The Life and Times of Kent

The Life and Times of Kent

:: 2006 18 October :: 8.40pm
:: Mood: nostalgic

Midterms are done. That's a definite relief. I've forfeited sleep a few nights for it. I don't think it was worth it. I felt a little overwhelmed with all of it, but it's better now knowing that I got an 88, and two 92's.

My first semester of college is half over with!

michelle

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imaqinary

:: 2006 18 October :: 6.09pm
:: Mood: melancholy
:: Music: "The Piano Duet"- The Corpse Bride

Did I do something wrong?
It seriously feels like everytime I update this journal I'm insanely depressed. Oh well. Today started out pretty good.. I mean, I wasn't stressed out completely like I am now.. well, I'll explain.

Morning: I went to school for about 20 minutes? lol I picked Anjane & Kristin up and we went to my house. We were trying to practice this song called "Rosin Eating Zombies From Outer Space". Kristin wrote me notes and lyrics to it, while she and Anjane play seperate violin parts. It's crazy! I have to sing 2 D's above middle C (I know everyone reading this is probably like, what the hell is that?)!!! If you don't know, that is EXTREMELY high!! & even that is an understatement. It was hard because I hadn't really practiced the night before.. so yeah. Well, Kaila called Kristin at around 10 and we decided to go to Denny's. We had fun. We shared stories. Well, they did while I listened. lol. When we got done there it was about 11 something and we all had decided to go to school. Blah!

School: We got to school at around 11:30. No one was around the auditorium or music department so we got away with not getting late passes. Well, Kaila and Kristin had already decided to get passes but Anjane & I stayed in the chorus room. The other girls met up with us in the chorus room about 20 min. later. Mr. Navarro, surprisingly, was ok with us staying in there. I was shocked. lol. We're all doing the "Zombie" song (Kaila plays Cello) for our English class because in the lyrics, Kristin put in our vocab. words. We would've practiced but I hadn't brought my music, so they just played basically the whole time while I listened. At the very end Anjane & I sang. I was supposed to go during what was supposed to be my 2nd per. to get Ms. Perez to sign my Office Aide paper, but I didn't. So great, I might be getting a F3F in my teacher's aide block because today was the last day to turn in our papers. =[

After school: I was freaking out about the teacher's aide paper so I went to Ms. Perez's class and tried to get her to sign it. She wasn't there. Typical. So, I went to the Drama club meeting. I was freaking out there and almost crying & Brienna was trying to calm me down. Bryan attempted too.. he's funny! He does a really good gay impression! lol. I stayed there till about 3. I got the script for the play we're doing and I have to memorize my lines by Nov. 5. I only have 16 lines... so I should be ok. We actually acted some of it out. It was pretty cool! Then, when I was leaving, Bryan was like "Hold on. I need to talk to you about the play." (He's the director) We walked outside and I thought he was going to say I did bad or something but on the contrary he was like "Man, I didn't know you could act! You did really good!" lol It was funny. I was like, "Well, thank you!". Oh, and there was a guy (he was in Drama) outside who was talking to his mom on the phone and he was like "Bryan, Stop flirting!" & Bryan was like "I'm not." & the guy kept insisting he was and I just screamed to him, "I have a girlfriend!" & the guy was like, "WHAT!?" lol. People have the funniest reactions whenever I say that statement. It's kind of ironic that 4 words can effect someone so much. Yeah, then I was almost running to my truck because I had to pick up my cousin. On my way there, I called my dad because he had called me during my meeting. I asked him if we were going to look at that truck that I might buy and he said yeah. Then he started telling me that I should have a job because he's not going to pay for the truck and all this stuff. I was already stressing out about the paper I hadn't turned in and stuff and I was almost crying. It's all ok right now and I'm praying I can turn it in early tomorrow morning... oh well... yeah anyway... I was crying before I picked up my cousin and after. I cried more at home. It's killing me not being with Alyssa. I could handle so much when she was here but now it seems like it's piling on and I can't stop it. It's horrible. well, I have to go... I'll write later.

I love Alyssa

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m&ms487

:: 2006 18 October :: 3.02pm

Congratulations on your acceptance to Central Michigan University, Rueben.

