collageof-frozenfear
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2004 24 April :: 11.49pm
Brandon got me a kitty and her name is Doomster =)
teehee.
Eh. So much shit happened today. Brandon's mom's boyfriend hit him and they got into a really bad fight. I was the helpless little person trying to hold Brandon down.
....that didn't work out too well.
Told him about Georgia.... blah blah.
hmmmm....
Oh yes.... my shoulder and jaw got popped out of place due to wrestling with Brandon.
Damn him.
And oh yes.... the kitty has a PINK bottle! =)
hehe...*hugs* Pixie.
Andrew will be here in THREE days!
Doom :P
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collageof-frozenfear
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2004 23 April :: 4.26pm
Talking to Craig on the phone...
do de do de.
Georgia should be fun.
I'm looking forward to it.
Question from Craig: Why do we drive on park ways and park on drive ways? If anybody can figure out the answer to this question, please notify Craig immediately :P
hehe.
Pixieness!!!!!!!!!! You should come online. I think i've got a better way to send the stuff through the mail =P
Craig "needs his gnome picture, dammit!!!"
;)
BLAH.
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collageof-frozenfear
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2004 22 April :: 6.32pm
I was just informed that being Bisexual means you are a "slut".
If you are Bisexual, you run back and forth to both sexes which, makes you a "slut".
IF.... you are bisexual, You are never in love with just one person. You have to be in love with TWO people. One female and one male.
....You are not a true bisexual unless you do all of the above.
And if you do.... YOU are a "slut".
Fucking morons...
I mean jesus christ. Give me a fucking break. You have to be damn SMART to come up with something like that.
Eh.
3 remembered |
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collageof-frozenfear
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2004 22 April :: 3.07pm
5 days until Andrew comes home...
Confusion.
And my tummy hurts =P
Hmm...
*sigh*
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collageof-frozenfear
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2004 22 April :: 10.11am
Went to my room at about 12 a.m and layed there until 8:30 a.m listening to depressing matchbox 20 songs.
Eh.
And no matter how tired I was, I still couldn't sleep.
*sigh*
I feel like shit.
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collageof-frozenfear
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2004 22 April :: 12.40am
Oh yes...
I'm doing great with the food thing =)
I forgot to add that during my 2 hours of insanity.
And I wuv you Andrew :P
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collageof-frozenfear
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2004 22 April :: 12.31am
*sigh*
Talked with Brandon.
Jesus.
I do love him a whole lot...
And we really are doing much much better.
I don't even know what I'm trying to say...
I do love him though.
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collageof-frozenfear
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2004 21 April :: 11.24pm
Went to the 7 gates of hell thing, got into a wreck, we got stuck out there for a couple hours trying to fix the jeep.
After that.... Brandon kept yelling at me over what time I had to be home and he said ALL this shit.
UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Amazing how you can cut and not feel a thing.
And ya know... he was mad because me and everybody else were having fun while we were trying to get out. JUST BECAUSE I WAS FUCKING LAUGHING!!!
We got out fine... and jesus christ.
I'm fucking losing it.
....and ya know....
I actually have the guts tonight.
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collageof-frozenfear
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2004 21 April :: 4.19pm
Liz is quite the bitch to me today.
Actually, she's not even speaking to me...
It's all over the fucking SEX thing.
All of it.
The fight and everything...
Jerry said if I ever said anything about Liz "again", he'd kill me. I never even fucking said anything about Liz.
I said they would never stop FUCKING.
They don't think about what it might do to other people.
But ya know... it's not them. It's me.
I'm fucked.
....And it's SO fucking easy to end it all.
I just don't have the guts to do it.
I keep wishing and wishing for something.
And half the time, I have no idea what I'm even wishing for.
I want to gather all my thoughts and lay them out in front of me....Search through them some.
Put some in, throw some out...
I just wanna be someone else for one night...
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collageof-frozenfear
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2004 21 April :: 2.06pm
:: Music: Anthem of our dying day
Talking to Craig on messenger.
I swear to god, he's my clone.
Kinda scary...
MISS PIXIE, you need to sign onto messenger. I'm beginning to miss you muchly.
Andrew's been gone for SIX days. God, it seems like forever. Eh.
Come home, Andrew =(
Do de do de. Might go with Brandon and Jessie at 6. Fun fun. I'll finally be out of the house :)
*sigh*
So many thoughts.
Much confusion.
Don't Forget Me
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collageof-frozenfear
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2004 20 April :: 10.44pm
:: Music: Anthem of our dying day--
*sigh*
This is probably the worst break down that I've had since I was 13. I have all these things in my head that are all mixed up and I can't even figure out what they all are. I just know they're there and they won't go away.
I've been having really bad flash backs of Bryan and everything. I've been told that's apart of the PTSD.
Jerry and I got into the first physical fight we've been in for a while. Of course, I pushed him first....
He kept moving closer and closer to me and he was saying I was stupid and I could never amount to what he is. I kept telling him to get away from me and get out of my face and he told me to "shut the hell up" and that I was "gonna listen to every word he had to say".
Eh.
I don't remember exactly what happened. I just remember hitting him and pushing him a couple times.
To add to the excitement, Jeff came in there a grabbed Jerry and then he told me that we both need to stop our shit. Mom had me ... Jerry left. Blah blah... Brandon was on the phone when it happened.
He probably won't be coming over for a while due to violence prevention.
I went in my room and cried on the phone to Brandon ...
*sigh*
There's still more excitement =P
I started hypervenilating...
I knew I couldn't cut or anything so I took a few of my anti-depressants.
Ended up puking that up ...
After that, I got into the bathtub and layed down.
I thought about what Andrew might say to me if I would have been speaking with him. He usually has something to say that makes me feel incredibly better.
....then, I slid my head under the water and listened to my heartbeat.
Pixie was also on my mind a lot. Maybe because some of the things I did reminded me a lot of her. Took me a little while to remember just EXACTLY how it felt to be in that position.
The pills and everything...
That's about the shortest version of what happened that I could come up with.
*sigh*
I hate thinking back on it all. I don't remember everything but I do know that I was out of control.
And it's all exactly how it ended up when I was 13. Only now, I have to fight harder against the cutting.
Mom kept telling me that I need to take my medicine. She said she can tell when I haven't.
....Little does she know that my anti-depressants happen to be my drug of choice.
And that's exactly how it was when I was 13.
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collageof-frozenfear
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2004 20 April :: 6.48pm
This is all getting worse and there's no way in hell I'm living off of medication for the rest of my life...
It's not just the stuff I was already fucking stuck with. Things just keep adding right onto all the other shit.
...and you can't just rely on one person your whole life 'cause they won't always be there to run to.
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collageof-frozenfear
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2004 20 April :: 6.45pm
First of all, If I ever hear Jerry and Liz fucking again, I'm gonna fucking KILL them both.
Second of all, I AM NOT A FUCKING SEX OBJECT.
I'm so damn tired of everybody's sick comments...
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collageof-frozenfear
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2004 20 April :: 5.16pm
Brandon wants to go to the 7 Gates of Hell on friday with all of our "friends"
It's some crazy place that I had never heard of and didn't really believe. I ended up finding a map on the internet and its down one of the main streets to my house.
That was enough proof for me.
It sounds freaky as hell. I'm not sure that I'll go. I don't exactly plan on being sacrificed this weekend.
Nobody's made it to the 7 gate.
o0o0o0o. Hehe.
Might go to Brandon's later.
I'm thinking of you Andrewwwwww. =P
*hugs* Pixie.
EAT!
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