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2003 25 November :: 5.54pm
:: Mood: blah
:: Music: smile empty soul - bottom of the bottle
please do this.
my mom e-mailed me this site for Campbells soup. they're helping the people that need food.
what you do is [first CLICK HERE.] and then click on you favorite team of the NFL. [or if you don't have a favorite team, vote for the Pittsburgh Steelers. ;) ]
please do that.. just imagine what it'd be like in their shoes.
xx.jena
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girlxunnoticd
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2003 23 November :: 7.35pm
:: Music: seventy times 7
last night...
i went to the party. it was fun. everyone was there. nothing bad happened, actually it was better than usual. i got to talk to a lot of cool people. the only semi-bad thing was that when i got in my car i was seriously scared... i'd never driven when i was that dizzy... oh well, i made it home.. and next time i'll be sure to sober up before i hit the road.
then leslie called me to tell me about how some chicks from my school were talking shit on me. she hasn't told me what they said yet... but like i give a damn... i'm sorry if i'm having a good time. but things are going descent right now, i've met a lot of cool girls and guys and i am happy now with my friends.
whatever.
love always and rock it.
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2003 23 November :: 7.27pm
:: Mood: happy
:: Music: talking to jim
got what i wanted
yeah, jim stayed home from work yesterday.. and today. =)
we went to the mall today- i got some stuff. (3 new shirts.)
that's all.
xx.jena
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2003 22 November :: 1.59pm
:: Mood: restless
:: Music: silence
nothing in particular
jim was supposed to go to work today, be he got really sick.. so he's not going in until 5. which is good, cause that means he'll get to spend more time with me. but i think he should just call off the whole day. so i can go over his house and stay or something. yeah. i think i'll try to get him to do that.
i'll update later with the results.
xx.jena
"they lie in bed with nothing said, as she gently falls asleep.
he thinks about how life would be if they didn't meet."
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girlxunnoticd
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2003 21 November :: 10.02pm
tonight tonight... my best friend is coming home. she doesn't like the friends i have here. i was worried about what was going on tonight because i was afraid i couldn't turn down an invitation to go w/ him. but he went to bed. he said he wasn't going out tonight. and tomorrow... i am going to the party... and hopefully he will be there and i can show him that i can still be a good little girl... i can still be good for him.
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girlxunnoticd
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2003 20 November :: 10.38pm
:: Music: "carousel" - blink 182
sorry so emo...
so i've been thinking... there are a few ways i could go with this, but its gonna have to be soon... i'm talking before february... which may seem like a hella long time... but its not. its not at all.
okay... i don't feel like typing this now... but i will later. and i'll update.... so sorry.
<3 always.
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2003 20 November :: 9.04pm
:: Mood: stressed
:: Music: jims playstaion game
...
i just came down from my aunt and uncles.. [my gram and pap live with them.] and my pap is back from the hospital the other day. i just went up and saw him.
he's not doing so good.. but it's better than we thought he'd be..
now we can just pray, and hope for the best.
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girlxunnoticd
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2003 19 November :: 3.57pm
:: Music: "wheel" - john mayer
so we've been nerds lately. talking about our weddings and our kids and our futures like something good is actually going to happen. but i will tell you about it anyway... because it puts me in a good mood... and we all know there aint nothing wrong with that...
so... i will get married when i am 22. he will be 25. it will be october... i'd say around the 17th or so... whichever is a saturday. leslie will be my maid of honor. the dresses will be deep red... like wine.. with champagne colored sashes and veils.
we will live in the country, in a small but nice house. i will work as a freelance architect/stay at home mom once we have kids. our first child, hopefully a boy, we will have 2 years after we are married. and then a girl 4 years after that.
everything would be so perfect. everything would be so nice...
everything would be so exactly opposite of everything i want. but i'd give up everything for him... and i'd still be happy.
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girlxunnoticd
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2003 19 November :: 12.11am
:: Music: "ghetto cowboy" - bone thugs n harmony.... fucking right..
so thats just it. this weekend... i'm gonna get drunk... who knows what i will do then. but im gonna have a good time... holla if ya know what!
<3 always and keep rockin.!
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2003 17 November :: 11.14pm
shy is out. i'm through with worrying about what people think of me. this weekend in that car made me realize that there are a hell of a lot more important things than stupid crushes and worrying what other people think. things happen... they happen for reasons... numb is the new deep. done with the old me.
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2003 16 November :: 9.13pm
:: Mood: content, in a pretty good mood.
