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:: 2003 22 December :: 11.15 pm

What Famous Leader Are You?

heh, Mother Teresa

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:: 2003 22 December :: 2.49 pm
:: Music: Smashing Pumpkins

Woohu is being really gay and I am getting extremely frustrated.

I can't edit any of my entries. I go to edit, change the entry how I want, but when I look at it, it's not changed. So I push edit again and the changes are still made there, but won't show up. grrr.

And I can't ask Andy about it because he'll get angry that I took away some of his time for a "stupid question."

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:: 2003 20 December :: 1.46 am

What's your New Year's Resolution?

I can't think of one.

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:: 2003 20 December :: 1.46 am

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:: 2003 17 December :: 7.31 pm

It's better if you hear it. It's really a good song.

Radiohead - Creep [Lyrics: Click + to display]

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:: 2003 16 December :: 10.46 pm

I have this deep deep passion of raging anger for everything I'm going to talk about right now.

I can't fucking stand people who aren't reasonable. What? You know I'm right, but you don't want to be wrong so you're going to be a bitch to me? Someone tells you to do something, you know it really doesn't matter, and you explain this to them, but they don't give a shit. They make you do it anyway. This is mainly parents. Adults hate admitting their wrong to someone younger than them. The day I find an adult who will back down and finally agree when I'm right, I will highly respect and probably never question them again. If you're in an arguement, instead of just assuming you're right, actually think about what the other person is saying. And if you realize that they could be right, fucking ADMIT IT. They'll probably respect that you did, if they're reasonable themselves. And you must be UNDERSTANDING. Or at least try your hardest to understand what you can.
Also, don't call eachother names. Okay, let's stop acting like 2nd graders now. Calling the other person a name, makes them more angry, and prone to calling you a name, so you get angry and call them a name and it goes back and forth. It's completely USELESS and DUMB. Do you really think the person's going to say, "Oh yeah, you're right, I am an ass licker," seriously? That's where reasonablility comes in. DON'T NAME CALL.
When you're in an arguement, you'd better fucking have logical reasons for it and things to back it up because if not, you're wasting everybody's time and you're just going to be thought an idiot.
Don't use the guilt trip. If I'm in an arguement, and somebody starts begging for pity, (ex: I've been crying for 3 days straight. No one understands, and all you can do is yell at me,) my respect for them is going to drop to practically nothing. And I'm probably going to stop listening to you right then. And do not get cocky, because that will not help you.
One more thing, never yell. You start yelling at me while we're fighting, and my respect for you goes down even more. There is no point in yelling. Especially when I'm 5 feet away from you.

When you're in a relationship, any kind of relationship, it is NOT one-sided. If you say to me, "you never talk to me. How come you never message me anymore?" why the fuck didn't you message me if you wanted to talk so bad? And do you ever see those relationships when a couple are going through a "rough time," but all you see is one person going, "I'm so sorry. I love you. Can't we please make this work? I'm so sorry!" and the other just seems to like to be some sadistic bitch and get mad at them for whatever? Why would you do that? And to the person who's doing the grovelling, why would you put up with that? You might say, "because I need them! Nobody else loves me." Fuck that. If you're reading this, and that applies to you, then you're most likely my friend. I love my friends. Meaning, I love you.

Which leads me to another thing. When people use pity for attention. "You don't like me anymore, do you? I'm so ugly." If I didn't like you, I'd've blocked you by then. Also, "Nobody cares. Everybody leaves me and hates me." Then who the fuck am I? You're basically telling me I'm a shitty friend because you obviously think I don't care. I do love and care about you. Stop questioning that. And if you really have a problem with yourself, change it! You have control over yourself to an extent enough to change yourself to a better person. It's not easy, but either you work on it and do it, or shut up.
Now there are differences. Some people just need to rant to me, and that's fine. They might say, "nothing goes right for me," and stuff like that, and I'm fine with that. But it's the complaining about how much the world is against you that I hate, because if you have me as a friend, the entire world isn't against you.

