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2003 25 October :: 7.46am
:: Mood: tired, and annoyed
:: Music: silence
i can't sleep. damnit
it's 7:30 in the morning, and i'm wide awake. what the hell? it's the weekend, i should be sleeping in. but nooo.. not me. not jena.
so much stuff has been going on.. actually just to much to write about. but i'll write a little about a couple.
we did go to georges interview on wednesday. the town is called sunbury. the houses are beautiful.. i think beautiful might be to dull of a word. we'll know by the begining of this week if george got the job, and if we will have to move.
jim and i.. lets see. to much to write about. so much going on. and just so much i don't even want to talk about.
the little town parade is today. aww. i'm not going. jim has to work.. i don't like going anywhere without him. so oh well.
andyfest is sunday. [it's like a little benifit concert with all kind of bands, because this little boy got hit by a truck and died.. and every year his family does this.] it's like hard rock, and heavy metal kinda music. it's definitly awsome. so i hope jim can get off work for that.. but if he can't, that's one thing that i'll go to no matter what.
i guess i don't really have anything else to write..
oh, i've been thinking about making my journal a friends only journal. only because i know some people that i don't like read it. =)
..but i'm not sure yet what i'm going to do.
i love you jim.
xx.jena
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girlxunnoticd
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2003 25 October :: 3.44am
tonight was officially the worst night of my life... first, i know that every guy in the whole world could want me, but not the guy i want. he'll never want me... never. i know that fo sho. second, i got an e-mail.. from my best friend... she said she didn't want to be friends anymore. she said it was over.
i seriously don't know what to do... i am trying not to cry, i am trying to think positive and remember that everything happens for a reason, but its so hard. why is everything so hard for me... so now i have no friends, no boyfriend, nothing... i have nothing. i don't know what to do, i don't know what to think. why can't i just be pretty and popular... and why can't he just love me? why can't i have friends like every other 18 year old in the entire world. i'm such a reject. i might as well die. i am good for nothing. my life is a huge disappointment. just when i thought things were working out, they turn around completely, and now i am even more alone than before. not only that, but now i don't even have anyone to talk to... no one else but her knew about my crushes, and my hopes, and all the stupid shit i've done. this can't be happening... it has to be a dream. this can't be real.
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girlxunnoticd
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2003 23 October :: 10.21pm
everything is falling to shit. saturday coulda been awesome, but if i keep to my reasoning then it worked out right... but still. all i want is one dance... at least. and i could die happy.
but 4 days... i can't take it. and now leslie is fucked up. jayme is on my side but there is only so much she can do.
all i want is him. all i need is him. why can't i just have him?...
keep rockin & <3 always.
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girlxunnoticd
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2003 21 October :: 11.03pm
too much drama. 6 days... well actually 5. i don't know what to do and i still don't know what to say... i'm praying there is fate because if not i'm lost.
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2003 19 October :: 11.48pm
:: Mood: i was in a good mood, until my entry didn't save,
:: Music: cheap trick - i want you to want me
jim?
so last night around mindnight, jim called and we sorta got into a little fight, i don't even remember what it was about, but i was like "so do you think we need some time off? is that what you think?" and he said "yeah, i guess" so i was like "well if times what you want, then you have all the time you want." and i said bye and hung up the fone.
he called back a little later, while i was still crying [i didn't answer the fone.] and was like "jena, i love you blah blah blah i just don't know why you always get mad at me.. blah blah blah.. i love you so much, and i never ever want time apart from you. i love you so much, you can call me back even though i know you probably wont. love you, bye.." that was pretty much what he said, i probably left out a couple things, but it's okay, it was for me anyways, not for everyone else to hear.
i was crying for probably 30 minutes, before i got that.. then i fell asleep around 1 or 2.. he called at like 3:00, and i answered. we made up i guess, though i don't really remember what we said. but he did say sorry.. and that he loved me and everything..
today he called me before he went to work, and we talked.. but just for a couple minutes, cause he had to leave for work. and we just told eachother that we loved eachother and all that good stuff.
i was going to have my mom take us to the movies after he got off work, but he worked overtime cause someone got fired or something. so that screwed my plans for making up with him. [damn that person for getting fired. =(=(=(]
he came up amys around 9:30-10:00.. and we hugged, and kissed and all that good stuff. i love him so much. i can't even imagine not being with him. i don't even know what i'd do.. probably die.
this wed. he might go with us to the little town near harrisburg. [aww!] i can't wait to go. thank god i get out of school.
-x|x- jena
-----compared to what i wrote, and what really happened. this sounds like a fuckin fairy tale.
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girlxunnoticd
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2003 18 October :: 8.31pm
so no one ended up going to the party. i'm relieved to say the least.
last night leslie and i drove around aimlessly for a while then met up with Jordan. Then he told us to go over to mike's so we did. drake, jake, jordan, and curt were the only people there. they were playing playstation and taking hits. even thought they were doing that it was still fun. i actually had a good time. hopefully tonight will be as good if not better.
