People fucking suck
FUCK!!! I had something to write, and THERE IT WENT!!! Well, I've had a stick up my ass the past couple of days...well, really just today because I haven't been taking my medication (purposely, so I can get off the stuff), I'm stressed from the end of senior year and the end of some friendships, and the end of my smoking ANYTHING. Cigarettes; gone. Pot; flushed down the toilet. The two songs on my playlist have NOTHING to do with each other; it's great. One is an oldie, and one is hard rock. Woot! Anyway, I just came on here to vent without giving anything away, because I'm not dealing with that on line shit anymore. The point is I'm REALLY FUCKING PISSED OFF!!! On the other hand, the ending of some friendships has brought me closer to some other people. ::eats own toes:: You know? It sucks that I'll always get like, half-way through an entry and then realize that it's pointless and not doing me ANY good. Oh well. BTW, I don't really like the people I did in the last entry. Well, I still like Gustavo and Gopal, but not the other two. Those two are pointless.

I just don't care about anything right now. I mean, I do, but not like if peole I like know I like them. Especially if it sucks and I don't talk to them. Like Fransisco and Phil. Oh well. No worries. Ish. Things on the friend front kind of suck, but I don't really care. I'd like to think I'm getting closer with Denae, so that's cool. And of course, Natasha and I still hang out. Woot! We had a substitute in science today named Mr. Blanchette. He was cool, except he kept trying to force people to read. Oh well. I worked out SO much earlier and it felt SO good. Oh yeah; I like Gustavo, too, but at least I'm friends with him. ::rapes:: I mean, nuthin'! And there is this other guy I like named Gopal who I met through MySpace. Ah, the internet; perhaps the worst and best thing ever in life. You know what pisses me off? When there are people you know and/or like, and you know the two of you could have an awesome friendship if the barrier in the way could just be knocked down; different social circles, the fact that one's a teacher, shit like that. It sucks massively. Here I am; updating this fucking journal which has caused so much trouble, and dancing in front of the computer like an asshole. It's so great, though. Oh well. Bye for now!

Sweet Christ
Okay, last night I had a dream that someone I know started kissing me and now I am TOTALLY lusting after the son of a bitch. I am so nervous that I'm going to jump the poor bastard. ::cries::

2. Why study macroinvertebrates?
My answer: Because rape is a good and happy thing. Which of course has NOTHING to do with little stream-dwelling creatures, but it's the first thing that popped into my head. Then I was thinking about how I couldn't date my classmates because this was like a work place and I couldn't date my colleagues, but then I said... FUCK THAT!!!

This is the part where I kill myself...
I would be eternally grateful to anyone out there willing to put an axe through my head. This vacation has sucked massive balls thus far. First of all, Natasha blew me off AGAIN, which REALLY pisses me off, and then today I found something out that kind of makes me want to kill myself. I had the STRONGEST feeling that we were going to be together, and I still kind of do, but what the fuck? I don't even know if I feel like writing about it. I think I am giving up on love. Obviously, Natasha and I are broken up, and if my piece of shit " boyfriend " ever answers my fucking calls, I'm going to dump his ass. I heard a line in some song today that said " I'd rather be lonely than happy with somebody else. " Or something like that. That's pretty much how I feel. Aww! My kitty is playing! He's SO cute! But anyway, yeah. I went for a walk today, and I thought I was going to collapse. Damn. But I'm going into Salem with Lisa and Julie on Thursday, so at least there is SOME light in this dark tunnel that is my April vacation. Meh. If there was school this week, I wouldn't be there. Cunts.

I actually got requests for updates!!!
Well, I suppose I should start with Friday, because Denae wanted an update about that. Well, she, Vega, and I went to Mrs. Collins room for part of the morning, and then we went to Dunkin' Donuts. After that, Denae wanted to go to Annie's Book Swap, so we did, and I got a couple books. Then Johnny V wanted to go to the Mall, so we did. And THEN, we went back to school so Denae and I could get our electronic babies. They were turned o Saturday morning, and I had SO much fun with it! On Sunday, Julie and I took the baby to Wal-Mart to look at baby clothes, but we had to walk away, because we were getting emotional. But it was very fun. Now we both want one! A real one. And I'm fucking grounded this week during ovulation period because I didn't go to school today. Oh well. There's always next month!

Human affection, or the lack thereof
As I was driving home from dropping Natasha off, I all of a sudden got ridiculously lonely and depressed. I was going to sleep over there tonight, but her mom said no because they are taking stuff out of storage this weekend. I tried to call Lisa, even though she probably won't want to get together, anyway, but the line was busy. I've been reading over my printed out on line journal from 2003. I only now just came to the part when my journal was found, but a page is missing, and it's important, so I've not started reading that section yet. Anyhow, the reading the journal might be part of what's depressing me because it was from tenth grade, which was a really shitty year for me, but if it's influencing me at all, it's only in the slightest way. I'm so depressed that I feel physically sick. So now Lisa's grandmother is probably going to pass on this weekend, and that just... sucks. I don't know. What I need is some human affection. But there's no one to get it from, no one to cuddle with, and no one to talk to. I signed on AIM hoping to talk to Bri, and I would have even talking to Matt Berte if he was there, but they are the only two people on line right now, and they are both away. I'm going to try and call Lisa again, and if she's not around, maybe I'll call Jess; I haven't talked to her in a while.