Onto judgement. Judgement and immaturity. There's different levels of immaturity. There's okay immaturity, which is acting dumb with your friends. Then there's bad immaturity, which is litterally doing bad, stupid, you're-a-dumbass-stuff. I'm sure you can find at least one example of bad immaturity on every bus. They seem to like to gather there. Anyway, I abhor the statement, "I wasn't thinking! I don't think before I do/say stuff!" That's no excuse. How can you not be aware that you're making out with someone who is not your boy/girlfriend? How can you not know that you just let 5 different guys feel up your shirt? How can you not realize that you're talking shit about your friend when they're not there? Oh, you were drunk, that's why you didn't know. Uh huh. Use your judgement and your fucking brain.

Next, YOU ARE NOT THE BEST. Everybody wants attention; it's human nature. But don't be a prick. Swallow your pride and realize that you. are. equal. to. every.body. else.

Now this is one of the most important. And probably the most difficult for some people. Stop living in that little box of a life. You're never going to understand anything if you don't start thinking differently. Be open. Be open to almost everything. Start looking at things from other peoples' point of view. And I mean, really look. Never assume you know exactly how they're feeling or that you know who they are. And don't be such an ass to everyone.
Along with looking from other peoples' perspective and that sadistic one-sided stuff, do not hurt people on purpose. Don't lead people on. Do you think they won't care? That they'll just go on with their life like it didn't matter? No. You may not be hurt, but they sure as hell are. And it's all your fault. Don't be sadistic, and don't be stupid. If you know you don't want anything to happen with them, DON'T DO ANYTHING. My God.

It's not like everything I just said is hard at all to do. It's not like it's hard to just be a good person.
I wasn't aiming this all at any one specific person, I'm just uber pissed right now. It's like when someone says, "well life's not fair." It's those people who say that, that are making it unfair.

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:: 2003 14 December :: 11.40 am

A friend told me to pass this on

dont pass an opportunity
live
feel
truth
finality is the end of our dreams

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:: 2003 13 December :: 11.11 pm

If you've seen the video for The Distillers - Drain the Blood, tell me if you think I would look good with Brody's hair. If you haven't, this is the closest picture I could find of how she has it in the video. I want your opinion. Should I get it this way?

"I'll take this time to let out what's inside, cuz I will panic, sometimes I wish you'd die, full of sorrow, you raped and stole my pride, and all this hate is bottled up inside." - Korn/Bottled Up

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:: 2003 13 December :: 9.55 am
:: Music: Aerosmith - Trip Hoppin'

Me
Justine did this; I thought it was interesting, so I decided to be a follower and copy her. You can just skip over it if you want.

What you may not know about Kate..