<3 always and rock it.
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2003 18 October :: 3.49pm
:: Mood: sad
:: Music: scooby-doo on tv
-hopefully moving-
okay.. jim had to be at work at four and he didn't call me all fuckin day.. it's 3:42 right now. so he probably left for work already. god. i am so pissed off.
To Die Alone
Your greatest fear is to die alone. You are
probably a very shy person. The thing you want
most is someone to understand you and be with
you.
What's your greatest fear? (images)
brought to you by Quizilla
george is going for an interview [for that job near harrisburg] on wed. and my mom and i are going to go with him to look for some houses. we need him to get this job so much. we need the money.. really bad. so i get to skip school wed. [thank god]
i came home from school early yesterday. fuck school. i hate everyone in it. why can't people just leave me alone, and not ask me questions?
xx. jena
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xxinterrupted
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2003 18 October :: 11.31am
:: Mood: aggravated
:: Music: silence
(more upset than mad)
"i'll call you when i get home from work" were some of the last words i heard from him before he left to go to work..
11:30 came.. no call.
12:00 came.. no call.
12:30 came.. no call.
1:00 came.. no call.
1:30 came.. no call.
2:00 came.. no call.
2:30 came.. no call.
3:00 came, i gave up and went to bed.
so, yeah. i am a little pathetic, waiting about 3 hours more than i should.. i knew past 12:00 if he didn't call, then he wouldn't call at all.. but you know me and my wishful thinking.
i woke up at 6:00 crying in my sleep. i had a nightmare.. though i don't want to talk about it.. i went to the bathroom, and then stayed up for about 30 minutes, because i checked my cell for any missed calls, or messages someone might have left on it..
jim's my whole world.. so what do i have left when he's takin away from me?.. nothing.
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xxinterrupted
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2003 17 October :: 8.49pm
:: Mood: sad
he studied her for a long while when he walked in the door "you look tired," he said.
not tired, sad. she thought to herself, as she smiled and slightly shrugged it off..
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girlxunnoticd
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2003 16 October :: 10.47pm
so about tomorrow night. its friday. my best friend is coming home from school. but my friend jayme asked me to go to a party w/ her in stl. one problem. leslie (my best friend) isn't invited. so i know the right thing to do is to just forget the party and go out w/ leslie... but... .... .... ugh, he is gonna be there... i know i'm just going to be hurting myself by going to this... i need to find a new boy... someone who is actually interested. damn me. i am so stupid. but i can't help it. with one mention of his name i am so there... and i think jaym knows this. i think she does. so i don't know what to do. i just don't know.
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girlxunnoticd
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2003 15 October :: 10.53pm
so i lied. i can't stop thinking about him. this is so going to ruin my life. he's everything i need but exactly opposite of everything i think i want.
:: ways he's perfect :: - nice, sweet, tall, innocent, sexy, sincere, polite, cool...
:: ways he's not :: - he lives in the country and probly doesn't plan to move, he's an electric engineer w/o a job, he doesn't appreciate brand new, he's nearly 3 years older than me...
so the good obviously overrides the bad, but my aspirations of being a city girl, an architect, a bohemian, are all thrusted aside when i see him or even just his car and all i can think of is how i yearn to make him mine. hell, even his msn name makes me swoon. i'm crazy for him in every single way... i don't know what to do. i know i should tell him, but we're such friends now... i don't want to ruin one of the best friendships ever... before next year tho, and before i leave... i'll make sure he knows. and if its not meant to be, it won't be. but i hope it is.
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girlxunnoticd
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2003 14 October :: 8.29pm
so i suppose i've decided to make a resolution and i suppose i will probably break it by this weekend, but i shall try it. from this point forward, i will not try to act like them, i'm not turning 21 in two weeks... i should enjoy my youth, not rush it forward. and even though the only thing that i could ever want is probably out of my grasp, maybe its not so bad. i just need to think that there is someone out there for me somewhere. someone who can appreciate brand new, and me! someone smart, and funny, and who i love just as much as he loves me, and more than i think i love someone right now. so thats it, i'm through trying to impress. from now on its me. nothing but the real me. and if they don't like it, they can fuck off. its all about the fun and the love and everything i believe in. and if that means losing the only thing i care about right now, then so be it... because i believe that everything happens for a reason, and if this isn't meant to be then theres no use hanging on it and wasting away my days worrying about what everyone thinks. so fuck everyone... if they don't like who i really am. and every time i see his car or him, i'll smile and wave because we're friends, nothing more... and if something happens to where we are, that would be the best thing ever... but if not, i'll move on. grow stronger. i'm through worrying and waiting... this is the new me... the way i should be.
alright, enough with the rambling, i'll probly be back later. <3 always, and rock it.