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m&ms487

:: 2006 16 October :: 6.16pm

where did everyone go?

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m&ms487

:: 2006 16 October :: 10.40am
:: Mood: drained

"Why it was that upon this beautiful feminine tissue, sensitive as gossamer and practically blank as snow as yet, there should have been traced such a course pattern as it was doomed to receive...An immeasurable social chasm was to divide our heroine's personality thereafter from that previous self of hers who stepped from her mother's door to try her fortune at Trantridge poultry-farm."

-from Tess of the D'Urbervilles by Thomas Hardy

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m&ms487

:: 2006 16 October :: 12.15am

I need to go to sleep, but the urge is not there.

I did absolutely nothing today. Well, I moved my car, and watched Legally Blonde for the first time, but nothing as momentous as doing homework.

Nothing profound.

Nothing new.

Nothing good.

michelle

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imaqinary

:: 2006 15 October :: 6.38pm
:: Mood: hopeful
:: Music: Dolphins game on t.v

High Hopes... Too high?
Are my hopes too high in life?
I would really like to know the answer to that question... I mean.. The least of my hopes is wanting the Dolphins to win. I want to go to Juilliard, the best performing arts school in the U.S. I'm hoping we move really soon. I'm hoping that Alyssa and I are together forever.
Is it all too much to be hoping for?
My dreams are really big... are they too big?
I'm dreaming to be a Broadway singer. I dream of Alyssa and I getting through all of this.
Broadway? Is it too much to dream for? Too high? 1500 miles... is that too much distance for a relationship? I have my days where I think nothing is too big or too high for me, but then, like always, there are the negative days. The days where I don't believe I sing good enough, don't believe I'm a good enough girlfriend. I don't know anymore. I try so hard at everything I do, but maybe it's not hard enough.
I want to be the perfect daughter, the perfect teenager in general. I want to be the perfect singer, the perfect actress, the perfect dancer. But most importantly, I want to be the perfect friend and girlfriend.
Alyssa means everything to me. I want to be everything she wants, but I can't. It's really hard. I hang out with Anjane & Aly to take my mind off of being sad but I end up sad anyway because Alyssa gets mad at me. I try though. Really, I try. Of course I'm going to make mistakes, although I hate the fact that I do. I really wish I was perfect. Then I wouldn't get into fights with anyone, I wouldn't be criticized. Everyone would like me and no one would be mean to me. It would be amazing. I could do no wrong. Then, & only then, I could be everything and then some that Alyssa wants.
But, I can't. I can't be as perfect as I dream to be. I'm sorry for that. I can't look as perfect as I want. I can't act as perfect, sing as perfect. I can't always say the right thing. I'm sorry.

Enough with my philosophical rant though. Two months until I can see her beautiful face in person again. I miss it so much. Being able to hold her and kiss her, whenever I wanted almost. It seems like she's been mad at me a lot. I don't really know what I do, but I guess that's where the "not being perfect" thing comes into play. There are going to be plenty of things I do wrong. I'm sorry in advance. I wish I was perfect but I can only change myself so much, & even then I still wouldn't be perfect.

I love you so much baby & I want to be with you forever. Really.

♥

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m&ms487

:: 2006 15 October :: 1.48pm

Like...OH MY GOD.

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m&ms487

:: 2006 14 October :: 4.33pm

I have friendship pasteries. That excites me.

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m&ms487

:: 2006 14 October :: 3.09pm

I bought fuzzy yarn with my casino winnings (yep, i won fourteen dollars at the casino last night). I'm making an exquisite scarf.

michelle

[edit] Jackie makes me cream my fuzzy pants, too.

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m&ms487

:: 2006 13 October :: 4.36pm

So tired.......