- I only hate one person, my mother.
- Kamal is responsible for part of who I am today. She completely changed me in 6th grade, and since then I've been doing it myself.
- As cliche as it sounds, nobody understands me enough.
- I own all of the Invader Zim episodes, thanks to Joe.
- I love the night. I love hanging out with friends at night. I love driving around at night.
- I want and have wanted, christmas chucks, for longer than I can remember.
- I spilled water on my keyboard Thursday, ruining it. Now I have to use this shitty old one.
- I put lotion on my legs and face after I get out of the shower.
- I try very very hard to never regret anything, but I think I'm lying to myself sometimes when I say I don't regret something.
- I only drink water at home, and chocolate milk at school. I'll drink something else if I have to.
- I haven't played my guitar much in the last 2 weeks. I'm getting frustrated with myself.
- I've smoked weed once. But didn't really care for it. I don't plan on doing it again.
- I wear contacts, which are not colored. I get that question a lot.
- I don't like my hair. I really want to cut it. Any suggestions?
- I used to be best friends with Jacqui DeFouw when I was younger. We loved to play with beanie babies and pretend we were detectives..
- I've never dressed up for halloween.
- I wake up a lot at night.
- I take 5 anti-depressant pills before bed every night. They're for my headaches. But they're such a small dosage, they wouldn't actually work for depression, I think.
- I'm not depressed.
- I have a hole in my wall, which I keep things in. A poster covers it.
- I have 71 CDs.
- I slept 14 1/2 hours last night.
- I have dream book. I like to know what my dreams mean.
- My room is filled with random things alll over the walls. It makes me feel comfortable.
- I used to play the clarinet, the violin and the piano.
- I really like Chicken Noodle Soup and Ramen Noodles.
- I only like one class out of my schedule, english.
- I hate when a CD skips, even for a few seconds.
- I've read each of the Harry Potter books at least 3 times. ...I used to really like them.
- I loved the Mary Kate and Ashley books when I was 8.
- I'm a christian. I go to church every Sunday.
- I started wearing all black in 7th grade. I stopped doing it so much this year, but I still have a fondness for black.
- I wish I could skateboard.
- I have a low tolerance level, but I make sure not to show it.
- If someone doesn't trust me, or like me, it eats away at me. I try not to care, but it never works.
- I don't like acoustic versions of songs.
- A couple people have told me before that "Girl All the Bad Guys Want" by Bowling for Soup, reminds them of me. I'd have to disagree though.
- I've been called "Daria" quite a few times before. I agree with that one.
- I think Amanda MacDonald is an okay person.
- Justine and Andy Gunneson are my cousins.
- I hate being with my immediate family.
- I have 2 smog journals, and 4 woohu journals. One is just where I keep everything I write. Click here to go to it, if you want to. I keep the stuff that's not very good in there too, so be prepared for some shitty things mixed in with the good.

I'm thinking this is getting long, so I'll stop now. I hope you learned something, heh.

"Life is for living, but I don't want to live it alone." - Coldplay/Life is for Living

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:: 2003 5 December :: 7.49 am
:: Music: Thursday - Cross Out the Eyes

I yawn and my eyes water. My eyelids are heavy but I insist on staying awake. It's only 7:50, I can't go to bed now. I feel warm and cozy, but my feet are cold. I almost feel sad. It's an odd day. Things are odd lately..
I love the night. It almost feels like it's raining. I can feel that it's black outside, I can feel the stillness. Everything seems calm. I'm calm. It's almost apathetic, but in a blissfully, sad sort of way; which makes no sense whatsoever. But that's how I feel. Comfortably warm and cold, with an essence of sadness and happiness at the same time, while feeling nothing. *yawns again* I bet there are stars out right now. It feels like a starry night. I should check in a while. If only I had a blanket, a big chair, and a chest to curl up into. Then falling asleep at 7:50 wouldn't matter. Ah.. perfection. Tonight is odd.

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:: 2003 4 December :: 4.06 pm
:: Mood: No esta contento..
:: Music: Get Up Kids - Overdue

Pet Peeves, Dislikes, and/or Hates
1. When my bedroom or office door is left open.
2. When someone leaves the door open in a car, so it makes that sound until you shut it.
3. Being called "dude."
4. Pop music.
5. When someone gets in the car, gets situated, THEN shuts the door, so I have to sit there freezing, waiting for them.
6. Grape flavored things.
7. People who won't admit when they're wrong.
8. People who fight with no real logic or basis to what they're saying.
9. My mom
10. Getting called "Katie."
11. Not getting taken seriously.
12. When someone tells me, "You're barely 15," like my age automatically makes me stupid.
13. The phrase, "Okaly dokaly."
14. Children.
15. The phrase, "Time for you to get a watch."
16. People who aren't open to different things.
17. Lint.
18. When my mother doesn't let me do something because she cares about what people will think of her.
19. Complaining.
20. People who can't keep a secret.
21. People who get drunk and do stupid things.
22. When the hairspray falls out of my hair.
23. When my ear shows.
24. Getting in trouble for hugging Joe.
25. The kids on my bus. Especially when they sing along to the radio.
26. Mr. Kruisenga
27. People who try so hard to be different.
28. Those little icons with flashing song lyrics, or flashing words on them.
29. People who drape themselves in Hot Topic merchandise.
30. When someone says Good Charlotte is punk.
31. My mother.
32. Getting interrupted.
33. When two people are in a relationship and one person expects the other to do everything; to conform to their lifestyle; to always fix the problems.
34. Stubborn people.
35. When someone tries to be deep, but just can't do it, making themselves look like an ass in their sad attempt.
36. When a person chews with their mouth open.
37. Grammar/spelling mistakes.
38. When the bottom of the tub is cold.
39. When people claim, "God hates me."
40. Strict old-fashion christians.
41. People who care so much about how another person lives, or dresses, or just is.
42. When someone posts like 10 quizzes at a time.
43.When the cap is left off the toothpaste.
44. Poems that don't rhyme.
45. Pizza with pineapple on it.
46. Fast food.
47. My mother.