:: Music: talking to allison [amys sister]
_!@#&?
i just got back from wal*mart.. some things i bought:
2 cards for jim [one for our 1 year anniversary, which is on nov. 29.. and one to give to him tonight.. because it's cute. and i love him to pieces.]
a "big jim" [LOL it's this HUGE candy cane.. but they call it a "big jim" hahaha] that's also for jim.
letter stickers
and thats it.
we stopped at subway. and i got a sweet onion chicked teryaki sub. mmmm mmmm good.
right now i'm helping allison with her math homework. oh yeah.
okay, sorry amy hopped on the computer for a couple minutes.
so right now i'm pretty bored.. i miss jim. even though i saw him today..
i love you jim.
xx.jena
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girlxunnoticd
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2003 16 November :: 8.06pm
:: Music: "lovesong" - the cure
Friday night... friday night could have been great... it so could have been. we went to wild country. he was supposed to ride there with me... which he did.. but then we had to take an extra passenger... it was so dumb. i really don't like the other kid. he is so annoying... so then we get there and everyone is just getting drunk. they're not even dancing. i was standing right by him and he never even asked me to dance... but dan did. i did dance with dan. he is so tall. so it was essentially gay... i just wish he would have asked me to dance... i should have asked him, but i figured that if he wanted to dance with me he would have asked. that night was just pretty bad.
saturday... saturday... after getting home at 2:30 i had to get up at 8:30. i got home at 11, went to the sub shop to get lunch and then went straight to stlcop to watch a basketball game. then later on we went to joe and amanda's house to help them move in where i succeeded to get drunk again. but its alright. he was there. but he never talks. i just wish he would talk to me... he never does and it makes me so sad... because he seems to have plenty to say to everyone else. oh well... i guess... unfortunately it happened for a reason... i just wish we could go back to the days when we were innocent.
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2003 15 November :: 10.58pm
:: Mood: amused
:: Music: radio
my blob
aww.. look: it's my useless,
but cute, BLOB!
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2003 15 November :: 3.29pm
:: Mood: high
:: Music: silence
laga and other things..
so last night we went to club laga to see tear her eyes. ahhhh.. what an adventure on the way there, and the way back.. right amy? lol. we had fun.. oh yeah we did.. haha.
some funny moments:
-- HAPPY SACK TIME
-- Tampon rental.. haha
-- Me going out the In door
-- The LJS hat
-- The guys' faces at BP
-- Me and Amy dancing in the parking lot
-- CORN SQUIRTERS!!
-- PURDUE?! ::points:: IT'S HERS!
-- Ahhh Amy!! I'm so stupid for not talking..!!
[thanks amy.. i stole this from you.]
this won't mean anything to anyone other than amy and i.. haha.
I went down jims house around 12:00, and just got back at 3:20. and here i am writing in my journal.
i'm hungry as shit..
xx.jena
"Know what I'm thinking? No. Neither do I; frightening, isn't it?"
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2003 13 November :: 11.22pm
:: Mood: aggravated
:: Music: our lady peace - supermans dead
a little lot mad.
..jim ended up not coming over last night.
i'd rather not even talk about it.
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girlxunnoticd
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2003 13 November :: 4.21pm
Setting: Cluttered desk. cd cases and booklets and a half bowl of cereal without milk. Something corporate blares through the speakers.
This is my life during the week. pleasantly plain and uneventful.
This is me in this room. Plain pink shirt and blue jeans. Plain straight dark blonde hair. Same dreams every night. Same wishes every chance. Same cds, same lyrics, same shotty attempt at musical perfection.
I hate this place. I hate everything about it. So why then am i considering staying?
We all know why. We all know why everyone stays. Is it love? or stupidity?
I always said i'd never stay for anyone... especially a boy. but now as i prepare to leave in the summer, i don't want to go.
Sometimes i wish i'd never met him... but still, i believe in fate... i was supposed to meet him for some reason. to love him? for him to change me? to make me a better person? or just to make me realize what i can't have?
I can't understand it... its been 2 years... 2 years we have stuck it out.. never growing apart... actually growing closer, even if not much closer. And we've begin to hang out, and he's agreed to go to a show with me... a band he's never even heard... so tell me my loves, what does that mean? what does it all mean?