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2003 14 October :: 5.10pm
:: Mood: pissed off
:: Music: the used - bulimic
not that it's any of your business..
just to clear some things up, about my last entry.. i wasn't talking about anyone that has a journal on here, or any of my "friends".
so, who ever left me that note. there you go. it clears that up.
apparently people didn't read the disclamer on the top of my journal. so read it. NOW. so maybe next time, you won't have a problem.
i'm going to go, shut the computer off because it's storming really bad.
xx.jena
p.s. i love you jim.
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girlxunnoticd
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2003 13 October :: 11.18pm
i am more depressed right now than i have ever been. im not even going to sugar coat it with stupid words... i could die this moment.
i can't say why... well, actually... i can. i fucked up. lots of things this past weekend.
i failed in so many ways. i could have had the last dance... but i was too shy... i could have had the night of my life... but i was too drunk.
i'm tempted to tell him everything... it will probly ruin everything, but i can't stand being jealous and hopeful... and holding on...
"my only fear, my only hope.. is letting go...
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2003 13 October :: 7.08pm
:: Mood: annoyed
:: Music: cold - stupid girl
..
no one feels sorry for you.
so don't try and make them feel bad.
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xxinterrupted
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2003 12 October :: 7.05pm
:: Mood: good
:: Music: limp bizkit - no sex
best friends.
I had this in my info on AIM:
some friends don't understand this. they don't understand how desperate i am for someone to say, "i love you and i support you just the way you are because you're wonderful anyway you are." they don't understand that i can't remember anyone ever saying that to me. i am so demanding and difficult for my boyfriends because i want to crumble and fall apart before them so that they will love me even though i am no fun, lying in bed, crying all the time.. not moving. depression is all about "if you loved me you would" as in if you loved me you would stop doing everything besides sitting here by my side and passing me tissue and asprin while i lie and cry and drown myself and you in my misery.
amy said this to me a couple seconds later:
asthesmilefades (6:56:18 PM): i love you and i support you just the way you are because you're wonderful anyway you are.
aww.. love you amy. <3<3
xx.jena
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xxinterrupted
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2003 10 October :: 10.31am
:: Mood: bored
:: Music: teacher is talking
bad day
yesterday dustin [my brother] and i to the hospital to see my grandpap, and then went to wal*mart..
i guess my grandpap broke a bone right above his tail bone, and he's been in the hospital for about 3-4 days now.. i think. but he's about 87 years old or so, and he's not doing to good. my mom was sick, so she couldn't go- his blood count is down and he can catch any little bug that anyone else has. i hope he's okay, because it's just to early for my grandparents to die.. i don't even know what i'd do.
we went to wal*mart afterwards, and i got some poster board for jim and i's history projects. on our way out in the check out line we saw jen.. [my brothers ex-girlfriend..] so we talked for a minute or so, and after that dustin didn't really talk to me.. i feel bad, because i know how close they were. i mean they lived together for a little more than a year.. and i know he loved her. you could just see it in his eyes.
love sucks.
i got home and talked to my mom and george.. i guess george might get a job in harrisburg.. hmm, that's 4 hours away from where i live now.. and i don't know if i want to go. my mom said that if he does that the job, that if i wanted she'd stay here with me until the end of the school year.. ya know, just to finsh this year of school. and then i asked about jim. they said as long as he got a job and everything, they'd take him with us. so if we do move- as long as jim goes with us. i'm good. =D
[i've had some shit said to me about this paragraph. this does not mean i won't miss my friends. i'm just saying, as long as i have someone to fuckin go with me, i'll be okay.. god, i don't like being yelled at for something that people just don't understand, because i didn't write it clearly.. =/]
school today sucks. i'm in advanced word processing, and i accidently deleted this huge project that i did a couple weeks ago, and i need now to do another project.. so i'm basicly screwed. i don't even know what i'm gonna do. it'll take me forever to re-do the project. grr. screw it. i don't even care anymore. i'm probably gonna fail anyway.
jim isn't here. i am so mad. sometimes i don't even think he wants to be with me anymore.. he never calls me, and he's always working and everything. i don't know, maybe he's just busy.. maybe i'm reading to much into it. but whatever it is, it sucks. because i miss him.. and he's not even gone.
school pictures were today. ha. i found out yesterday. this school is so damn stupid anymore. they didn't even tell us. someone told me yesterday, and i was like "whoa, they didn't even announce it." haha. some people didn't even know about it, and came to school all scrubby and looking dirty. haha. i find it funny though. so i can laugh about it. =)
ahh yes. i'm making a gay site on geocites on yahoo.. haha. i'm not done yet, but when i am, i'll post the link so you can make fun of it =) woohoo.
yeah well i better go. i'm gonna see what i can do on my projects in this class.. god, i'm so behind!!
xx jena
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xxinterrupted
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2003 7 October :: 6.07pm
:: Mood: content
:: Music: nirvana - alcohol
my mewlib: a love story
There once lived a long young couple named jim and jena. jim and jena loved to sit their bikes together, look their homework together, and running slowly under the oak tree in jims backyard.
