATH TILL THE COLD EARTH
SOAKS IN BLOOD. Well, you're angry at the
world. For reasons who knows, but you
definately hate life.
What color do you see the world in?
brought to you by Quizilla
Don't Forget Me
|
|