Maui and other related sentiments (and some unrelated ones too...)
First things first: WE BOUGHT A COCKATOO IN MAUI!!!!!

He'll be arriving on Thursday. (When, unfortunately, I'll be in San Diego with my dad.) But he's a goffin cockatoo, just over 3 months old...just a baby! He's soooo affectionate!! I love him.

Seriously, if something could replace the need in my heart to love a boy, this bird has. I just love him! <3

We also ziplined. OMG IT WAS SO COOL!! All you really have to save you is a harness and a rope and a zipline, which is like metal. It's COOOOOOL!!!

Oh, and I got in touch with my absolute obsession of book stores. Only in the summer do I have time to actually READ. I was a bookwormy kid, as in, you wouldn't see me without a book and I'd read like 2 a day, and I miss that. A lot. Bookstores are my friend...ahhh yes...

So my summer reading so far has been:
1) Second Helpings (after reading Sloppy Firsts)
2) A Yellow Raft In Blue Water (HELL. oh my God was it boring. it was okay during the end and when Christine and Elgin had sex, but that was it. Oh, and apparently Father Tom raped Raymona on the raft?! Didn't catch that. I think they should have detailed it more.)
3) Phantom of the Opera (wohooo!! It was a much quicker read this time *shhh, don't tell the teacher I read it a long time ago!* and was a lot of fun to read. Read it in about a day while we were on the Hana Highway.)
4) The Lovely Bones (I have like 40 pages left, but it's SOO GOOD!! I read it on the plane...couldn't put it down. Speaking of rape...it was really greuseome in the beginning, but it gets better. It's really sad, though. *sniff*)

I still have to read about 60 pages of art history. I'm SOOOO scared that I'll finish the 2 (or is it 3? SOMEBODY PLEASE TELL ME!!) chapters and not know a single thing about how to write about art. The whole thing is way over my head. I thought my reading comprehension was pretty good, but...:-/

I really don't want to go to San Diego and then Disneyland with my dad. He doesn't really know me. It's nice that I get to see him, just to be able to, but it's not something I long for. It's really weird that I hardly ever think of him and don't miss him at all, but that's the way it is. I mean, it's apparent how much he doesn't understand me when he says the stuff about how I need to use a condom when I have sex. Right. Me having sex. I freak out when someone tries to make out with me, and that's far from sex! Not that with the right person it'd be different... but it's not like I'd have unprotected sex at 15 anyway! I wouldn't have unprotected sex at 30 unless it was with my husband and we wanted to have kids! But anyway, not looking forward to it. I'd rather stay home and catch up with everyone online and hang out with people who want to hang out with me and stuff. (And if you're one of those lucky people, hit up the cell at 823-1137!) Not that I'm advertising it or anything...

I'll have some free time after I get my wisdom teeth out. Oh yeah, oral surgery...fun... But I just found out that Nat and I are having the same procedure at about the same time, so we can suffer through it together. Here's what he has to say about it:

Cookie4Nat: ok so they showed me this video
Cookie4Nat: first they put u to sleep
Cookie4Nat: they will split open ur gum
Horseeyoregal: eek
Cookie4Nat: if there are any jaw bone obstructing the passage of the teeth
Cookie4Nat: they will need to remove the jaw bone
Horseeyoregal: they'll break it
Horseeyoregal: oh holy crap
Horseeyoregal: i'm scared
Cookie4Nat: then once ur wisdom teeth is exposed
Horseeyoregal: tooth*
Horseeyoregal: or are*
Cookie4Nat: they will split ur tooh into two pices while still in ur gum
Cookie4Nat: once split..they will extract each side one at a time
Cookie4Nat: so they dun needa yank the whole thing out at once
Cookie4Nat: ive gone through surgeries when i was lil
Cookie4Nat: like 3 times
Cookie4Nat: where i go to sleep
Cookie4Nat: when they put u too sleep
Cookie4Nat: expecting to wake up the next 20 seconds
Cookie4Nat: expect*
Cookie4Nat: but in real like its one to one and half hour
Cookie4Nat: but the drug they put in u..it like freezes ur body's ability to judge time
Cookie4Nat: so it feels like a 2 min procedure
Cookie4Nat: and when u wake up....dun freak out
Cookie4Nat: stay clam!
Cookie4Nat: calm!

Oh Lord...