Well, jim was a old girl with yellow black hair and eyes that blew. jena was wooden and the star of the basketball team. jim and jena were very depressed together.
One day, jim was screwing jenas leg and a cat putt-putting over and fucked them both.
haha
p.s. i didn't write this story.. i just put down words when it told me to, and it filled them into this story when i was done.
so don't think i'm some sorta weirdo writing that.. haha
A bloody gruesome death. You're most likely a self-
mutilator. You like the burning sensation you
get as your skin gives way to the blade and
watching as the rivers of blood flow down your
arm and onto the bathroom floor. You don't
really care HOW you end up killing
yourself...just as long as you're dead in the
end and there's a mess for people to clean up.
After all, they deserve it anyway right? And
you like whatever is convenient at the time for
you...so there's no real planning to be done.
What Form Of Suicide Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
"i was the one who said things changed, but you were the one who showed me exactly how much they really did."
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girlxunnoticd
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2003 6 October :: 12.54am
"they say that the captain stays fast with the ship through still and storm, but this aint the dakota, and the water's cold, won't have to fight for long..."
i love that song. i don't know why, but i do. i don't really have much to say. i can't remember if i posted last night... but it was officially the worst most boring night of my life. i feel really bad about not answering darren's page. even tho i called him back later. oh well, i like to think that everything happens for a reason, so if something like that ends our friendship then i suppose so be it. i don't want to talk about that right now. i am 18... 21 days until the end of my life.. i think. or maybe it could be the best thing ever... doubt it.
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2003 5 October :: 11.29am
:: Mood: grumpy
:: Music: silence
considering suicide?
I got this in an e-mail.. and i decided to post it, because.. well, just read it.
You've decided to do it. Life is impossible. Suicide is your way out.
Fine--but before you kill yourself consider these facts:
Suicide is not usually successful.
You think you know a guaranteed way?
Ask the 25-year-old who tried to electrocute himself. He lived. But, both his arms are gone.
What about jumping?
Ask John. He used to be intelligent , with an engaging sense of humor. That was before he leapt from a building. Now, he's brain- damaged and will always need care. He staggers and has seizures. He lives in a fog. But, worst of all, he KNOWS he used to be normal.
What about pills?
Ask the 12-year-old with extensive liver damage from an overdose. Have you ever seen anyone die of liver damage? You turn yellow. It's a hard way to go.
What about a gun?
Ask the 24-year-old who shot himself in the head. Now he drags one leg, has a useless arm and has no vision or hearing on one side. He lived through his "foolproof" suicide.
You might too.
But...
Who will clean your blood off the carpet or scrape your brains from the ceiling? Commercial cleaning companies may refuse that job- -but SOMEONE has to do it. Who will have to cut you down from where you hung yourself or identify your bloated body after you've drowned?
Your father?
Your mother?
Your wife?
Your son?
The carefully worded "loving" suicide note is of no help. Those who loved you will NEVER completely recover. They'll feel regret and an unending pain.
Suicide is contagious. Look around your family. Look closely at the 4 year old playing with his cars on the rug. Kill yourself tonight, and he may do it ten years from now.
You DO have other choices. There are people who can help you through this crisis. Call a hotline. Call a friend. Call your minister or priest. Call a doctor or hospital. Call the police.
They will tell you that there's hope. Maybe you'll find it in the mail tomorrow. Or in a phone call this weekend. But what you're seeking could be just a minute, a month, or a day away.
You say you don't want to be stopped? Still want to do it?
Well, then, I may see you in the psychiatric ward later.
And we'll work with whatever you have left.
scary, isn't it? it'll make you think twice.. but then again, i don't know.
xx jena.
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girlxunnoticd
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2003 5 October :: 1.59am
tonight had to have been the most boring night ever. i'd have had more fun driving aimlessly by myself. i'm having a terrible time attempting to cure myself of this disease of infatuation. it has to stop. but at least i finally got up the guts to call him tonight. only spoke about 5 words. but its a small improvement. hopefully next weekend will be better. there is a party, probably a keg. then again we can drink and smoke together like the goody wanna be badasses we are. for real tho, it will be a great opportunity for us to be together. i can't wait.
