justadreamer
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2023 5 April :: 12.08am
I’ll have been on this site for 20 freaking years this August.
1 fell as Lucifer fell. |
Fill the darkness?
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chibikeriana
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2015 25 October :: 7.58pm
i don't even go by keriana anymore...
The other day, a friend and I were showing each other embarrassing journal entries from our past. I dug so deep, I found this journal. I can't even look at the username without cringing anymore. Who was I. Everywhere I look is vague entries and that particular brand of pretension you only get when you're a teenager who feels too many emotions and thinks you are, somehow, the only person who has ever felt those emotions, ever, and therefore you need to find a brand new way to articulate them.
It's so weird. I need to continue my slow process of archiving this journal, but this journal has so many entries and so much history and spans so much -- by the time I was using LJ, I wasn't updating nearly as much as I updated this; these days, I updated my DW maybe a dozen times a year. A part of me really misses that old journaling culture!
And now we have twitter.
Anyway, as horrendously shameful as the contents of this journal are, I'm glad this site has stuck around. They're still memories, even if they're.
Weird.
Thanks, 14 year old me. Thanks.
5 fell as Lucifer fell. |
Fill the darkness?
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xhan
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2015 8 October :: 7.52pm
stepping back onto old, familiar ground
I've been thinking about journaling again.
Life is busy and I don't have much free time to sit and write anymore but the thought is there.
So for now, hello woohu! I'm not sure who is left but I hope you're doing good and life hasn't been too harsh since I tapped out. The time I've been gone has been... rough. Got sick, nearly died. All good now, but I lost a few years.
Life is strange.
- xhan
3 fell as Lucifer fell. |
Fill the darkness?
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justadreamer
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2015 28 July :: 4.37pm
Stars when you shine,
You know how I feel.
Scent of a pine,
You know how I feel.
Oh, freedom is mine,
And I know how I feel.
It's a new dawn, a new day,
a new life for me,
And I'm feeling good.
[My actual entries are all friends only; feel free to add me!]
2 fell as Lucifer fell. |
Fill the darkness?
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justadreamer
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2014 16 December :: 3.29pm
"Shake It Out" by Florence + the Machine.
Regrets collect like old friends
Here to relive your darkest moments
I can see no way, I can see no way
And all of the ghouls come out to play
And every demon wants his pound of flesh
But I like to keep some things to myself
I like to keep my issues drawn
It's always darkest before the dawn
And I've been a fool, and I've been blind
I can never leave the past behind
I can see no way, I can see no way
I'm always dragging that horse around
Our loved is pastured, such a mournful sound
Tonight I'm gonna bury that horse in the ground
'Cause I like to keep my issues drawn
It's always darkest before the dawn
Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out
Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out
And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off
And I am done with my graceless heart
So tonight I'm gonna cut it out and then restart
'Cause I like to keep my issues drawn
It's always darkest before the dawn
Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out
Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out
And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off
And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
And given half the chance would I take any of it back?
It's a fine romance but it's left me so undone
It's always darkest before the dawn
And I'm damned if I do, and I'm damned if I don't
So here's to drinks in the dark at the end of my rope
And I'm ready to suffer, and I'm ready to hope
It's a shot in the dark aimed right at my throat
'Cause looking for heaven, found the devil in me
Looking for heaven, found the devil in me
Well, what the hell, I'm gonna let it happen to me
Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out
Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out
And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off
Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out
Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out
And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off.
Fill the darkness?
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justadreamer
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2013 30 April :: 12.49am
Really old Nutella mixed with cigarette ashes doesn't taste good.
Fill the darkness?
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justadreamer
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2011 23 March :: 10.30am
You know what? I miss EmotionDump.
2 fell as Lucifer fell. |
Fill the darkness?
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xhan
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2009 20 March :: 7.09am
:: Mood: apathetic
:: Music: We Will Become Silohouettes - DCfC
[cobweb dusting goes here]
Man I'm tired.
Fill the darkness?
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xhan
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2009 13 February :: 5.35pm
:: Mood: bored
:: Music: Kings of Leon - Closer
...what now?
The maturity of the password I have for this journal. That's what I get for getting a friend to reset it for me when my internet was down and someone had discovered my password.