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2003 12 November :: 10.18pm
:: Mood: anxious
:: Music: semisonic - closing time
to many pills.
i'm anxious for jim to get here.. hopefully he comes over. he's been promising me he'd come over for the past almost a week now. :(
 
aww.. it's mr floppers.
so my mom got my perscription, and i started taking them tonight. i guess after i'm done with these pills, they're going to give me a yeast infection- and then i'll have to get medicine for that. [is it never ending?! when will i be off drugs?! haha]
since i missed those two days, i really didn't miss that much, i caught up in advance word processing, and the only class that i'm really kinda behind in is algebra. so oh well. i'll just get caught up with that, then i'm good. i forgot to get my report card. damn.
it's so cold outside anymore. i don't like it. i want it to be spring. and stay spring. forever.
xx.jena
"i can hear you in a whisper but you can't even hear me screaming"
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girlxunnoticd
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2003 12 November :: 9.32pm
:: Music: "the no seatbelt song" - brand new
i obviously don't know what i am doing. but i know for sure... no more heavy drinking, no more smoking, no more shots.... he doesn't like those. and i, i am a good girl.
no no no, i can't change for him... can i? i mean i do need to lighten up on the drinking, and definitely no more smoking with the bc.... but shots... they are so much fun... i love keeping up with the guys... i love showing them up. oh well, he is worth a hell of a lot more to me than a little liquor.
all i want is a dance... a kiss... a bond that could last forever. i know its a lot to hope for, but... i believe he is capable of it... and maybe if i pray hard enough and wish upon every 11:11, he will see that its only him... and that i seriously don't want anyone else.. not a single other person.
<3 always and keep on rockin'!
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girlxunnoticd
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2003 11 November :: 7.49pm
:: Mood: scared
:: Music: "wheel" - john mayer
i'm scared about whats going to happen next... so yes, he did say he would go to the something corporate concert with me... and he's never heard the band, but i still don't think that means he likes me. all i want in the whole world is for him to like me.
but i guess i have to keep remembering that i believe in fate and that things will work out how they are supposed to. its just so hard.
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2003 11 November :: 3.00pm
:: Mood: frustrated
:: Music: moulin rouge
the infatuation will end.
..sorry about the title, watching moulin rouge again.
i'm just sitting here, on my day off of school [it's veterans' day.] not really doing anything. jim was supposed to come over last night, and he promised. yet once again- he somehow "couldn't find a ride" god, he makes me so mad! i didn't go to school yesterday, and i don't have school today. it would have been a perfect time for us to be together.. but no.
yesterday i went to the doctors. i had to give them a urine sample.. and they gave me these pills that makes my pee orangeish/red! omygosh, it's really scary, because every time i look down after i go to the bathroom- i think i'm bleeding.. whoa, it's just kinda freaky. but oh well. as long as they help! i have a really bad bladder infection. it sucks so bad. my mom has to run out sometime today and get my other pills- i think they're just antibiodics.
i missed 2 days of school [friday and monday] so i'm gonna be more behind in all my classes.. and i'll be getting my report card tomorrow. damn.
i can't wait until friday, amy and i are going to club laga [a little club in pittsburgh.] ohhhh yeah.
oh i forgot to tell everyone that i'm not moving. which is a good and a bad thing. but oh well, can't do anything about it now.
man, i really don't want to go to school tomorrow.
xx.jena
"nothing makes us so lonely as our secrets."
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girlxunnoticd
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2003 10 November :: 10.27pm
its only you beautiful, or i don't want anyone... if i can choose... its only you.
so i don't know.
i mean i do know... but i'm confused.
for one, there is dan... he is nice and cute. but way older than me... and i don't really know him. but he's into rock and is learning guitar... he's great. i do like him. but...
then theres the other one. i've liked him for 2 years... and i still do. way more than anything, i'd give my life for him in an instant, thats how crazy he makes me. i want to tell him so bad, but i honestly don't think he feels the same... and we've got a friendship now and i love it. i seriously don't think i can live without him. what do i do?
i know for a fact that dan at least likes me... he told me i was pretty... no one has ever told me that before. we did shots, we danced, it was so much fun... but actually, the whole time i was staring at the other one. leslie calls him denzel... so i guess i could do that. he's my everything. and i'm going to give up anything i could ever have with dan just because of the infinitely minute chance that something could ever happen with denzel. so call me stupid... but its only him or i don't want anyone...
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2003 9 November :: 6.52pm
:: Mood: infuriated
:: Music: meet joe black [the movie] on tv
was an o.k. day..
i love this movie.. meet joe black god, it is so sad.. i'm sitting here crying because of the ending.. :(
today was an ok day.. i guess. i woke up around 11, and just got online and did nothing until around 2 and then i started to paint my mirror. my mirror my mom got somewhere, she was just going to throw it away, and i told her i wanted it.. and i'd paint it and everything. so i started that today. it's black and silver. but i'm not totally done with it, i still have to paint some silver stuff on it. i waited and waited until around 4:30, because jim was supposed to come over after work and stay the night because he didn't work tomorrow. i waited and waited and waited and he finially called at 6:30, and told me that he couldn't come over and that he just got home.
i was worried, now i'm just kinda upset.
i have school tomorrow. and i don't want to go. now that jim's not going.. i don't even have a reason to go anymore. it's like that quote that says:
there's always one boy
who makes you get up
and go to school everyday
..and jim was that boy. :(
..and now he's not in school anymore.