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2003 4 October :: 11.25am
:: Mood: cold and sore
:: Music: me chewing on pizza
car wreck and other things
yesterday around 4:40, amy her mom and i all were going to go out to burger king, and chow down on some food. but on our way there, we got into a wreck. some stupid lady pulled right out in front of us, and we ran into her passengers side of the car. i was in the back seat, [without a seat belt. ha] amy was in the passengers side, and her mom was driving. so, none of us were really hurt, amys mom hit her head, and has a bruise on her hand.. from hitting something, but she doesn't know what she hit it off of. amy got hurt from the seatbelt, and shes been complaining about that.. so i hope you feel better.. and i just got smushed up against the front seat- hit my right arm, and my chin. but all in all i'm okay. a little sore. but okay ;)
so we dropped amy off at the highschool [she had to go to a football game.] after her mom talked to the lady about everything. then we went to the auto body shops to see how much it would be to fix her car. i guess it'll cost over $1,000. so they couldn't give her the exact total.
that sucks.
so all in all my day was okay yesterday. 8-) except for the fact that when i ask jim to call me, he always "forgets" or some other STUPID reason.. wtf. how can you forget to call your girlfriend? he hasn't called me like 4 different times in a row when i asked him to. i always have to call him, and he just tells me that "he forgot" or "he got in late" wtf? thats fucked up. i'm so pissed.
i don't even know anymore.
xx- jena
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xxinterrupted
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2003 3 October :: 9.39am
:: Mood: annoyed
:: Music: silver chair - do you feel the same
i wish i knew the ending
yeah, whatever.. "life sucks; then you die." ahh. i love saying that. it just kinda- lightens up your day. =)
what day is it again? oh yeah.. friday. sucky old friday. i actually used to like fridays, well then again i actually used to like life. errr- okay, maybe i lied. but oh well. at least i used to like FRIDAYS. but i just don't like anything anymore. -sighs.
jim went to work yesterday at 4.. and he said he'd call me when he got home. but i guess he forgot.. i waited til like 1:00 in the morning. but no call. i'm worried though cause i still can't get ahold of him, so wtf. he should know i'd get worried.. god, i'm so mad!
everythings so blurry
and everyones so fake
and everybodys empty..
and everything is so messed up
be occupied without you
i cannot live at all
my whole world surrounds you
and i stumbled and i crawl
you can be my someone..
you can be my scene
you know that i'll protect you
from all of the obscene..
sorry- listening to puddle of mudd now. -sigh. [i don't put down every song that i listen to, just the first one when i start writing my entry.] so don't get confused.. oh wait- i just read over that and confused myself.
disreguard that last paragraph.
i got a new bed for my room. and a new computer desk. well- really they aren't new. the computer desk was my moms and she got a different one, and the bed was my brothers, and he doesn't need it anymore.. it's kinda funny really; because i'm not worth getting anything new for.
lol.. i'm not worth it.
god, i wish there was fuckin school today. i hate being home alone. [yeah, my family is here. but like i said, i'm alone.] i can't believe i'm actually wishing for school.. god i miss jim.
i have to go over amys tonight- which sucks. only because she's not even gonna be home tonight, she has to go to an away football game [she's in the band]. so i'm stuck at her house for hours probably with her sister.. [i don't know if her sister will be there though] but oh well. i'll fuckin get over it. like i get over everything else.
sometimes i wish i could go back in time. like when i was about 5, and i was always up my aunts. and i didn't know about boys, heartbreaking, depression, being poor or just anything like that. it's so much easier being a little kid. yeah i wanted to grow up so much back then and be like my older brother. but i'm sayin fuck it now.. i want to go back when i was little. i don't like knowing all the shit that i know. it's sorta just like to much shit to handle anymore. to much for my brain to process. it's just to much anymore.. to many responsiblities.. to many things to do. so many things. to many.
i hate looking at pictures.
they bring back to many memories.
god damn them.
thats all. i'm done complaining.
xx. jena
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girlxunnoticd
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2003 1 October :: 11.41pm
and now its going straight to hell. the boy i am in love with, his best friend is hitting on me. i need to grow a pair and ask my boy out before his friend tells him about him wanting me... he is ruining everything.
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2003 1 October :: 11.25pm
:: Mood: indescribable
:: Music: silence
just another survey
YOUR NAME
(1) The singular boring question, your name: JENA
(2) If you had been born a member of the opposite sex, what would you name have been: I don’t even know
(3) Would you name a child of yours after you? no
(4) If you had to switch first names with a friend of yours, who would you switch with: umm.. probably- no one, I like my name.
(5) What's the way people most often mispronounce any part of your name? they don’t really- they just misspell it.
(6) If you were to become famous, would you drop your last name (like Madonna, Cher, Roseanne)? no
DEEP THEOLOGICAL QUESTIONS
(7) Do you believe in the traditional view of Heaven and Hell? no
(8) Do you think God has a gender? I don’t know..
(9) Do you think science counteracts religion? sorta.
(10) Do you believe in organized religion? no
(11) Where do you think we go when we die? probably no where.
(12) Do you feel a little funny thinking about the questions in this section? no.
HUMOR
13) How easy is it to make you laugh? very easy
(14) What person you know makes you laugh the most? it’s really a tie between amy, rochelle, jim, and just all my friends..
(15) Do you laugh at jokes you know you shouldn't? all the time.