Will I tell you what it is? Nope~
Will I change it? Heck no!
this concludes my random entry.
-xhan-
5 fell as Lucifer fell. |
Fill the darkness?
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xhan
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2009 26 January :: 1.04pm
:: Mood: bouncy
....lawl
I've not visited woohu for a looooong time. Nor Bzoink for that matter. Only I just got a friend removal prompt from bzoink from someone that came after I left and so ended up there and then ended up here.
[swats at cobwebs]
I might kinda be thinking about revamping this thing again. After all, I did pay $2 for it. XD
Andy. I think you're about the only person on my friends lists that's still around. o__o; Erm... hi!
-xhan-
8 fell as Lucifer fell. |
Fill the darkness?
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justadreamer
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2008 19 September :: 1.24am
:: Mood: sick
Currently sick. Still working for at&t.
Hurricane Ike was rather bothersome; power was out for a few days. Got eaten alive by mosquitoes. Not cool. I think the bites are starting to fade now.
Being sick makes me think too much. Also, it makes me inclined to be far too impulsive. After all, life is too short when you're looking at it from the viewpoint of someone not feeling well. It makes me want to just save up as much money possible and find a way to start that long-term era of being with that boy.
It makes me feel like there's absolutely no reason to be so cautious with life -- like I shouldn't bother with doing things "the right way" (by others' standards) or anything like that. Like I should be doing what I want, what I feel is right.
Now... that's a very dangerous mindset. I'm sure it'll fade a wee bit once I'm healthy again, but it's always there, honestly. When not sick, it's easier to think more.. clearly, I guess you'd say. Rationally. Responsibly. Like I should be thinking. :P
Anyhow. Just a short public update.
Off to possibly snack then rest/sleep.
-Ash
Fill the darkness?
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justadreamer
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2008 1 March :: 9.42am
Breathe in.
Breathe out.
Repeat.
Fill the darkness?
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justadreamer
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2007 21 November :: 12.19am
Quote from Grey's Anatomy.
A couple of hundred years ago, Benjamin Franklin shared with the world the secret of his success. Never leave that till tomorrow, he said, which you can do today. This is the man who discovered electricity. You think more people would listen to what he had to say.
I don't know why we put things off, but if I had to guess, I'd have to say it has a lot to do with fear. Fear of failure, fear of rejection, sometimes the fear is just of making a decision, because what if you're wrong? What if you're making a mistake you can't undo?
The early bird catches the worm. A stitch in time saves nine. He who hesitates is lost. We can't pretend we hadn't been told. We've all heard the proverbs, heard the philosophers, heard our grandparents warning us about wasted time, heard the damn poets urging us to seize the day.
Still sometimes we have to see for ourselves. We have to make our own mistakes. We have to learn our own lessons. We have to sweep today's possibility under tomorrow's rug until we can't anymore. Until we finally understand for ourselves what Benjamin Franklin really meant. That knowing is better than wondering, that waking is better than sleeping, and even the biggest failure, even the worst, beats the hell out of never trying.
Fill the darkness?
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justadreamer
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2007 25 October :: 2.18pm
for the record
being told that I'm
obsessive
and that
I should stop thinking about things
does not help.
Fill the darkness?
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justadreamer
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2007 23 September :: 11.05pm
:: Mood: annoyed
Sometimes I get really frustrated with everything. Times like this, I really, really want to get away from absolutely everything. Away from the dogs barking while I'm trying to do homework at night, away from Mom's coughing, away from Dad stomping up and down the hall and slamming drawers in the kitchen, away from the incessant squeaking of the dog toys, and away from just all the noise.
I can't concentrate. I cannot figure out this homework problem. I can't do anything but hear everything. Putting on headphones and turning up music to the point that I can't hear anything but music (but not to the point where it becomes static) is the only thing I can do to block out the noise. Maybe that's why my hearing is getting worse, but I can't really do anything about that. I cannot deal with all this noise any other way.
At night, when trying to sleep, it's the same.
I think I'll just go to bed now and hope my concentration skills improve with sleep. I'll get to school early and work in my car or something.
Autumn Equinox. First day of fall. I was relatively happy all day. I'm just really easily frustrated tonight.
Fill the darkness?
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