..so what now?
ahhhh.
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2003 9 November :: 3.39pm
:: Mood: anxious
:: Music: the radio
a picture of jim and i
it's a picture of jim and i. =)
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2003 8 November :: 5.22pm
:: Mood: artistic
:: Music: trapt - still framed
in a pretty good mood
hello. it was actually a darn good day today.
i woke up around 9:30, and called jim. no one answered, so i called back around 10:30 or so, and he finially answered. we talked for a while, then around 11:30 [after i got a shower and everything] i walked down his house. when i got there we popped in a movie, [tom and huck.. a disney movie. mwahaha.] and we watched half of that, went upstairs ordered some food, came back downstairs waited for the food and then watched the rest of the movie. after that we just waited until my mom got there and then he left and went to work, and i left and went home.
i missed him. we're doing good actually. i don't have any more doubts about us. =) none what-so-ever. =)
i'm pretty happy.
<3 jena.
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2003 6 November :: 8.03pm
:: Mood: nerdy
:: Music: whatever's on the radio.
haven't updated.
sorry i haven't been updating lately.. i guess i needed a break from on here..
but i'll write more. promise.
sorry to friends that i haven't been noting. <3 you guys.
well, note me if you still remember me.. :(
oh, everyone should join nerdnation.net. it's awesome.
<3, jena.
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girlxunnoticd
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2003 3 November :: 11.57pm
:: Music: the postal service
"loud music is only good if its techno, i get down to that shit"
comment on that one biyatch.
anywho... this weekend fucking rocked my socks hXc. friday i drove the 2.5 hours, it only took me 2 by the way. when i got there we went to walmart and bought some food and shit. then we got ready for the costume party. we went to midway, w/ 3000 people and got fucking drunk. then we went and called chino.. then we went to ihop. saturday we walked around campus and went to the mall. saturday night we went to music cafe which is a bar. we got served. pints. it was so rad. then we went to the sae haunted house, where they played kernkraft 400, so i said the above quote that was originally stated by my brother. it was magical. then sunday we went to walmart again and then dicked around town and around campus and then i drove back. it was so nice to get away from here and not have to worry about impressions and certain someones, even tho he was on my mind while bumpin to the techno friday night with the green lights and cage dancers. it was fun tho, and i'd do it again in a heart beat. lara is really cool too btw. can't wait to go back and actually to go off on my own. well that is all for now.
<3 always and keep rockin.
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2003 30 October :: 9.14pm
:: Music: the mars volta
this sucks...
so its thursday night... i'm bored out of my mind. i'm waiting to find out what is going on w/ leslie. if she is going to be in deep shit, and doesn't want me there, then i'm not making the 2 hour trip. otherwise i need to pack since i am leaving right after school tomorrow. i got some stuff from her mom, and yes, i could sense the tension... she was pissed. anyway..... i was hoping maybe someone would invite me to go to wild country with them tonight, but i guess i am just not cool enough to go with them. oh well, what can you do. i think i am going to make a cool website out of all the pics i get from this weekend. that would be super sweet. oh well... i just need a bunch of pics to take to school anyway. can't wait for this year to end so i can move on. forget about all this shit, all this drama, all this that i can't have. that is all for now. but i will probably be back.
<3 always and keep rockin!
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girlxunnoticd
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2003 30 October :: 4.29pm
this is so funny. leslie's mom found her journal... with all the intimate details of leslie's love life. its to my entertainment, but i would seriously shit if anyone found my journal and read it, especially my mom. thats why you keep everything online and everything nameless.
oh well... i'm going up to mizzou this weekend to visit leslie. i can't wait to go to the foam party. its going to be kickin! well thats all for now.
<3 always and keep rockin.
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2003 27 October :: 3.38pm
so we straightened things out. we got drunk. we laughed, we cried. we talked. everything is alright.
now for my next crisis. roger knows everything... since april or before... which is absolutely crazy. i never realized i made it that obvious... so probly soon my friend that i have been crushing on for almost 2 years will be the guy that thinks i'm absolutely crazy.
and he's 21 today... so he'll be too cool to hang out anyway.
this sucks.
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