(16) Why? i don't know
(17) What words instantly make you laugh or at least smile? depends on the moment
(18) What do you think is the funniest thing you've ever said or written? haha, rochelle and Is song about people singing on the bus.. I’ll have to post it sometime.
MUSIC
(19) Do you ever dance to music when nobody's watching? depends on if I’m really happy or not.. but most of the time, no.
(20) What is/are the worst song(s) you have ever heard? “skater ‘boi’ ” by avril lavigne. God, the list goes on.. haha.
(21) What song(s) do you wish you could understand a little better? there’s a few actually..
(22) What song(s) are constantly in your head? “so far away” by staind, “think twice” by eve 6
(23) What song(s) do you think describe your personality best? “hurt” by NIN, “broken” by seether, and “epiphany” by staind
(24) If you were to serenade the object of your affections, which song(s) would you use? “i’ll be” by edwin mccaine
(25) If the object of your affections were to serenade you, what song(s) would you hope he or she used? “come what may” from the moulin rouge.. omg, I would melt in his arms.
MOVIES
(26) What movie(s) do you love that nobody else seems to? MOULIN ROUGE!!
(27) Do you agree with the idea that sequels are always worse than the original? not always.
(28) Who's your favorite Star Wars character? yeah right, I hate that movie/s
(29) What kind of movie do you think there should be more of? musicals.
(30) What movie(s) do you simply not understand the appeal of? ahh to many..
FOOD
(31) When eating, are you more concerned with taste or healthiness? taste
(32) What's your favorite kind of cheese? provolone
(33) What do you think your answer to the previous question reveals about your personality? um.. it’s just cheese?
(34) If you knew exactly what went into Chinese food, hamburger meat, etc., would you still eat it? not.
(35) Do you ever feel guilty eating meat? yeah, but then I get over it.
COMPUTERS
(36) Mac or PC? PC
(37) How much do you actually care about the inner workings of your computer? not really.
(38) Do you ever begin preferring IMs to other forms of conversation? yeah
(39) Do you find you're different talking through IMs than face-to-face or on the telephone? yeah..
(40) Have you ever ended bid on something on eBay and regretted it later? no.
(41) Have you ever wished you could experience being the other gender? yeah, lol.
(42) What do you love most about the other gender? everything.
(43) What do you dislike most about the other gender? everything.
(44) What do you understand least about the other gender? why they have to be so immature??
CELEBRITIES
(45) Do you sometimes see a movie or watch a show just because a good-looking celebrity is in it? no
(46) What celebrity's autograph do you want most? everyone from moulin rouge.
(47) Have people ever said you looked like a celebrity, and if so, who? hahahahahaha yeah right.
(48) If there was to be a movie about you, who do you think should play you (in personality, looks or both)? Wynonia ryder or however you spell her name. I like her.
(49) Does it ever annoy you when you know someone is a celebrity but you can't remember why? yes.
(50) If you could enter any celebrity's mind like in "Being John Malkovich", whose would you enter? not sure.
(51) Do you want to be John Malkovich? no
NUMBERS
(52) Do you laugh when you hear or read the number 69? no, I don’t see what the big deal is. Jesus.
(53) Were you lying about your answer to the previous question? no.
(54) Do you actually know your Social Security Number? nope.
(55) Do you actually know your IP address? no
(56) Do you know what an IP address is? yep
(57) Do you know the four-character extension on your ZIP code? what’s that??
(58) Ever thought there were too many numbers floating around in our lives? most definitely.
(59) Does your head begin to hurt when you think of infinity, imaginary numbers, irrational numbers, etc.? haha.
(60) What do you think of pi? 3.14
LOVE, SEX AND ALL THAT
(61) Did you get a little frightened or uncomfortable seeing this as a section title? Not really
(62) If someone you had no interest in dating expressed interest in dating you, how would you feel? scared I guess..?
(63) Do you prefer getting to know someone first before dating them or going in "blind"? getting to know them.
(64) Could you carry on a relationship with someone with the same first name as a family member> I am right now..
(65) Have you ever wished it was more "socially acceptable" for a girl to ask a guy out? I asked my boyfriend out.. I don’t see the big deal.
(66) What's your opinion on sex without emotional commitment? yeah I don’t think it’s cool..
(67) Have you ever been romantically attracted to someone physically unattractive? no not really.
(68) Do you think the opposite sex finds you good-looking? hahahaha. yeah right!
(69) Would you be willing to give up sex in exchange for an emotional commitment you knew would last? in a heartbeat.
(70) Do you think the number of the last question was a coincidence? who cares.
POSSESSIONS
(71) What is your favorite possession? my baby jim
(72) What physical, tangible possession do you want most? ahh.. autographs from the moulin rouge!!!!
(73) How badly do you want it? sooo soo bad!
(74) Have you ever seen 'The Exorcist'? yeah, who hasn’t?
(75) How long did it take you to understand why the last question is in this section? I still don’t understand..