Anyway, I still don't know what I'm going to do about the barn closing. I was talking with Mary (my friend from the barn...we've been riding there together since she was 9 and I was 8) about what to do. We want to go somewhere together with all of our barn friends. We both ride Dante and there might be some hope. He'll be used for the Stanford Equestrian Team, but, knowing him, they wno't want him long. He freaks out during shows (well, not for me, but he really doesn't like strange-looking fences) and they won't be able to control him. So anyway, at least he's not sold for good or already gone or anything...

So yeah. Summer has gotten better. I still haven't found a boyfriend yet, though. The various few I'm interested in aren't available or wouldn't be able to commit for various reasons though. (As in one's in college and one's sort of fickle and ALL are online-based relationships only, though I know all of them outside of the online world and have talked to them all in person...) But I suppose something magical may happen at band camp again. You never know. I might even fall for a freshman. Ha. Fat chance. But maybe something I wouldn't expect will happen. Anything's possible.

Well I'm supposed to go to bed "not too late" seeing as Brian has to do the video recording for church and that means that Mom and I are singing. Ugh. I don't want to leave the house for a while. I haven't been here for more than 24 hours in over a month!! But whatever. I might have plans after church for tomorrow with Nat, and there are lots of people online and a certain person who's worth staying up for...(even though I'm sure he meant 'later' as in tomorrow or sometime this week and not in a few hours.) But ANYWAY...

Oh, on to a more philosophical and thoughtful item of "discussion." I have to write an essay for World Lit about 3 events that have changed my life (that I experienced with another person.) So I've been thinking about it.

The first that came to my mind was my parents' divorce. Obviously. I mean, it's only been like 2 years and who wouldn't write about it if they remembered their parents' divorce? In all honesty, though, it really didn't change my life. I cried when they told me just becuase I felt like my "perfect" family was shattered. No more stick figure mom's and dad's holding hands with their daughter in front of them under a sloppily drawn rainbow with the label "My Family" above it. But it didn't really matter to me when it was just my mom and me. I guess I could write about the first time I met Brian. It just doesn't have the ring of "when my parents told me they were getting divorced" though. The second was suggested by my mom, my first voice lesson with Paige. Of course. I was so happy after that lesson. Finally someone was telling me that there was hope and that I had a nice voice. Much different from that bastard Shane Troll and the sort of cold half-compliments from Mr. Shaull! I was so excited after that lesson. Of course it changed my life. Voice was the most important thing to me besides band, and if I didn't make main street I'd be crushed. Up until that lesson, I didn't think I had a chance. The third I couldn't put my finger on. The first time I rode a horse wasn't memorable. It was at a Girl Scout camp (back when I still was one...lol a LONG time ago) and it was just some crappy walk thing in a western saddle. Not some amazing experience. My first time on stage? A cute story, but it's not like I can honestly say that I remember being the only one in the ballet class that would go onstage and do the little thumbelina dance. Last summer, the first time I had ever tried to diet and succeeded? I could make that work, bs some stuff about how I never thought I could lose weight and how I was so happy being able to have so much willpower and crap. Eh.

In the plane it hit me. What had REALLY changed my life? Not the stupid, corny, wowing things that I'd mentioned. Duh. What I'd taken to calling "the incident" and became used to bringing up if anyone asked me if I had any good stories to tell about myself. What I'd expanded to what was hardly true, that I was almost-raped. Out of the things I'd already mentioned, this was actually life-changing. And the weird thing was, it took me over a month to even think of it! It was so incredibly traumatic that it took my brain that long to come across the experience in my mind and then place it with the fact that it, above all other situations I can think of, has really affected who I am and what some of my judgements are now. I'm just blown away by the fact that I hadn't thought of it until then. That it was so tucked away and hidden... I've heard that the brain shuts out memory of intense situations like car crashes and whatnot. I guess maybe it doesn't come to mind frequently now that 1) I'm over it and 2) my brain wants to protect me from dwelling on it.

Then I wondered whether to write about it or not. Probably not. I can write about my parents' divorce, but not that. Too personal. I'm sure that that's what the teachers are looking for (personality) but that's not something I need to share like that.

I'm glad that a topic actually got me to thinking for once, though. 3 events that have changed my life...hmmm...

Well I suppose I'm pretty much done. For now...mwahahaha. I've missed my precious journal.

Ya know what I REALLY like? I like it when people say things like "sweet dreams" or "sleep tight" or "sleep well" or something like that when they sign off or when I tell them I'm going to go to bed. I just find it really sweet. So anyway, sweet dreams to you all! Goodnight!

4 thoughts | Remove your mask?