I have to go get my car from the parking lot in hell, by the way, did you know hell is a long way from the towers? It is, because that's where my car is. Anyway, I have to move it before two am. I'm not sure why exactly two am, since the parking department doesn't even open until six, but anyway, I have to walk there, and get my car, and move it, and it's cold, and raining/snowing, and extraordinarily windy, and it all sucks a ton because I'm tired, and my good shoes (the shoes that don't have any holes in them, or the shoes without duct tape on them) are terrible for walking. I don't even know why they make them. They are the hardest things to walk in EVER. Well, except maybe heels, but you're not suppose to walk in heels, you're suppose to look pretty in heels, and why the hell am I talking about heels when I was talking about how my car is in the parking lot from hell?...

heels are from hell, too.

michelle

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m&ms487

:: 2006 12 October :: 5.10pm
:: Mood: curious

It snowed for the first time today as I was walking back from my speech class. I was walking, head down, secretly cursing being born in this state for just that reason, when I tried to think of something beautiful. It's the first snow, a rebirth, isolation, a new canvas, an immaculate blanket; so many things. But I couldn't, I just couldn't. There was nothing there. It was cold, and harsh, and the faster I walked toward the warmth, the farther away it seemed. I switched my hands, giving them each a turns to nestle in my coat pocket, and alternate holding my books. All I could focus on was the bestial instinct to seek warmth. There was no beauty there, only instinct. Nothing creative, nothing intelligent. One thought cursed through my slowing freezing blood-to find warmth. That's all that I wanted.

When I reached the doors, I rushed in, and instantly became overwhelmingly warm. I stood for a moment, and looked out at the blowing snow. I found only beauty in the sight, but only the pain of basic instinct in its throws.

michelle

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m&ms487

:: 2006 10 October :: 8.05pm
:: Mood: contemplative

I just got out of university band and walked over to the library where I await my english group. We have a presentation to start, and none of us are motivated whatsoever to begin.

Everything seems to be falling into place now. My financial aid is secured for the time being; I'll be recieving a refund check. Next semester will be just about perfect, depending on how many books I have to get. I can't wait to take a million english classes next semester. I went light on myself this semester because I wasn't sure what to expect. I know myself well enough to realize that even I can get overwhelmed. Now, I'm ready to take on some intellectual thought, I crave brain food. I want to not have enough time to do stupid things like party and watch movies. I want to be the girl who has one hundred pages to read everynight. I know I'll grumble about it then, but my most productive times are my happiest.

I see my reflection in the large window to my left painted above the shadows of the trees and the glow of the early night lights. It's so cold outside, but you wouldn't know it from where I sit. You have to get up, go down four flights of stairs, and open the door. The frigidness wil steal your breath away. But it's clean, and crisp, and smells of the dead, fragile leaves of autumn.

michelle

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imaqinary

:: 2006 9 October :: 9.17pm
:: Mood: cold
:: Music: "Let Go"- Frou Frou

Today
Journal,
Ehh.. my day was pretty good compared to the last few. I wasn't crying really bad. My eyes were very watery and tears ran down my face but there was none of that heaving crying. What a surprise!

1st per.:
Finished my work, like always. Mr. Rodriguez checked our notebooks and I got a B. =] Anjane was supposed to pull my out but for reasons unknown to me, she couldn't. Doesn't really matter though. I don't necessarily hate that class anymore. It's just boring.

3rd per.:
Fun as always. I love Ms. Perez's class. We took a really important test today on The Great Gatsby. I got an A!!! When about half of the class was still taking the test and there was a selected few who were done, she was like, "Gina, you really understood the book." lol I didn't know if she was serious so I was like, "Are you being sarcastic?" & she was like, "No, you did really good." I was like, "YES! :arm pump:"

5th per.:
Chorus was actually fun today. All of us sopranos were in the keyboard lab. We were supposed to be practicing this really stupid medley of Christmas songs. It has stuff like "Jingle Bells" and "God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen". It's so retarded. The only part I like in it is when we sing "Silent Night" and I sing a high A! Ah, I love it! So yeah, we didn't want to practice that. We started singing Hanerot Halalu and finished the entire song in like, 30 minutes! It was amazing. It's a really cool song!! It's in Hebrew and you know you gotta love those Jewish songs!! =] We got into somewhat trouble for doing that song though because Mr. Navarro didn't know we were doing that one. So we went out to show him and then he told us to go back into the room and practice the real song. So we practiced it and then we were making fun of it and singing "Jingle Bells" really bright like we were 5 year olds. It was a lot of fun! I was sitting on top of the filing cabinets and standing on chairs. lol

well, have to go. I'll write tomorrow.

[i love Alyssa]

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