HOLIDAYS
(76) Does Christmas music too far away from Christmas annoy you? no
(77) How old do you think you will be before you stop liking getting older? 21, when jim and I get married. =)
(78) What was the best Halloween costume you ever had? when I was little, I was a little princess.. aww I was so cute. I miss those days..
(79) What was the worst Halloween costume you ever had? my old grandma costume.. haha
(80) What holiday do you think has still managed to retain its original meaning? MAYBE thanksgiving.. but anymore- I don’t even know.
(81) There are currently no federal holidays during August- what should be put there? nothing, we have enough holidays. Jesus.
MEMORIES
(82) How good is your short-term memory no to good.
(83) How good is your long-term memory? hahahaha.
(84) What is your earliest memory? I can’t even think..
(85) What is your happiest memory ? being with jim..
(86) What is your strangest memory? everything is strange anymore.
(87) What song, movie, etc. do you wish you could memorize? moulin rouge.
TEARS
(88) What movie makes/made you cry? moulin rouge
danielle steel books..
(90) What song makes/made you cry? nothing really..
(91) What makes/made you laugh so hard you cried? jim.
THREE TRULY RANDOM QUESTIONS
(92) Would you like to be cloned? no.
(93) Do you wish you could be alive when the world was ending, just to experience it? Yeah. as long as I had jim.
(94) Scaramouche, scaramouche, will you do the fandango? isn’t that song on waynes world??
THIS SURVEY
(95) Do you think that one hundred and one questions is too long? yeah, but I’m bored.. so.. yeah..
(96) Do you think the one hundred interesting questions actually were interesting? I guess so.. like I said, I was bored..
(97) Are you sorry you began filling it out? I was bored.. like I said.
(98) What question do you wish it had asked? "If you had to kill yourself how would you choose to go abouti it?"
99) How would you have answered it? I don’t even know.
THE TWO MOST IMPORTANT QUESTIONS
(100) When was the last time you let the people you love know you love them? today, when jim left for work I told him. =)
(101) What do you want the people who are reading this survey to know? I love you Jim.
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xxinterrupted
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2003 30 September :: 9.27pm
:: Mood: upset
:: Music: seether - fade away
not really in the mood to write
jim and i went to the movies yesterday. we saw freaky friday. aww. disney movies are the best.
we had fun, it was 10 months for us yesterday. =) such a long time. yes. a long time together.
i l o v e h i m v e r y m u c h
i didn't go to school today. i am hella sick. and it sucks. a lot.
i hope i don't have a lot of things to make up. -growls. i hate homework and such.
i don't really feel like writing.
<3 jena.
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xxinterrupted
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2003 27 September :: 3.30pm
:: Mood: sick, sad
:: Music: incubus
personality test.
The Big Five Personality Test
Extroverted |||||||||| 32%
Introverted |||||||||||||||| 68%
Friendly |||||||||| 32%
Aggressive |||||||||||||||| 68%
Orderly |||||||||||| 42%
Disorderly |||||||||||||| 58%
Relaxed |||| 12%
Emotional |||||||||||||||||||| 88%
Intellectual |||||||||||||| 54%
Practical |||||||||||| 46%
Take Free Big 5 Personality Test
The Big Five is currently the most accepted personality model in the scientific community. The Big Five emerged from the work of multiple independent scientists/researchers starting in the 1950s who using different techniques obtained similar results. Those results were that there are five distinct personality traits/dimensions. Here are your results on each dimension:
Extroversion results were low which suggests you are quiet, unassertive, and aloof.
Friendliness results were low which suggests you tend to be rude, uncooperative, and irritable.
Orderliness results were medium which suggests you are moderately organized, reliable, neat, and ambitious.
Emotional Stability results were low which suggests you are very worrying, insecure, emotional, and nervous.
Intellectualness results were medium which suggests you are moderately creative, original, curious, and imaginative.
Overall, you scored highest on Intellectualness and lowest on Emotional Stability
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xxinterrupted
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2003 24 September :: 10.22am
:: Music: my teacher talking to us
.:just in school:.
i'm in school, not really doing anything, omg, do i want to go home. i am so sick. i think it's a combination of being out in the cold all yesterday [i'll write about that later.] and kelly [she's sick, and she was over my house for a long time last night -growls.]
mrs skilles is telling us about her experince about her Student Teacher Of the Year thing. [she was one of the finialists for Pennsylvania] which is really hard to do. only 12 teachers actually make it. so it's really cool to just have a teacher that was a finialist. =) i'm so proud! (i really actually am.)
so yesterday rochelle stayed over again and we [some aunts, some uncles, and some cousins and jim came over!] it was an okay night really. we roasted some hot dogs on a big bon fire- and some marshmellows. it started at klike 7:00 and i think everyone started to leave at around 9 or so. jim rochelle [kelly was on my computer...........] i think she got us sick! oh well. but anyways, jim left around 11:30- [way to early.. i wanted him to stay all night.] but oh well- he's getting his lisence soon enough. i want him to get it soo bad. god i'm tired of his mom bitching about driving him over my house, and i'm tired of my mom bitching about going to get him and so on.. it just kinda drains me because i hear it from both sides.. -growls.
