Angry? No not really, I am nothing. There is nothing. You have misused my heart, therefore when you so rudely gave it back, I took it and placed it in a spot where you will never be able to touch it again unless you prove yourself worthy. Forgiveness? Of course. Jesus forgave the men that put Him on the cross while He was on the cross DIEING! The least I can do for Him in return is attempt to walk in His footsteps. My trust? Not likely. There will be some in the beggining, about as much as an acquaintance would have after knowing them for a week. If there is more to have, you must prove worthy. I trusted you with my heart, and I was hurt. I do not lend out such a valuable thing again so easily. My apologies.

Crushed
Here I sit. Alone again, save my one angel that is still whispering words of comfort and encouragement to me while I cry my silent tears. He may have betrayed me, but that does not matter. I am still loved, and she is right, God is still with me. I have his armor to protect me, and the love of a sisterly friendship to a girl I have never met face to face. This is dedicated to SuperChick, my Stephy. I have helped you along the way, yes. But I have stumbled more then I ever have before, and with a few simple words you not only picked me up but renewed my strength, helping me to go on. Thank you, and I mean it when I say I will love you now and forever.

Morose-having a withdrawn gloomy personality
Yesterday, I felt like I had lost a part of me. It finally occured to me that things will never be the same, that we will never be as we once were. After this realization, I cried. My sister, my best friend, the one that I have shared my life (and occationally a room) with was now gone. It was a terrible feeling, I am happy for her new life, yes, but she seems so far away when really she is still so close.
But that is not why I am morose today, no I have choosen that unique word to describe my heart becasue I have been put out and abandoned by one of my closest friends. He no longer cares, and now, like "anonymous" stated before, I have lost a part of me that I doubt I will ever get back. Only this time I know I lost, but the worst is yet to come. Tomorrow, will be a day where I will push back and gain what ground I have lost, I know that I should not, that I should only succom to his taunting horrific words, as he has said, "What Would Jesus Do?" as I have had to remind myself many times before. But then, he also said (with much sarcasm) "Way to keep your eyes on Jesus". So I suppose that if I have alreay turned my back from my loving Holy Father, will there be a way to turn back? Will it make any differnce? It would, but for it to I would have to put my pride aside for a moment, and not let his words hit they're mark, lest I be tempted to speak to his warrior, not his king... There is only one problem I fear, his warrior is not ready for battle, especially not with me.

Shina is not only a name, but myself when I am hurt. You have hurt in a way only few are able, now it is time for me to remove my hand, gloved in scarlet, and snap my fingers.

Another day for me to live
I have now started a new journey in my life. Though it was difficult, I enjoyed it. (Though I doubt that will last long). Working is a very good accomplishing task I must say. I also must admit that when I know my job, I enjoy being busy and doing what must get done; much like my own life I suppose. The work I do is for God and man (in that order) and I most enjoy it when I have work to do and to keep me busy in mind and body.

Nothing is helping
I still feel like crying though he has tried to help.

A few pieces have been added to the problems jigsaw puzzle, and though they may seem small and meager, they are still something to start with. There are many more pieces to find and it will most likely be a difficult journey. Am I willing to make it? With God by my side I am willing to do anything. There is your answer. And as I somewhat said before, human strength is nothing, God's strength is all.

I feel like crying. All throughout the day I have heard how depressed my friend is, and I can do nothing to stop it. He cares so much for everything that when something goes wrong his whole falls apart, then mine starts to crumble as well. That always seems to happen when one of my friend's is in pain, tears are shed, unheared by anyone but my angels. Unknown to any that care. I must stay strong, or others will fall. I am a leaning post for so many that I cannot sway, though in my heart I wish I could. But my heart is just a human heart, without the strength to endure, that is why I must turn to God in my time of need and let Him be my post so I may be a post to others.

humph
Here I am again, my best friend is acting like he is dieing and part of it is all my fault, but its not like I can help. He is regecting me, and I have no one else to turn to so as he does I am put in a corner, alone, feeling the same way he does. (Not that he would realize this even if I told him). Life is not going as planned, but then, when does it? So I guess that since I'm still alive it is all well. Eventually he will either get over it and grow up or he will leave me forever. Both of which I can learn to live with. Though I could live much easier with the first, but like I said, I'm alive, so why complain? :)

Meh
Here I sit again, writing my thought on a web page for all to amuse themselves with. Not that I find any of this amusing, but I have learned that you either laugh or cry when you don't know what to do. So I laugh, (plus it burns more calories):) I guess I'm what people could call a glass half full kinda gal, though usually I am just thankful that I even have a glass at all. People say they are unloved, and they say they are not appericated, why? I don't understand it. I mean, someone SOMEWHERE has got to care about them. In fact, I can think of two that care, but no one really ever wants to hear about them. Plus if it seems no one cares, then care yourself. The first step to having others love you is to love yourself. You can't expect people to love someone who is always depressed and mean to themselves. But that is just my two cents. Though its probably isn't even worth that.

What is with the opposite sex?
What is with the opposite sex I ask you? If they are not mooning over some girl they have lost then they are looking for a new one to replace the past one. I mean, I know that that is a pretty harsh description of men, but I have yet to really be proven wrong. All I ever really hear about is something preverted (like I really want to hear it right?) And when its not that, they are playing the pity me card because they're life is apparently terrible. I can only think of one guy that isn't like that all the time (and even he has his moments). So I warn all men...next time you tell me to stop PMSing, I'm gonna tell you that at least my stupidity only comes once a month!

Oh man!
Oh grrrrr.....I will never understand things. (But then if I did understand things I would probably go insane from all the knowledge). But I would like to know a few things. Like why are people attracted to the same sex? I just don't understand it. I know that I may offend a few people if they read this but I just don't know...God created man and woman, they are suppose to love eachother, not man and man, or woman and woman. And why do people believe that it is no big deal to have sex before they are married? I mean, nonchristians, that's one thing. Maybe your belief system doesn't say anything against it. I'm not condoling it by any means. But a Christian should not ever concider that. The answer is right infront of their face a million times! Sex without marrage is wrong! Oh grrrr............

Today was a day.
Man, God can seem pretty far out sometimes. (Ment in the hippy terminology and in an unreachable type of way). I mean, sometimes it seems like He is practicly standing in front of you, then the next-BOOM! And your like "Hey man! Where did ya go?" There are so many problems that people need to face everyday, I can't believe how hard it seems when it feels like your facing them alone. But then, just when I'm about to cry out and pout and yell in frustration He gives me an out and kind of points me in the right direction. So I guess that everything is all good, even though it may not seem like it sometimes.