That's all I'm going to put for now. I'm not obsessed with the vast majority of these, I was just thinking about daily things that bother me. Most of them are little and tolerable, but some I abhor passionately.

Ps. Add Joe back to your list.

"I am hoping I can find where to leave my hurt behind. All the shit I seem to take, all alone I seem to break."
- KoRn/Alone I Break.

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:: 2003 30 November :: 3.58 pm
:: Music: AFI

Pathetic..
Completely pathetic. 62 comments! I'm lowering the goal to at least 100.

Okay you bastards, get your asses to my last entry and comment!

"We come to this place, falling through time, living a hollow life." - Korn/Hollow Life

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:: 2003 28 November :: 8.07 pm
:: Mood: Hopeful
:: Music: Foo Fighters

C'mon guys, help a friend out
My 'comments received' is rising ever so slowly. I need you guys to help me out. It's happened in Stacy's journal a good few times, where 100+ comments are posted. I'm going to set a goal and you should all try your hardest to reach it. Okay, the goal is... 300. It's really not that much. Just comment about whatever. Whenever you're bored, just come here and comment. If you're reading this entry, you better comment.

C'mon! Pitch in! Do it for this unfortunate non-comment receiver! Do it for the kids!

"I can't feel my heart, but I feel the shame, nothing left to say, soon I'll fade away."
- Korn/I'm Hiding

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:: 2003 23 November :: 9.30 pm
:: Music: Korn - Untouchables

Stephanie's House
Fluffer Nutter sandwiches = mmm and I'm the best damn crust smusher there ever was.

We talked until midnight, which I needed. I don't get to just talk to someone very often anymore. Especially someone as good as Stephanie.

Oh yes, we musn't forget...
Person 1 told Person 2 that Person 3 doesn't like Person 2, so Person 3 got mad at Person 1 for telling Person 2.

"Leaving doesn't seem so strange." -KoRn/Alone I Break

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:: 2003 21 November :: 3.15 pm
:: Mood: thirsty
:: Music: Coldplay - The Scientist

Of course I remember
Ahh, to reminisce
Of that sweet summer day
When we shared our first kiss

God he was beautiful
The best there could be
The perfect distraction
Made to blind me

It started out great
My very own fairy tale
But the ending was different
It was destined to fail

Our love was sweet
Succulent and strong
But deeper in I discovered
That statement was wrong

Like an apple it was
Vibrant red later of skin
But the inside was bitter
I knew one bite in

I couldn't leave
I always came back
When I left I felt
An ambiance of lack

My bitter apple
Sour to the core
Told me he loved me
But loved her more

He took advantage
He cheated and lied
He pretended not to see
Each time that I cried

One day I gave up
Laid on the sarcasm and said:
"I love you, baby"
And shot him in the head.

"I'm always afraid you're lost from me, I'm always afraid you're lost in somebody."
-Puddle of Mudd/Away From Me

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