i guess jim talked to the principle about going to homecoming- he's allowed to go. we got into this big fight because i didn't want to go anymore. yeah, i wanted to go.. but i didn't want to be rushed around looking for a dress and shoes and all that stupid shit. but i don't know, he said he would take some other girl, and i hung up on him. ha. stupid ass. i hung up on him like 6 times in the matter of not even 5 minutes. the next day we were okay though..
so things have been getting to me lately- okay everything has been getting to me lately. just everything. i don't even know what to do anymore. i just got off the handle. if someone talks to me in the wrong way, i'll be mad at them or freakin yell at them for stupid little shit. it's dumb. i'm dumb. but i don't even know anymore. i just don't know.. i just don't know.
becky and i are just sitting here, online because we have a free period in advanced word processing. yay! i'm glad cause i freakin need some time off.
man, i want to go home.
history test today- DAMN IT. fuck history. i hate it. and i'm probably going to fail it. it's not that i don't like history, because i think it's amazing all the things that happened, but i just don't like having to memorize everything. i'm not a memorization kind of person. i'm more of a math person. i'm better at math at most subjects. i don't know anymore. whatever.
george is so fuckin stupid. rochelle and i went up with him to get some ice cream yesterday, and our friend tom came out [he works there.] and he gave roach the middle finger, [they always play around like that.] and george was like "i don't think that was very respectable, if you ever ever do anything like that again, i'll have you thrown off this property." what an asshole? i was so pissed. if he fuckin talks to me, see if i fuckin talk back. fuck him. i don't tell my mom and his friends what to do, they do shit around my little sisters that isn't appropriate, but i don't fuckin tell them that it isn't appropriate. fuck him. and if he does anything like that again, just fuckin see what i do.
sorry for saing 'fuck' so many times. when i get mad, i swear. and omg was i so pissed when he did that.
god, i feel like shit.
<3 jena.
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xxinterrupted
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2003 21 September :: 4.54pm
:: Mood: bored
:: Music: moulin rouge
love makes us act like we are fools; throw our lives away, for one happy day.
i guess this weekend was okay. =) i got to see jim. i watched moulin rouge a bunch of times. so i am 'happy'
friday jim came over; at 12 midnight. -growls. i was so mad at him because it took him so long to get over here. but at least he came over. i was happy about that.
satine
i follow the night
can't stand the night
when will i begin
to live again?
one day i'll fly away..
leave all this to yesterday..
what more could your love do for me?
when will love be through with me?
why live life from dream to dream?
and dread the day, when dreaming ends..
christan
how wonderful life is.. now your in the world.
satine
one day i'll fly away
leave all this to yesterday
why live life from dream to dream
and dread the day, when dreaming.. ends.
one day i'll fly away..
whoa, sorry i had to type that out.. they were singing it, and i love that part.. ahh. the whole movie rocks.. i'll probably just bust out typing some of the lyrics again later in the entry..
but anyways, saturday- we took jim to work, and then i went homecoming dress shopping with amy. aww. her dress is so cute. i love it very much. it's black with sparkles in the front. and she's going with a nice guy to, so i'm happy for her. [i love you amy!] then we came home to her house and jim drove us to subway. and amy and i got a SUB. =) it was good. [thank you jim, i love you.] then we came back, and amys mom left. matt and jim came up. we chilled and shit. matt went home and then amy jim and i watched moulin rouge. [amy never saw it before- but jim watches it with me all the time.. he probably hates it by now.] he actually fell asleep on the floor next to the couch. but i'm so glad he was there. i miss him since he works anymore.. i don't get to see him as much.
today i didn't really do anything, went to the covered bridge festival with my mom and stuff. i didn't get anything though. but oh well. my mom told me that she was going to paint a smile on my face. haha. yeah.
now i'm just watching moulin rouge again. [yes, the title of this entry is from one of the songs is from the movie.]
all you need is love
a girl has got to eat
all you need is love
she'll end up on the street
all you need is love
love is just a game
i was made for lovin' you baby,
you were made for lovin' me
the only way of lovin me baby, is to pay a lovely fee
just one night, just one night
there's no way, cause you can't pay.
in the name of love, one night in the name of love..
you crazy fool; i won't give into you.
jesus christ, i love that movie- i don't know how anyone can't. ahh. what's wrong with me? haha. i'm obsessed. i love the songs.
"we could steal time.. just for one day, we could be hero's forever and ever. we could be heros forever and ever.. we can be heros- just because i will always love you--"
how wonderful life is, now you're in the world
i love you jim.
<3<3jena.
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